


Save Me

by thequidditchpitch_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Erotica, F/M, Heterosexual Sex, Romance, The Quidditch Pitch: Erotic Couplings, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-09-25
Updated: 2005-09-24
Packaged: 2018-10-27 08:01:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 112,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10805070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequidditchpitch_archivist/pseuds/thequidditchpitch_archivist
Summary: Since Voldemort's demise, Harry has been a different person, shutting out everyone who loves him. Ginny wants to help, but she might get more than she ever bargained for.





	1. Misery Loves Company

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).

Ginny Weasley woke with a startled gasp, her breath catching in her throat as she struggled into a sitting position. The sheets fell lazily around her waist while her eyes darted around the room, quickly adjusting to the darkness.

 

She sat, breathing heavily, as she pushed her damp hair off of her face with shaking hands, and was surprised to find her cheeks wet from falling tears. She brushed them from her face impatiently and silently told herself it had only been a dream. She had them often, and always with the same results; waking with sweat running off of her face and terror flowing through her body.

 

She wasn't sure what part of her mind made her relive that night. What sick part of her subconscious wanted to remind her of the night she almost died. The night she almost lost Harry.

 

Sighing, Ginny tugged the blankets off her body and shifted, placing her bare feet on the cold floor. She sat there a moment, until her breathing slowed and heart beat returned to normal.

 

She could still hear Ron shouting in the distance, the bright lights bursting around them as Harry and Voldemort prepared for their final confrontation. She could still hear Harry's screams of pain as death hovered over him.

 

Closing her eyes briefly, Ginny tried to block the memory of Harry lying on the ground, writhing in pain, as the blood seeped from the scar on his forehead. Voldemort raising his wand, that cold laughter filling her ears.

 

Shaking her head, Ginny stood and slid on her dressing gown before creeping quietly to the bedroom door. She carefully turned the knob and pulled the door open, her eyes immediately resting on the large oak door down the hall. Percy's old bedroom that had become Harry's room after the war. Ginny glanced towards the bottom of the door where candlelight spilled out into the hallway. Instinctively she began towards it, as if some supernatural force willed her too.

 

Since they left Hogwarts a year ago, Harry had been staying with the Weasley's, under the watchful eye of her parents and Sirius, his godfather, who made it a point to check on Harry at least three times a day. Since Voldemort's demise, something had changed in Harry. He had become withdrawn, uninterested, and somewhat cold towards his friends and family. It worried Sirius, as it worried Ginny and the people who knew and loved him.

 

Despite Harry's annoyance at the constant attention, Ginny refused to let Harry wallow in whatever depressing phase he was in. She knew he needed someone to be there for him. And she so desperately wanted to be that person.

 

She glanced towards Fred's bedroom door as she crept passed, cursing the creaking floorboards underneath her feet. When she reached Harry's door, Ginny glanced behind her to make sure she hadn't woken anyone up. Sighing in relief when she heard nothing, she turned back towards Harry's door, her fist raised to knock softly. Ginny's hand flew to her mouth to conceal a muffled yelp when she came face to face with Harry's curious stare.

 

As she stumbled for words, her eyes lowered quickly, noticing he wore nothing but unbuttoned trousers. His stance was easy, one hand resting on the door frame, the other holding a half empty glass of what looked to be Odgen's Old Firewhisky.

 

"I-I just...how did you know I was out here?" she asked dumbly, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment.

 

Harry shrugged, his eyes slowly wandering over body. She felt uncomfortably exposed under his penetrating gaze. As subtly as she could, Ginny pulled her dressing gown tightly around her body.

 

"I heard the floorboards," he finally admitted, his green eyes lifting back meet to hers. He eyed her with what he hoped was extreme annoyance. "Did you need something?"

 

Ginny glanced at the dull pink scar on his forehead before she cleared her throat. She willed her fingers steady as she shoved them in her dressing gown pockets.

 

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay. It's three fifteen in the morning, I saw a light under your door..."

 

"You're still up," he pointed out, taking a slow sip from the bottle he held.

 

She wanted so badly to touch him, to make him forget his troubles. Her fingers itched to brush that stray lock of dark hair from his eyes. His chest was muscular, and thanks to six years of Quidditch, his stomach was flat. The muscles in his arms strained as he lowered the bottle back to his side. She always wondered what it would be like to have those muscles strained and stretching over her body...

 

"Ginny?" he asked sharply.

 

She blinked, her cheeks turning pink once more as she pushed the heated thoughts from her mind. "Yes?"

 

"What do you want?"

 

Dammit, she was worried about him. She wanted to make sure he was okay. Why did he have to be such a prat about it?

 

"Nothing important," she replied, "I was just getting a glass of water and like I mentioned, I noticed your light was on. I wanted to make sure you were okay. Are you not able to sleep?"

 

Harry laughed harshly and turned from her back into his room. The door slowly began to creep shut and Ginny considered returning back to her own room, but temper won the battle and she reached out, pushing the door open wide. She hesitated for only a moment before taking a step inside. She’d had only a glimpse of his room since he moved in, and now that she was actually in the room, she couldn't understand why he holed himself up in there all the time. The walls were bare; no curtains surrounded the window next to his bed, and nothing but a small dresser sat against the opposite wall. Even Percy made his room more interesting than Harry had. And that was saying something.

 

"No wonder you're so depressed all the time," she said quietly.

 

"What?" he asked, placing the whiskey bottle on the dresser and turning towards her.

 

Why did she have to look so damn alluring in a stupid, plain cotton dressing gown? he wondered, clenching his jaw as he struggled to keep his blurry vision on her face. Not that studying her face was going to help his mood. He knew every curve of her body, every freckle that lined her cheeks. Every goddamn line that surrounded her brown eyes when she laughed. She had gotten under his skin before, and she was doing it again. And it was beginning to piss him off.

 

"Er, nothing. Are you having problems sleeping?" she asked again, changing the subject quickly. His eyes clouded for a minute as he considered her question.

 

"I don't have any problems sleeping, Ginny. I just choose not too," he replied, trying to think of something to do with his hands that didn't include groping Ginny Weasley.

 

"But you need sleep, Harry, you're going to get sick-"

 

"Look, Ginny, I don't need you to play doctor. I do what I want to do. If I sleep, I dream. In my dreams, I die. People I love die. Forgive me if I don't want to relive that. I would rather get sick," Harry snapped, feeling the undeniable temper bubbling inside of him.

 

"You think I don't have nightmares?" she asked him sharply. Damn him if he thought the pain always revolved around him.

 

"Right, I suppose saving the world is something you would have horrifying dreams about," he muttered, his eyes piercing into hers.

 

Harry watched her mouth press together firmly as she turned towards the door. Relief that she was leaving began to flow through him, but stopped cold when she only reached out and pushed his door shut quietly.

 

"What the hell are you doing?" he asked her.

 

She turned on him quickly, crossing the room until they were face to face. Her coffee colored eyes were heated, her finger poking sharply into his bare chest.

 

"Don't you ever presume to know my dreams, Harry Potter. You weren't the only one who was there that night. You weren't the only one who tasted fear and blood." She watched Harry's eyes darken as he grabbed the hand that had been pushing into his chest and swatted it away. He wouldn't be able to control himself if she kept touching him.

 

"You don't know anything about it Ginny. You don't know what it feels like, knowing that people died because of you. You don't know what it feels like to be failure."

 

"You're wrong. I fail you in my nightmares almost every night," she told him, her bottom lip quivering as she blinked back the threatening tears. Her eyes widened when she realized her admission. It appeared that Harry was as surprised and embarrassed as Ginny was that she could tell him something, so personal, so easily. 

 

She sighed, her eyes searching his for some kind of acceptance. For something to tell her everything would be okay. And for a moment, only a moment, she saw the warmth fill his eyes. She saw traces of the Harry she knew. The Harry she loved. Who loved her.

 

Her hand lifted slowly and brushed a lock of hair from his eyes, slowly gliding over the scar that had almost faded completely away.

 

"I can help you," she whispered, moving closer to his warm body. "Let me help you." Ginny leaned forward until her face was close to his. Until she could feel his warm breath on her skin, until there was less than an inch remaining between their parting lips...

 

She gasped in pain when his fingers grabbed her wrist tightly, jerking her a few steps back. "Don't push me, Ginny. I want to be left alone, do you understand?" he asked, his eyes were dangerous, his voice low. "If I need a good shag, I certainly don't need your help. I don't need you."

 

A fresh torment seared Ginny's heart as the brutality of his words hit her. She lowered her sad eyes from his glare, swallowing the dry lump in her throat. "What's wrong with you, Harry?"

 

"What's wrong with me?" he asked angrily, "I'm sick and tired of being the goddamn 'Boy-Who-Lived'! I'm tired of people congratulating me and naming their fucking children after me. I don't want a National Wizarding holiday named after me and I don't want to appear at benefits for the Ministry. It's all so bloody phony. You and I know that, don't we?" he whispered harshly.

 

"Is that what this is about? What all this misery is about?" she asked in disbelief, jerking her bruising wrist from his hand and stumbling backwards.

"Leave," he told her, turning towards his dresser and lifting his bottle of whiskey to his lips once more.

 

"Harry, what happened that night, it doesn't make you less of a hero. I did what I had to do. If I hadn't, you would be dead." She lifted her fingers to the constant dull ache on her forehead. It was a reminder of the night she tried to sacrifice her own life for Harry's. A night that bonded them forever.

 

Voldemort had been advancing on Harry, subjecting him to the Cruciatus Curse until Harry fell to the cold ground, his fingers curling, his teeth clenching in unbearable pain. He hadn't wanted to give Voldemort the satisfaction of seeing him scream. Even when the blood began to flow lazily from his scar, his hand gripped his mother's wand tightly as he tried to gather what remaining strength he had left. He had to kill. He had to defeat. The plan was suppose to work flawlessly. They were counting on him. All of them.

 

As the white flash of pain soared through him once again, Harry heard his name in the distance. A flash of red hair bent over him, and soon the wand that had been clenched so tightly in his hand was yanked away.

 

"No!" he cried, wanting to reach for her. To shield her from the inevitable death that awaited her. But he felt the darkness begin to wash over him as his vision blurred. He could hear Voldemort's laughter ringing in his ears before he shouted the Killing Curse at the woman Harry loved. He could only scream with pain and agony before the blackness conquered and pulled him under.

 

Ginny had stood in front of Harry, blocking him from Voldemort's view. She lifted Lily Potter's wand and with a steady hand, pointed it at the Dark Lord. She heard Ron scream her name but she did not blink. She watched Voldemort’s red eyes glaze over as he began to laugh. A shiver passed through Ginny and yet she did not move. Determination flowed through her bloodstream like a drug; she was not going to lose Harry. Not tonight.

 

No words passed between them as Voldemort raised his own wand. He screamed the Killing Curse as she did the same. Green sparks burst around her as she felt the curse hit her, knocking her back into the tomb wall. She fell to her knees as the pain shot through her, but managed to open her eyes as red and gold light burst around Voldemort. His screams filled the night sky as his body and soul disintegrated before their eyes. Within seconds the lights dimmed and nothing remained of Voldemort but ash, which the wind lazily swept away. She saw several blurred bodies run towards her and Harry as she fought against the pain.

“Ginny! Ginny stay awake, please!”

Who was calling for her? Ron? Her father? Ginny couldn’t be sure. She felt the arms under her, lifting her up against a warm body.

“Harry?”

“He’s alive, Ginny…he’ll be okay.” The voice promised her, becoming quieter.

Relief trickled through her and only then did she allow herself to sink into unconsciousness.

Ginny knew she should have died that night. But her love for Harry, combined with Lily's, had made it possible to defeat the Dark Lord forever. Professor Dumbledore had always said love was the only thing Voldemort could not understand. And it had been the only thing that finally led to his demise. But since that night, Ginny often wondered if Harry's feelings towards her had changed. Before the final battle, she and Harry had been on the cusp of something. Their feelings had grown stronger, more intense. At sixteen, Ginny knew the drugging feeling of love, and she was almost certain Harry felt the same. Until that night. Until she, not Harry, had defeated Lord Voldemort.

 

She could see it now, in his eyes. The pain, the regret, the anger. It saddened her as much as it infuriated her. She watched his scarred back as he drank soberly from the whiskey bottle.

 

"Look at me," she ordered sharply, abandoning all pretence. He was not going to turn his back on her anymore. Her temper boiled when he ignored her, slowly and deliberately taking another drink. She crossed the room and grabbed the glass bottle from his hand, throwing it to the floor. The rest of the liquor poured out quickly, soaking quickly into the creme colored carpet.

 

"What the bloody-"

 

"Shut up, Harry," she snapped, folding her arms across her chest. "I'm not going to apologize for saving your life. I won't!" she continued when he glared at her. "You would have died, and maybe you think that's the way it should have been, but I don't. You're living under a roof with an entire family that thinks of you as theirs. You have Ron and Hermione who love you and care about you. And you're pushing that all away. You're treating them horribly, and if you keep it up, you're going to be alone. Maybe that's what you want. But if you can't see what you have, and what you're doing to them...to us, then you truly are a failure."

 

She tried to ignore the wrenching in her heart as she turned on her heel and stormed to the door, her back stiff with fury.

 

Harry watched her, his jaw tensing. He wasn't going to let her leave all high and mighty. Who did she think she was? Hermione? With three quick strides he was behind her, grabbing her forearm and swinging her around to face him. He pushed her against the door that she had begun to open, shutting it with an echoing click as her fearful eyes met his. He looked dangerous, and for the first time in her life, Ginny was afraid of Harry. Before she could tell him his hands were hurting her arms, he crushed his lips to hers.

 

His hands tightened their grip as he pushed his tongue past her parting lips. The initial shock wore off as she realized what was happening. She could taste the liquor in his mouth and felt her body respond to the urgent thrusts of his tongue.

 

His hands soon slid up into her hair, fisting tightly as he ravaged her. His hard body pushed against hers provocatively, his hips grinding against her own. Suddenly fully aware of his intentions, Ginny reluctantly pulled away from his kiss, as her palms lifted against his chest.

 

"Harry, stop..." she gasped, pushing helplessly against his chest.

 

One hand remained fisted in her hair as the other slid down between them, pulling impatiently at her dressing gown. It fell open and Harry quickly tugged it off of her shoulders, allowing it to puddle at their feet. He let go of her and stepped back for a brief moment, his eyes flickering over her body. In the candlelight, he could see through her cotton nightgown. Her breasts rose with each heaving breath she took, her nipples strained invitingly against the material. His eyes lowered, glimpsing the dark patch of curls between her legs.

 

Ginny took a quick step backwards, her back coming into contact with the cold door. She lifted her arms against her breasts when he moved towards her, groaning her name. She shook her head, placing one shaking hand against his shoulder.

 

"No, Harry," she said, her eyes silently pleading. His nose flared in anger as he pushed her hand away. He lifted his own hand behind the nape of her neck and jerked her forward, recapturing her mouth in a heated kiss.

 

"You wanted to help me," he growled. His hand grabbed the hem of her nightgown and pulled it up around her waist. He burned with desire as his eyes raked over her body. She couldn't turn him away...not now. 

Gasping, Ginny arched her back, attempting to twist away from his grasp. Her hand pushed vainly against his, trying to cover herself once more.

 

"Not like this, Harry. Please-" she began, more desperately.

 

"Ginny," he begged, the anger suddenly gone from his voice. Anguish radiated from him as he slid his mouth over hers. She tasted salt as his tears trickled down his face and into their mouths. "Please...help me...help me."

 

Her eyes filled with tears when his mouth left hers and left trailing kisses over her neck and shoulders. She could still hear his earlier words, "I don't need you."

 

But he lied, oh how he lied. Closing her eyes in acceptance, Ginny lifted her unsteady hands behind his neck guided his mouth back to hers. The struggle between right and wrong was over, though Ginny wasn’t quite sure who the victor was. All she knew was she couldn’t deny Harry. Not when he needed her so badly. Not when she needed him. Ginny shut off her the warnings in her mind and sunk into him, accepting.

 

Harry moaned in response, his tongue dancing around hers. The heat burst between them as Harry fumbled with the button on his trousers. Ginny kept her eyes shut as she heard the zipper slide down quickly.

 

Before she could speak, Harry's hands slid down her back, cupping her bottom before lifting her up against him. Instinctively her legs wrapped tightly around his waist as he pushed her hard against the door. Ginny tried to break away from his rough lips to beg him to wait, to let her prepare, but the white hot flash burst inside her as he plunged in deep. Her innocence broke away easily to accommodate him, and her sharp cries were swallowed by his mouth.

 

Her fingers dug into his shoulders as the pain dulled with each thrust, but Ginny couldn't shake the discomfort. Harry groaned against her lips, pulling away to bury his face in the crook of her neck as the sensations slammed into him. Ginny clenched her eyes shut tight as beads of sweat slid down her back. It was an odd, yet comforting feeling, having Harry's body joined with hers. Such an incredible feeling…

Ginny arched her neck and back, her hips pushing forward, taking Harry in deeper. She bit her lip from crying out, as the sharp friction below her waist grew more intense.

 

"Ginny," he gasped, his hands tightening around her bottom as his movements became more frantic. She was invoking feelings in him he thought were long dead and gone. He turned his head, finding her lips with his as he drove into her faster.

 

With a final thrust and her name tumbling from his lips, Harry shuddered against her, his head falling onto her cotton covered shoulder.

 

She rested her forehead on his shoulder, comforted when she could no longer feel the tension there. A small smile tugged at her lips when she felt their hearts beating frantically against each other. His breath was hot on her neck as Ginny lifted her hand to play with the hair that curled at the nape of his neck. She frowned when she felt him stiffen under her touch.

 

He lifted his head, and carefully pulled away from her, setting her feet down onto the ground. He lifted his gaze to hers and Ginny recognized guilt clouding his green eyes before he turned away, zipping his trousers quickly.

 

"What's wrong?" she asked him in a small voice.

 

Damn. Why did she have to stare at him with that wounded look? He grimaced as he spotted the bruises forming on her arms. Her usually pink, full lips were red and swollen. His eyes lowered. The spot of dried blood between her thighs hit him like a Bludger to the stomach.

 

He was a bastard.

 

If the guilt didn't kill him, any one of her brothers would gladly do it instead. The Weasleys took him in. Gave him a home. And this is how he repaid them. By shagging their youngest daughter.

 

"You should go," he said coldly, turning away so he wouldn't have to see the pain fill her eyes.

 

"What?" she whispered, almost sure she hadn't heard him right.

 

"Leave. Go back to bed."

 

Ginny took a step towards him, lifting a hand lightly against the back of his arm. She jumped when he whirled on her.

 

"D-don't touch me! You can’t touch me," he told her, his voice wavering.

 

“But I just…we just... “

 

“I don’t care,” he hissed, the pain engulfing his heart. If he looked at her, he would fall apart. He would want her again. “Leave. Now.”

 

He couldn’t be serious. She had given herself to him. She had comforted him the only way she could. She dropped her arms to her sides as she looked at Harry. He wouldn’t even look her in the eye.

 

Refusing to let the tears fall over, Ginny turned and walked silently to the door, leaning down to pick up the dressing gown from the floor. Her body was achy and sore, but nothing compared to the searing pain in her heart.

 

Shaking her hair behind her, she opened the door wide, pausing long enough to glance at him over her shoulder. He stood in front of his bed, his back to her, one hand hanging limply at his side, the other shaking softly through his hair.

 

“I hope I helped,” she said softly before stepping out into the hall and closing the door with a sharp, final click.


	2. Running Away Solves Everything

Ginny woke the next morning with the sunlight shining brightly in her eyes. More than a little groggy, she grimaced at the soreness between her thighs. Suddenly, the previous night's action came back to her in a mortifying rush. 

Groaning, she stood and reached for her dressing gown, tying it tightly around her waist. She had hoped that maybe it had all been a dream, but her aching muscles begged to differ. Ginny knew that she must look as terrible as she felt and if anyone saw her like this, she would have some explaining to do. And she was horrible at making up lies. 

Silently, Ginny opened her door and peeked out into the hallway. Harry's door was still shut and she heard no footsteps on the stairs above or below her. As quietly as she could, Ginny darted towards the bathroom and slammed the door behind her, twisting the lock firmly into place. Her eyes lifted to her image in the mirror and sighed. She was right; she did look as horrible as she felt. 

Her eyes were a bit red from lack of sleep, and her lips were still swollen from Harry's rough mouth. Sliding her dressing gown off of her arms, she examined the yellowing bruises on her forearms, before pulling the hem of her nightgown over her head. She spotted the small streak of dried blood on her thigh and with her cheeks burning, she turned quickly as she reached to turn on the shower taps. 

Stepping into the stream of warm water, she quickly grabbed the soap and lathered it over her body. Sighing at the prospect of wearing a long sleeved T-shirt, Ginny tried to think of the best excuse, being that it was June and seventy degree weather. She could already picture everyone's curious stares. Except for Harry. He would know exactly why. 

Ginny placed the soap back on the rack inside the tub and ran her hands slowly over her face. Her heart seemed to twist anytime she began to think about the previous night. She could still feel Harry's hands raking over her body, his impatient kisses, his burning body thrusting in desperation against hers. 

It wasn't the gentle, tender way she always envisioned it; with smoldering kisses, whispers in the dark, promises of forever. No. Instead, she had lost her virginity up against a door, to a man who only saw her as a quick shag. A way to release the tension and anger within him. And she had let him. 

A sob caught in her throat as she pictured his cold glare drilling into her. "Leave. Now." She had comforted him the only way he had wanted her too, and he turned her away the moment it was over. She had loved him. And what was so pathetic now, was that she still did. 

Ginny leaned her head against the cool tiles as the water flowed over her body, and wept. 

Harry heard the muffled sounds of crying through the thin walls as he stared up at the ceiling above him. The guilt racketed through him unexpectedly but he didn't move. If she had to cry, then Harry would let her cry. She would hurt. But only for a little while. Then she would move on and forget about him. 

It was better for both of him that she just forgot about him. 

Harry lay there silently, unmoving, for a long time. Long after the shower had stopped running. Long after the door had opened and her steps had faded away down the hallway and eventually, down the stairs. 

He jumped slightly when the knock came. But he ignored it, praying that whoever wanted something from him would just go away. He groaned when the knocking became louder and his name was called through the door. 

"Bugger off, Ron," he whispered, rolling to his side. At the continued rapping, Harry sighed and slid off the bed, kicking the bottle of Odgen's under his dresser on his way to the door. He flung it open and found Ron standing on the other side, his fist raised to knock again. 

"Are all the Weasleys so damn impatient?" Harry asked, rolling his eyes as he turned and walked to the dresser. 

Ron shrugged and stepped inside, his eyes immediately drawn to the stain in the carpet. His eyes then caught the glimmer of glass underneath the dresser, and knowing the shape of a liquor bottle himself, Ron guessed it was Odgen's. 

"Why do you always wait until I'm at Hermione's for the night to start drinking?" Ron asked lightly, leaning against the doorframe as he watched Harry pull a plain white T-shirt over his head. 

"Because if I do it while you're here, you'll drink all of it. Then you'll get pissed, do or say something stupid, and then suffer through a lecture from Hermione the next morning," Harry explained as he sat on the edge of his bed and pulled a pair of socks on. 

Ron thought for a moment before shrugging. "I suppose you're right. We're heading off to Diagon Alley for awhile, do you want to come?" 

"Who's we?" 

"Fred, George, Hermione, Ginny and me," Ron said his tone hopeful. Harry hadn't been out with them in such a long time. There was only so much "girl-talk" he could take from Hermione and Ginny, and only so many practical jokes he could take from the twins. He needed his best friend. 

At the mention of Ginny's name, Harry feigned disinterest. "I'm not really up for a trip to Diagon Alley. Maybe some other day, Ron." He ignored the disappointment filling Ron's eyes as he stood and pushed past him. 

"Right. Some other day," Ron replied and watched Harry disappear into the bathroom, shutting the door quietly behind him. He shook his head and headed for the stairs. Harry usually wasn't up for anything that included a crowd. He only bended when it was just Ron and Hermione, and even then he was usually sullen and quiet. 

He was worried about Harry. Everybody was. But secretly, Ron was getting more than a little irritated with him. He couldn't see what reasons Harry had for being so miserable, and he was getting tired of tiptoeing around his moods. What scared Ron the most was that he knew eventually, he was going to lose his temper with his best mate. In a way, he thought it would probably be the best thing to do. 

He descended the stairs and smiled when he entered the kitchen. Hermione looked up, her worried eyes asking him millions of questions. He shook his head slightly, his heart breaking at her frown. 

"Harry's not feeling all that well, he's going to pass," Ron explained, grabbing his robe from the nearby hook. He didn't notice Ginny's eyes cast downward or the red flush creeping into her cheeks. 

"Ginny, will you be okay apparating to get to Diagon Alley?" Ron questioned, giving his little sister a worried glance. 

"I've done it hundreds of times this summer, Ron. I passed my Apparation Exam the first try, unlike some people I know," she retorted, following Fred and George out the backdoor to the yard. 

"Hey! I only splinched a tiny bit!" he called after her, shaking his head and stepping back to allow Hermione past him and outside. 

She watched the twins and Ginny disappear with three small pops before she grabbed Ron's arm. 

Ron turned towards her curiously. "What's wrong?" 

"This has got to stop." 

He shrugged and glanced up at Harry's window before meeting Hermione's worried gaze. "I know. We all know. But we can't push him to open up to us, 'Mione." 

She bit her lip softly, running her free hand through her cinnamon hair. "You told me he usually drinks when you're not home." 

"Yeah. So?" He knew that look. When Hermione refused to meet his eyes and bit on her lower lip, she had a less than moral plan concocting in her mind. He remembered the first time he saw it, right before she suggested using the Polyjuice Potion during their second year at Hogwart's to spy on Draco Malfoy. 

"Well, let's say you take him out for a couple drinks," she suggested, watching his eyes widen in surprise. 

"You want me to slip a truth potion in his drink?" Ron asked, astonished. 

"No! Of course not. I wouldn't do that to Harry! But before Vold- before, when you two drank, you would talk about anything and everything." 

"So you want me to liquor my best mate up enough so he'll spill his deepest and darkest fears to me?" Ron asked uneasily. 

"Well, it couldn't hurt." Hermione snapped defensively, crossing her slim arms across her chest. "I'm not saying trick him or anything but-" 

"What do you call it then?" 

"But," she continued, ignoring the tone in his voice, "we have to get through to him. He won't open up to us like he used too. I can't fathom what's going on inside his head and besides giving him a truth potion, I can' t think of anything else to do. How much longer are we all going to have to sit through his brooding? If we knew what was wrong, we could help him." 

Ron shifted uncomfortably, knowing full well he had thought the same things only moments before. But there was something about having Harry tell everything to him that made him uneasy. In some ways, he wasn't sure he wanted to know. 

"Hermione, when people drink it doesn't mean they'll automatically start chattering away. Sometimes when people drink they get quiet, or tired, or angry. Harry may not even want to go out with me." 

"It never hurts to try, does it?" she asked, her eyes filling with weariness and concern. 

He sighed, pulling her into a warm embrace and placed his lips softly on her forehead, before leaning his cheek into her soft hair. 

"No, it doesn't. I'll convince him to go out with me this week." He pulled back to look into her eyes. "It's going to be okay, Hermione. Harry is going to be okay." 

She nodded, though her expression still flickered with doubt. "We should go before they start wondering where we went off too." 

Placing a comforting kiss on her lips, Ron leaned back and watched her disapparate. With a sigh, he glanced up once more at Harry's window before he quickly followed. 

Harry watched Hermione and Ron disappear from the backyard with a heavy heart. In all truth, he would have probably enjoyed a trip to Diagon Alley. But he just couldn't face Ginny. Not yet. 

Breathing in deeply, Harry turned away from the window and left his room. It was a quiet Friday, the summer heat beating down on the Burrow. Mr. Weasley would be at work, Mrs. Weasley at the market. With Charlie and Bill working in Romania and Egypt, and the others at Hogsmeade, the Burrow was quiet, which was quite a rarity. It was usually the only time he felt comfortable enough to leave the sanctuary of his room. When everything else around him was empty. 

Harry's eyes flickered past the several photographs hanging on the wall as he descended the spiraling stairs. He stopped briefly to study a photo of Percy and his girlfriend, Penelope. They were cheerfully waving at Harry; their arms wrapped each others waists lovingly. 

Percy had been one of many that Harry hadn't been able to save from Voldemort. Harry remembered the battle for the Ministry hours before he faced Voldemort. He, Sirius and countless Aurors had been trying frantically to get the innocent out of the building, and capture the Death Eaters that had overtaken it. 

Harry closed his eyes as the flashes burst inside his memory. Percy had been spying on Fudge, who was a suspected Death Eater, for Dumbledore and his father. Unfortunately, as the Aurors stormed the building, Fudge had discovered Percy's betrayal, and pulled his wand on him as Harry had burst through the door. He hadn't even had time to lift his own wand before the green light flashed and Percy crumpled to the floor with a sickening thud. 

Harry had been able to Petrify Fudge before he could subject Harry to the same fate, but the overwhelming guilt of not being quick enough for Percy had begun to sneak under his skin, festering and haunting him. 

Harry could still see Penelope's body shaking as the sobs flowed through her at Percy's funeral. Her stomach had just begun to show the life she and Percy had created before that fateful night. 

The faces of all the remaining Weasleys flashed through his mind. Their tears, their grief. He could remember Ginny stepping up behind him, quietly slipping her tiny hand into his as the wind whipped around them. 

What was understanding and comfort on her part, Harry had mistaken for pity. He had grudgingly let go of her and walked quickly and silently away from the mourners. From death. From life. 

He had buried too many friends before Voldemort, and just as many after. He had failed all of them. Betrayed the trust they had placed inside of him. The boy who had saved Hogwarts countless times, the boy who had rescued Ginny Weasley from Tom Riddle, the boy who knew no fear when it came to evil. The bloody Boy Who Lived. 

Harry's eyes opened abruptly as the images faded from his memory. He turned away from the photos and stepped onto the landing of the Weasleys cramped living room. He knew he was bringing the family no joy with his misery. For months he had been afraid of what would happen when he finally snapped. And when he finally had...it had been with Ginny. 

"No, Harry." 

He leaned against the wall when he remembered her body struggling against him, her breath sobbing, her eyes wide and fearful. 

"Not like this, Harry. Please-" 

Harry pushed the palms of his hands into his eyes tightly against the throbbing that had begun to pick up pace. Defeated, he slid down the wall until he landed roughly on the floor, his arms resting wearily on his knees. He had been a complete wanker, ignoring her pleas to stop, roughing her up as he sought his own release. And then treating her like some kind of paid...whore...when he was finished with her. 

He hadn't wanted her to leave. He hadn't wanted it to be that way. But she was there, she was available. And he was hurting. Ginny had pushed his buttons, even if she didn't realize it. 

Bloody hell, had he raped her? Through the haze and blur of liquor, Harry couldn't be sure. But he had recalled her lips yielding under his finally, her soft body arching against him. She had given in to his vulnerability. But even that didn't make it right. 

He knew how she felt about him. Since he was twelve, he had been more than aware of her crush on the famous Harry Potter. He had dismissed it then, under the impression she had been intrigued by the name, not the actual person behind it. Soon he had developed his own crush at Hogwarts with Cho Chang , but she had been in love with Cedric Diggory, another student that had died because of his ties with Harry. 

After Voldemort rose once more, Harry hadn't really had time to think about love or girlfriends until, to his pleasant surprise, he had lost his virginity one cold January evening when he was sixteen, to Cho. 

She later told him she was still grieving Cedric and had only turned to Harry for comfort, and never spoke to him again. Since then, he had plenty of mindless sex with faceless girls to release his fear and anger over Voldemort and the direction of his life. It was the best path for him, short of beating up on anyone who was available.   
But through everything happening around him, Harry had come to realize Ginny was no longer just Ron's little sister. She had blossomed from the awkward eleven year old with a silly crush, to a beautiful, strong young woman. And, though Harry hadn't realized it at the time, she had always been there when he needed someone. She was there to defend him, to help him, to fight beside him. To grieve with him. 

Much to his horror and surprise, Harry had begun to fall in love with her when he spent the summer at the Burrow before his seventh year at Hogwarts. He fought against it, remembering Ron was at least two inches taller and a few muscles stronger than he. Not to mention the five older brothers that seemed to be very protective of their youngest sibling. 

He had steered clear of Ginny the rest of the summer and well into the first of the school year. But Harry soon found himself making excuses to be with her. He needed her help studying (though Hermione was more than willing to help him), he wanted her opinion on an upcoming Quidditch match, or what did she think of Ron and Hermione, who were caught snogging in McGonagall's empty classroom? Harry had known they were silly excuses, but Ginny never called him on it. She never made fun or questioned him. 

A small smile tugged at his lips when he remembered their first kiss. Harry had been on his way back to the castle from Quidditch practice and saw Ginny and a few of her friends heading to the greenhouses for Professor Sprout's class. The breeze was warm, the sun bright, the lake still and sparkling. A picture perfect day... 

"Ginny!" Harry called when he spotted the vivid auburn hair several feet ahead of him. He clutched his Firebolt 3000 in his fist as he began to jog slowly towards her, ignoring the snickers of Seamus and Dean behind him. 

Ginny glanced over her shoulder, her expression curious, until she spotted Harry. Her mouth erupted into a shy smile and she murmured something to her friends before she turned and headed towards him. 

"Harry..." she greeted with a grin, shifting her bag from one shoulder to the other. 

"Is that heavy?" he asked her, falling in step beside her as they began to walk towards her class. 

"No, it's oka-" she trailed off as he slid the bag from her shoulder and, ignoring the weeping muscles in his arms from Quidditch practice, hoisted the heavy bag on his own arm. 

"Thanks," Ginny replied with a smile, her eyes glancing over him quickly. He looked strong and fit in his Quidditch robes, the sweat from practice matted his untidy hair to his forehead. Ginny couldn't remember when sweat looked so good. Embarrassed, she pulled her eyes away and focused on the path in front of them. They walked in silence for a moment before Harry cleared his throat. 

"So, are you going to be at the Quidditch match on Saturday?" he asked quickly, cursing himself silently for sounding so eager. 

"Gryffindor against Slytherin? Are you kidding?" she asked, sliding a stray lock of hair behind her ear, "Watching you pulverize Draco Malfoy is something I definitely wouldn't miss." 

He grinned down at her. "What makes you so sure he won't luck out and catch the Snitch this time?" 

She laughed, laying a hand on his arm. "Well, considering Slytherin hasn't won a match against Gryffindor since Malfoy became the Seeker, I think it's safe to say you have nothing to worry about. I think everyone in Slytherin is too afraid of him to kick him off the team." 

She lifted her sparkling eyes to his, but noticed his easy smile had faded. 

"Are you okay, Harry?" 

He lowered his gaze to the hand that gently lay on his arm. Her fingers had only brushed against him, but he could feel the charge of heat flash through him, even at her slightest touch. 

Harry slowed his pace and took her hand, pulling her behind him as he headed off the stone path to the side of the castle, away from the curious looks and giggled conversations of her friends. 

"Harry?" 

Harry turned towards her, letting her bag slide off his shoulder to the ground, followed quickly by his Firebolt. He watched her eyes widen when he wrapped his arms around her and lowered his mouth to hers. He felt only the slightest hesitation before she wrapped herself around him, responding urgently to his kiss. 

Sensation after sensation coursed through his body and his mind sought to catch up with the frantic beating of his heart. Ginny parted her lips shyly, allowing Harry to slide his tongue into her mouth as her hands gripped the arms of his Quidditch robes tighter. When they finally parted, their breathing was heavy and she was fifteen minutes late for Herbology.

They spent every afternoon the rest of the week sneaking away to empty classrooms to meet. Harry never asked for more from her, except to keep their budding relationship a secret until Harry found the right time to tell Ron. And she had simply accepted with no reservations or questions.

Ginny had always accepted Harry, regardless of the situation. Just as she did the night before. Harry groaned and picked himself up from the floor. She deserved better. Someone who wouldn't hurt her, someone who wouldn't...force her.

His mind made up, Harry slid on his shoes that lay by the front door and with a quick pop, disapparated.

Sirius glanced up from his files when Harry suddenly appeared before him. He smiled with pleasant surprise at seeing is godson so unexpectedly. It had to be a good sign when Harry voluntarily left his room at the Burrow. But his smile faded when he saw the troubled green eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asked, worry creeping into his system.

Harry shrugged, shoving his hands into the pockets of his trousers. It would take hours for Harry to tell Sirius what was wrong, and in truth, he didn't think his godfather would even want to know.

His eyes couldn't quite meet Sirius' as they glanced around the small house Sirius had moved into after the Ministry cleared his name. Finally, he sat in the wicker chair opposite Sirius' desk and ran a hand through his dark hair.

"I want to move in here," he told him simply, leaning back to wait for his agreement.

Sirius slowly placed his files on the desk in front of him, and folded his hands over the parchment, studying Harry closely.

"I thought we both decided living with the Weasleys was the best thing for you right now."

"No, Sirius, we didn't decide. You decided. I didn't have much choice in the matter," Harry reminded him sharply.

But Sirius remembered crystal clear the day he informed Harry he would be living with the Weasleys and not him. What followed was a string of shouted obscenities and arguing. But Harry's affection and love for his godfather had finally won over and he had, though resentfully, agreed to move in with Arthur and Molly.

Sighing, Sirius nodded. "Okay, tell me what's going on. Why do you want to leave the Burrow?"

"I just...I need space," Harry replied quietly, flicking at invisible lint on his trouser leg.

"They aren't giving you any space? It seems to me you stay holed up in your room by your own choice."

Irritation began to lick at Harry as he looked at Sirius. "Look, it's just so cramped there as it is and I know I'm not helping the situation. I'm just a burden to them right now."

Sirius cocked his head, observing the evident hurt in Harry's face. "Is that what you think?"

Harry shrugged again, tearing his gaze away from Sirius and focusing on the small chunk of wood missing from the corner of his desk. "I don't know. Maybe."

Sirius leaned back into his chair and eyed Harry thoughtfully. "What's the real reason you want to leave the Burrow?"

Harry's head snapped up, his eyebrows drawn together in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"You've been living with the Weasleys for over a year. Something must have happened for you to suddenly want to leave."

"Nothing happened, Sirius," Harry insisted. Nothing, except I shagged their daughter and then tossed her out like garbage, he added silently, oh, did I mention if I stay I'll want to shag her again until I'm numb of anything but her?

"You're a terrible liar Harry. And," he continued quickly when Harry opened his mouth to bite back, "I still think it's the best thing for you to stay with them. You need to be surrounded by a family unit. If you stay here, I'm not home often and you'll just sulk around here alone. It's not healthy."

"Bloody hell, Sirius. I'm nineteen years old! I should be able to do what I please without having to tiptoe around everyone else's feelings. And if I need to be surrounded by family, then I should be here. You're my family."

"The Weasleys have thought of you as their own the moment they met you, Harry. They took you in, they fed you, protected you. Loved you. If you don't see them as family, I pity you," Sirius said quietly with a hint of steel beneath.

Harry recognized the tone and retreated his own angry response. Shame flowed through him, causing him to shift uneasily in his chair.

"It's not that I don't appreciate what they've done for me. I do. And you're right; they have been like a family to me. The only family I've known besides you. I just need a change," he said wearily, rubbing his hands over his tired face.

Sirius watched Harry for a moment before nodding. "Okay."

Harry glanced up, relief crossing his face. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. I just want you to be happy, Harry. If living here will make you happy, then I want you to live here." It was the truth in every sense. Sirius had wanted his godson to live with him since Harry was thirteen. But unfortunate circumstances had always been in the way. But now, with Harry under the same roof as him, Sirius could keep both eyes on him closely.

"Thanks Sirius," Harry told him with a small smile as he stood.

"I'll talk with Arthur and Molly tonight. In the meantime, I fully expect you to show them your gratitude for allowing you to stay with them all this time," Sirius told him. "And not just them, but the entire family."

"Of course, I will," Harry said, though his stomach twisted at the thought of talking with Ginny. With any luck, she wouldn't even want to see him. But for some reason, that thought hurt worse. "I should get back to the Burrow. Thank you again, Sirius."

Sirius nodded and watched him disapparate. He then frowned at the suddenly empty room and rubbed a hand wearily over his face. There was something more going on inside Harry's head that he wasn't admitting too. But with Harry living with him, it would be easier to coax it out of him. And he fully intended to do just that.


	3. Gopdbye Isn't Really Goodbye

You and I got something

But it’s all and then it’s nothing to me.

It was the perfect day for a trip to Diagon Alley. The sun was high, beating down on the small village, separated from the Muggle world by a simple stone wall enhanced by powerful magic. The streets were crowded with students and professors as well as everyday patrons.

Fred and George immediately disappeared into Gambol & Japes Joke Shop, discussing ideas for their own shop they planned to open soon. Ron sighed when Hermione suggested stopping at Flourish and Blott’s first.

"Flourish and Blott’s is the first place we go whenever we come here, Hermione," he whined, motioning towards the Leaky Cauldron. "Let's just stop in, say hello to Seamus and grab a pint before you go bury your nose for hours in some book about horned slugs or what have you."

"Fine, but if you get pissed this afternoon, I'm going to make you come to one of my lectures at the Ministry...and take notes." she threatened, brushing past him into the tavern.

Ron gaped after her, as Ginny followed them inside. "That's just cruel."

They settled around a small table, and Ginny held back a sigh as Ron and Hermione began to bicker about the effects of drinking alcohol so early in the day. In Ginny's opinion, drinking alcohol anytime of the day was bad for your health...physically and mentally.

Leaning back and blocking Ron and Hermione out, she observed the crowded tavern, her eyes wandering over the witches and wizards that huddled around tables or joked and laughed loudly at the bar. Even with the late summer heat, there was a fire crackling in the hearth across the room. Heatless fire, she assumed, since the two short dwarfs sitting next to the fireplace and drinking from extremely large mugs, wore layers of wool without breaking a sweat.

Her gaze shifted, resting on two extremely pretty women giggling hysterically in the corner. She immediately recognized them as Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil. Inseparable at Hogwarts and apparently, nothing had changed since they left.

Ginny's fingers fluttered self consciously to the hair she had pinned back from her face, suddenly feeling ridiculously plain as she watched Parvati slide a well manicured hand through her dark chestnut hair which fell gracefully over her shoulders.

They had always been known as two of the prettiest girls at Hogwarts. Harry had even attended the Yule Ball with Parvati when they were fourteen. Ginny felt the familiar twinge of jealousy, and dully noted that their prettiness had only blossomed into sophisticated beauty.

She spotted Seamus approaching from the corner of her eye and watched with envy as he turned and winked at Lavender before stopping in front of their table.

"Ron," he greeted , slapping his hand into Ron's with a smile.

"Seamus," Ron returned, glancing around the room, "You've really done something with this place."

He shrugged, though his face flushed with pride. "Tom gave me a lot to work with. I'm sorry you've been waiting so long. I'm low on help these days. I had Lavender waiting tables two evenings ago."

Hermione hid her giggle behind her palm as she tried to picture Lavender Brown cleaning up Butterbeer and mead.

"I know, it was quite...," Seamus searched for the right word, "interesting." He wiped his hands on the dirty apron tied around his waist, "What can I get you?"

"I'll have a Firewhiskey," Ron said, avoiding Hermione's eyes. Her glare drilled into him until Seamus cleared his throat, suppressing the grin that threatened.

Rolling her eyes away from Ron, Hermione glanced at Ginny. "Gin?"

"Hmm?" Ginny lifted her eyes from the napkin she was picking at to Hermione questioningly.

"What would you like to drink?" she asked, nodding towards Seamus.

"Oh," she said, feeling a bit foolish, "I'll have a Butterbeer."

"Same for me," Hermione added, thanking Seamus before he walked away to fill their orders. She turned back to Ginny, her eyes filling with concern. "Are you okay? You've been awfully distracted today."

"I'm fine," she assured her with a strained smile and straightened in her chair.

Hermione noticed the faraway look in her friend's eyes and made a mental note to question her when Ron wasn't around.

"Hey, I have an idea," Ron said suddenly, accepting the glass from Seamus who had returned with their drinks. "Ginny could work for you, Seamus; waiting on tables and things."

Seamus' eyes lit up hopefully as Ginny's widened with surprise.

"W-what?" she asked, shaking her head quickly at Ron. "No, I don't think...I mean I don't know anything about--"

"Oh, it's really easy to learn, Ginny!" Seamus said excitedly, turning his eager eyes on hers. "Merlin knows I could use the help. I'm pretty sure after the other night Lavender won't be going near a dishrag."

Ginny considered, her eyes roaming around the tavern quickly. It wouldn't be so bad, she figured. She knew many of the patrons and deep down, Ginny knew it would be the best way to get away from the Burrow. And Harry.

"Plus," Ron offered, obviously pleased with himself, "You could use the money."

Oh yeah, that too, she added silently.

Ginny smiled before nodding. "Okay, I would be glad to help, Seamus."

Seamus' shoulders slumped with relief as he took her hands in his. "Thank you, thank you," he gushed. "If you want to stop by Monday afternoon, I can get you started. Mondays are usually slow around here, so you won't feel too overwhelmed."

Ginny nodded and watched Seamus turn to wait on several more tables that had filled. She turned to question Ron but stopped when she caught a whiff of Ogden’s Firewhisky. Her stomach churned as the sight of the brown liquid and fearing she may be ill, Ginny stood quickly from the table.

"Ginny?" Hermione asked, noticing the color draining from her face.

"I-I have to use the bathroom, I'll be back..." she stumbled through the crowd and disappeared behind the restroom door before Hermione turned on Ron.

"What was that about?"

Ron set down his glass and swallowed. "What?"

"Volunteering your sister like that. It's summer, Ron, do you really think she wants to be working the rest of her summer holiday?"

"So? You work every other day at the Ministry for Dad," he pointed out defensively, "Besides, I think Ginny should get out more..."

Hermione opened her mouth to reply but paused when she saw Ron was avoiding her eyes and shifting uncomfortably in the wooden chair. Her eyes narrowed as she realized his true intentions.

"Ronald Weasley," she hissed, the tone suddenly reminding him of his mother, "You want Ginny to work here so she won't be around Harry."

His eyes widened in mock surprise just as his ears turned pink. "What? You're mad, Hermione, I don't care about--"

"Oh, you sneaky little..." she trailed off, her anger clouding the several choice words she reserved for moments like these.

"Oh come on, Hermione," he snapped, pushing his empty glass away, "You have dinner with us often, and don’t tell me you don't catch him staring at her...that way."

"What way?" she asked, her arms crossing against her chest as she leaned back.

"That way!" he yelled, then paused when the room quieted down and curious eyes darted their way. Clearing his throat, Ron leaned in towards Hermione, his voice low. "Like he wants to rip her clothes off and devour her instead of whatever supper Mum's placed in front of him."

Hermione tilted her head and studied him with cool amusement. "Like the way you look at me."

"Yes!" he exclaimed, then sputtered shaking his head, "I mean, no! Not at all. You and I ....we're...and Ginny and Harry...they can't..."

"Be together?" she offered, lifting her mug of Butterbeer and sipping slowly.

"Exactly," he said, relieved she finally saw his point. "The last thing I need is to worry about my best friend and baby sister...snogging. Or worse." He shuddered and took her mug from her hands, taking a drink for himself.

She snatched it back and set it down with a sharp click on the table. "She's not a baby anymore, Ron. She's eighteen and has had to grow up just as fast and we did. And it's not about what you need, Ron. If Ginny and Harry love each other and want to--"

"They don't...love...each other," Ron insisted, rolling his eyes. "You don't know Harry like I do..."

"Oh really?" she asked, her eyes hardening.

Ron could almost feel the nails drilling into his head from her glare. Shifting again he shrugged. "I don't mean it like that, 'Mione, it's just...I just know...we both know he's going through something right now. Something we don't really understand. But I know he's dealing with it by drinking a lot...and shagging whatever comes along that's female. Ginny deserves better than that. I don't want to see her as a notch on his bedpost, and if I ever find out that she is, I'm going to have to bloody up my best friend." He sighed and watched as Ginny made her way through the crowd back to their table. "Do you see why I would rather they stay away from each other?"

Hermione softened and reached out, squeezing his hand gently. "I know, Ron...but I just think--," she paused, smiling when Ginny slid back into her chair, "Are you feeling okay? Do you want me to ask Seamus for some chocolate?"

She slid her hair back and pinned it from her face, smiling gratefully. "No, I'm fine. Just an uneasy stomach..."

"Are you going to finish that?" Ron interrupted, nodding towards her almost full mug of Butterbeer.

Ginny pushed it towards him, knowing she didn't have the stomach to hold anything at the moment. "Take it...but you're paying the tab."

He grinned and pulled the mug close. "Now that you'll be working for Seamus, I'll never have to pay a tab again."

Laughing, Ginny settled back and watched her brother finish her Butterbeer in two large gulps. "We'll see."

Getting a bit restless, Hermione glanced at Ron hopefully. "Now can we go to Flourish and Blott’s?"

Ron rolled his eyes, and sighed dramatically. "Only if Ginny is prepared for hours of flipping through dusty old books and dying of complete and utter boredom."

"You can wander over to Quality Quidditch Supplies if the desire overtakes you, you know," she pointed out, laughing when relief crossed over his features.

"A woman after my own heart," Ron said and leaned over to kiss her softly on the cheek.

Ginny averted her eyes from the loving smiles, and waited as Ron counted out money to pay the bill. Somehow she had a feeling flipping through dusty old books wasn't going to take her mind off of Harry. Sighing quietly, she stood and followed them out of the Leaky Cauldron, convinced nothing would take her mind off of him. Resigned, Ginny prepared herself for an afternoon of misery.

********

Harry spent the rest of the afternoon in complete misery. He had been pleased when he arrived back at the Burrow, knowing he was finally going to get to live with Sirius. But when he walked through the Weasley's kitchen, a sudden sadness had taken over, and for some odd reason he had remembered the first day he had ever visited the Burrow. He had thought it brilliant and remembered secretly wishing it had been his home and the Weasleys his family.

Nothing had changed, he realized. He still wanted those things. Badly. But throughout the past year, no matter how hard they had all tried to make him feel welcome, he felt like an intruder. He had shared meals with them, celebrated birthdays with them, but the whole time he felt like he was outside, looking in at what he would never have.

After the death of Percy, it had become almost unbearable. Because he saw it in himself, he also saw the grief and blame in their eyes. No matter how many times Mr. and Mrs. Weasley hugged him with love equaling their own children, Harry couldn't feel that wall of blame break. Wasn't sure if he wanted it too.

And now, Ginny. What he did to her was despicable and inexcusable. He had disappointed them, hurting one of their children again.

It was best that he leave the Burrow, for everyone. Harry sat down on the Weasley's tattered couch and watched quietly out the window at the gnomes that ran wildly from one end of the yard to the other. With any luck, Sirius was at the Ministry now, speaking with Mr. Weasley, then Harry could pack and leave before Ginny came back home. He didn't think he could face her. What would he do? What could he possibly say to make things right between them?

Groaning, Harry buried his face in his hands. His head snapped up when he heard the kitchen door creak open and watched Mrs. Weasley appear with two large paper sacks in her arms. Harry jumped to his feet and hurried to take the heavy bags from her arms.

"Thank you, Harry," she smiled, feeling the relief in her aching back. She turned and allowed the other two bags to float in behind her, landing carefully on the kitchen counter. Taking off her cloak, she watched with interest as he began to pull the items out of the bag and put them away.

Smiling gently, she placed her cloak on the door hook and reached out, placing a comforting arm on his shoulder. "You don't have to do that, Harry, I can manage."

He stiffened only slightly under her touch and placed the can of beans on the counter. "I want to help."

Laughing, Mrs. Weasley pulled out a chair and led him to it. "Sit."

He shifted reluctantly, then under her watchful eye, he sat, slouching slightly.

"I spoke with Sirius today," she explained, pulling several more cans out of the bag. She waited for a response and continued when she got none, "I stopped by the Ministry to visit Arthur and we all had a lovely chat. It's wonderful that Sirius is now in charge of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, isn't it?"

Harry merely grunted, his palms beginning to sweat. Had Sirius told them Harry would be moving out? Did Sirius change his mind at the last moment? Mrs. Weasley didn't seem to be too heartbroken over Harry's decision. A frown tugged at the corners of Harry's mouth and he shook his head, refusing to be caught pouting.

"Harry?"

"Hmm?"

Sighing, Mrs. Weasley placed the box of biscuits in the wooden cupboard before she turned and took a seat at the table. She reached out and covered Harry's hands with her own.

"Arthur and I only want what's best for you. You know that don't you?"

He lifted his tired eyes to hers and nodded slowly.

"If you feel that living with Sirius is what's best for you, or if it will simply make you happier, then we support that decision completely," she assured him, squeezing his hands gently.

"I don't want to make you unhappy," Harry began.

"Harry, dear, how on earth could you make us unhappy?" Mrs. Weasley asked, searching his face carefully.

His eyes fluttered away from hers and stared down at the cracks in the wood. "I know I've been a burden to you..."

"Harry James Potter," she said sharply, pulling back a bit from the table, "You have never been a burden to us. You've been nothing but a joy since the day we met you."

He opened his mouth to reply, but couldn't form the right words. He heard the disappointment in her tone and sighed. "I just...I can't pretend this is right. It's not. I'm sleeping in Percy's bed!"

Though his voice rose, Mrs. Weasley didn't flinch, but kept her eyes cool and steady on his. "Do you blame yourself for Percy's death, Harry?"

He bit his tongue, not wanting to answer. Not wanting to admit aloud that it was his fault one of her children was buried in the ground.

She reached out and placed a soft hand against his cheek. "It is not your fault what happened to Percy. I will not have you sulking around blaming yourself."

"I..." he trailed off, knowing it was useless to argue. And he didn't want to argue. He just wanted peace and quiet. "I just need a change of scenery. I need to be with Sirius for a while. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize to me, Harry. Arthur and I both agreed you should be with Sirius at this stage in your life. You've just turned nineteen. You have so much ahead of you in life. And you're always welcome here, whenever you need anything. Anything at all."

He managed a small smile, his heart warming when she stood and leaned over to brush a motherly kiss against his cheek.

For a moment, Harry felt relaxed, sitting at the kitchen table, with Mrs. Weasley bustling around him and preparing dinner. He jerked when the front door opened and the twins came barreling through.

Mrs. Weasley flicked her wand quickly and the water in the pot instantly came to a boil. Wiping her hands on a nearby dishrag, she hurried into the living room, catching the tail end of her son's feet disappear up the stairs. "Fred! George! If you've bought more jokes and tricks you're going to get it!"

They slammed their door in reply causing her to sigh in irritation. "Twenty one years old and they act like they're eight again," she muttered. Her frown disappeared in a matter of seconds when Hermione and Ron came inside. She engulfed Hermione in a tight hug as Ron dumped the heavy bags onto the floor, moaning about some bloody books as he flexed his muscle. 

"Oh hush, Ron, don't be such a baby," Mrs. Weasley scolded and held Hermione at arm's length, studying her closely. "Have you been eating properly?"

Hermione smiled, recognizing the motherly tone. "Yes, ma'am..."

"Hmm." Unsure, Mrs. Weasley gave Hermione a doubtful look, "Are you sure?"

"Mum! Stop hounding her," Ron exclaimed and moved around the two women, rolling his eyes. He headed into the kitchen, pausing for only a moment in surprise when he saw Harry sitting at the table. "Hey, mate."

"Hey...." He watched as Ron grabbed the newly bought biscuits from the cupboard and sat next to Harry, tearing the top off.

"I wonder if you can actually become addicted to books," Ron said thoughtfully, stuffing a biscuit into his mouth, "I mean, I honestly think Hermione's addicted to books! They're like a drug..."

He found himself laughing at Ron's expression and looked up to see Hermione's reaction. The quip he prepared dried like dust on his tongue when he saw Ginny walk inside, placing her own bag on the floor next to Hermione's and accepting the hug and kiss from her mother.

He jerked out his seat awkwardly, causing the table to shake. Ron reached out to hold it steady, glancing up at Harry questioningly. "All right, Harry?"

"Yeah...yeah, I'm good. I have to..." Excuses drained from his brain as he watched her pull her robes off and hang them on the coat rack. She turned, her eyes meeting his for a moment before she turned back to whatever her mother was saying.

"Hermione, you'll stay for supper," Mrs. Weasley said. "Ginny, when you set the table can you add an extra setting?"

"Sure, Mum." Ginny smiled, and shook her hair behind her shoulders. Determined, she lifted her chin and followed Hermione into the kitchen. Her eyes passed over Harry briefly, feeling both pleased and uneasy when she felt his gaze follow her.

He opened his mouth to greet her politely but was cut off by the back door opening. Mr. Weasley popped his head in with a wide smile.

"Evening Weasleys...and Harry...and Hermione," he added quickly, setting his files on the counter and pulling his wife into his arms for an embrace and kiss.

"Evening, Dad," Ron said, crumbs falling from his stuffed mouth.

"Honestly, Ron," Hermione scolded, snatching the box from Ron's hands and thrusting it towards Harry. "Put these away before he devours them all."

"Oh." Harry took the box from her reluctantly and glanced over his shoulder at Ginny who was pulling several plates from the cupboard. His eyes darted to the cupboard beside her, wondering if it would draw attention if he used magic to put the biscuits away.

Don't be daft, he told himself, and walked over to the counter, his movements wooden and awkward.

He opened the cupboard and placed the box inside, closing it slowly and looking down at Ginny who was placing several forks and knives on the plates.

"Hey, Ginny," he said in a low voice, glancing over his shoulder at the others who seemed oblivious to the tension sparking between them.

"Hello," she replied stiffly, not bothering to look at him.

"Did you have a good time at Diagon Alley?" Harry asked lamely.

She set the last knife on the plate with a sharp click before nodding politely.

Harry felt his right hand clench and unclench angrily. He was trying wasn't he? If she wanted to play Ice Queen with him, that was just fine. He moved away from her and sulked back to the table, dropping down beside Ron.

Hermione had watched the small exchange between Harry and Ginny with interest while Ron and his father discussed the new Chudley Cannons' Keeper. She studied Harry intently, trying to read his eyes. He glanced at her sharply, as if reading her thoughts.

Leave it alone, he warned silently when she raised an eyebrow at him in question.

"So Harry," Mr. Weasley began, taking a sip of the tea Mrs. Weasley had placed in front of him, "Sirius tells us you'll be moving in with him soon."

Ron's burst of surprise covered the clanging of glass as Ginny almost dropped the plates she had been carrying to the table.

"What?" Ron bellowed, his eyes widening in hurt. "When? Why?"

"Now, Ron, don't attack him," Mr. Weasley said shortly, "He wants to spend some time with his godfather."

"Yeah, but...but Sirius is a fireplace away! He can see him whenever he pleases...."

"Just like you'll be able to see Harry whenever you please," Hermione pointed out, shrugging when Ron shot her a deadly glare.

"That's not the point..."

"Ron," Harry said, forcing a smile, "It's not like I'm moving to Spain."

Ron was quiet for several moments before nodding, his shoulders slumping in defeat. "Yeah. Right."

"I think it's great," Hermione said with an understanding smile, "I bet Sirius is excited to finally have you under his roof."

I doubt it, Harry thought bitterly, but nodded with fake enthusiasm. "He is. He's actually expecting me tomorrow..."

"Tomorrow?" Ron asked again, his disappointment evident. "I thought we could go to The Leaky Cauldron tomorrow night. Seamus has been asking about you."

Rubbing the nape of his neck, Harry leaned back and allowed Ginny to set a plate and silverware in front of him. Christ, she smelled good.

His eyes began to wander down her body when he remembered where he was, and exactly who he was with. "We'll go tomorrow, Ron. I promise. I don't think Sirius is going to care if I'm not with him twenty four hours a day."

Ron shrugged, "I suppose." His eyes lit up when he remembered his brilliant idea. "Say, Ginny, tell them how your big brother got you a job at The Leaky Cauldron serving us free liqu...er, Butterbeer!"

Mr. Weasley set his tea down, eyeing Ginny. "Tom's place?"

"Yes," she replied, leaning down and giving her father a quick kiss on the cheek. "Seamus needs some extra hands."

"Seamus...Seamus..." He tapped his finger to his chin thoughtfully, "Oh, Emily Finnigan's boy. I remember. Tom sold the Leaky Cauldron?"

Ron quickly grabbed the large wooden spoon from the potato bowl, scooping plenty onto his plate. "No. He still owns it; he just thinks he's got too old to keep up with the 'rowdy crowd'. But he trusts Seamus, as he should. The place looks amazing."

"Ah," Mr. Weasley replied, taking it in before remembering what brought on the conversation in the first place. He looked at Ginny as she sat next to Hermione. "And you'll be...working there now?"

She nodded and thanked her mother when she handed her a large basket of rolls. "I'm really just helping out, serving drinks and such."

"To men?" Mr. Weasley asked suspiciously, causing her to laugh at his expression.

Harry's eyes smoldered as the musical sound bubbled out of her throat. He tightened his grip on his fork and pushed his chicken around on his plate irritably. Gods, even her laughter could turn him on.

"Dad, I've been around 'men' all my life. I'm almost sure there are witches who visit as well. Besides, I know how to take care of myself," she assured him.

"Of course, she does," Mrs. Weasley chimed in, piling more potatoes on Hermione's plate. "Eat up girl, put some pounds on those bones."

Hermione's eyes widened as her plate piled high. Her eyes met Ron's with helplessness, but he only smirked and shrugged, taking a bite of his own dinner.

"You're not to be working past midnight," Mr. Weasley said in between mouthfuls of chicken.

"Agreed," she nodded, her smile faltering slightly when her eyes roamed over Harry. His green eyes bore into her intensely, causing her to take a sip of water to moisten her suddenly dry throat. It was going to be a long, long dinner.

***

Later, after an extremely heated discussion about Quidditch Seekers, and after Ron and Hermione had Apparated back to her flat, Harry dragged himself up the stairs, rubbing his extremely full stomach. He approached the top step cautiously, remembering Ginny had disappeared after dinner. Relieved at the empty hallway, he made his way to his door, taking a step back when Ginny walked out of the bathroom, jerking to a stop.

"Excuse me," she mumbled, moving to pass him.

He muttered an apology when he moved suddenly, blocking her way. He moved to the right to allow her to pass and felt her bump into him when she did the same. He reached out to steady her with his hands.

The heat of his fingers seemed to jump through her jumper to her skin. She took a quick step back as if he had burned her and slid her hair behind her shoulder, pretending that she hadn't been affected by his touch.

"Sorry..."

"Ginny." This time he moved purposely to block her before she could hurry past. "I need to talk to you."

She feigned disinterest when she looked up at him, clasping her shaking hands together. "I don't really have time to talk right now Harry..."

"Oh, right, because your social life is so exciting these days," he said sarcastically instantly regretting his temper when he saw the quick flicker of hurt in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean--"

"What do you want Harry?" she asked with a hint of temper beneath.

"I just want to apologize! For Merlin's sake you don't make anything easy, do you?" he yelled before cursing silently and glancing over his shoulder. He took her by the elbow and led her away from the stairs.

"I just...last night was a terrible mistake. I had been drinking and I took advantage of the situation," Harry explained in a hushed whisper, his eyes darting occasionally from her face to the stairs.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Harry," she said simply, gently lifting her arm out of his grip.

He eyed her curiously, his hands resting loosely on his hips. "I don't?"

"No," she said, releasing a deep breath, "Like you said, it was a horrible mistake. On both of our parts." She ignored the painful vice around her heart and forced herself to shrug, "It was just a shag wasn't it?"

His hard expression softened, wanting desperately to convince her that it wasn't. "Ginny, don't be like this..."

"Be like what, Harry?" Anger lit in her eyes, clawing at him like talons. "Isn't this how you wanted me to react? Would you rather I cry and throw things? It meant just as much to me as it did to you," she lied, pleased when his nostrils flared with anger. She would rather he be furious with her than speak to her in that soft, pitying tone. She was sick of that soft, pitying tone.

"Good, then we both agree it was a mistake and meant absolutely nothing," Harry said, glowering down at her.

She lifted her chin, meeting his icy glare without flinching. "I suppose we do. Tell Sirius I said hello, won't you?"

Although hurt singed his soul his lips curved in a sneer. "Of course. Thanks for your," he took a long pause, letting his eyes wander over her body before lifting them in mockery to her eyes, "hospitality."

He turned on his heel and walked slowly into his room, closing the door behind him with a deliberate click.

Ginny remained in the defensive stance until fury quickly turned into raw embarrassment. She felt her shoulders slump forward and lifted her hands to her face. She breathed in deeply, closing her eyes to stop the flow of tears. He had only tried to apologize to her and she lost her temper, making the situation worse.

But the truth was, she didn't want him to apologize. She wanted him to sweep her into his arms and tell her he loved her and that he wanted to make love to her again and again...

With bruised pride, Ginny took an abrupt step towards his door and debated knocking. She lifted an unsteady hand before lowering it to her side. Shaking her head she turned and walked quietly away.

Harry stood in front of his door, leaning his head against the wood with his eyes shut. The feeling of despair rushed over him in a nauseating wave, causing him to clench his fingers painfully. He had wanted to make things right. And the only thing he succeeded in doing was making it worse, pushing her farther away from him.

Groaning, Harry twisted away from the door and grabbed his bag, stuffing clothes and items into it hastily. The quicker he got away from her, the better. He wanted to do nothing more at that moment then burst through her bedroom door and shake her until she forgave him. Then he could kiss her and touch her, and taste her again.

A muscle in his jaw quivered as he began stuffing his trunk. It didn't matter anyway, did it? She had told him that he meant nothing to her. She made it so painfully, painfully clear. Swallowing the dry lump in his throat, Harry slammed the trunk lid down and stood there silently, the anger inching back inside of him.

He would be gone tomorrow and out of her way. Then she would cool down and they could be friends again.

"Friends," he whispered. The word tasted bitter on his tongue. Defeated, Harry dropped his bag on the floor and pulled off his shirt and trousers, falling tiredly on the bed. Tomorrow, he thought, he would be rid of her. But tonight, he resigned himself to knowing those chocolate brown eyes would haunt his mind and when he drifted off, she would be waiting for him in his dreams.


	4. Reflections and Heartache

Do you listen to yourself?

Never live for someone else

Do you like the way you feel?

Nothing hurts when no one's real

Should have listened when you called my name

 

The next morning, Harry had quickly and quietly brought his trunk downstairs and after an awkward goodbye with the Weasleys (Mrs. Weasley had sniffled more than once), he Apparated, a sense of regret piercing him. Shaking off the feeling, Harry saw the small piece of parchment waiting for him on the kitchen table.

 

Harry,

 

Will be working late at the Ministry tonight; new Auror Training Program being developed. Then I will be stopping by to see Remus. There is food in the fridge. Get some fresh air. Visit Ron and Hermione. Don't stay holed up inside all day.

 

Love,

Sirius

 

Placing the note back on the table, Harry trudged wearily into the lounge and tossed his wand on the coffee table. Exhausted he fell onto the couch. He debated briefly about finding his way up to his bedroom but the fatigue from a restless night swept through him quickly and he drifted away the moment his head hit the couch cushion.

The pounding at the front door roused Harry as he blinked furiously against the dark that had embraced the room. Pushing himself up from the couch, Harry staggered to the door and pulled it open, groaning when Ron pushed past him into the house.

"What time is it?" Harry asked, yawning against his fist.

"It's only ten o'clock, you wanker. You've probably been sleeping all day haven't you?"

Harry shrugged and watched as Ron pulled a bottle of Firewhisky out of the pocket of his robes, placing it on the glass table in front of the couch. Feeling his stomach lurch, he slouched back on the couch and grabbed his wand.

"Lumos." He yawned again, pleased with flames that burst forth in the fireplace.

"Are you mad? It's maybe eighty degrees outside," Ron pointed out, heading into the kitchen to find glasses.

"It's heatless." With curiosity, Harry watched as Ron padded back into the lounge and set two glasses on the table next to the liquor before shrugging off his robes and sitting on the chair nearby. "What are you doing here anyway?"

"I'm here to spend time with my best mate," Ron declared, popping the top out of the bottle, "Is Sirius home?"

Harry shook his head. "He had to work late at the Ministry...then he was going to St. Mungo's."

"Visiting Remus then?" Ron asked, watching Harry's eyes cloud slightly, "We should go visit him ourselves soon, Harry."

Harry shifted uncomfortably on the couch. "Yeah..."

Sighing inwardly, Ron poured a few shots of whiskey into the glass and held it out for Harry. He then poured himself a glass, taking the liberty of adding a few more drops then Harry's.

Though the smell made him nauseous, Harry downed the glass in two gulps, clenching his teeth as liquid burned his throat before exploding in his stomach. "What exactly are we drinking to?"

Ron shrugged and downed his own glass. "Who the hell knows...who the hell cares? I haven't been sloshed with you in ages. We're way past due."

Harry couldn't help but chuckle as he handed his glass back to Ron. "I thought you wanted to go see Seamus tonight."

"Yeah, well, I figure we could just hang out here and you know...talk." Ron poured Harry a glass again.

"Talk," Harry said slowly, eyeing Ron suspiciously, "About what?"

"Oh you know...things." Hiding his uneasiness, Ron tapped his fingers against his glass.

"Alright then. To things," Harry offered, grinning when Ron raised his glass to his.

"So is anything going on between you and my sister?" Ron asked abruptly, his eyes narrowing slightly when Harry choked on his drink, dripping several drops of liquor onto his clothes.

"What are you talking about?" Harry asked cautiously when he wiped the Firewhisky off of his chin. Stay calm, he told himself, he may be stronger but you can outrun him.

"Ginny," Ron said simply, "Are you two sneaking around or something?"

Forcing a laugh, Harry felt it die away on his lips when Ron didn't smile. "Are you serious?"

Sighing, Ron shrugged. "I guess not. I mean, I know you would tell me if you've been snogging my sister."

"R-right...of course I would, Ron. Don't be daft. There's nothing going on between me and Ginny." Not anymore, he added silently.

"I know how she feels about you, Harry. And I would be blind not to notice the way you look at her sometimes, but it would be best for everyone if you two just remained friends," Ron explained, wishing the numbing buzz of alcohol would kick in already.

"I don't have any intention of pursuing Ginny, Ron," Harry said dryly.

"Great!" Ron said with a hint of enthusiasm, "Then I won't have to kick your arse."

"Jesus Christ," Harry muttered, his heart beginning to skip to the beat of the throbbing in his head. "You have nothing to worry about Ron. Nothing happened and nothing is going to happen. Now bugger off and leave it."

Grinning, Ron slid the bottle across the table to Harry. "Not a problem."

*****

Ginny smiled widely when Hermione swung open the door to her flat. "I bring chocolate and wine!"

Laughing, Hermione stepped back and allowed Ginny to enter, taking the wine bottle from her hands so she could slide out of her robes. "You know, I wonder who decided a woman's drink of choice would be wine, and her food of choice chocolate."

Ginny shrugged and hung her robes on the elegant coat rack Hermione had placed by the door. "I think chocolate is more of our comfort food...and wine...well...you know, it's good for you and all. A glass of wine a day, right?"

Hermione studied the bottle and raised an eyebrow at Ginny. "I think that only pertains to red wines."

"Whatever," Ginny smiled and grabbed the bottle from Hermione. "Got any glasses?"

"Of course!" Hermione replied and hurried to the kitchen. "Thanks for keeping me company tonight, Gin. Ron decided to spend some time with Harry and since I wasn't working, I thought it would be a good time to catch up. I haven't been able to speak to you alone for ages."

Ginny crossed the room and sat quietly on the white couch, slipping her shoes off. "That's alright....you've been awfully busy at the Ministry. When are they going to promote you?"

Laughing, Hermione re-entered the room and handed Ginny a wine glass before settling down on the carpeted floor. "I doubt soon...I've been working on some experimental charms with Mr. Whimple."

"Anything interesting?" Ginny asked, twisting the top off of the bottle and pouring some carefully into Hermione's glass.

"Oh you know, the basics. Mainly healing charms. I can cure bruises within three seconds," Hermione said proudly, "And I've been working privately on a little something for women."

"A cure for cramps?" Ginny asked hopefully, only half joking.

"No, that's my next challenge," Hermione replied with a grin, "I'm wary to try it out yet, but if I'm correct, you should be able to get smoother legs without picking up a razor."

Placing a hand against her heart dramatically, Ginny sighed, "A charm that shaves yours legs."

"Well, it just makes the stubble disappear...you know, for witches on the go."

"That's brilliant, Hermione," Ginny said, her eyes sparkling, "Let me know when you need a guinea pig okay?"

"Promise," she replied and sipped her wine thoughtfully. "You know, Mr.Whimple was actually informing me about an opportunity that might be coming up."

"Opportunity?"

"Mmm. Professor Damina in Rome is taking a few students next spring."

"Professor Damina...?" Ginny sipped her wine, her eyes widening when she finally placed the familiar name. "The Professor Damina? She's probably the most powerful witch the Wizarding world has seen in centuries."

Her eyes shining, Hermione nodded. "I know...it's unbelievable isn't it?"

"But I always heard she works alone...people have been trying to get her to teach them for ages. Why now?"

"I don't know," Hermione shrugged, "But for some reason she's decided to accept a select few. And Mr. Whimple thinks I have an excellent chance of being one of them."

"When do you find out?"

"In a couple weeks, I suppose. He's already submitted my name."

"It's going to be exciting knowing a friend of mine is studying with Professor Damina. And in Rome, no less," Ginny exclaimed, her eyes watching Hermione's smile fade only slightly. "Does Ron know?"

The rest of Hermione's smile disappeared as her eyes wandered away from Ginny and stared into the fire she had lit earlier. "No, I haven't told him yet. I don't think he would be very pleased."

"Oh, come on Hermione! This is such a great opportunity for you! Ron will see that and he'll support you one hundred percent," Ginny assured her.

"It's just...it's not like I'll be gone for a month or two, Ginny. Professor Damina would be teaching us for two years. I don't know if Ron would want to be apart for that long. I mean, I don't want to be apart that long either, but I think it would be harder for him," Hermione muttered, setting her glass on the table next to her.

"Hermione, Ron will be proud of you. He'll want you to do this. And if he doesn't, for whatever lame reason he thinks of, he's nothing but a prat," Ginny said, smiling when Hermione laughed.

"He's usually a prat...but I think that's a big reason why I love him. What about you?" Hermione asked watching Ginny glance at her blankly.

"What about me? I think Ron's a prat too, but growing up with him, I certainly don't love him for it," she replied.

"No," Hermione giggled, "I mean what's been going on with you? Besides being volunteered by Ron to work the rest of your summer."

Waving her hand in dismissal, Ginny shook her head. "I don't mind that much. I could use some extra money and Ron's right, I could use an excuse to get out of the Burrow."

"Ah," Hermione trailed off trying to think of the best way to go about asking her next question, "So...what do you think about Harry moving in with Sirius?" she asked casually.

She thought she saw something flicker in Ginny's eyes, but it was gone quickly, replaced by a mask of boredom. "Whatever he needs to do. Ron was pretty upset about it, obviously."

"He was," Hermione agreed, pouring a bit more wine into her glass, "but he's over it, I think. I mean, he's with him right now, getting pissed I'm sure."

A touch of concern crossed Ginny's face. "Are you sure Harry should be drinking? He does it a little too often as it is."

"I guess you could say 'boys will be boys'. It's just their way of drowning their sorrows. To tell you the truth, I think it's the only way Ron knows how to bond with Harry these days..."

"That's awfully sad," Ginny muttered, staring numbly into her wine glass.

"Yes. But if it makes him feel better for now, there's not much we can do but just be there for him," Hermione replied softly, watching Ginny closely.

"Well, he certainly doesn't make it easy does he?" Ginny responded tensely, leaning over and setting her glass down sharply on the table.

There it is, Hermione thought, but kept her _expression neutral. "No, he doesn't." she paused for a moment until Ginny had settled back onto the couch, "Gin...did something happen between you and Harry?"

Uneasy, Ginny shifted, her eyes avoiding Hermione's. "Why would you think that?"

"Because of your reaction whenever I say Harry's name," she pointed out, watching Ginny frown, "and because I see the way you two looked at each other last night. The tension was just overwhelming."

Ginny rubbed her temple gently, finally looking at Hermione. "I guess you could say something happened. But it's nothing really, a little spat."

"I see," Hermione murmured, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Debating, Ginny studied her friend. She had been holding all these feelings in for so long, she knew it would be a great relief to get them off of her chest. But if Harry ever found out...or Ron for that matter...

"Ron can't know..." she began.

"Ginny, whatever is said in this room, stays in this room," Hermione promised.

Her heart beginning to race nervously as Ginny searched her mind for the right words to describe what had happened between her and Harry. Sighing, she slid off of the couch to join Hermione on the floor, bringing her legs up to her chest and wrapping her arms around her knees.

"Harry and I...slept together a couple of nights ago."

She watched silently as Hermione's lips parted slightly in surprise before she shook her head in confusion. "Then why does it seem like you two wanted to tear each other's throats out?"

"Well, it wasn't exactly romance and words of love," Ginny pointed out, a pink flush spreading across her cheeks.

Hermione frowned, "I don't understand...was it something you both wanted?"

"No...yes. I mean, I don't know exactly. I guess I wanted it, just not in that way," she swallowed, lowering her eyes, "When it was over, he decided he hadn't wanted me after all and told me to leave."

Hermione blinked in surprise, a thread of anger building inside of her. "Harry told you to leave?"

Ginny nodded and lifted her chin, breathing in deeply. "He did. He tried to apologize to me last night, but I just couldn't take hearing 'it was a mistake' anymore." Exhaling slowly, Ginny managed to smile slightly at Hermione, "You don't know how relieved I feel...being able to tell someone that."

Hermione reached out and laid a comforting hand over hers. "It doesn't make it right, Ginny. Harry knows how you felt about him in school and I can't help thinking he took advantage of that. It was wrong of him."

"It wasn't entirely his fault, Hermione. If I had wanted him to stop, I'm sure he would have," Ginny said, though deep down, there was that rusty ball of fear and doubt that he may not have.

Pausing, Hermione leaned back and studied her face. "Was he your first?"

Blushing again, Ginny tore her eyes away from Hermione's. "I always wanted it to be him."

"Bloody hell, Ginny!" Hermione exclaimed, ignoring the shock widen in Ginny's eyes. "Your first time was with Harry, as a quick shag, no less. After which he promptly told you to leave. Don't you see what a bastard he was being?"

Ginny flinched lightly at the blunt description. "I know, Hermione..."

"Oh, that prat. I could just murder him, right now," Hermione fumed, standing quickly, "If Ron ever found out--"

Scrambling to her feet, Ginny felt the panic rise inside of her. "You can't tell Ron, Hermione. Remember, whatever is said in this room..."

Hermione glanced up at Ginny as she paced angrily, "I won't tell Ron, Ginny. But this is just...I can't believe Harry would do something like that."

Rigidly, Ginny sat back down on the couch, her hands clasped in her lap. "It's over, Hermione. There's nothing much I can do about it now, but to just try and forget it happened and move on."

Hermione paused, her anger dulling a bit when she saw the pain fill Ginny's face. Sitting down next to her, Hermione smiled sympathetically. "You love him, don't you?"

"I do." Laughing at the absurdity of it, Ginny shook her head, "I really shouldn't. I just can't help it. It just feels completely natural, like something I was born to do. Like something I have to do."

"Trust me, I know how you feel. We don't have much choice in who our hearts decide to love," Hermione said softly, thinking of Ron.

"I'll get over it," she said, unconvincingly, "It's easier to get over someone who's made it clear they don't want you."

Because she knew it was a lie, Hermione's heart ached for her friend as she watched Ginny pour herself more wine. "It's always hard when you get your heart broken for the first time, Ginny."

Forcing a smile, Ginny handed Hermione her glass. "I know. I'll be okay. Let's talk about something else, something not so depressing. Tell me more about these charms you've developed."

Understanding the need to change the subject, Hermione smiled and begun to discuss the several charms she had been developing in her free time at work. Though Ginny tried to listen intently, she found her mind wandering.

She didn't want to say it, but it hadn't been the first time her heart had broken by Harry, and it was still as hard now as it was then. She sipped her wine as her mind rushed back to the memory she had tried to keep locked away. The night Harry had left Hogwarts...and Ginny behind.

June 11, 1998

Ginny pushed the door to the Astronomy Tower open, shaking the Invisibility Cloak off of her shoulders and running a quick hand through her thick hair. It was silly, she thought, to be so worried about her appearance when it came to Harry. He had never cared about how she wore her hair, or how much makeup she used. And he had never made her feel like she should worry either.

Her heart leapt, as it always did when she saw him. He was leaning casually against the door frame leading out onto the balcony, staring out across the lake towards Hogsmeade. Ginny lay the invisibility cloak on a nearby desk and made her way quietly to him, slowly sliding her arms around his waist and resting her cheek on his back.

 

She felt him jerk only slightly, then relax against her. She closed her eyes and breathed in his scent. It was so intoxicating...

 

His hand slid to cover hers, only briefly, before he gently stepped out of her embrace and turned to look at her. Her smile faded when she saw his eyes. They were tired and bloodshot, but through the layers of weariness she saw the distance in them.

 

"What's wrong?" she asked quietly, worry settling across her features. When he didn't answer, she took a step towards him and touched his arm gently. "Harry?"

 

His eyes lowered to the hand she had placed on his arm before lifting his gaze to study her. "I have to leave."

 

Her brows drew together in a puzzled expression. "But, I only just got here..."

 

"No--" he interrupted with an air of impatience as he rubbed his brow wearily, "I have to leave Hogwarts."

 

Ginny stood frozen in the doorway, trying to gather her emotions. He looked utterly miserable. "You're leaving Hogwarts? When?"

 

Without an answer, Harry brushed past her into the Tower and grabbed his robes from the desk he had set them on moments before her arrival. She turned on her heel and braced herself against the door, her heart beginning to quicken inside her chest.

 

"Harry...when? Why?" she asked again when he slid on his robes.

 

He glanced over his shoulder at her briefly before focusing on the clasp of his robes. "First thing in the morning. I don't think I'll be coming back..."

 

She frowned at the odd coldness in his voice and felt the small ball of panic begin to form in her stomach. Why was he acting so detached? It was like he didn't care that he was leaving Hogwarts...or her.

 

"I don't understand," she said softly, the war of emotions beginning to battle inside of her.

 

She jumped quickly when he slammed his palms on the desk in front of him. Her eyes widened with shock at his sudden anger and she cautiously took a step towards him.

 

"Harry..."

 

His head jerked up, his eyes capturing hers. "Ginny, Voldemort's going to be striking soon. At me. And if I stay here, everyone will be in danger."

 

She swallowed, running her hands through her hair nervously. "But...you can't Apparate on Hogwarts grounds...he can't--"

 

"He'll find a way, Ginny," Harry said and straightened, "I'm going into hiding tomorrow. I don't know for how long."

 

"Hiding?" she whispered, the color draining from her face, "The Fidelius Charm?"

 

"We decided today it would be best. It would be safer for everyone. For you," he explained, his voice and eyes softening.

 

She took another step towards him, stopping only when she saw him take a step back as if he wanted the distance between them.

 

Something is wrong here, she thought and dropped her lashes quickly to hide the hurt.

 

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier, Ginny," he said quietly, sliding his hands into his robe pockets, "I really shouldn't even be telling you now. But I couldn't leave without you knowing I would be okay."

 

Her brown eyes lifted, piercing him across the room. She felt the threatening tears and blinked them away quickly. "Your Secret Keeper..."

 

"I can't tell you that," Harry said sharply, "You know I can't."

 

"I know," she whispered, the dull ache beginning to throb in her temple. Breathing in deeply, Ginny crossed the room and lifted her hands gently to the sides of his face. Leaning up, she placed her lips softly against his.

 

She felt his lips respond for a moment before he stiffened and pulled away.

 

She felt the hurt swarm through her, but refused to move away. "What is it Harry? Something has been off ever since I came here. There's something you're not telling me."

 

Leaning his head back, Harry gripped her wrists and pulled them slowly from the sides of his face. "I told you everything I can tell you, Ginny--"

 

"Stop lying to me," she cried desperately. "If something is going on, I have a right to know."

 

"No, you don't," he said simply, watching her eyes flash with hurt then anger. "This has nothing to do with you."

 

She swallowed hard, feeling the hot tears fall from her lids and onto her cheeks. "It has everything to do with me...I love you Harry."

 

A muscle clenched in his jaw before his face was wiped of all __expression. "I didn't ask you to love me, Ginny."

 

She wiped her eyes quickly, horrified that she was actually trembling in front of him. "No, you're right," she replied thickly, "you didn't. But I didn't have much choice in the matter."

 

"I'm sorry," he muttered, his voice suddenly filled with emotion, "I just think it would be better if I left without any loose ends."

 

She blinked through her tears, her hand lifting and resting loosely over her heart. "Loose ends? Is that what I am?" When he didn't answer, a terrifying thought entered her mind. "Harry...are you breaking up with me?"

 

His green eyes bore into her, his mouth set grimly. "Ginny, I love you. But not in the way you love me. I can't."

 

Ginny turned away quickly in despair, harsh sobs racketing her insides. She reached out, bracing herself against the nearest desk as she struggled to compose herself. She was failing miserably.

 

Utterly helpless, she lifted her head and watched as he moved swiftly towards the door, seemingly unmoved by her tears.

 

In desperation, she managed to choke out his name, and watched as Harry hesitated at the door before pulling it open and disappearing down the steps.

 

Her chest heaving, she turned away and managed to find her way to the balcony, breathing the warm air deeply into her lungs. Sliding down against the wall, Ginny rested her head in her palms, staining her robes with tears.

 

A sickening heaviness gathered in her stomach, tearing and gnawing away until she was sure she was going to be physically ill. Feeling as if a part of her soul had been ripped away, she sat there wondering if it were indeed possible to die from a broken heart. At that moment, she knew if it wasn't, it was surely a possibility now, and she would be the first casualty.

 

He couldn't really mean it, could he? A small area of her mind simply didn't believe him. When they were together, he was so open, so honest. Harry had told her he loved her on this balcony a few days earlier, but she hadn't needed the words. She could see it in his eyes whenever he looked at her.

 

And now it was over, so quickly...so simply. And the worst part was, Ginny didn't even know why.

 

She let the tears flow for him, until she was certain she was drained of any emotion. Staring wearily out into the night, she felt the unbearable fatigue begin to sneak up on her.

 

She shifted and laid her head down, resting heavily on her arm as she closed her eyes. She would rest, just for a moment and regain her strength, before she began the long trek back to Gryffindor Tower.

 

But drowsiness and heartache overcame her, and lying on the spot where Harry had first told her he loved her, Ginny fell into a deep and troubled sleep.

 

*****

Harry found himself gripping his side, which ached terribly from the laughter that had overcome them earlier that night. The odd thing was, Harry could no longer even remember what he and Ron were laughing about.

His mind was pleasantly dazed, his eyes blurry and filled with tears from laughter. Ron was worse...his eyes were bloodshot, his skin pale. The wide grin was a sharp contrast to the rest of his face.

"You know, I wasn't going to tell anyone until after...but I can tell you, because you're my best friend," Ron slurred, leaning forward as if the information was top secret.

Chuckling, Harry scratched the back of his neck and waited. "What is it?"

"I'm going to ask Hermione to marry me," Ron said triumphantly and fell back into his chair.

Harry felt the laughter bubble up inside him and wiped the tears from his eyes. His laughter died away slowly when he studied Ron's face, which showed no sign he was joking except for the dreamy __expression on his face. "You're serious?"

"Yup," Ron replied, lifting his glass, "I have a ring and everything..."

Sputtering, Harry pulled himself up straight, clenching his eyes briefly to try and clear his vision, "But...why? I mean, you guys are so young."

Ron was silent for a moment, as if he was considering Harry's question. His eyes lit up when he thought of what he considered a decent answer. "Because we love each other," he said proudly. "That's the only reason we really need, right?"

Shaking his head in a bit of disbelief, Harry slouched back down into the couch. "Wow...."

"Hey!" Ron said, his voice tinged with hurt, "You're supposed to say 'congratulations' and all that happy stuff."

Laughing again, Harry raised his glass in a salute, "Congratulations and all the happy stuff!"

Ron drank the rest of his glass before leaning back and closing his eyes. "I'm glad I told you, Harry. You're my best mate. You'll be my best man at our wedding...when I marry my Hermione."

The grin slipped off of Harry's face as he considered Ron's words. "You're my best mate too, Ron."

He stared at the fire, which had begun to die down since he lit it an hour ago. The need to do the right thing was overwhelming and Harry cursed the Firewhisky silently for his nagging conscience.

"Ron...I'm going to tell you something that will probably piss you off. And if you want to kick my arse afterwards, I'll let you, but I want to tell you now because if I don't, I may lose your friendship and I don't think I could manage without it." Pausing, Harry took a deep breath, "I lied to you earlier...I did sleep with Ginny."

Waiting for the shouting and pummelling to begin, Harry clenched his eyes shut, opening them slightly when silence continued to surround him. A bit of irritation and relief mixed inside of him when he saw Ron had passed out on the chair. The glass he held had fallen from his limp hand and rolled a few inches away on the carpet.

Sighing, Harry grabbed the blanket that was folded over the back of the sofa and weakly threw it across Ron before he lay his head down on the couch cushion. Harry knew he should be waking Ron up at that moment and telling him everything, but he wasn't sure if he would be doing it more for Ron or for himself.

The anger and guilt that had been swirling around him in the last couple days felt like it would soon reach a boiling point where he couldn't take it anymore.

He just wanted Ginny to forget everything that happened...he wished more than anything he could go back and change what had happened, but the harsh reality was, he couldn't. Voldemort had changed everything...and though he may have been defeated, he still managed to claim a small victory by fucking up Harry's life.

Life had been almost perfect his seventh year. He was the Quidditch captain, he was actually passing Potions, and Ginny had loved him. Then June came, that bloody Thursday when Sirius and Dumbledore had informed him he would have to leave Hogwarts and go into hiding for his safety, as well as the safety of the school and his friends.

He had reluctantly done the only thing he could do to protect Ginny. Closing his eyes, Harry blocked out Ron's soft snores and painfully relived the night he broke Ginny's heart.

June 11, 1998

 

Harry stared out into the night, watching numbly as the stars reflected brightly against the black lake below him. The wind was a soft breeze, whispering against his cheek, and despite the June air, he felt a chill shiver down his spine.

 

He closed his eyes, letting the day rush through his mind. He remembered vividly Professor McGonagall pulling him out of Potions and leading him to Dumbledore's office. Sirius and Remus had been waiting for him, with grim expressions.

 

He remembered the fear, like bile rising in his throat, when they told him Voldemort was on the move, already beginning to slaughter several wizarding families that had opposed him years before. It would only be a "matter of time" before word got around the Wizarding world that Voldemort had once more risen to power.

 

Then, like rubbing salt on a wound, Sirius had told him he would have to leave Hogwarts for his own safety, and the safety of others. The threat of Voldemort was too great.

 

He was going to have to leave his home, his friends...and Ginny. All because he had the unfortunate fate of being Harry Potter. The Boy Who Lived. The only last remaining descendant of Godric Gryffindor, and the only one standing in Voldemort's way of reigning over the entire Wizarding World.

 

Then, Dumbledore had calmly and quietly explained the Fidelius Charm and if Harry agreed to it, Remus would be performing it first thing in the morning, before the rest of Hogwarts woke to a new day.

 

Harry had agreed bitterly, what choice did he have? The only say he had in the matter was who is Secret Keeper would be. Without hesitation, Harry had chosen Sirius, who he knew could take care of things if trouble presented itself. And he hadn't wanted Ron, Hermione or Ginny in any extra danger.

 

So caught up in his thoughts Harry didn't hear the door open, or the soft steps behind him. His eyes shot open when he felt the slim arms slide around his waist and the soft cheek nuzzle his back. Relaxing when the familiar scent of wild flowers engulfed him, Harry uncrossed his arms and slid them over her clasped hands, revelling in the comfort she gave to him simply by being near.

 

Then, breathing deeply with determination, Harry stepped forward, easing his way out of her grasp before he turned to look at her. Instantly he saw her eyes fill with concern as she reached out to him.

 

"What's wrong? Harry?"

 

His eyes drifted to her touch, which seared through his skin to the bone. She didn't even realize the things her touch could do to him. Harry himself couldn't even explain the feelings she could invoke inside of him.

 

Swallowing, he lifted his eyes to hers. "I have to leave."

 

He watched a sense of confusion cross her face when she withdrew her hand. "But I only just got here..."

 

Harry rubbed his brow firmly, trying hard to work out the knot that began to form behind his temple. "No, I have to leave Hogwarts."

 

Saying the words aloud and watching Ginny's face pale in the moonlight made the truth of reality that much harsher.

 

"You're leaving Hogwarts? When?"

 

He began to answer but found the words stuck in his throat. Harry pushed past her quickly and crossed the room to his robes. He needed to focus on something...anything that wasn't Ginny.

 

"Harry...when? Why?"

 

He heard the cold panic in her voice and focused his shaking fingers on clasping his robes together. Harry glanced over his shoulder, watching the moonlight shine against her hair. "First thing in the morning. I don't think I'll be coming back..."

 

He noticed the hurt swirling in her eyes before he turned away quickly. He wanted to go to her and hold her, and tell her everything would be okay...more so, he wanted her to tell him everything would be okay. Knowing he only had a few hours left at Hogwarts, he wanted nothing more than to spend them with her. But he knew it would be a mistake...he knew staying with her would eventually hurt her, or kill her. And that wasn't a risk he was about to take.

 

"I don't understand," Ginny whispered quietly, her voice beginning to chip through the sheet of ice he had so easily placed before him.

 

Suddenly he felt the rage and anguish of his life soar inside of him as he slammed his hands down on the desk in front of him. Pain seared through his bones but he didn't care. Damn her if she was going to make this harder for him.

 

"Harry..."

 

The pleading in her voice only fuelled his anger. He snapped his head up and stared at her. "Ginny, Voldemort's going to be striking soon. At me. And if I stay here, everyone will be in danger."

 

"But...you can't Apparate on Hogwarts grounds...he can't--"

 

"He'll find a way, Ginny," Harry told her and pulled himself upright. He wanted to tell her he was sorry. That he wasn't angry with her, he was angry with Voldemort, and himself. With the whole damn situation. And it killed him that he couldn't. "I'm going into hiding tomorrow. I don't know for how long."

 

He watched with regret when her hands fell limply to her sides. "Hiding? The Fidelius Charm?"

 

She looked so damn frail, as if she might break like glass if he touched her. He knew he was going to hurt her, he had accepted that. But he wanted to make it as easy as possible for her to forget him. "We decided today it would be best. It would be safer for everyone. For you."

 

He grimaced when she took a step towards him and he felt his feet instinctively move back.

 

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier, Ginny," he said quietly, when she frowned. "I really shouldn't even be telling you now. But I couldn't leave without you knowing I would be okay."

 

When she lifted her thick lashes, he was horrified to see them shimmering with tears. "Your Secret Keeper..."

 

Guilt ate away inside of him. "I can't tell you that," he replied with a slight edge in his voice, "You know I can't."

 

"I know," Ginny whispered and began to move towards him. He felt his throat closing in as the panic swept through him. He tried to tell her not to touch him, but found himself at a loss for words when she lifted her hands up and pulled his mouth to hers.

 

Her lips were soft and sweet. She tasted like butterscotch. The response her kiss elicited in him was powerful and he felt himself give under the pressure of her lips.

 

Then he remembered what Sirius had told him earlier. "Ron and Hermione mustn't know you've gone. Whoever you tell will put their lives in danger, Harry. Promise me you'll keep them out of this."

 

He already broke that promise by telling Ginny he was leaving...but he would make sure she was protected. He only had to make her see she was better off without him. He tore his lips from hers, tilting his head away from her, his eyes refusing to meet hers.

 

"What is it Harry? Something has been off ever since I came here. There's something you're not telling me," she said, a hint of irritation and impatience bubbling to the surface.

 

When she didn't drop her hands, Harry took her wrists in his fists and pushed her away from him gently.

 

"I told you everything I can tell you, Ginny--"

 

"Stop lying to me," she cried, her voice cracking with emotion, "If something is going on, I have a right to know."

 

Taking a deep breath, Harry's gaze met hers squarely. "No, you don't," he said firmly, and felt his heart begin to die inside. "This has nothing to do with you."

 

His body chilled when he saw the first tears begin to fall from her brown eyes as she shook her head. "It has everything to do with me...I love you Harry."

 

His mouth tightened as he bit back the words he had wanted to say back to her. He knew Ginny wasn't going to let him leave like he needed to leave. He wanted to shake her and tell her she was better off without him.

 

That she needed to stay away from him if she wanted to survive. But he knew she would only embrace him in her arms and hold him, refusing to leave his side. He knew if she did that, he would break and risk everything to be with her.

 

Determined, Harry fought to wipe the emotion from his face. "I didn't ask you to love me, Ginny."

 

Christ, she was shaking horribly, wiping at her eyes with extreme impatience, as if she were embarrassed to be crying in front of him. "No, you're right," she replied, her voice filled with grief, "you didn't. But I didn't have much choice in the matter."

 

"I'm sorry," Harry said, his voice cracking with emotion as he struggled with the next words. "I just think it would be better if I left without any loose ends."

 

He watched as her hand fell from her wet cheek to her heart. He could see the horrified revelation in her eyes as she tried to comprehend his words. "Loose ends? Is that what I am?"

 

He lowered his eyes and didn't answer.

 

"Harry...are you breaking up with me?"

 

He clenched his fists so tightly inside his robe pockets until he knew he drew blood. He lifted his eyes and kept them steady with hers, fighting against the voice inside of him that begged him to stop. "Ginny, I love you, but not in the way you love me. I can't."

 

He was a bloody bastard.

 

Harry watched in dismay as she turned from him, her breath heaving from the tears she was so desperately trying to keep inside. A flash of misery swept through him as she braced herself against a desk. He took a step forward, blinking away the wetness that began to form in the corners of his eyes.

 

Leave now, he told himself, because if she looks at you one more time, you're going to crumble.

 

Quickly he turned on his heel and made his way to the door, pausing suddenly when he heard her choke out his name in despair. Closing his eyes tightly against the tears, Harry fought his way past the physical pain and forced himself to pull open the door and walk through it briskly, without looking back.

 

He could hear her sobs echoing in the hallway and he quickened his pace...faster and faster until he was running. He ran until he could hear nothing but the low murmuring of several paintings surrounding him.

 

He mumbled the password for the Fat Lady and slipped through the opening to the Common Room. Trying to breathe steadily, he dragged himself up the stairs to the boy's dormitory.

 

Harry slipped off his clothes and winced at his hands where the nails had indeed bit into his flesh. They left small bloodied crescent shapes in his palms, stinging with pain.

 

The room was silent but for the occasional nasal snores of his friends when Harry slipped into his bed. The threatening tears had gone, leaving nothing but a hollow emptiness inside him as Ginny's cries tore through him like scissors. He continually told himself it was for the best and that she would eventually forgive him and everything would be better after all this was over.

 

If he survived.

 

But Harry lay awake, his eyes staring blankly across the room. The pounding of his heart soon grew loud, filling his ears and blocking out all other sounds. Awhile later, only a few hours before Remus would come and wake him, Harry fell asleep, finally resigned to the fact that the sorrow inside of him was permanent, engulfing the place in his heart where Ginny used to be.


	5. The Leaky Cauldron

When Seamus told her starting on a Monday wouldn't overwhelm her, Ginny silently wondered what Seamus' definition of "overwhelmed" was. The tavern was almost full; the chatter and laughter filled her ears so loudly that she had to lean in closely to properly hear each order. She caught on quickly, fortunately, and Seamus received nothing but praise on his "new help".

Placing two Butterbeers in front of two older witches who continued to yap away, Ginny made her way back behind the bar and rubbed the nape of her neck. She admired Seamus greatly for being able to run this place all by himself for the past year. She would have gone mad by the second day if she were alone.

She greeted each patron with a smile and flirted harmlessly with the wizards, quickly learning that if she kept herself busy and on the move, she wouldn't have time to think about the aching in her feet. Sometime in the afternoon she had pulled off her robes and tied her hair loosely on top of her head, trying to beat the humidity of August. During a slow stretch between breakfast and lunch, she propped open the door, allowing some of the breeze to waft inside.

Throughout the course of the day Ginny could have sworn she held the record in all of Britain for the amount of alcohol poured in six hours. But despite the weariness in her bones, she never faltered and kept up with each demand and table. Thankfully, Seamus had taken over the cooking when Ginny had informed him there would probably be a riot if she had attempted to present someone with what she called her cooking.

She recognized a few faces from her years at Hogwarts but didn't bother to greet them personally, knowing full well they wouldn't remember who she was. And if they did, they would only know her as "a Weasley".

Instead, she smiled cheerfully and went on with her day, pleasantly realizing she had stopped counting down the hours until she could go home and soak her feet.

The night started to kick in and the lights around Diagon Alley began to flicker on, illuminating the stone streets, which had begun to fill with night crawlers. The diversity of crowds in Diagon Alley was amazing. And The Leaky Cauldron was no different. As soon as the families and older punters filtered out, younger adults and their friends occupied their tables.

She served Parvati and Lavender, who sat at the end of the bar, giggling and gossiping mercilessly. She tuned them out easily and used her wand to send the empty plates and mugs back to Seamus. Grabbing a dish cloth Ginny began to move around the counter to wipe off tables when Ron and Harry entered. She froze briefly, her mouth suddenly dry as cotton. Clearing her throat when they began to approach her, Ginny stepped back, tripping a bit as she made her way back around the counter.

Ron leaned against the bar, his eyes sparkling. "How's the first day?"

"It's been alright," her eyes glanced at Harry who waited a few feet behind Ron, his hands shoved casually in his trouser pockets as he gave the tavern a once over. "Did you want something?"

Laughing, Ron looked behind his shoulder, "Harry! What do you want to drink?"

"Water," he muttered, sighing when Ron gave him a curious look. "Fine, just get me some mead or something." If he hadn't learnt anything from drinking Firewhiskey the night before, the hangover he had acquired that morning was teaching him a brutal lesson.

Turning back to his sister, Ron reached out and tousled her hair. "Two glasses of mead miss."

Annoyed, Ginny batted his hand away and consciously smoothed her hair back. "Go sit somewhere will you? I've got people I'm waiting on; you'll get your drinks in a moment."

Smirking, Ron turned to join Harry at a table, pausing to grin flirtatiously at Parvati and Lavender who smiled back, their eyes wandering over him appreciatively.

Rolling her eyes, Ginny turned and grabbed two glasses from underneath the bar. She felt terribly flushed and uncomfortably warm the moment Harry stepped into the tavern and began to study her silently with those eyes.

Ginny could feel him looking at her, and slowly she lifted her eyes from the bottle she was pouring, meeting his gaze squarely. An unwelcome flood of excitement shot down her body, tingling to the ends of her fingers and toes. Flustered, she quickly looked away and set the bottle on the counter, wiping the drops of liquor she had spilled.

"Ginny..." Parvati called down the counter, motioning for her.

Wiping her sweaty palms on her apron, Ginny took a deep breath and hurried down to the two girls.

"Did you need something?"

Parvati shook her head, waving her wrist with a short gesture of dismissal. "We're okay for now. Say, is Ron still trampling around with Hermione?"

"Trampling?" Ginny asked, her brows drawing together in confusion. "If you mean, are they still in love with one another, yes. They were just in here a couple days ago, didn't you see them?"

Parvati glanced at Ron from over her shoulder before turning back to Ginny. "Oh...I must have missed them. But my, my, he and Harry have grown up quite nicely."

"Watch it, Parvati, you don't want Hermione hexing you," Seamus joked before he leant across the counter to whisper something in Lavender's ear that made her blush like a schoolgirl.

Ginny shook her head and walked away, grabbing the food trays Seamus had brought up to her. Her chin lifted slightly as she passed Ron and Harry to deliver the food to the table behind them.

***  
Harry watched with interest as she stalked back past them to the bar. Though she appeared to be ignoring him with icy determination, he couldn't help but notice the way her eyes darted between the drinks she was pouring and their table.

He was amazed at how Ginny could take an apron and make it look so damn sexy. It was tied tightly around her waist, the smudged white contrasting sharply with the black trousers she wore. Her auburn hair was piled messily on top of her head, as if she had pinned it up without bothering to use a brush or mirror. A few loose tendrils framed her flushed face and Harry couldn't help but notice the white cotton t-shirt that fit snugly against her curves, draining every drop of blood from his body straight into his crotch.

"Harry?"

"Hmmm?" he asked, blinking quickly as he snapped his attention back to Ron.

"I asked if you noticed Parvati Patil drooling over here at you," Ron repeated, giving him a curious stare. "You alright?"

"I'm fi--" he began, feeling his voice crack and he quickly coughed to clear his throat. "I'm fine. Just a little thirsty."

"Yeah, I think Ginny's ignoring us to irritate me." Turning, Ron stood up, searching for Ginny behind the bar. "Ginny!"

She turned and glared at him fiercely, causing Ron to turn a bit red and slouch back into his seat. "She'll be along any minute."

"Right," Harry replied. He had thought only Hermione could silence Ron's nagging with a look. Shooting Ginny a quick glance, he suppressed a grin. Looked like he was wrong.

A ruckus at the front door drew his attention away from Ginny briefly, as he and Ron glanced at the small group of men who entered the tavern, wearing dark blue Quidditch robes and chattering loudly as they piled around the largest table available.

Ron squinted before turning back to Harry in surprise. "Hey, isn't that Oliver Wood?"

Harry studied the group a bit closer and instantly recognized his Quidditch Captain from Hogwarts. "Sure looks like him..."

"He plays for Puddlemere United now," Ron said excitedly, "I haven't seen him since the Triwizard Tournament."

Harry shrugged with declining interest, his eyes beginning to search for Ginny once more.

"Potter?"

Harry forced a small smile when Oliver made his way through the crowd to Ron and Harry's table. "Harry Potter."

"Oliver," Harry greeted and stood to shake Oliver's hand.

Glancing down at Ron Oliver smiled again, "And Ron Weasley. The man who followed me as Keeper. I hear you won the Quidditch Cup in your sixth year."

A bit smug, Ron nodded, "We beat Slytherin 240 to 90."

"Brillant!" Oliver told him proudly before slapping Harry on the back. "Harry, I consider it fate that you and I would occupy the same pub tonight."

"Why is that?" Harry asked warily, dropping back down in his seat when Oliver grabbed a nearby chair and slid it up to the table. He flipped it around quickly and straddled it, his arms crossed against the table.

"When's the last time you played Quidditch, Harry?" Oliver asked, his tone suddenly all business.

"Er, a year or so. I stopped after I left Hogwarts..."

"You haven't been on a broom since?" Oliver asked in disbelief, his eyes widening.

Suddenly feeling extremely uneasy under Oliver's surprised stare, Harry shifted. "Well, I've played a game or two with the Weasleys...nothing serious."

Oliver paused as if he were considering this before he shook his head. "Okay, not a problem. We'll get you re-trained and as good as you were in Hogwarts in no time."

"Whoa," Harry interrupted, holding up a hand to stop Oliver's rambling, "What are you talking about?"

Oliver glanced over his shoulder at his teammates before leaning in closely to Harry and Ron. "See that chap over there? With orange hair?"

"Looks red to me," Ron pointed out, his eyes darting back to Oliver.

"No no, your hair is red, Ron. His is orange," Oliver replied matter-of-factly, "He's our seeker, and to be quite honest, he's a bit of crap. Belongs on the Chudley Cannons if you ask me."

"Hey!" Ron protested sulkily.

"Oh, right," Oliver said, shooting an amused look at Ron, "You're the Cannons fan, I forgot. Well...anyway, I've been looking for a new Seeker ever since I became Captain and I would be lying if I said your name didn't pop into my head once or twice, Harry."

Though the prospect of playing Quidditch professionally excited him a little, Harry shook his head. "I'm not really interested in--"

"Are you mad?" Ron asked in surprise, as if Harry had just turned down the chance of a lifetime. "Harry, you would be playing Quidditch....on a real Quidditch team!"

"I know, Ron, it's just...I don't really think I'm good enough for that--"

"Sod that," Oliver said, grabbing Harry by the shoulder and shaking gently, "You were the best Seeker Hogwarts had seen in a century, Harry! Just give it some time and..." he trailed off when Ginny approached, deftly placing two glasses in front of Ron and Harry. Ignoring the two, she turned to Oliver with a smile.

"Can I get you something?"

"Ah..." Oliver stared for a minute, fumbling over his words before he shook his head. "No miss."

Raising her eyebrow curiously, she nodded. "Alright then..."

Harry watched her walk away and quickly took a sip of his drink, relieved as the cold liquor washed the dryness away.

"Well, Seamus certainly knew what he was doing when he hired her," Oliver said, twisting around in his chair to look at her again, "Who is she?"

Harry felt his back go up when he recognized the look in Oliver's eyes. Possessiveness struck out inside him but the sharp retort he had prepared was interrupted by Ron

"That's my sister, Oliver."

"That's Ginny Weasley?" He turned to Harry, his lips twitching, "Didn't she send you a singing Valentine?"

Harry blushed at the memory, remembering how embarrassed he had been when he received it. Embarrassed that he could look back on it now and find it something incredibly close to sweet.

"Actually I think it was her brothers...anything to embarrass the little sister, right?"

Oliver twisted in his chair to look at her again, not noticing the angry flush creeping up Harry's neck, "She looks amazing...I think I may go get a drink after all."

Oliver rose fluidly from his chair and nodded to both of them. "Nice seeing you again Ron. Think about it, won't you Harry?"

"Did you see how he was looking at Ginny?" Harry blurted out angrily, when Oliver was finally out of earshot.

"Can you believe Oliver wants you to be Seeker for Puddlemere? This is incredible Harry!" Ron replied, as if he hadn't heard him.

Sighing, Harry shrugged. "I don't know...we'll see. I'm just not that interested."

"Well you need to get interested," Ron replied, "You would be daft not to at least try it out."

As Ron began to ramble on about the benefits of Quidditch...money, fame, girls....girls! Harry shifted in his seat casually so he could quietly keep on eye on Oliver.

***  
Ginny moved her way down the bar, refilling drinks to the patrons at the counter. She didn't know why but she was very unsettled by the fact that Harry was only a few feet away from her, sipping his drink casually. She wanted to ignore him. She wanted to be fine with the fact that he was close to her. But he was a complete distraction.

She poured two more drinks, smiling politely as she set them in front of two older looking witches. They both thanked her in unison and sipped their Butterbeer. Ginny could have sworn she had seen them Friday when she had been there with Ron and Hermione. In the same two seats as they were now. Wearing the same robes. Regulars, she guessed.

"You must be new here," the witch with the slight pug nose said. "We've never seen you bustling around here before."

"Oh, yes, I am new. I'm just helping out Seamus..."

"He's a dear isn't he?" the other witch sighed, her eyes twinkling as she studied Ginny. A sweet girl. One with a pretty enough face that she wouldn't need many Beauty Charms. Just perfect for a young man like Seamus.

"Yes, he's wonderful," Ginny replied with a grin as she began putting the clean mugs away.

"And he works so hard. I don't see how a handsome young man like that isn't married by now."

Suddenly realizing the intent, Ginny coughed, turning a shade pink. "Actually, that woman with the blonde hair at the end of the bar has been Seamus'..." Oh Merlin, what was the appropriate word? Girlfriend? Shagging buddy? "Well, they've been a couple for about four years or so..."

The witches glanced eagerly down the counter to where Lavender and Parvati were giggling again and looked at each other in distaste. "A bit too much rouge on her cheeks, that one."

Chuckling, Ginny went back to the task at hand.

"What's a pretty girl like you working in a tavern like this on such a beautiful night anyway?" the pug nosed witch asked nosily.

"That's what I would like to know."

Ginny’s head snapped up at the Scottish brogue and she stood quickly, wiping her hands on her apron. "I'm sorry...did you want a drink then?"

His smile was quick. It was a smile, Ginny mused, set to charm. "I think I might take a Butterbeer after all."

"So you're tongue is working properly then," she said with a hint of a smile.

"Well you know what they say...men always fumble over their words when a pretty woman is around."

She felt her cheeks blush slightly and caught the knowing grins between the two older witches. "Flatter all you want, Oliver Wood, you'll still be paying for that drink," she joked, wondering why her palms suddenly felt incredibly sweaty.

He laughed at that, his eyes crinkling with amusement. "You're certainly not the twelve year old girl I remember from Hogwarts."

She studied him carefully, slipping a loose piece of hair behind her ear. "And how do you remember me?"

"Clumsy, quiet. I was just reminiscing over the singing Valentine with Harry."

Her smile slipped a bit, her cheeks flushing from the embarrassing memory. Flushing even more that he had been discussing it with Harry. "Fred and George actually sent it."

"That's what Harry claims as well," Oliver replied, nodding to Harry and Ron. "He seemed a bit embarrassed by it, as you do now. I actually thought it was incredibly sweet."

She laughed then, shaking her head. "It was horrible. I think I cried for two hours straight."

"And now you're....eighteen? And working at The Leaky Cauldron."

She found herself relaxing at the easy conversation. It was certainly better than arguing, yelling and angry words. "Is that so hard to believe?"

"That you're eighteen? Of course not," he grinned. "It was bound to happen. As for working here, I suppose it is a bit. I see you more as the Three Broomsticks type. Something a little more soft and cozy than this place."

Ginny shrugged, slipping that annoying piece of hair behind her ear again. "Well, you haven't seen me in seven years, and you've only been talking to me for about six minutes. How is it you know my 'type'?"

"Intuition," he said simply, pausing to take a sip of his drink, "And actually it's been five years. I saw you a couple times during the Triwizard Tournament."

"Oh..." she trailed off, finding it odd that someone like Oliver Wood would even notice her. "I heard from Ron you play for Puddlemere United now?"

His eyes lit up quickly. "I played for the Reserve team for a year, and then made Keeper in 1996. They appointed me Captain in 1998...youngest one in the history of the team."

"With two championships under your robes," she added, watching his eyes flicker proudly.

"You follow Quidditch?"

She laughed, nodding towards Ron. "I have six brothers. All of which are obsessed with Quidditch. I would be daft not to know or enjoy the sport."

"A woman after my own heart..." Oliver said with a hint of admiration. "You should come out a see a game sometime."

She considered for a moment, her heart suddenly feeling extremely heavy. Her eyes drifted to Harry, who was talking quietly with Ron. "Maybe..."

"If I can convince Harry to join the team, I'll have that third championship in no time."

Her eyes snapped back to Oliver, startled by the news. "Harry is going to play for you?"

Oliver smirked and nodded. "He says he's not interested but I think its rubbish. I remember playing with him at Hogwarts. The kid loves to be on a broom."

She nodded quietly, her mind racing. Quidditch would be the perfect opportunity to get Harry out more. Maybe doing something he loved would get his mind off of whatever was troubling him.

Instinctively she lifted her hand to brush the ever straying hair out of her face but paused when Oliver reached out to do it for her. His fingers brushed her earlobe and their eyes locked for a moment. She suddenly felt extremely guilty about the soft heat that coursed through her and she could swear she felt Harry's eyes on her.

Clearing her throat a bit, she stepped back, managing a small smile.

"Is your tongue working properly?" Oliver asked, his eyes sparkling flirtatiously.

***  
Harry watched as Oliver leaned against the counter casually, saying something that had Ginny throwing her head back and laughing. His blood began to boil the minute Oliver reached out and touched her. He had just touched her. Harry had seen the flirtatious spark between them at that moment and suddenly Ron's voice faded away behind the thunder in his ears. Jealousy was like a spitfire in his stomach, raging and burning until he felt like he may burst from the heat.

Lord, was she flirting with him? She was. She was actually flirting with him! Incensed, Harry stood, unable to watch anymore. Ignoring Ron's questions, he began to make his way to the counter, eager to let Oliver and Ginny know exactly what he thought about their little display.

Through the haze of his anger, he hadn't seen Parvati approach him. She reached out and grabbed Harry by the arm before he could pass, a bit miffed that he hadn't acknowledged her all evening. "Hey, stranger. Where are you off to all in a huff?"

He tore his eyes away from Oliver and Ginny and looked down at Parvati distractedly. He suddenly felt silly that he was more than willing to pound Oliver into a bloody pulp for just talking with Ginny. "I was...just getting a drink."

Parvati's smile was quick, and she decided to forgive Harry for ignoring her. He was extremely cute after all, and lust pitted directly in her stomach when her fingers trailed over the muscles in his arms. "You know I haven't really spoken to you since Hogwarts."

Shrugging, Harry eyed her hand carefully which had yet to drop away from his body. "I've been a bit busy."

Parvati tossed her long black hair over her shoulder. "I'm sure. Famous Harry Potter and all that." She giggled, not bothering to notice the way he his back went up. "Maybe we could get together sometime...catch up and all that."

His eyes darted to Oliver and Ginny briefly. "Yeah...maybe."

With a bit of relief, he saw Ron approach them, standing beside Harry and grinning down at Parvati. "Hey, Parvati."

Her hand dropped away from Harry's arm as she focused her flirtatious smile on Ron. "Ron Weasley. Have you grown since I last saw you?"

Knowing exactly how to play the game, Ron grinned. "You mean since last week?"

Parvati giggled again, causing Harry to roll his eyes quickly. He tuned the two out and was relieved to find Oliver back at his own table. Ginny was talking with Seamus, while she wiped the counter down. He found himself wanting to talk with her...he wasn't sure what about, but he wanted to be near her. He wanted her to laugh and flirt with him.

Feeling a bit foolish, he tucked his hands in his trousers and debated. He didn't have much time because Parvati placed her hand gently on the front of his shirt. "I'll see you soon I hope, Harry," she said, biting her bottom lip in what Harry could only assume she thought was a sexy gesture before she returned to Lavender.

Ron laughed and hit Harry on the arm. "You should definately try that one on."

Taken back, Harry followed Ron back to their table. "What are you talking about?"

"Parvati. The signs were so obvious."

He slumped in his chair, shaking his head. "You're mad."

Ron drank the rest of alcohol in his glass and laughed. "You really are thick, Harry. She was flirting with you, touching you...her eyes pretty much said 'take me!'"

Harry felt his stomach flip painfully. "Flirting doesn't always lead to shagging, Ron." He hoped. "Besides, if that were the case, then you would have a lot of explaining to do to Hermione."

Ron shrugged. "From my end, it's harmless. The Gods themselves couldn't make me cheat on Hermione." He paused for a moment. "I did tell you I wanted to marry her last night didn't I?"

Harry nodded. "You have the ring and everything. I don't remember much, but I remember that part."

Ron shifted uncomfortably. "Don't tell her alright?"

Laughing Harry straightened in his seat. "You really think I would tell her you wanted to marry her?"

Embarrassed, Ron frowned. "I know you won't...I just...I didn't plan on telling you yet, I mean, I was going to! But I would have rather told you when we weren't sloshed."

"I take no offense, Ron. Really, I'm just glad you told me."

"Do you two need anything else before I begin to close down?" Ginny asked, startling them both to attention.

"Where the hell did you come from?" Ron snapped, his cheeks turning red. "And what did you hear?"

Crossing her arms against her chest, she studied Ron curiously. "Well, I came from over there," she replied nodding towards the bar, "If you want, I can do it over, so you know exactly how walking works. And I didn't hear anything...why? Are you discussing top secret information?"

Ron glowered at her sarcasm and rolled his eyes. "Look, is Seamus around?"

Ginny shrugged and looked over her shoulder towards the bar. "All you have to do is look for Lavender," she explained, nodding towards where the two sat talking with Parvati. "The night's slowing down so he pops out a bit more often."

"I'm going to go say hello," he told Harry, grabbing his drink from the table. "I'll be back."

Harry opened his mouth to protest, panicking at the thought of being alone with Ginny. He only managed to stutter a few garbled words before Ron was gone.

Sighing quietly he lowered his eyes to study his drink, his hands clasped around the glass tightly.

Ginny bit her lip and thought about sitting down. Quickly deciding against it, she cleared her throat and smiled softly, eager to ease whatever tension was still between them. "Do you want anything else?"

His leaned back in his chair and studied her coolly. Her heart began to race when his eyes drifted down to her lips.

"I haven't decided yet..." he smirked when his eyes lifted to hers. "But you may want to check on Oliver. He may need something to cool himself off."

He watched with some satisfaction when her eyes clouded with confusion.

"What do you mean?"

His scathing retort faded away when Ron walked up behind Ginny and motioned to Harry. "Are you ready to get out of here?"

Relief flooded through him as he pushed his glass away and stood. He’d had about enough of social hour. He wanted some peace and quiet. "Definitely."

"Excellent." Ron leaned over and placed a small kiss on Ginny's temple. "Tell Mum and Dad I'll be home for supper tomorrow, okay?"

She nodded silently and watched her brother head towards the door. She stiffened slightly when Harry passed her, her breath catching when he paused in front of her, his body a little too close for comfort. She only had to lean forward just a little for brush against him.

"Have a pleasant evening," he drawled before nodding over to Oliver, "Make sure he leaves you a decent tip for your services."

She flinched slightly and felt her cheeks heating but she remained silent, frowning at his retreating back. She watched until he disappeared out into Diagon Alley with Ron, the night engulfing them.

"Ginny, can you bring those glasses to me?" Seamus called, snapping her out of her thoughts. Letting out a slow breath, her arms fell to her sides as she shook her head and grabbed the glasses, once again unsure of what she had done to anger him so much.

Had he been upset that she was talking with Oliver? Maybe he was jealous, she thought, a bit pleased by the idea. Although he wasn't really in any position to judge her, considering Parvati Patil had all but flung herself at him. Frowning, Ginny glanced at Parvati as she passed and suddenly realized how she must look. Her hair was a mess, her shirt and face smudged with grease. Harry would be thick not to want someone like Parvati Patil.

Sighing, Ginny sent the empty glasses back to Seamus and wished the evening would be over already so she could go home and begin the long night of restless tossing and turning that Harry always seem to bring upon her.

***  
Harry and Ron walked side by side through the streets towards Sirius's house. Ron had begun to ramble on about Quidditch and the "fantastic" opportunity Oliver was offering him.

"I mean, honestly Harry, you should at least go down to the field and check it out."

With his mind already overflowing with disturbing images of Oliver and Ginny, Harry leaned his head back and sighed loudly. "Let it go, Ron. I'm not interested."

Ron's patience began to unravel as he paused in the street, waiting until Harry stopped to look back at him. "You're not interested in anything are you?"

He felt his defenses go up at the sharp tone in Ron's voice. "Actually I'm interested in quite a few things. Quidditch isn't one of them. Why don't you see that?"

"Because you're talking out of your arse, Harry. You played Quidditch for seven years. Through everything going on around you, Quidditch was the one thing that allowed you to escape. And now you're turning away from that?"

"Yes."

"Bollocks."

Temper flashed in Harry's eyes as he took a step towards Ron. "Why is it that everyone around me seems to know what I want?"

"Harry, do you know what you want?" Ron asked quietly.

"Of course I do. I want to get thrashed at every opportunity. I want to fuck as many witches as I can. That's the dream isn't it? That's what we considered to be the perfect life, wasn't it?"

"It was…when we were sixteen," Ron replied, watching Harry closely, "We're not sixteen anymore. It seems to me you want those things so you have something to lose yourself in, so you don't have to face reality."

Harry's jaw clenched angrily. "I have no choice whether or not I face 'reality'. It is what it is. I live in it every minute, from when I wake up to when I fall asleep, and sometimes, I even dream about it. It's dark and violent and hard. And fuck you if I can't find something in my life to make that easier."

"I didn't say you couldn't, Harry, but maybe you're going about it the wrong way."

He laughed then, a low and bitter. "You sound like Hermione. It's a bit odd that you can stand there and lecture me on my lifestyle when you're more than happy to supply the alcohol or encourage me to pursue the women."

"Maybe that's because it's the only way to get you to talk to me," Ron snapped, anger and hurt building inside of him.

"Well maybe I don't want to bloody talk to you, Ron. You think you know what's best for me. You think you know what I want. You're just like the rest of them. Instead of asking me, you all just assume."

"Then bloody hell, Harry! What do you want?"

Harry fell silent for a moment, ignoring the curious stares of people passing by them. He felt the anger rush out of him in one swift movement, leaving him drained and tired. His eyes locked to Ron's and he slid his shaking hands into his pockets.

"I want to be left alone," he said quietly before turning on his heel and walking away.

Though he considered going after him, Ron let his friend walk away. There wasn't anything he could do for Harry at that moment and if he needed to be left alone, he would leave him alone.

But the hurt swam through him regardless and swallowing painfully, Ron watched Harry until he disappeared, the darkness finally engulfing him.


	6. Quidditch and Chicken

The next evening Ginny stood outside Sirius's door and fought an inner struggle with herself about whether to knock or not. The rolled up parchment she clutched in her right hand was directions to the Puddlemere's Quidditch field. Oliver had stopped in while she was working that morning and asked her to deliver it for him. She suspected that wasn't the only reason he had come by, and was proven right when he asked her to dinner that evening.

 

She remembered feeling a bit surprised at the tinge of regret when she turned him down. She had told him it was because her family tried to eat together at least twice a week, which had been partly true. Honestly, she had felt like she might be betraying Harry if she were to say yes. Especially after what Harry had said to her the night before. He had been angry with her...maybe even a little jealous. She desperately wanted to know what that meant.

 

Taking a deep breath, Ginny lifted her hand to the door and knocked. She stood quietly for several moments, hearing no sign of movement on the other side. A little disappointed, she prepared to leave when the door suddenly swung open.

 

"Ginny," Harry said with a bit of surprise in his voice.

 

"Harry...I'm sorry, did I bother you?"

 

He shook his head. "I was actually doing some of my laundry," he paused, opening the door a bit wider. "You can come in...if you want."

 

She followed him inside and shut the door quietly behind her. Her eyes fell upon the book placed on the table next to the couch. She stifled a grin when she recognized it as Quidditch Through The Ages. He turned around to look at her, his hands stuffed in his trouser pockets.

 

"So..."

 

Ginny shifted, the silence stretching between them before she glanced down at the parchment in her fist and lifted her eyes quickly. "Oh! I need to give you this."

 

He eyed the parchment suspiciously. "You wrote me a note?"

 

She was a bit tongue tied for a moment, feeling like she was eleven again with a schoolgirl crush when he looked at her like that.

 

"Me? No...this is from Oliver," she said, thrusting it towards him.

 

He frowned slightly, taking the paper from her hand, careful not to come in contact with her skin. "Oliver?"

 

"It's...directions to the Puddlemere Quidditch field," she said with a smile. "He doesn't give up does he?"

 

"Apparently." He took the note and placed it on top of the book. "Thanks Ginny."

 

"So...have you decided what you want to do about it yet?"

 

"About what?" he asked, moving around the chair to sit on the couch. She took a step into the lounge before she cautiously sat next to him.

 

"About Quidditch...playing for Oliver."

 

He looked at her and gave her a small shrug of his shoulder. "I don't know...I mean, a big part of me would love to do it."

 

"But...?"

 

"But I just don't know if Quidditch is what I want to do with my life. It's good for people like Oliver, who breathe and live the sport. But right now, it seems like it such a waste of time."

 

She nodded in silent understanding, twisting her robes around her fingers nervously.

 

"Why didn't Oliver just owl me?" he asked suddenly, his fingers clenching when he saw her blush slightly.

 

"He wasn't sure where you were staying so I offered to give it to you."

 

I bet you did, he thought before wondering just what Oliver Wood's intentions were towards Ginny.

 

Pushing the unwelcome thoughts away, Harry cleared his throat.

 

"Have you talked to Ron since last night?" Harry asked casually, lifting his eyes to hers.

 

She shrugged. "He stayed with Hermione last night...I was on my way home when I stopped by here. He's supposed to be at dinner tonight."

 

"Okay..." he trailed off, unsure of what to say next.

 

"You're welcome to come by for dinner, if you like," Ginny hurried on, clasping her hands together in her lap, "I know you haven't been by to visit Mum or Dad lately and..."

 

"I can't," he interrupted, "Sirius is bringing food home. He's leaving the Ministry early tonight."

 

"Oh." She ignored the new flash of disappointment inside of her. "I haven't seen Sirius lately, how is he?"

 

"Busy," Harry replied, shrugging. "The Ministry is putting together some new Auror Program he developed."

 

"Why do they need a new program?" Ginny asked curiously, finding the muscles in her shoulders beginning to relax as they fell into easy conversation.

 

He shrugged again, taking a sip of his drink. "I'm not sure. I haven't really been able to talk with Sirius a lot since I moved in. He's either at the Ministry or visiting Remus."

 

"I went to see Remus with Mum a couple weeks ago," she said softly, watching his eyes lower. "He looks like he's got more color in his face--"

 

"Color doesn't do much for you if you're a vegetable," Harry snapped, regretting stabbing him instantly when he saw her eyes lower. He sighed and rubbed his hands over his face wearily. "I'm sorry..."

 

She swallowed and lifted her eyes to his. "I can go with you if you like...if you want to visit him soon."

 

Though the thought absolutely terrified him, Harry lifted his head from his hands and gave her a weak smile. "Thanks...maybe."

 

"Are you alright? You look tired..."

 

"I haven't really been sleeping well."

 

She decided against reminding him she had found that out for herself only a couple days ago. Instead she turned towards him, placing her hand over his without thought. "I've been reading about dreamless spells...they're a little different than potions, but much better in--"

 

She broke off in mid sentence when she noticed Harry had been watching her intently. She smiled self consciously. "What? Why are you staring--"

 

The rest of her sentence was muffled when he suddenly leaned forward and captured her mouth with his. He used his body to lean her back into the sofa and held back a moan when her lips finally yielded under his. Ginny's body was a circuit of electricity under his touch. She arched up, wanting more. Needing more.

 

The sudden reaction she had to him startled her back to her senses and she twisted her lips away from his.

 

Surprise caught him as sharply as her hands did when she mustered her strength and pushed him off. She struggled into sitting position and breathed in deeply as she turned on him.

 

"What are you doing?"

 

"I was kissing you Ginny," he replied watching her stand and smooth her hair back in frustration.

 

"You can't just...kiss me, Harry!"

 

"Why not? You seemed to be enjoying it, as you usually do," he said dryly.

 

She looked down at him and let her arms drop to her sides. "You know what I mean."

 

Pulling himself up, Harry tilted his head curiously at her. "Maybe I don't."

 

Her eyes followed him as he stood, and she soon found herself the one who was being looked down on. "Explain it to me," he told her quietly.

 

How could she think when he was standing so close to her? She took a small step back and cleared her throat.

 

"You can't...you can't just act like I'm nothing to you one minute, Harry, and then kiss me the next."

 

"Why not?" he asked, his lips twitching into a small smile when he saw her eyes flash.

 

"Why not?" she repeated, "Because it's not fair to me, Harry."

 

He jerked in shoulder in disinterest. "Look, I'm sorry if you think I'm being unfair Gin. But I never promised you anything."

 

You're wrong, she thought. You promised me everything. "I'm not asking for promises, Harry. I'm asking you to make up your mind about what you want. You can't just assume I'm going to be here for comfort when you want a break from sulking in self pity..."

 

His eyes suddenly went from nonchalance to fury, the storm inside them churning. "Don't."

 

She fell silent for a moment, their eyes clashing in a heated battle.

 

Finally she sighed. "I don't understand you, Harry."

 

"I know you don't Ginny," he said. "Let me ask you something. Why are you here?"

 

"I...I came by to give you Oliver's letter--"

 

"You could have told him where I was staying," Harry pointed out, crossing his arms against his chest.

 

"I was doing him favor--"

 

"I'm sure you were."

 

"Look, Harry--"

 

"Face it, Ginny," he cut in, ignoring her glare. "You offered to drop the letter off because you wanted to see me."

 

Because he hit the nail directly on the head, Ginny crossed her own arms defensively. "Don't flatter yourself."

 

"Oh I'm not. But it seems to me you're very much like your brother. You can't just let me be, can you? You see me as poor, tortured Harry. You say you want to help me, but it has to be on your terms."

 

Ginny's lips thinned with anger. "You can go straight to hell, Harry."

 

She was oddly proud of herself when she saw the shock and fury light up in his eyes.

 

"And you couldn't be more wrong," she continued coldly, "I don't see you as poor, or tortured at all. I never have. And I didn't come over for a quick shag to help you out."

 

"Well that's disappointing. Then why are you here?"

 

"You want to know why?"

 

"Yeah, I do."

 

Her reply was cut off by the sound of the back door opening and slamming shut, Sirius voice calling out from the kitchen.

 

"Harry?"

 

He took a quick step back from Ginny and shoved his hands once more in his trousers. "In here, Sirius."

 

Sirius set the bag of food on his table and looked over his shoulder into the lounge. His smile was quick when he spotted Ginny.

 

"Ginny," Sirius said in surprise, his eyes darting suspiciously between the two.

 

"Hello, Sirius," Ginny said with an easy smile. Thankful for the excuse, Ginny stepped away from Harry and gave Sirius a quick embrace. "Long time no see."

 

"You've been working at The Leaky Cauldron I hear," Sirius said with a smile and stepped back, keeping Ginny's hands in his. His eyes glanced up at Harry briefly when he felt the small tremors in her fingers.

 

Ginny smiled again, though her mind raced with the thought that Harry had been discussing her with Sirius. "That's right. Come in soon, I'll buy you a drink or two."

 

"That's a promise I'll keep," he assured her as he started pulling food out of a brown paper sack. "Would you like to stay for dinner?"

 

"She can't," Harry answered quickly, avoiding her gaze when she turned to look at him. "Her parents are expecting her."

 

Sirius pulled the bucket of chicken out of the bag and set it on the table slowly, his brows raised at Harry's tone.

 

Forcing another smile, Ginny turned to Sirius and motioned towards the door. "He's right, Mum's probably waiting on me to help out, so I should go...but thanks for the invite Sirius."

 

"Anytime, Ginny. Come visit me more often okay?"

 

"Right," she said and with a quick wave she moved around Harry towards the door.

 

With a quick glance at Sirius who gave him a silent look, Harry hurried after Ginny and followed her out onto the porch.

 

"Hey." He grabbed her arm gently before she could Disapparate.

 

She turned to look at him questioningly. "Yes?"

 

"I'm...I'm sorry. I've been a little edgy lately," he sighed at the arch in her eyebrow. "Okay, look, I just...want us to be friends."

 

Though her heart broke a tiny bit, Ginny gave him a small smile. "Me too."

 

He let go of her arm and rubbed the nape of his neck. "And if you would be willing to try the...dreamless spell you were talking about, I wouldn't mind being someone to test it on."

 

She nodded, understanding it was difficult for him to ask her, or anyone for that matter, for anything. "Sure, Harry. We can do it soon, if you want."

 

He nodded and stepped back, about to thank her when she pulled out her wand and quickly Disapparated.

 

His heart a little less heavy, Harry turned and walked back into the house, shutting the door quietly behind him before he headed into the kitchen.

 

"Do you need any help?"

 

Sirius shook his head and flicked his wand towards the cupboards, sending two plates to the table. "All done."

 

Harry pulled out a chair and sat, quickly pulling the bucket of chicken towards him. "Thanks for getting dinner...you didn't have to leave work just for chicken."

 

Sirius hung his robes on the hook near the door and sat across from Harry, reaching over to pull a leg out of the bucket.

 

"I didn't leave work early for chicken, Harry. I left work early to see you."

 

Harry took a drink of his water and shrugged slightly. "You didn't have to."

 

"Harry," Sirius said, his voice firm. "I wanted too."

 

They ate in silence for several moments while before Harry looked up at Sirius. "Am I stupid?"

 

Wiping the grease off of his fingers with a napkin, Sirius gave Harry an amused look. "Are you stupid?"

 

He nodded briefly towards the door, his eyes never leaving Sirius's. "About her."

 

"Are you stupid about her?" He tried to hide the curve of his lips behind his napkin when Harry sighed in frustration and gave him an annoyed look.

 

"Do you think I'm stupid for not...being with her?"

 

"Do you love her?"

 

Harry's shoulders slumped as he hesitated. "I don't know."

 

"Do you want to be with Ginny?"

 

Sighing again, Harry shook his head. "I don't know."

 

"It seems you're unsure about a few things. That doesn't make you stupid, Harry," Sirius said, lifting his glass to his lips.

 

Harry threw his chicken onto his plate with an air of irritation before leaning back in his chair. "She just makes it so hard..."

 

Sirius reached for another piece of chicken. "Why is that?"

 

"I don't know, Sirius. It's just...she keeps coming around, you know?"

 

"You don't want her to? Isn't she your friend?"

 

"Well, yeah, I suppose. But..."

 

"But?" Sirius pressed gently.

 

"Hermione's my friend too. But I don't feel..." he trailed off and shook his head. "Never mind."

 

"Harry, I know you have confusing feelings about Ginny. I also know you've been doing a hell of a job pushing her and your friends away." He lifted a hand quickly when Harry opened his mouth to reply. "Let me finish. I'm going to be here for you Harry, whenever you're ready to talk about whatever it is you're feeling. But I'm telling you that if you love your friends...if you think you might love Ginny, don't push them away. Let them in. Let them help you."

 

"I don't need to be saved, Sirius," Harry said tersely.

 

"I never said you did, Harry. I'm only telling you to make the right decisions," Sirius paused for a moment, watching as Harry lowered his eyes to his plate of food. "Ron came in to see me today."

 

He watched Harry's head snap up quickly, his brows drawn together in confusion. "Why?"

 

"He wants to be an Auror."

 

Harry suddenly felt a small ball of pride and fear mix uncomfortably in his stomach. "He does? What did you say?"

 

"Well, I didn't say anything really. I scheduled him to come in next week and take the written exam and go through some basic tests before he can start training."

 

"You're going to let him do it?" Harry asked, his eyes widening in surprise.

 

Sirius stood and took his plate to the sink. "Of course I am. Ron's smart and strong. He's passionate. We need people like him."

 

"There hasn't been any dark magic in almost two years, Sirius," Harry pointed out, "Why do you need more Aurors? I'm sure the ones you have now are awfully bored."

 

Sirius turned quickly, his temper hitching inside of his chest. "Harry, the night Voldemort died, we found a lot of Aurors who had secretly sided with the Death Eaters. They're enjoying a nice stay at Azkaban now, but it doesn't change the fact that there is still a lot of stuff going on around you that you're not even aware of. Dark Wizards and a few remaining Death Eaters attacking Muggles...a couple of Wizarding families..."

 

"What the hell for?" Harry asked, his palms beginning to sweat.

 

"Pleasure...attention. Who knows why, Harry? The point is, you don't hear much about it because people at the Ministry have been working their arses off to keep it under wraps. Why do you think I'm at work until the late morning hours? Why do you think Ginny barely sees her father? We don't want to make people look at us in fear the way you're looking right now."

 

Harry stood shakily from the chair and ran his hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, Sirius. I had no idea..."

 

"It's alright, Harry. I'm not angry with you. But you should be proud of Ron for stepping forward and wanting to help." Siris said in clipped tones that made Harry feel the sickening feeling of shame.

 

He sighed inwardly when Sirius passed him to go into the lounge. "I want to help too, Sirius."

 

He paused at the door, turning to look at Harry curiously. "What?"

 

"I'm coming in next week too, with Ron. I want to help."

 

He saw what he thought was pride flicker in Sirius's eyes before he nodded soberly. "How about a game of chess?"

 

Harry gave him a small smile. "You're on old man."


	7. Choices

The week passed slowly...so slow that it was practically torture for Ginny. She hadn't spoken to Harry since that night at Sirius's, and was proud of herself for resisting the urge to visit him. Though she had, more than once, secretly hoped Harry would be with Ron on the nights he came home for dinner or dropped by the Leaky Cauldron with Hermione, and it irritated her to no end the amount of disappointment she felt when he wasn't. 

She had begun to think that Ron and Harry had had a falling out, as Ron was often in a bad mood and avoided conversation with Harry's name. She didn't want to feel the brunt of his anger, so she avoided asking Ron any questions that were racing through her head. At the Leaky Cauldron that evening, Ginny made a quick mental note to visit Hermione at the Ministry the next day and find out what she knew about Ron and Harry. 

Ginny topped off the mugs and turned abruptly, jerking back when she almost collided with Oliver, who quickly held both hands out to steady her with his arms before the drinks could spill over the sides. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," he said with a grin, his hands still resting gently on her forearms. 

She laughed, thankful when the alcohol slowly stopped swaying towards the edge of the mugs. She relaxed the muscles in her arms and handed the drinks to Oliver. "Here." 

"Oh, thanks but I'm really not that thirsty," he replied with an amused arch in his eyebrow. 

"Well good, because they aren't for you," she chuckled and turned back to lift the other two heavy drinks she had poured. "But you can help me take them to that table over there." Ginny nodded towards the far corner of the tavern. 

"Oh, right." 

Ginny smiled again when he shifted to the side to let her pass out into the tavern. For some reason, she could feel his eyes on her and suddenly she felt a bit warm and more than a little self-conscious. 

After she had served the table of wizards she turned back to Oliver, wiping her hands on her apron. "Thanks. It seems like a slow night, but when you're the only one waiting on people, it can catch up to you real fast." 

"Seamus should really get someone else in here to help out," Oliver remarked, following her back to the bar. 

She made her way around to the other side and used her wand to send the empty glasses she had collected back to Seamus. "With business picking up, he might just have to do that. Did you want something to drink?" 

Oliver leaned across the bar and took Ginny's hand in his own. "No, but I want to have dinner with you." 

Flustered, Ginny looked at their joined hands before lifting her surprised eyes to Oliver. "What?" 

"Dinner. You know, what you do awhile after lunch. And eating somewhere that isn't here," Oliver said with a grin. 

Ginny smiled though her heart was racing. Most of her life she had held out for Harry, and even after she lost him she hadn't really considered the possibility of being with someone else. Until now. 

"Well...alright then. When?" 

Oliver gave her hand a small squeeze. "I have a Quidditch match tomorrow against Wimbourne....but I'm free Thursday." 

Her mind did a quick search as she tried to clear her head. "Thursday's fine...I work until the afternoon, but if you like I can meet you here at three, then we can go where ever you would like..." She felt eyes on her and glanced down the bar, noticing Parvati and Lavender, who were watching them closely. 

Oliver followed her gaze and waved when he spotted them. "Don't those two have anything better to do?" He asked through his flirtatious smile, turning back to Ginny when Lavender and Parvati blushed and turned away, leaning towards each other and talking quickly. 

Ginny laughed and shook her head. "No...not really. They usually come in after they're finished shopping to get free drinks and gossip about uninteresting things like who kissed who, and who did what. It's all very boring really." 

Oliver suddenly leaned forward and placed his hand under her hair on the nape of her neck to pull her forward. His lips were unbearably close and his eyes watched the startled _expression in hers. "Want to give them something exciting to gossip about later?" 

Before she could reply his mouth was on hers, his lips parting her own. And before she realized what she was doing, she was kissing him back, her fingers fisting in the sleeve of his shirt. But as soon as it started, it was over. Ginny's eyes fluttered open as she breathed some air deeply into her lungs. Oliver was watching her closely, a small smile on his face. 

"That should do it." 

 

Ginny shook her head slightly in confusion before she realized what he meant. A pink blush crept into her cheeks when she glanced down the bar at Parvati, who was watching her with a knowing grin, and Lavender who was giggling into her palm. Ginny gave them an embarrassed smile before turning back to Oliver. 

"Doesn't that go into the 'who kissed who' category?" 

He shrugged and slid a hand through his hair. "Probably, but I've been looking for an excuse to do that since I came in here last week." 

"Oh...I--" She cut off when Parvati walked up, pulling her robes around her shoulders. 

"Thanks for the drinks, Ginny," she said lightly, though her eyes were burning with amusement. She didn't wait for Ginny's reply before looking up at Oliver. "And thank you for finally putting some colour into her cheeks." 

"Anytime you think she's a little pale, make sure you let me know," he said jokingly, lifting his eyes to Ginny's. 

Parvati glanced between the two and smirked. "Right. Again, Ginny, thank you. I'll see you later." 

Ginny swallowed to ease the dryness in her throat and gave Parvati a small wave. "Goodnight, Parvati." 

Parvati turned and waved happily to Lavender before stepping out into the warm night. She felt the rum flowing through her, soothing numbly. She silently wished a halfway decent looking wizard had come in that night so she wouldn't have to go to bed alone. She had been watching Oliver with extreme interest, but he seemed completely smitten with Ginny, for reasons Parvati is sure she wouldn't ever understand. 

Making her way across the alley, she spotted the familiar glasses and unruly hair in the shadows. Maybe she could still get lucky after all. 

"Harry?" 

He fought an inward urge to groan when he saw Parvati wave and cross the street towards him. "Hey Parvati." 

"What are you doing standing out here all alone?" 

He was leaning against the brick wall of the cauldron shop, a bit embarrassed that he had been seen. He really didn't feel like admitting he had been waiting for Ginny to get off her shift so he could take her home. "Just...hanging out." 

 

He watched her lift an eyebrow at him curiously before she flipped her long dark hair over her shoulder. "Hanging out? It's almost midnight..." 

He sighed and shifted. "I'm actually waiting for Ginny." 

Harry glanced behind Parvati's shoulder towards The Leaky Cauldron and didn't see the flash of jealousy in her eyes. 

Clearing her throat, she gave him a bright smile. "You might be waiting awhile then." 

Not quite paying attention to her, Harry leaned back against the wall, sliding his hands into his robe pockets. "Why is that?" 

Parvati shrugged. "Well, Oliver Wood has been with her for awhile...the way they've been kissing and going on, I don't think she'll be finished for quite some time." 

"Kissing?" Harry suddenly realized it was very possible to get physically ill by one word. 

"It was rather cute," Parvati continued brightly, noticing the way Harry's jaw clenched angrily. "I didn’t even know they were going out." 

"Me either," he said quietly, trying hard not to throw his fist into something. They were kissing? Harry's stomach twisted painfully as the offending image of Oliver and Ginny intertwined passionately appeared in his head. 

"Well if you want to keep waiting I'll see you later," she said taking a step forward and eyeing him shyly. "Or if you want, I could use someone to...make sure I get home alright." 

Harry began to bitingly remind her that she could Apparate when he noticed the gleam in her eyes. Harry recognized an invitation when he saw one. And he definitely saw one. 

His eyes wandered down her body as he considered. He supposed it would be interesting to find out exactly how alike she was with her twin sister. And if Ginny wanted to snog Oliver all night...well, that was her choice. 

Swallowing the anger and hurt, Harry reached out for Parvati's hand. "I think I can do that for you." 

*** 

Oliver was the last person to leave the tavern besides her and Seamus. He had helped her serve several tables, and even managed to break up a brewing fight between two of the wizards at the bar. He hadn't tried to kiss her again, and she wasn't sure if she was relieved...or disappointed. Ginny's hand fisted in the dish towel she held as she used her wand to dry up a fairly large spill. 

Why did she feel so guilty for accepting his invitation to dinner? It was perfectly innocent. It was just a meal...with a friend. 

Who was a man. 

A man who kissed her. 

Frustrated, Ginny tried to focus on the cleaning. She was being silly. She didn't belong to Harry, just as he didn't belong to her. She was free to pursue other men, wasn't she? 

But her mind continued to betray her as thoughts of Harry slipped through the tight barriers she had tried to put up. As she went to help Seamus finish up in the kitchen, Ginny wondered if Harry was alright...what he was doing...and if he was alone. 

*** 

Harry definitely wasn't alone. At least not physically. He was laying back on Parvati's plush bed, gripping her hips with sweaty hands as she straddled him. The smell of sex and jasmine filled his senses as she rocked above him, her head thrown back and her moans echoing in the room. Harry was giving as much as he was getting, but he still found himself oddly detached. 

He tried to focus on his own release but couldn't help but wonder how the hell anyone could sleep every night in a room with so much pink. Pink pillows, pink draperies. Pink goddamn lampshades. It was making him nauseous. 

Harry slid his hands up to her breasts, squeezing tightly before closing his eyes. When the image of Ginny appeared in his head, Harry's eyes shot open and he instead tried to focus on Parvati. The last thing he needed right now was to be thinking about Ginny. With her thick auburn hair and her creamy skin, which was just as smooth as her rose tinted lips... 

No, no, no, he thought angrily. If he thought about Ginny, his conscience would kick into overdrive. Conscience and sex did not go well together. 

Harry pulled himself up quickly and grabbed Parvati to him, thrusting roughly up into her. His hand fisted in her dark hair, the silky threads intertwining in his fingers. When she moved to kiss him, he jerked her neck back, his lips searing the skin on her throat. He didn't want to kiss her...didn't want to touch her lips at all because he knew they wouldn't feel right...wouldn't taste right. Then he would start thinking about her again.... 

 

Groaning, more in frustration than pleasure, Harry placed his arm around her back and shifted, pressing Parvati down into the mattress before he began to pound inside of her. 

What the bloody hell was his problem? His body was begging for release, teasing him with it, but his goddamn thoughts held him back. 

This is wrong. I shouldn't be doing this, he thought suddenly, the sharp stab of guilt conflicting painfully with the release that had begun to build in the pit of his stomach. Shaking his head, Harry clenched his eyes tightly, feeling the sweat dripping off of his skin. Parvati was crying out his name, her legs wrapped painfully around his waist. He hissed when her nails dug into his shoulders but the soreness soon eased away when he felt the fire inside of him threatening to erupt. 

His movements suddenly became erratic as he fought toward completion. Parvati was scratching his back painfully, her own orgasm flowing through her as she throbbed around him. Through the roaring in his ears he could hear her cries. His fingers fisted in the pink sheets as he hammered into her. He didn't care if he hurt her at that moment. All he wanted was to get it over with. 

Cursing under his breath, Harry finally allowed Ginny to invade his mind. He licked his lips quickly, as if tasting her there. In his thoughts she reached for him, opened for him...wrapped herself around him... 

Moaning, Harry finally emptied himself into Parvati, too caught up in his own fantasy of Ginny to move away when Parvati grabbed him and brought his lips down to hers quickly. Her tongue slid inside his mouth, flirting with his as their chests heaved together. 

Snapping harshly back into reality, Harry tore away from her, instead leaning down and resting his head on the pillow below her. His weight pinned her to the bed while his heartbeat slowed. His stomach hurt...as if it had been attacked repeatedly by a Bludger. Never, after shagging a woman, had he ever felt like this. Even after he had taken Ginny against the bedroom door, he had felt relaxed underneath all the guilt. Now he just felt ill. 

Gathering his strength, Harry rolled off her, leaning over to grab his glasses from her nightstand. He slid them on his face and rolled his eyes when she snuggled up next to him, draping her arm over his chest. 

With little finesse, Harry slid out from under her arm and stood, quickly grabbing his trousers from the floor and pulling them on. Standing, he began the search for his discarded robes and t-shirt. 

"Is something wrong?" Parvati asked her voice husky the afterglow of sex.

Harry spotted his shirt in the corner and picked it up, tugging it over his head. "No. Why?" 

Parvati frowned as she watched Harry search for his robes. "It's late. You can stay here tonight if you want." 

He stopped the chuckle before it slipped past his lips. Sex was one thing. Staying over for the night was another. It was too...intimate. He did not want to be intimate with Parvati Patil. 

"I'll be okay. Sirius will probably be wondering where I am." Pathetic excuse, Potter, he thought. 

"You're a big boy, Harry," she replied as she rose from the bed and crossed the room to him. Harry cringed slightly when she lifted her arms around his neck. "I don't think Sirius will mind if you don't come home for the night." 

As easily as he could, Harry pulled her arms away and patted her softly on the head. "Look, Parvati, thanks for the shag." 

Parvati's smile faded, replaced by surprise and cold fury. "Are you fucking kidding me?" 

"You know, your sister didn't throw a fit when it was over. She just got dressed and moved on. You could learn a thing or two from her." 

"Bastard," she hissed her face masked in rage. 

Good reflexes had Harry grabbing her open palm before it could connect with his cheek. He didn't want to see what those manicured nails could do to his face if the sore scratches on his back were any indication of what she was capable of. 

"Watch it," he said in a low voice, thrusting her away from him roughly. 

"I should have listened to everyone else," Parvati said, snatching her pale pink dressing gown off the hook on her wall and tugging it on. "You're nothing but pathetic now, brooding and--" 

"Look, what do you want from me?" he interrupted furiously. "You invited me into your bed. I made no promises that it would go beyond that." 

"Right," she replied with a bitter laugh. "All your promises fall short anyway. We all found that out in school, didn't we?" 

Her face suddenly clouded with uneasiness when Harry reached out and snatched her arm, jerking her forward until they were face to face. 

He was seething with anger as he glared down at her. He wanted to snap and hurt and hurl every insult that was racing through his mind at her. But that nagging little voice in his head, told him to just back off. Parvati Patil was not worth getting worked up over. She never was, and never would be. 

Harry let go of her abruptly and turned away, reaching into his robes for his wand. Before she could say another word, he Disapparated from her room. 

Within moments, Harry found himself outside of Sirius' house. Weary, he pushed open the door and stepped inside, dropping his shoes to the floor. His eyes were drawn to the fire that roared in the stone hearth. Movement had his gaze shifting to the chair next to it. Swallowing, Harry found himself at the heated end of Sirius' stare. 

"Hey, Sirius. You're up late," Harry said as casually as he could. 

"Where have you been?" Sirius asked, concern etching his aging face. 

"Out," Harry replied shortly, draping his robes over the couch in front of him. 

"With Ginny?" Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow curiously. 

Harry contemplated lying by just saying yes. It would be easier. Not that it would be a complete lie anyway. She was with him, just not in the physical sense. Sighing, he moved around and slumped onto the sofa, rubbing slowly at the building headache. 

"No. I went to The Leaky Cauldron and ran into an old...Hogwarts friend. I was with her." 

"I see..." Sirius paused, considering his godson. "Did you make sure it good for her before you left?" 

Harry dropped his hand from his forehead, and turned to look at Sirius with a baffled expression. "What the hell does that mean?" 

"Look, Harry, this has got to stop," Sirius informed him, standing from his chair. "Going home with any girl who's willing. It's wrong and it's eventually going to get you into trouble." 

Harry watched his godfather pace in front of the fire and remembered thinking the same thing with Parvati moments ago. But resentment won over understanding as Harry stood too. 

"I'm not making any promises," Harry remarked defensively. "And I’m not committing to anyone. It's harmless. I'm not hurting anyone." 

"Are you sure about that?" Sirius countered, pausing to glance at Harry, his mouth thinning in disapproval. 

"If you're talking about Ginny--" 

"Yes, I'm talking about Ginny." 

"Then don't," Harry snapped, closing his eyes briefly against the throbbing that had intensified behind his eyes. "We had an innocent little fling awhile ago, but that's it. We're not a couple. She doesn't love me, I don't love her." 

Sirius watched him for a moment, something flickering in his eyes that Harry didn't quite recognize. "Fine. You and Ginny are over. But please, think before you act next time." 

"It's my life." 

"Yes it is." Sirius said quietly, his body suddenly tired from work and grief. "You're Auror test is tomorrow. Get some sleep." 

Harry watched him head for the stairs and felt his cheeks heating with shame. "Sirius, wait." 

But Sirius didn't stop and continued up the stairs. Harry cringed slightly when he heard the door shut firmly. He watched the fire flicker and dance for several moments before pulling himself and heading for the stairs. It seemed no matter what he did or said, he fucked up somehow. He didn't want to disappoint anyone, especially Sirius. But disappointment seemed all Harry was capable of lately. 

In his bedroom, Harry pulled off his trousers and fell into bed, pulling the blankets up tightly around him. Tomorrow he would make it better. All he needed was sleep... 

***

There was too much blood now...too much. Harry could feel it sliding down his forehead, dripping onto the dirt and rocks beneath him, pooling in the corners of his eye and leaving a trail of thick red down his cheek. The acute pain was never ending, constantly searing through his skin, constantly causing him to scream in agony. He didn't want to scream. He had bit his lip hard enough to taste blood to keep from screaming. But it couldn't be helped. The sound pushed through his throat, riding the wave of heat out of his mouth into the night. 

The red eyes gleamed at him, the pitched laughter echoed in his ears, causing them to throb in time with the red hot burning in his hands. He tried to lift his wand, tried to say the curse that would put and end to all the death and pain. But his throat was dry and hoarse, and the words he tried to push out only tore away at his flesh harshly. 

Harry tried to whisper her name as she grabbed the wand from his fingers. He knew she would come. She came to him every night. It was always the same. But this time...this time felt different. He watched behind glassy eyes as she stood, her chin lifted proudly, her arm outstretched. She would end it now. He waited for the words he knew would come. 

But Voldemort moved closer, his arm reaching out to Ginny... Harry cried out again, desperate to get to her, to help her. Suddenly his vision cleared, the pain faded. He was able to see, but found he couldn't move as Voldemort's hand wrapped tightly around Ginny's neck, lifting her to her toes and off the ground. The wand she had gripped slipped from her fingers to the ground... The laughter began again, taunting and mocking Harry. 

"You may not think that I can understand love," he said, the deep, scratchy voice whispering on the wind. "But I understand pain. And I know, as you will, that you can't have one without the other." 

Harry screamed again when Voldemort's wand lifted against Ginny's throat. The green light circled around her, causing her to arch back against the force until the light faded and he let her go, her body falling limply to the ground beside Harry. Her eyes were opened wide, staring at him lifelessly. 

The violent jolt through his body tore Harry out of his nightmare and plunged him into darkness. His eyes blinked furiously and he tried desperately to breathe some air into his lungs. When his heart rate slowed, Harry pushed the blankets off him roughly and pulled himself up. The warm night air that breezed wistfully through his window felt like ice against the heat of his body and cooled the sweat that dripped down the sides of his face and his back. He couldn't find the energy to stand so he sat on the edge of his bed and buried his face in his damp palms. 

After a few calming breaths, Harry glanced over at the clock on his dresser. Two fifteen in the morning. Groaning, he fell back onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He couldn't remember the last time he had slept all the way through the night without a nightmare or two. It was usually the same dream, around the same time. He re-lived the night Ginny defeated Voldemort over and over in his mind. Sometimes he lived...sometimes he died. Never had he dreamt that Ginny... 

Harry shook his head of the thought as his stomach twisted with greasy nausea. Other nights he would dream about his parents. He couldn't remember them, as he had been just a baby when they were murdered. But in his dreams he could see them perfectly...hear their laughter and feel their love. Then Voldemort would enter the room, green light swirling around him. Then they would fall, dead and expressionless. Leaving him alone. As Ginny had. 

Love and pain. You can't have one without the other. 

 

Harry pulled off his soaked t-shirt, balling it up before throwing it into the corner on the growing pile of clothes. He stood and crossed the room, opening his door to make his way to the loo.

In the dark, Harry turned on the sink and splashed the cold water on his face and neck. He lifted his eyes to the mirror, but couldn't make out much since he had left his glasses on his nightstand. Somehow the image seemed to fit the way he felt. Blurred and disoriented. His body was fatigued and begged for sleep. With his muscles aching, he flipped the taps off and made his way back to his bedroom. The wood floor was cold under his heels and he felt his body beginning to finally relax and cool off. 

 

He shut his door quietly and slipped back into bed, not bothering to pull the blankets over him. He lifted his arms behind his head and turned, watching the curtains on his windows billow happily along the breeze. He made a mental note to find Ginny after his Auror test and ask her about the dreamless spell she had been talking about. He wanted to be able to sleep through the night again...and to be honest, he wanted to see her. She hadn't been around since she came by to drop off Oliver's note and he didn't consider fantasizing about her while shagging another woman as spending time with her. And though he didn't want to admit it to himself; he missed her. 

Harry turned on his side and closed his eyes. Minutes ticked by before he sighed in frustration. He wasn't going to get anymore sleep that night if he kept thinking about her in ways that caused his body to respond painfully. 

For a brief moment, he wondered what she would do if he Apparated to the Burrow and crawled into bed with her. She was probably wearing that flimsy little nightgown again. She would let him lift it up around her hips before opening for him. Then he would fill her completely and make love to her until she was screaming his name and they both found release. Then she would gather her to him and kiss him and he would finally be able to sleep...without the nightmares. 

Groaning, Harry slid his hands over his face and cursed under his breath. She would probably be appalled and mortified at the things he wanted to do to her. Remembering how she had felt inside only made the itch to touch her more unbearable. Growing hard at the memory, Harry sighed and slid his hand into his boxers, resigned to the fact that there was only one way he was going to be able to sleep that night. Welcoming the image of Ginny into his head, Harry closed his eyes and let himself dream.


	8. In So Deep

In wild dedication, take the moment of hope

And let it run and never look back at all the

Damage that we have done now to each other.

***

The next morning, tired from lack of sleep, Harry made his way up the stairs to the Ministry doors, his hands shoved in his trouser pockets. His nerves were working overtime, causing his mouth to dry up and his palms to sweat. He felt ridiculous about being nervous for a simple test. Suddenly he wondered if he was experiencing what Hermione had gone through for seven years at Hogwarts.

 

Pushing open the doors, Harry stepped inside, handed over his wand, and quickly let the wizard at the front perform a quick sweeping of his body. He noticed the man's eyes widen briefly when he noticed the faint scar on Harry's forehead. The wizard then all but bowed when he handed Harry's wand back, which caused Harry to simply shake his head and hurry towards the stairs that would lead him to the Magical Law Enforcement floor where Sirius would be waiting for him.

 

He walked by the Charms department, slowing his steps when he saw Hermione step out into the hallway, handing several rolls of parchment to an older looking man, who winked at her before turning to walk down the hallway. He swallowed and wondered what to do. He hadn't spoken to Hermione in over a week, and he was almost sure she wouldn't be pleased about it.

 

Hermione turned to head back into her office, and he saw her pause when she spotted him. She didn't smile, but watched him until he finally headed towards her.

 

"Hey Hermione," he began, surprised when she took his arm and pulled him into her office, shutting the door loudly behind them.

 

"What's going on?" he asked, rubbing the part of his arm where her nails had dug in.

 

"You have a lot of explaining to do, Harry Potter," Hermione said, as she glared at him, her arms crossed against her chest.

 

"Look, I'm sorry I haven't been around...I've been busy."

 

Hermione cocked her head to the side and studied him. "Is that right? Busy doing what? Treating Ron like dirt, ignoring me, or breaking Ginny's heart?"

 

Harry closed his mouth against the sharp retort and only looked at her. He breathed in deeply for a moment before he spoke. "I haven't done any of those things..."

 

Hermione uncrossed her arms and poked Harry sharply in the chest. "Stop being a prat, Harry."

 

He swatted her hand away with annoyance. "Look, I'm going to talk to Ron, alright? And I haven't been ignoring you...not anymore than you've been ignoring me."

 

Hermione stepped back from him, blinking with confusion for a moment. "You think I've been ignoring you?"

 

He shrugged again, embarrassed to have said anything. "It would have been just as easy for you to drop by and say hi."

 

Hermione sighed and pulled Harry to the two chairs she had lined up in front of her desk. She took his hand into her own and sat, tugging him down to the chair next to her.

 

"You're right. And I'm really sorry I haven't come around Sirius's. Things have been hectic here the past couple weeks...especially for me. I've barely seen Ron as it is."

 

Harry nodded, though he said nothing.

 

"And besides," Hermione continued, squeezing his hand gently. "Would you have really wanted me to come around and annoy you?"

 

Harry's eyes snapped up to hers suddenly, his mouth parting in surprise.

 

"Hermione, you don't annoy me."

 

She smiled, brushing her hair back behind her ear. "It seems like everyone annoys you these days, Harry."

 

He looked away, guilt evident on his face. "I'm sorry...I guess I thought it would be nice to be alone for awhile. Have things to myself." He turned back to look at her, this time squeezing her hand. "I want you to come around more. I miss talking to you."

 

She leaned forward and brushed a quick kiss against his cheek. "Then I'll do that."

 

"Thanks. I--" He was cut off abruptly with a sharp cry when he felt her free hand slap him over the head. "What the bloody hell was that for?"

 

Hermione pulled her hand from his and stood, her arms crossing once more in anger. "That was for Ginny."

 

Rubbing the back of his head, Harry looked up at Hermione, completely lost. "What!?"

 

"Ginny," Hermione repeated. "She told me what happened between you two--"

 

"For Christ's sake..."

 

"And," Hermione interrupted furiously, "I want to know what on earth you thought you were doing."

 

Harry pushed himself off the chair, still rubbing his head. "Look, I was drunk. We both made a mistake that night. Maybe I should have treated her a little better--"

 

"Maybe?" Hermione's eyes were glittering with anger, causing her eyes to appear much darker than they were.

 

"Alright. I know I was a bastard, okay? I've already beat myself up enough about it..."

 

"Well, then you better hope Ron doesn't find out, or he may just put you in the hospital."

 

Harry sighed and turned, leaning against the edge of her desk. "Hermione, I made a mistake. And I apologized to her for it. I don't know what else I can do."

 

Hermione's _expression softened and she reached out, placing a hand against his arm. "Treat her like a human being, and not one of the girls you shag for fun."

 

Harry was silent for a moment before he sighed and nodded. "I really need to get to this test, or Sirius will kick my arse."

 

Hermione pulled him into a hug, her arms only tightening around his back when she felt him stiffen slightly. "Good luck."

 

"Er, thanks," he said, pulling away gently.

 

"Tell Ron I said so as well," Hermione called after him when he began to make his way to the door.

 

"I will." Harry opened the door and gave her a quick smile before he disappeared down the hallway. He hoped Ron wouldn't be so emotional, despite the unusual warmth he felt in his stomach when Hermione had hugged him.

 

Harry turned the corridor and pushed open the door into Sirius's office. Ron was leaning against the wall, his arms crossed as he waited. His _expression didn't change when Harry walked inside.

 

"What are you doing here?" Ron asked quietly.

 

Harry entered the room, almost cautiously before closing the door behind him.

 

"I've come to take the Auror test," he said, watching Ron's brows lift in surprise. "I suppose I have you to thank for that."

 

Ron was silent as he regarded his friend. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it quickly, and turned his head to stare out of the window.

 

Harry took a step forward, realizing Ron probably wasn't going to make the apology easy on him.

 

"Ron...I'm really sorry for what happened last week. I was a total wanker..."

 

Ron's eyes turned to look at Harry once more before he sighed and pushed away from the wall. "Me too. I shouldn't have been pushing you to play Quidditch."

 

"No, I'm glad you did," Harry said, shifting. "I was actually thinking seriously about it until Sirius mentioned what you were doing. You know I can't let you outshine me."

 

Harry grinned when the smile tugged at Ron's lips.

 

"Always wanting to be like me, aren't you?" Ron joked dryly.

 

Relief flooded through Harry when they both sat to wait for Sirius.

 

"How are things?" Harry asked, clasping his hands together over his knees.

 

Ron shrugged. "I can't complain. I've been running a lot more. I figure if I pass this thing, there's going to be a lot of physical training. I don't want to look like a fat slug compared to everyone else."

 

"You look fine," Harry said. "You'll only look like a fat slug compared to me."

 

Ron laughed and shook his head. "True enough."

 

They were silent for several moments when Harry suddenly remembered. "So have you...proposed to Hermione yet?"

 

He almost regretted asking, because Ron's smile faltered slightly and he began to pick at the loose thread on his trousers.

 

"No, not yet. She's been so bloody busy working. I've seen her maybe three times this week. And it's usually at night when I come over to stay with her."

 

Harry nodded in understanding. "She had been saying she barely gets to see you."

 

Ron turned to look at Harry, his voice lowered. "It's not just seeing each other, Harry. I swear, I feel like I'm turning into a monk or something."

 

Harry bit back a chuckle and looked at Ron in surprise. "How long?"

 

"A week. A bloody goddamn week!" Ron cried, as if it were the most horrible thing to fathom. "The last couple nights I've been over at her flat, she's asleep by ten. And she wears these little white nighties to bed, completely oblivious to what she's going to me."

 

Though Harry found Hermione to be a perfectly attractive young woman, she was the closest thing he had to a sister. Hermione in white nighties was definitely not something he wanted to picture. He held up a hand to stop Ron from going any further. "I get it."

 

Ron laughed again and shook his head. "Sorry mate. I just think one of these nights, if I don't get to have her soon, I may just have a go while she's asleep."

 

Harry laughed, suddenly realizing it was the first time he had felt as ease in days. Before he could dwell on it, Ron's eyes lit up as if he had remembered something important.

 

"Mum wants you to come to dinner tonight, by the way."

 

Harry was taken back for a moment before he shook his head. "A bit of short notice isn't it?"

 

Ron shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "Actually, no. She told me to mention it to you last week, but seeing as we weren't really speaking..."

 

Harry nodded. "I see..."

 

"But anyway, they really want you there. Charlie and Bill are home as well."

 

"What's the occasion?"

 

Ron shrugged. "I don't know actually. Dad's been acting awfully secretive. I'm guessing it's something big if Charlie and Bill took off work to come all the way home for a couple days. Has Sirius mentioned anything?"

 

"No..." Harry thought about it then, wondering if Sirius had indeed said anything that would tip off what Mr. Weasley had to announce. Harry had been to wrapped up in his own world, he probably wouldn't have noticed he had had.

 

"Will you come then?"

 

Harry considered, desperately wanting to just say yes. He hadn't seen the Weasleys in several weeks, and he thought it would be cool to see Charlie and Bill again. But then again, Ginny would be there...

 

"Harry?" Ron asked, snapping him out of his thoughts.

 

"Oh, right. Of course I'll come." He would just have to deal with Ginny. He remembered Hermione's words earlier. "Treat her like a human being, and not one of the girls you shag for fun."

 

Harry rubbed his temple firmly. Maybe it would be best if he just didn't show up. He certainly didn't want to ruin Ginny's night if Mr. Weasley did have something important to say.

 

"Ron, maybe I--"

 

He was interrupted when the door behind them opened, and Sirius stepped in, eyeing them both with a mix of seriousness and amusement. "Are you boys ready?"

 

***

 

An hour later, they were walking side by side down the hallway to meet Hermione. Harry was feeling a bit confident about the test, as most of it had do to with Defense Against The Dark Arts, which was one of the subjects Harry excelled in at Hogwarts.

 

Ron, however, was doing more than his share of worrying.

 

"I knew I should have had Hermione polyjuice herself into me. I wonder if they test for things like that."

 

"Ron, I know you did fine," Harry insisted, though he grinned at the image of Hermione turning into Ron to take a test for him. If they had even mentioned the possibility of cheating at Hogwarts, Hermione lectured them for what seemed like hours. In Hermione's book, cheating was just as bad as one of the Unforgivable Curses.

 

"When do we find out about our tests again?" Ron asked, sliding his wand into his robes, his face a little pale. "I think I was focusing on not throwing up when Sirius was explaining the process to us."

 

"A week or so," Harry replied, not wanting to admit that he was just as nervous. They stopped outside Hermione's door, waiting for her to pack her things. She smiled at them and hefted the heavy bag over her shoulder, protesting only slightly when Ron reached over and took it from her.

 

"Harry's just going to come with me to the Burrow," he explained to her, taking her hand in his as they walked down the hall to the main doors. "You can go home and change if you want too."

 

"That would be lovely. I'm so sick of these awful robes..." Hermione said.

 

Harry fell a couple steps behind, watching the two talk easily. He felt the familiar tug of envy as his eyes fell to their joined hands. There was no doubt that he was happy Ron and Hermione had found each other. In more ways, he was relieved that he didn't have to put up with their jealous rages whenever the other would snog or go out with another student at Hogwarts. But every now and then, as silly as it sounded, he felt left behind.

 

And though he would never have admitted it to them, he had constantly felt like the third wheel when they were together. Sometimes it felt like the only time they wanted to be around him was when they weren't around each other. And it angered him as much as it hurt him. It didn't seem fair that they shared something Harry could never be a part of.

 

He followed them out into the sunlight, waiting as Hermione and Ron kissed pleasantly before she Disapparated home. Ron pulled out his wand and glanced over at Harry. "You do remember how to get to the Burrow, don't you?"

 

"Very funny," Harry said, watching Ron disappear with a quiet pop.

 

Pulling out his own wand, Harry studied it for a moment, wondering. He could still back out. He could Apparate home and climb into bed, shutting everything out as he pulled the covers over his head. But he shook his head, and closed his eyes, concentrating on the Burrow.

 

Seconds later, he appeared in the backyard, conversations filling his ears quickly. Ron had waited for him, and the two made their way towards the house. The laughter and noise continued to grow in volume.

 

"Harry!" Mrs. Weasley cried happily, turning away from the table to engulf him in a warm embrace.

 

Before he could speak, Mrs. Weasley was leading him to the center of the madness. For the next ten minutes it was a whirlwind of smiles and greetings and hearty slaps on the back. He learned Bill was leaving Egypt to begin work for Gringotts in France in a couple weeks. Charlie was trying to breed a new type of dragon in Romania, and Fred and George told him in low, excited voices that they had almost saved enough money to start their own joke shop.

 

Harry soon forgot his uneasiness and watched with some amusement when Ron grabbed Hermione and dragged her inside the moment she arrived. He turned to the conversation that had begun about Quidditch, though his focus blurred when, out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Ginny walk outside, carrying a large bowl of salad.

 

Her hair was pinned away from her face, auburn waves resting over her shoulders. She looked as casual as she possibly could, with a simple pale blue cotton t-shirt and denim shorts, but it still managed to get Harry's blood pumping quickly. Their eyes met across the lawn and he saw her pause, only for a brief moment, as surprise flickered across her face.

 

He looked at Bill and Charlie and excused himself quietly before turning towards Ginny. He moved slowly, sliding his hands casually in his pockets. He watched her place the bowl on the table and glance up at him, a hesitant smile on her face.

 

"Harry. How are you?"

 

Was it wrong that just the sound his name on her lips could cause him to harden?

 

"I'm doing alright," he replied watching her use her wand to set the table. "How's Oliver?

 

Ginny started slightly, but continued on with what she was doing, refusing to look at him. "I suppose Oliver's fine. But that's something you may want to ask him yourself."

 

Harry clenched his hands in his pockets, pausing for a moment. "I thought you might know...after all I hear you two are a couple now."

 

She looked up then, her brows drawn together in confusion. "Excuse me?"

 

Harry shrugged, his eyes glancing around the yard. "It's just what I've heard. People saw you snogging at the Leaky Cauldron."

 

Ginny let out a small laugh and shook her head in disbelief. "I don't believe it."

 

"What?"

 

She straightened and crossed her arms against her chest. "You're jealous of Oliver."

 

Harry let out a desperate laugh, though his face held no amusement. "I'm not jealous of Oliver."

 

Ginny smiled mischievously and moved towards him until they were unbearably close. Her eyes locked onto his, sparkling with determination.

 

"You're jealous."

 

Harry's heart pounded as her scent filled his senses. He resisted the instinct to step back from her. He was not going to give her the satisfaction of knowing she affected him.

 

"I'm just looking out for your reputation. People like to gossip you know."

 

Ginny shrugged, the smile still planted firmly on her face. "Sure they do...tarts like Parvati and Lavender. And if people have nothing better to do than listen to people like that, I feel sorry for them. What happened between Oliver and I could barely be defined as snogging. He's a friend," she explained, lifting her fingers to brush the lock of dark hair from out of his eyes. "You certainly have nothing to be jealous about."

 

Harry stepped back, quickly disguising his moan with a sharp cough and watched her smile before turning back to the table. He watched her for a moment, memories of the night before with Parvati swimming through him, leaving a sickening trail of guilt and shame. Suddenly he wished he had Hermione's Time Turner from their third year at Hogwarts.

 

Trying to push past the uneasiness in his stomach, Harry cleared his throat. "I was actually meaning to talk to you."

 

She glanced up again once the plates had settled in their proper spot. "Oh? What is it?"

 

"Well, that dreamless spell you were talking about before. I was wondering if you had the time to try it out...sometime soon."

 

"Sure, whenever you have the time..."

 

He hesitated before reaching out to touch her arm.

 

"How are you?" he asked quietly, watching her eyes soften.

She opened her mouth to respond when she saw his eyes shift. Immediately she felt him withdraw and his arm fell to his side. Ginny turned to see what caused the sudden reaction and softened when she saw Penelope walking down the steps into the yard, carrying her daughter Hannah.

 

Realizing Harry's reason for discomfort, she turned back to him with an understanding smile. "Are you alright?"

 

"I didn't...I didn't know she would be here," he said simply, watching as Penelope placed her daughter on the grass to crawl around.

 

"She tries to come over for dinner as often as she can so Mum and Dad can see Hannah." She eyed him closely. "There's no reason to be uncomfortable around her, Harry. You both know each other."

 

Right, and she knows I'm the reason her daughter doesn't have a father, he thought, the memory biting into him sharply.

 

Penelope glanced up and spotted Harry and Ginny, waving with a polite smile of her face. Ginny returned the gesture before placing a comforting hand on Harry's arm. "You'll be fine."

 

Suddenly, at that moment, as Harry studied her fingers brushing over his skin, he had a feeling he would be.

 

Dinner was louder than Harry could ever remember. With twelve adults and a baby, the noise and constant passing of food would have been enough to give Harry a permanent headache. But unsurprisingly, he felt right at home...almost completely at ease.

 

Between Fred and George attempting to replace certain items with their own tricks, talk of Harry and Ron's Auror testing, and Charlie almost spilling an entire bowlful of salad into Penelope's lap, Harry didn't find the time to be uncomfortable. Not to mention the fact that Ginny's leg kept accidentally sliding up against his own. He nearly choked on his food more than once.

 

When the plates were almost scraped clean, Mr. Weasley stood, raising his own glass as the table quieted down, save for Hannah's constant cooing.

 

"Weasleys," he began, his eyes twinkling over at Harry and Hermione. "And honorary Weasleys! I have the pleasure of informing you the Ministry Council met earlier this week to discuss a very important matter."

 

Ron's fork clattered to his plate as they all stared expectantly. Mr. Weasley glanced down at his wife, who was beaming proudly in her seat. "I'm honored, and proud to say, they have asked me to become the newly appointed Minister of Magic."

 

There was silence for a mere four seconds before everyone burst out at the same time. There were cries of joy and seats practically flipping over in the grass as everyone attempted to hug Mr. Weasley at once. The sudden change in volume seemed to startle Hannah who began to cry loudly in a laughing Penelope's arms. 

 

Harry continued to sit, glancing over at Hermione who had her hands clasped together happily. Their eyes met and they grinned. There was no doubt in their minds that there was no family more deserving of happiness than the Weasleys.

 

When the excitement died down, and talk of a Quidditch game began circling, Harry made his way to Mr. Weasley and shook his hand, only mildly surprised when Mr. Weasley wrapped his arm around Harry's shoulder and squeezed.

 

"If he doesn't know already, Sirius is going to be thrilled," Harry said when he pulled away.

 

"He knows Harry. In fact, he was the one who brought up my name during the Council meeting to begin with," Mr. Weasley told him, watching his family in the yard with the eyes of a truly happy man.

 

"He did?" It didn't surprise Harry a bit, though he silently wondered why Sirius hadn't told him anything about it.

 

"He did," Mr. Weasley replied. "A lot of my thanks go to Sirius. Things would be very different if it weren't for your godfather, Harry."

 

Harry said nothing when Penelope walked up, still smiling, with a very tired looking Hannah in her arms. She brushed a sticky lock of curly ginger colored hair from Hannah's cheek before handing her to Mr. Weasley.

 

"You know, Arthur, Percy would have been bursting from head to toe with pride if he were here," Penelope said with a quiet smile.

 

"He's here," Mr. Weasley said simply, smiling as Hannah's head drooped against his chest. 

 

Harry took a step back, feeling the heat rising in his body. Suddenly he felt like he was suffocating as he turned and hurried towards the house.

 

"Harry, are you up for a game of Quidditch?" Ron asked as Harry approached him. Ron called his name again when Harry walked past, opening up the back door and practically colliding with Ginny.

 

"Hey," she said suddenly, placing her hand on his arm to keep him from moving past her.

 

He pulled away from her and stepped into the kitchen, slumping back against the counter as he leaned his head back to breathe in deeply.

 

"What is it?" Ginny asked, taking a step forward.

 

"I shouldn't be here," Harry said, closing his eyes. "Percy should be here, not me."

 

Ginny frowned and glanced out the back door to her family before turning back to Harry. "I don't know how many people need to tell you that what happened to Percy wasn't your fault," she said firmly, continuing when he opened his eyes to look at her. "Nobody here blames you but yourself. And that's something you're just going to have to get over."

 

He closed his mouth tightly, staring at her from across the kitchen. "You don't understand."

 

Ginny walked across the kitchen with purposeful strides until she was standing in front of him. "No, I don't think you understand," she said in a hushed tone. "It's a happy day for my family...one of the few truly happy days we've had since...since Voldemort. And the last thing they need is to have you moping around about something they've been trying so hard to overcome. Now if you want to feel sorry for yourself, do it somewhere else."

 

Breathing heavily, Ginny took a step back, her cheeks flushed with anger. Harry was watching her with wide eyes, surprise and shame mirroring in them. When she turned to walk away, Harry finally snapped to attention and grabbed her arm.

 

"Ginny, I'm sorry."

 

She wanted to stay mad at him, and dammit, she tried. But she could see the sincerity in his eyes and felt the frigid tension in her body melt away.

 

"Just, please try to enjoy yourself Harry...at least for a little while."

 

She pulled away from him and pushed open the door, disappearing behind it. Harry ran his hands through his hair, fatigue suddenly swarming over him. Hearing the laughter outside, he stood in front of the door to watch.

 

Ginny had picked up Hannah and the cold fury he had seen in her only moments before had been washed away, replaced by warmth and laughter. It staggered him at times how beautiful she had grown up to be. Harry had always thought she was pretty...even when he met her on Platform Nine and Three Quarters when he was eleven. But over the past few years she had really blossomed from pretty to beautiful...even stunning in Harry's eyes. She made people like Cho Chang and Parvati Patil look like gnomes.

 

His thoughts were interrupted when he caught Hermione and Ron waving him outside. Taking a deep breath, Harry smiled and pushed open the door to join them.

 

Several hours later dusk set in, causing the second ongoing game of Quidditch to slow down and eventually stop when the Snitch had become near impossible for Harry to see. Bill, Charlie and Penelope sat around the table talking with beers in their hands, and Ron and Hermione had once again disappeared. 

 

Feeling a bit helpless, he was both relieved and terrified when Ginny approached him. He noticed she had changed from shorts to a pair of trousers that moulded themselves on her slim hips.

 

"You look a little lost over here by yourself," she commented with an easy smile.

 

He shrugged, trying his damndest not to notice the bite in the air had her nipples straining against the cotton of her shirt.

 

"I was..." he paused, swallowing the dryness in his throat. "I was actually wondering where Ron and Hermione went off too."

 

Ginny smiled with a small chuckle, causing the fire to shoot directly into Harry's loins. She nodded towards the bedding of trees that were scattered behind The Burrow. "Last I saw she was pulling him in there somewhere."

 

Harry shook his head. "I don't even want to know."

 

She laughed, wrapping her arms around her to fight off the chill in the evening air. "You and me both..."

 

He smiled, allowing himself a quick glimpse of her body when she glanced behind her shoulder.

 

"It's getting a bit late...but if you want, I can perform that spell on you tonight." She turned back to look at him. "If you don't have any plans I mean."

 

"Sleeping through the night is the only plans I really made," Harry said wryly.

 

"I can Apparate to Sirius's if you want. Unless you planned on staying here tonight."

 

Harry paused for a moment. "You mean you can't just...flick your wand now and get it over with?"

 

Ginny laughed, shaking her head. "It's a little more complicated than that. It should really be done while you're sleeping...or in a state of semi-consciousness."

 

"Oh," Harry's mind was racing. If she followed him home...they would be in his bedroom...alone. He wasn't sure if he could control himself in that situation.

 

She recognized the hesitation in his eyes and cocked her head to the side. "Do you think I'm going to attack you in your sleep?"

 

Because she had made him feel foolish, Harry rolled his eyes and took her by the hand. "Alright then, let's go."

 

While Harry went off to say goodbye to Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Ginny hurried up to Charlie who was talking with Penelope and tugged at his sleeve.

 

"Charlie, if Mum or Dad asks, tell them I had to stop by work to see when Seamus needs me next," she said quietly.

 

Charlie glanced around, and spotted Harry who seemed to be waiting for her by the door. His eyes narrowed as he turned back to Ginny.

 

"Why? What are you really off to do?"

 

Ginny rolled her eyes. "Don't play 'over-protective' big brother on me now, Charlie. I get enough of that from Ron. I'm just going to help Harry get to sleep, then I'll be home."

 

Charlie started, practically choking on the drink he had taken from his bottle. "Get to sleep?"

 

"Oh for Merlin's sake," Ginny snapped, hitting him on the arm. "With a spell. I'll be home soon."

 

Before he could protest, Ginny leaned down and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before she hurried across the lawn to where Harry was waiting.

 

"Can we Apparate out front?" she asked breathlessly, glancing back at her parents who were with Bill.

 

He looked at her suspiciously but nodded. "Alright then."

 

Her heart was racing at the prospect of being alone with Harry, and Ginny had to wait several moments after he had disappeared before she felt calm enough to Apparate herself.

 

Moments later she felt the world under her feet almost give away as she practically Apparated on top of Harry, who had been waiting for her outside. He steadied her with his arms with an amused look and turned silently to open the door.

 

She was a bit flushed from their quick encounter and followed him inside.

 

"Sirius is at St. Mungo's," Harry explained, noticing her glancing around the house.

 

"Oh," Ginny said quietly, watching as Harry lit several candles before heading upstairs. When she didn't follow he paused to turn around and look at her.

 

"Well? Are you coming or aren't you?"

 

Ginny swallowed and scolded herself for being so nervous about one simple spell. She would perform it; make sure he was sleeping well, and Apparate home. One, two, three...simple as that.

 

She followed him up the stairs and down the hall to his room. She watched as he unbuttoned a few buttons on his shirt before he sat on his bed, pulling a shoe off and letting them fall with a thud to the floor.

 

"So should I get naked now?" Harry asked, tugging off his other shoe.

 

"I...you...what?" Flustered she took a step back, her cheeks heating.

 

Harry laughed and stood, making his way to his window and lifting it open. "I'm kidding, Ginny."

 

"Oh." She shifted, the heat of humiliation rushing through her. Suddenly she lifted her chin. If he wanted to play, she could play. "Well, you don't have to be naked. But you need to take off your shirt."

 

Harry turned abruptly from the window, his eyes widening. "What?"

 

"The spell will work better if there isn't anything restricting your body."

 

Which of course, was completely untrue. But it was worth it to see Harry fumble over his words.

 

His eyes met hers and his mouth clenched tightly as he began working the rest of the buttons on his shirt. "Fine."

 

She suppressed a smile when he paused and turned away from her, as if it embarrassed him to be undressing in front of her. She threw her pride out the window and crossed the room, lifting her hands to help him slide the shirt down his arms. "Here, let me help you..."

 

He jerked suddenly at her touch and shut his eyes shut when her fingers trailed down his skin, following the pat of his shirt. Playfulness faded away when she saw the light pink scratches on his shoulders.

 

"Harry, what did you do to yourself?" she asked, her voice filled with concern as her fingers brushed lightly over them.

 

"Oh," he mind raced for a believable explanation that had nothing to do with shagging Parvati Patil. "I...had some really nasty bug bites. Itched like hell...I should really keep my window closed at night."

 

He felt her move behind him and when he went to face her, she held her hand against his shoulder, holding him still.

 

"I'm just going to heal them," she said, flicking her wand over the scars and watching them fade away. "Better?"

 

"Er, yeah," he breathed easily then, cursing himself for not healing them earlier. "Thanks."

 

He finally turned to face her, startled at how close she was standing to him. She was staring up at him, her eyes watching him with expectation. Her lips were soft and full, begging to be touched.

 

Harry cleared his throat and began to pull his belt off. This caught her attention; her eyes flickered down before she took a step back.

 

"What are you doing?"

 

He smirked, flicking at the button on his trousers before sliding down the zipper. "You said nothing should be restricting my body right? Trousers are a bit...restricting."

 

"I..ah..." Her tongue was tied in knots, her throat drying of all moisture. He was suddenly stepping out of his trousers, tossing them over the chair in the corner of his room.

 

Ginny felt the sudden sensation of lust strike out inside her, desire pooling almost painfully between her thighs. It was everything she could do not to drool at the sight of Harry, practically naked, save for a pair of boxers, standing in front of her. She had seen him shirtless before...countless times...but he still affected her.

 

Blinking back to reality, Ginny managed a casual smile and shrugged. "Whatever makes you more comfortable...you can lay down now."

 

Harry chuckled and moved to his bed, lying down comfortably on his back, his hands folded over his chest. Ginny moved to the edge of the mattress and leaned down to pull off his glasses. His eyes shut and she was startled at the exhaustion lining his face. He looked like he hadn't slept in weeks. Biting back the urge to touch him, Ginny wiped her sweaty palms on her thighs and lifted her wand over his body. Almost immediately she could feel the tension in his body.

 

"Just try to relax..." she whispered, pleased when his breathing became quiet and even.

 

She began the spell and her eyes closed involuntarily as her body became heavier with Harry's fatigue. It was radiating off of him and washing over her quickly.

 

The tip of her wand had turned a bright orange color and she felt it heating in her hand. His dreams began to flash through her. Crying out, her fingers fisted around her wand as she bit her lip in pain. She could no longer see anything but a white canvas. Voices shouted around her, hands pulled at her. Panicked, Ginny tried to scream but couldn't find her voice.

 

***

Harry fought his way through his dream, the violence of it fading away. His body began to relax as the bloody images began to float away from him. An overwhelming sense of peace then rushed into him and he could see Ginny standing several feet away from him. She was wearing a simple white dress...watching him intently as it billowed around her feet. Smiling he began his way through the fog to her. He knew he only had to touch her to achieve true salvation.

 

Reaching out, he lifted his palm to her cheek, startled when she suddenly reached up and grasped his hand in hers. The pain shot through him as he looked down as saw blood beginning to trickle between their joined hands. He lifted his wide eyes to hers, his mouth gasping as he jerked in pain.

 

"Harry."

 

His eyes shot open as he wrenched himself from the dream. Muffled whimpers echoed in his room and caught somewhere in the world between his dream and reality he shot his hand out to attack.

 

A scream strangled in her throat when his hand wrapped around her throat tightly. The spell had broken when he woke up and she had been trying to shake the last of pain from her body when he suddenly sat up and grabbed at her. Her fingers clawed at his large hand as she gasped for breath.

Harry's heartbeat slowed and his vision cleared. He shook his head violently to clear his vision, and was horrified to find Ginny tearing at his hand.

"Bloody hell!" he cried, jerking his hand away quickly, causing her to stumble down, one hand thrusting out against the bed before she fell. Harry reached out and grabbed her by the arms, pulling her close to him as he cursed repeatedly. "Ginny, are you okay? I didn't know--"

She coughed, deep rasping breaths that tore at Harry's gut. Her fingers rubbed tightly against her sore neck, and she managed a weak smile.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, breathing some air deep into her lungs.

"Jesus, don't apologize to me," he said, studying her closely. She looked too damn pale. "What the hell happened?"

The white in her cheeks was overtaken by a slight flush and she avoided his eyes as she scooted a few inches away from him. She was beginning to feel a bit warm.

"The spell. It was working, I think...until you woke up..."

He shook his head, running a hand through his damp hair. "It wasn't working. Something was wrong...you were in pain, weren't you?"

She rubbed her throat once more, remembering the overwhelming iciness that had sliced through her while she had been performing the spell.

"I was alright."

"Bullshit," he snapped, his hand reaching her chin and lifting it quickly so she was looking at him. "What was going on?"

She saw the anger in his eyes and pulled away from his hand. "It's part of the spell...maybe the only downside to it. The one performing the spells lifts the negative, or bad feelings out of the dreams so there's nothing left."

"And?"

She lifted her eyes to his for a brief moment before staring down at the sheets.

"They channel the feelings into themselves..."

He shook his head, his eyes burning. "Why didn't you tell me that part?"

"Because I knew you wouldn't let me perform the spell," she replied defensively, moving to slide off the bed. She sighed when Harry's hand thrust out to wrap around her arm tightly. "And I thought I could handle it."

"You knew there was a possibility of being in pain but you did it anyway?" Harry asked, his grip on her arm loosening.

"I knew how badly you wanted a peaceful night of sleep," Ginny said, her cheeks reddening with embarrassment. Before he could reply, she turned to look at him. "How did you know? You woke up pretty quickly..."

Harry remembered the dream he had been having of her and wondered what she say if she knew she was the focus of his dreams. "I...felt you shaking." he lied, his hand falling away from her. "I don't think I was relaxed enough for the spell to work..." 

"I can try again, if you want."

"Are you kidding?" Harry asked in surprise, running his hand through his hair. "I'm not going to let you sit there in agony because of me. I'll be alright."

Several quiet moments passed between them before Ginny sighed quietly and turned her head to look at him.

"I should go then," she whispered, but found herself unable to move as they stared at one another. After what seemed like an eternity, Harry leaned forward and brushed his hand over her cheek before pulling her to him and softly pressing his lips to hers. He felt her hesitation and began to pull away, the apology on his lips disappearing when she leaned into him, sliding her hands up his arms as she captured his mouth with hers once more.

He gathered her to him, his hands sliding gently through her hair as he slid his tongue over her lower lip. He was overwhelmed by the scent and feel of her. Even if he truly wanted to, he couldn't break away from her. It was too late for that now.

A million reasons why she should stop raced through Ginny's mind when Harry slid his hands down her back and under her shirt. When his lips moved down her neck, she suddenly she couldn't remember any of them. She arched against him, her head falling back as a soft moan escaped her lips. She felt Harry's fingers pressed tightly against her back as he lifted his lips to her ear.

His voice was breathy and forced, as if he were trying to control himself.

"Ginny, let me have you."

At that moment, Ginny would have given him anything. She pulled away from him, her eyes never leaving his as she pulled her shirt up and over her head, letting it fall to the ground beside the bed. His breath caught in his throat when she reached behind her back and unclasped her bra, letting it slide down her arms and to the floor. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he lowered his eyes. Her skin was pale and smooth in the moonlight; her hair shimmered against her shoulders, resting seductively over the curves of her breasts.

Desire raged through him when she opened her arms to him invitingly. His lips met hers again and Ginny could taste the heightened passion in his kiss. Her arms wrapped around his neck when he leaned her back onto the mattress, shifting his weight so his body was partially covering hers.

She lifted her hips when he unbuttoned her trousers and tugged them down with her knickers, tossing them to the floor. She was completely naked beneath him, and Harry suddenly felt every last one of his fantasies coming true. He watched Ginny's eyes close when his hand slid up her leg slowly, stopping only inches away from where he knew she wanted to be touched. Ginny held her breath in anticipation, her hips lifting desperately against his hand.

Watching her, Harry cupped her gently, sliding a finger deep inside of her. Her eyes shot open as she gasped, her hips jerking in surprise. Quickly, Harry leaned forward, sliding his mouth over hers to swallow her sharp cries. His lips were gentle, his strokes firm. Ginny felt the warmth building in the pit of her stomach as her hand clutched the sheets. The intense sensation built and only heightened when his mouth made its way down to her breasts.

A shiver of excitement shivered through her when he pulled a taunt peak into his mouth. Ginny lifting her hips slowly, matching the rhythm Harry had set. She felt like she was soaring, the sharp tingling inside of her growing more intense, so much that it almost frightened her. She heard him whisper her name and she managed to open her eyes, however briefly to look to at him before they fell shut again and the world around her exploded.

She turned her head to the side, breathing in deeply as her vision settled and cleared once again. She felt incredibly relaxed, almost smug. But the need for completion was still there, tugging at her from inside.

Harry slid his tongue over each pointed nipple, his arousal pressing heavily against her thigh. Her fingernails gripped his hard shoulders as she moaned, her hips instinctively lifting to rub against his own. Feeling he might snap if he wasn't inside her, Harry shifted and tugged his boxers off before resting between her thighs, eager to fill every inch of her. He paused when he felt her tense beneath him. Placing one hand on each side of her face, he pulled some of his weight off her and met her gaze.

"I hurt you before," he whispered, trying to ignore the tinge of pain that seared his heart when she lowered her lashes in reply. He leaned down, his lips barely brushing hers. "I promise it'll be better this time..."

 

As he spoke, he slid inside of her slowly, hearing her soft gasp against his lips as she bowed back, her legs lifting to wrap around his waist. He didn't move, but turned to rest his forehead against her shoulder as she became adjusted to his body. She was so tight and warm around him that he had to bite down on the urge to drive madly into her and find the sweet release she offered him. He groaned when he felt her muscles contracting around him while her hands roamed across his back freely, her fingertips leaving a burning trail of need across his skin.

 

Lifting his head, he felt his fingers clenching in the sheets on either side of her face. When he was able to find his voice, he whispered her name and watched her eyes open to look at him. The usual bright chocolate eyes were now dark and smouldering with arousal. Slowly, he began to move inside of her, smooth strokes that caused her lips to part with each trembling breath.

 

Ginny let her lashes lower as the swamp of sensations flooded her. She felt him push deeper inside of her and let out a small moan as she lifted to meet him. It was so different then before. What had been dull discomfort before was now replaced by the most amazing...

 

Her eyes fluttered open as she gasped at the new sensation. His movements were still slow and easy, but her body was burning, racing towards something she wasn't quite sure of. Her fingers dug into the sides of his waist as his thrusts grew firmer. He was whispering things to her, delightful, unbelievable things. 

 

She let out a small cry as she came around him. She floated on it, her body slowly finding its way back to reality. She looked up at him then, their eyes connecting.

 

Harry's own breathing was ragged as she throbbed around him. Watching her let go beneath him, feeling her clamp around him with those tight muscles...hearing the broken cry from her lips. It only heightened the need to come inside of her. His movements never faltered when her arms fell limply from his waist to the bed, her body still recovering from the last onslaught of emotion.

 

Wanting more, he took her hands in his and lifted them over her head, his fingers intertwining with hers. "Stay with me, Ginny," he whispered, before his lips captured hers. She groaned loudly as he began to plunge harder inside of her, his tongue sliding against hers desperately.

 

Ginny's legs tightened around his waist and she began to thrust her hips upward to meet him, pleased when she heard a strangled growl in his throat. He tore his lips away from hers, burying his face in her hair when he felt the familiar sparks of release begin to build rapidly. His movements became only more frantic when her loud cries echoed in the room. Deeper...harder still...he worked them both to the edge and let out his own cry as he stiffened, draining himself inside of her.

 

Ginny clenched her eyes shut tightly as the second orgasm slammed into her, startling and drowning her. She let out one long shuddering breath, her mind and body then emptied of all energy and thought. 

 

She could feel Harry's heart pounding against her chest as his weight shifted on top of her. She might have been uncomfortable, but she couldn't feel anything but the drugging afterglow. Several moments passed and the room was soon quiet except for their uneven breathing.

 

Harry hadn't moved from her yet, his fingers still wrapped around her own, their bodies still joined. She would have said something if she were sure she would be able to find her voice. But he moved several moments later, rolling off of her and shifting to his side. She turned to look at him and saw his eyes were closed. She shifted awkwardly and felt her heart beginning to beat painfully. What should she say? What should she do? The last time he had asked her to leave. Would this be no different? Swallowing she looked at him once more. He was breathing steadily, as if he were asleep.

 

A little embarrassed, she pulled herself up and began searching for her clothes that had been strewn about. When she moved to slide off the bed, she felt his hand wrap gently around her arm. Startled, she turned to look at him. He was watching her quietly, question in his eyes.

 

"I...I was just going to..." she trailed off, her cheeks beginning to heat.

 

"Don't go."

 

Ginny felt the intense pressure lift from her chest as he pulled her down to his side. She let out a small breath and laid her head on his chest, her arm draped over his damp chest. 

 

Harry's fingers slid lazily through her hair and the soothing rhythm soon had eyes closing. Listening to the quiet beating of his heart, Ginny let herself give in to the sleep that beckoned her.

 

His arm was curled around her shoulders tightly, almost possessively. Harry stared blankly at the ceiling for a long time after, breathing in deeply to clear his mind. His body and soul were sated, emptied of any doubt and fear. The only thing filling his senses at that moment was lying asleep in his arms. Finally allowing the small smile to tug at his lips, Harry closed his eyes, and for the first time in a year, fell into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.


	9. Falling Apart

Falling Apart

Why, do you always do this to me?  
Why, couldn't you just see through me?  
How come, you act like this  
Like you just don't care at all

Do you expect me to believe I was the only one to fall?  
I could feel I could feel you near me, even though you're far away  
I could feel I could feel you

****

When Harry's eyes fluttered open the next morning, he blinked several times, his mind wrapped in confusion as the sunlight poured inside his bedroom. It couldn't possibly be morning. Could it? Feeling extremely well rested, Harry realized he had slept through the night. He hadn't woken up once...and he hadn't had any nightmares. At least none that he could remember.

He closed his eyes when he smelled the vanilla scent of her hair on his pillow. His lips curved in a smile as he rolled over, his arm instinctively reaching for Ginny. When he felt nothing but the rumpled sheets, he opened his eyes and realized she was gone.

Ignoring the disappointed tug at his heart, Harry pushed the sheets aside and grabbed his boxers. Tugging them on, he opened his door and made his way to the loo. He remained hopeful he would find her naked in the shower, so he could join her. But when he pushed open the door, the room was dark and empty.

It was then he frowned and realized she had meant to leave without telling him. Undressing, Harry stepped into the shower and turned on the water before scrubbing his hands over his face. He then leaned his arms against the tiles and let the water run hot down his body.

It was probably better that she left, he told himself, ignoring the licks of pain inside of him as he grabbed the soap. No, really, he was glad she was gone. This way they didn't have to face the awkward "morning after" conversation that he constantly dreaded, which is exactly why he’d never allowed a woman to stay overnight before.

Shaking his head, Harry flipped off the water before grabbing the nearest towel hanging from the rack beside the shower and wrapping it quickly around his waist. It was just a shag after all...there was no reason for her to stay.

Harry made his way out into the hallway and back into his room. As he searched for clothes, Harry couldn't help but remember the night before. She had been so beautiful, lying beneath him, her eyes clouded with pleasure as they gave themselves to each other. For the first time in a long time, Harry had felt alive. No worries clouding his mind, no nightmares haunting his sleep.

He closed his eyes, certain he could still smell her on his newly scrubbed skin. He found himself wanting her again and shook his head, trying to get the images of her out of his mind. He wondered if it was possible to become addicted to someone. Because he couldn't seem to get enough of her. The thought alone brought the unpleasant feeling of responsibility. He had nothing to give her, no commitment to promise. But she had to have known that, otherwise she wouldn't have snuck out while he was still sleeping.

With his stomach twisting in knots, he left his bedroom, shutting the door tightly as if that would block out memories of her. She deserved something else...someone else. Someone like Oliver, he thought bitterly. He could give her everything she needed and wanted. Surely she knew that...

Dejected, Harry entered the kitchen, surprised to see Sirius still home and at the kitchen table, reading the Daily Prophet and sipping from a mug.

"Good morning," Sirius said with a quick raise of his eyebrow as Harry grunted a response. "Everything alright?"

"Oh, everything is just brilliant," Harry said, a slight bite in his tone. He focused on making his tea for several moments before he decided to release some of the frustration inside of him. Whirling around from the counter, he shot Sirius an offending glare. "Why didn't you tell me about Mr. Weasley?"

Recognizing the defense in his godson's eyes, Sirius set his tea down slowly.

"The Ministry wants to keep it under wraps until he's appointed formally next week."

"That's complete bullshit," Harry snapped, turning back to his tea. "Mr. Weasley told me last night...he told the whole bloody brigade."

Sirius watched as Harry looked around for his wand before he settled on a spoon to stir his tea furiously. "I would doubt any member of Arthur's family would go visit the Daily Prophet with a tell all interview..."

"I'm your family, Sirius. You couldn't tell me?"

"I could have," he said carefully. "But I thought Arthur would have liked to have been the one to tell you the news. He thinks of you as a son--"

"Well, I'm your godson." Harry pointed out, tossing the spoon into the sink.

"Why don't you tell me what's really wrong," Sirius said quietly.

"It's nothing," he said shortly, turning to pull out a chair and slumping miserably onto it.

"Does this have anything to do with Ginny?"

Harry's eyes snapped up to Sirius, his hand wrapping tightly around his cup. "Why do you always think it has to do with Ginny?"

Sirius lifted a shoulder, his eyes never wavering from Harry's. "I happened to see her sneaking out this morning...quite early in fact."

Harry took a slow drink of his tea to ease the dryness in his throat before shrugging. "So what?"

He jumped slightly when Sirius slapped the newspaper on the table in front of him before leaning forward. His eyes were dark, his face grim.

"You're treating that poor girl like one of your tarts, and you're going to sit there and say 'so what' to me?"

Harry pressed his lips together tightly, shame burning up his neck. "I'm not treating her like a tart, Sirius."

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't you with your...Hogwarts friend the night before last?"

Harry shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "What does that have to do with anything?"

Sirius leaned back in his chair, his fingers tapping quietly on the wood. "To some women, Harry, it has a lot to do with everything."

Harry was silent, his eyes lowering to stare blankly into the amber liquid of his tea. Sirius paused a moment, before continuing.

"She's a lovely girl, Ginny. She's sweet, and kind and she's been in love with you for half of her life. Not to mention the fact that she's the only daughter of the family that took you in like you were their own," Sirius said, a hint of warning in his voice.

"Jesus, you would think Ginny can't make her own decisions!" Harry said, leaning back in the chair. "She's not a bloody baby. She's eighteen years old. If she wants to have a quick shag, that's her business."

"Is that what it was? A quick shag?" Sirius folded his arms across his chest.

Very calmly, Harry lifted his eyes to Sirius's. "What else could it have possibly been?"

Sirius shook his head and stood, carrying his half empty cup of tea to the sink. "And she's fine with that? You two have agreed it was just a one night fling?"

When Harry remained silent, Sirius moved to stand in front of him, looking down at him questioningly. "Did you two even talk about it? Or did you let her leave here thinking you've finally committed yourself to something?"

Harry's eyes flashed with anger when his head snapped up to look at Sirius. "Fine. What do you want me to do? Do you want me to skip on over to Hogsmeade and buy her a pound of Honeyduke's chocolate? Maybe pick up a couple dozen flowers on the way? Then I can wander to the Leaky Cauldron and get down on my knee to recite a goddamn sonnet."

"I don't appreciate the sarcasm, Harry," Sirius said shortly. "However, I think you may be onto something. Because all those things are certainly something Ginny deserves. Are you able to give them to her?"

"No, I'm not," Harry snapped. "If Ginny's expecting romance and commitment, she's with the wrong guy."

Harry had begun to stand when Sirius placed a strong hand on his shoulder, pushing him hard into the chair. Harry's mouth snapped shut when Sirius leaned over, his eyes bright with anger.

"If you want nothing but a meaningless shag, get someone else. Ginny's too good for that and you know it. If you don't want to listen to me, fine. But you should remember the five older brothers that might have something to say about it."

"Are you done?" Harry asked, attempting to stand up again. He sighed in frustration when Sirius pushed him down once more.

"Almost," Sirius responded, his tone just as hard. "If that isn't enough to convince you, maybe you need to think about how disappointed Arthur and Molly would be to know you're using their daughter for your own sexual release."

Harry felt the iron fist around his heart loosen, replaced by the beginning sparks of guilt. His resisted the urge to look away from Sirius's unwavering gaze, despite the heat rising in his face.

"When are you going to stop treating me like I'm a baby?" Harry asked through gritted teeth.

"When you stop acting like one." Sirius turned and grabbed his robes and wand, and without another word headed out of the back door to Apparate to the Ministry, closing the door loudly behind him.

Harry felt a whoosh of air exhale from his body as he leaned down, placing his head down on his crossed arms over the table. He knew Ginny deserved better, and if he didn't, Harry had enough people telling him so. But a part of him didn't care. He wanted to be selfish about it. He wanted to have her whenever he pleased, without the complications of commitment and responsibility.

Sighing, Harry pulled himself up, knowing things never happened that way. He would just have to make her hate him. It was always easier that way. Pushing away was better than trying to make it work, and hurting her worse in the end.

And then she would get over it and move on.

But question still remained inside of him. Would he?

******

Ginny found herself unable to stop smiling the whole day at work. Her good mood must have rubbed off on the patrons because they left more sickles on the table for her than usual. She forced herself to stop glancing at her watch at midday, telling herself that the small hand inching its way towards "Home" would not move any faster unless she used magic.

She moved behind the bar when Hermione and Ron walked in. Ginny's smile grew wider as she waved to her friend and brother.

They made their way to the bar and Ron set his wand down before shrugging out of his robes. "It's too bloody humid today..."

Hermione rolled her eyes and shook her head with a smile. "He's done nothing but complain all day..."

"Do you want some water Ron?" Ginny asked with a smile, interrupting Ron's sharp retort. He all but stuck his tongue out at Hermione before turning to Ginny.

"No thanks," he said, laying his robes over his arm. "I have to get to Harry's...we're going for testing together."

Hermione gave Ginny a questioning look when she blushed slightly at Harry's name. Ginny caught her eye and suppressed a grin.

"Alright then. Tell Harry I said good luck, will you?"

"Right." Ron turned to Hermione and pulled her close, whispering something in her ear that had her cheeks heating and a smile tugging at her lips. She gave him a quick slap on the arm and before she could reply, Ron's lips were on hers, quick and hard before he pulled away to leave, a large grin on his face. "See you."

Ginny observed with amusement that Hermione watched him leave with her own silly grin on her face. She only snapped back to attention when he had disappeared out of sight.

"You don't want to know," Hermione said quickly, her cheeks pink.

"I wasn't going to ask," Ginny laughed.

"So..." Hermione pulled herself up onto a stool and studied Ginny. "What's going on?"

Though she still smiled, Ginny avoided Hermione's eyes, rearranging a few glasses. "What do you mean?"

Hermione leaned over and grabbed the sleeve of Ginny's t-shirt. "You're not telling me something!"

Setting a glass down slowly, Ginny glanced around at the group of witches who were flirting shamelessly with Seamus only a few seats down. "Seamus, do you mind if I wander to the back for a moment?"

He waved his hand impatiently, never breaking from his conversation. Shaking her head, Ginny motioned towards the hallway with her head. "Come on..."

"Ginny, what's going on?" Hermione asked when Ginny pulled her down the hallway towards the back. They didn't notice Ron who had hurried inside, his eyes searching frantically.

"Ron! Looking for something?" Seamus asked, excusing himself from the witches he had been chatting up and making his way down to Ron who had suddenly grabbed something on the bar.

Ron lifted his wand triumphantly in his fist. "I was. And I found it. You didn't see Hermione leave did you? I forgot to ask her something..."

Seamus nodded and used his finger to point towards the hall. "I haven't seen her leave yet, so she's probably still in the back with Ginny."

Ron nodded. "Thanks, mate."

Seamus went back to his conversation as Ron moved around to the hallway. He frowned slightly at the whispered conversation around the corner and paused when he heard Harry's name.

Hermione shook her head in confusion. "What happened?"

"Well...we...you know..."

Hermione's eyes widened as she grabbed Ginny's arm in surprise. "Honestly? When?"

Ginny nodded, her eyes sparkling. "Last night. For Merlin's sake, I'm giggling like one of the Patil twins. It's rather sickening."

Hermione laughed. "You've every right to be happy, Ginny. It's about time too." Her smile was wide and genuine as she pulled Ginny into a hug. "I was so worried for him...but I'm relieved now, because he has you."

Ginny grinned happily. "It was...perfect. So much different than our first time. And all I keep thinking about now is how much I want this shift to be over so I can just go and see him. It's killing me."

Hermione frowned slightly. "What about Oliver?"

"Oliver? What about--" Realization crossed her face as Ginny remembered their planned outing. "Oliver! I completely forgot..."

"What are you going to do?"

"Well, I'll just have to explain things to him when he arrives tonight," Ginny said finally, retying her loose apron. "I'm sure he'll understand. I mean, I haven't been seeing him at all...he's a friend."

Hermione nodded, intertwining her arm with Ginny's as they headed back towards the front. "Are you going to Harry's after work?"

"Well I don't know now. I mean, maybe I should just have dinner with Oliver...as a friend. I could see Harry afterwards."

"Does Harry know you’re going to be out with Oliver?" Hermione asked, her face showing quick concern.

Ginny moved back behind the bar, wiping her hands on her apron as she considered. "No...I don't think I told him. You don't think he would mind do you?"

Hermione was silent for a moment while she considered. "Honestly, I think you should at least tell him. You don't want someone else mentioning it and Harry getting the wrong idea, right?"

Ginny shook her head quickly, frowning at the thought. "Of course not...I just..."

"I can go talk to him if you want," Hermione asked, glancing at her watch. "I have a couple minutes before I have to be at the Ministry."

"No," Ginny replied with a wave of her hand. "I'll be alright. I'll stop by on my break and talk with him." She smiled quickly. "It will give me an excuse to see him earlier."

Laughing Hermione reached out and squeezed Ginny's hand quickly. "You've got the right idea. I've got to be off, but make sure you come see me tomorrow."

"Of course." Ginny waved a quick goodbye as Hermione headed towards the door, offering quick greeting to Parvati who had just stepped in. Ginny probably would have groaned in irritation that Parvati was making her way towards her, but even Parvati couldn't douse Ginny's good mood.

Parvati smiled at Seamus as she slid onto the bar stool and asked for a glass of water.

"Where's Lavender? It's strange to see one of you here without the other," Ginny commented and handed her a glass.

"She's meeting me here for a bit of shopping," Parvati replied and took a quick sip of her drink. "Honestly, whenever a boy acts like...well, a boy, we always go shopping and spend too much, as if that's going to make it any better."

Ginny suppressed a laugh and began placing the clean mugs away. "What happened?"

"Harry." Parvati took another sip of her drink and didn't notice when Ginny straightened quickly, confusion evident on her face.

"Harry? What did he do?"

Parvati swallowed her drink and looked around for any perked up ears before leaning forward. "Well, we were shagging the night before last. And after, he just becomes a total prat. You know how guys are. Sweet and suave before they bed you, then they turn into total buggers."

Ginny swallowed painfully and felt all her nerves puddle in her stomach, mixing uncomfortably. Harry hadn't slept with Parvati the night before her, had he? It couldn't be possible. She felt the color drain from her face and she attempted to focus on finishing her task. As casually as she could, she looked up at Parvati. "And what did you do?"

"I kicked him out of course! I mean, don't get me wrong, he was bloody fantastic...I mean, sweaty, scratching up the back incredible, but..."

Parvati's voice faded away as she continued to ramble on, but Ginny heard none of it. She placed a shaking hand against her stomach, suddenly feeling incredibly ill. She remembered see the faint pink lines on Harry's shoulders...she remembered being concerned about them and Harry's nonchalant response about...about goddamn bug bites. They were scratches...fingernail scratches. He had gotten them whilst shagging Parvati.

Lifting a hand to her mouth and feeling nauseous, Ginny tore off her apron and turned to Seamus, cutting off Parvati's complaints about the male race.

"Seamus...I have to leave for a little while...I'll be back before the lunchtime rush?, I promise."

"Hey, no problem...is everything alright? Did Ron find Hermione?" he asked, watching as she made her way around the bar and headed towards the entrance.

She didn't answer him, but shoved open the door and headed quickly to the path that would lead her to Harry.

***

But Ron was far ahead of her. He stormed inside Sirius' house, not bothering to slam the door behind him as his eyes darted around the room, resting immediately on the untidy head of dark hair bent over the newspaper at the kitchen table. Seething, he crossed the room with long strides, his fingers flexing at his sides.

Harry's head jerked up at the intrusion, relief flowing through his body when he saw it was only Ron. Before he could question Ron's grim __expression, his eyes drifted down, noticing the clenched fists as his friend headed towards him. Harry got to his feet cautiously, setting The Daily Prophet on the wood table as he eyed Ron with curiosity.

But curiosity quickly changed to surprise as Ron reached out and grabbed Harry by the collar with one hand, pushing him back against the wall.

"Ron! What the fu--"

"Did you sleep with my sister last night?" he asked, his face already burning with rage.

Harry studied him for a moment, considering. "Only for a couple hours. We spent most of the night shagging."

Though he knew it was coming, Harry didn't move when Ron's fist flew forward and connected with his jaw. His head snapped back from the blow, pain bursting throughout every bone in his jaw. He deserved this, he thought, groaning as blood pooled into his mouth, he deserved a lot worse.

"You dirty, rotten wanker," Ron yelled, jerking Harry away from the wall and shoving him roughly into the refrigerator door. Harry flinched, biting back on the pain when Ron thrust him against the door again.

"I asked you to stay away from her, didn't I? You're in no mental state for a relationship and Ginny doesn't need to put up with your bloody bullshit like the rest of us do."

Because it hit deep, Harry winced, though he tried to tell himself it was because of his throbbing lip. "For Merlin's sake, Ron. It didn't mean anything-"

"Oh, really?" The protective tone had Harry sighing in frustration.

"Really. It was a mistake. It sounds like a pathetic excuse, but I turned to her for comfort, and she gave it to me.

"So you used her," he growled.

"Yeah, I suppose I did..." The blood flew when Ron's punched him again, aiming for his nose. "Bloody fucking hell, Ron!"

"You told me," he shouted, shaking Harry angrily, "You told me you wouldn't touch her, you fucking twat!"

Feeling his temper beginning to boil, Harry lifted his hands and shoved Ron away from him, licking his lip swiftly over the blood seeping from the split on his lip. He ignored the tremors of fear the smell of blood still stirred inside of him. "Well, I lied, didn't I? But she came to me. Both times, she came to me."

"Both times?" Ron asked dangerously, his eyes narrowing. "This happened before?"

Harry cursed under his breath and sighed. There would be no point in lying to Ron now. Despite the pain, Harry nodded. "But it was awhile ago, I didn't--"

His breath caught in his throat when Ron slammed him against the wall again, his fist pummelling into his stomach.

"Keep it up, Harry, I've got plenty of energy to get rid of," Ron threatened.

Through the coughing, Harry managed a bitter laugh. He lifted his head, his cold gaze clashing with the fire in Ron's eyes. "She was a virgin too, did I mention that?"

Ron threw his fist again, watching Harry stumble and slump against the wall.

"Anything else, mate?"

"What else do you need, mate?" Harry asked sarcastically. "Hit me again. Make yourself feel better."

Ron felt the threads of anger begin to unravel inside of him as he watched his best friend's eyes fill with self-disgust and pity.

"Harry..." he began softly, his knuckles cracking when he unfisted his hand.

"Come on!" Harry yelled, pushing away from the wall and shoving Ron roughly into the edge of the table, "I fucked your sister! I used her! You're just going to knock me around a couple times and let it go?"

Ron said nothing, his eyes unwavering from Harry's as Harry pushed him again. "Harry--"

"Hit me, Ron!" Harry shouted, his voice cracking with emotion as his fingers gripped Ron's robes. His shouting turned to desperate pleading. "Hit me...dammit!"

Harry jerked Ron away and turned from him, slamming his own fist into the kitchen wall. Though the sharp jolts of pain shuddered through his fist, he was pleased to hear the dry wall crack quietly, giving away under his anger.

"Harry," Ron began again but then trailed off, unsure of what to say. He grimaced as he flexed his hands, beginning to feel the soreness in his own bones.

Harry closed his eyes briefly, leaning his forehead against the cool wall as his breathing slowed. He could hear the sympathy and understanding in Ron's voice. It bit into him with sharper teeth than any punch Ron could throw at him. Struggling to find composure, Harry rubbed his hand over his face and sat back down in his chair, his head resting in his palm.

Ron grabbed a washcloth from Sirius's counter and dampened it under the taps. He hesitated but then crossed the room and sat beside his friend, handing it to him.

"Thanks," Harry mumbled and lifted the cloth to his lips, wincing slightly.

"Harry, I wish I could say I'm sorry for doing that, but I'm not," Ron said honestly, rubbing the ache in the nape of his neck.

Harry shrugged and shifted, wiping at the blood that had dried under his nose. "You shouldn't apologize, I deserved it. You shouldn't have stopped so soon."

"You care about her, don't you?" Ron asked quietly, rolling his eyes when Harry eyed him suspiciously. "Don't be thick, Harry, I'm not going to pummel you for admitting you have feelings for my sister."

He sighed, and set the bloody cloth on the edge of the table. He would have to clean it before Sirius got home and started asking more questions. "I...don't know how I feel about her. I just know she comforts me."

"You’ve got yourself a long list of comforters, Harry. My sister is too damn good to be on that list." Ron paused a moment, waiting until Harry turned his head to look at him. "Stay away from her."

Harry eyed his friend, wishing Hermione was there to perform her healing charms on his bruises. "Listen, it's over between Ginny and me, Ron. In fact, nothing ever really began. I promise you...I won't touch her again. I'll talk to her."

"If you hurt her again, I'll--"

"You'll hurt me. I know," Harry finished for him sharply.

"Harry, it's not that I think you're not good enough for Ginny--"

"That's okay. I'm not good enough for her," Harry admitted, leaning back in his chair.

Ron was silent as he considered Harry's words. "I'm really sorry you're going through...whatever it is you're going through. I wish I could understand it..."

Harry waved his hand dismissively, "I don't even understand it. I don't really want to talk about it." Even as he spoke, the felt the lump beginning to form in his throat. He wondered how Ron would react if he saw Harry get emotional. A smile wanted to form, but stopped before the split in his lip opened again. He would probably pat him awkwardly on top of the head like he did with Hermione when they were thirteen and Hermione had flung herself in his arms, sobbing.

Ron nodded, and grabbed his wand from his robes, quickly getting rid of the blood that had dripped onto Harry's robes. "Are you going to be okay?"

"I'll be okay, I think I need to clean up before Auror testing," Harry said dryly, standing from the table and rubbing his aching stomach.

Ron nodded and watched Harry turn to head up the stairs. Only then did Ron moan in pain as he clenched his fingers together. He had forgotten Harry had become more built since Hogwarts. Whimpering only slightly, Ron hoped Hermione had gone ahead to the Ministry. He could use a few drugging kisses...and more than one healing spell on his bones. 

***

Numbly Ginny made her way back towards Diagon Alley, her arms wrapped tightly around her body. She had stumbled upon Ron and Harry's fight moments earlier, and was about to run inside and break it up when she heard Harry tell Ron she hadn't meant anything to him. He had chalked it up to...comfort...even mocking whatever it was they had shared the night before.

When she heard him laugh and tell Ron she had been a virgin Ginny had turned and walked away, not caring if her brother beat him to a bloody pile on the kitchen floor. She knew if she had stayed, she would have done much worse.

Ginny let out a long breath, trying to ease the sharp pain that had built in her chest. It stabbed sharply inside of her whenever she thought of the night before...he had wanted to her to stay with him. She had slept in his arms until morning crept in and she reluctantly had to leave. The Harry she heard in Sirius's kitchen today was very different than the Harry she had made love to the night before.

Finally allowing the emotion to bubble over, Ginny quickly wiped the falling tears from her face, while scolding herself for thinking he might have changed. She had seen glimpses of the old Harry in him at The Burrow. She had desperately clung to them, telling herself he was going to be okay. She had been foolish enough to make herself believe they could finally be together. Instead, she was nothing more than another "Parvati".

Shaking her head, Ginny quickly dried her wet cheeks before entering the Leaky Cauldron. Her eyes set upon a pretty young woman speaking with Seamus behind the bar. When he looked up and saw her, Seamus smiled and waved her over.

Ginny plastered a weak smile on her face and headed behind the bar, picking up her apron from where she had thrown it earlier.

"Ginny...this is Clara. She's going to be helping us out around here.

Ginny shook her hand and exchanged polite greetings before she turned and threw herself into the rest of her shift. All she wanted was to just go home and curl up in bed for a week. Maybe even learn a Memory Charm to erase all memories of Harry from her mind forever.

Finally three o'clock rolled around and she wiped her hand across her forehead, her body tired, her feet aching. Clara was a pleasant person and she and Ginny had got along wonderfully. Training her had kept Ginny's mind and body busy enough that she hadn't noticed the physical...or emotional aches until she was finally ready to go home.

She pulled off her apron, her eyes lifting when the door opened. Her eyes widened when Oliver stepped in, shooting her a quick smile. Ginny lifted a hand to her hair, which she knew had to look hideous. She had completely forgotten about Oliver.

"Ginny," he said with another smile when he approached the bar.

"Oliver, I'm so sorry. I'm a mess...do you mind waiting a few minutes?"

You know I don't," he replied and gave her hand a quick squeeze.

She sighed in relief and grabbed her wand before hurrying down the hall to the women's loo. Inside she smoothed her skirt and tugged at her blouse, thankful she had decided to dress up a bit more for work that day. Of course she’d had every intention of going to Harry's afterward...

Shaking her head, Ginny used her wand to fix her hair, letting it fall loosely over her shoulders. She performed a quick beauty charm, thankful when it added a bit of colour to her pale face.

There, she thought, I certainly don't look like someone who just had their heart torn out and crushed for a second time.

Feeling the onslaught of sadness rush through her, Ginny leaned forward against the sink counter and rested her face in her hands. Just breathe, she told herself, inhaling deeply. Crying would mess up the work she had just done to her face. Harry wasn't worth it...he wasn't...

Smoothing her hair, Ginny slipped her wand inside of her robes and walked outside, her stomach twisting when she spotted Harry. He was standing against the wall across from her, his hands resting casually in his trouser pockets.

"Hi," he said quietly, pushing away from the wall to stand in front of her.

"What...what are you doing here?"

"I saw you heading back here a few minutes ago. I thought maybe we could talk."

She took his arm and pulled him towards the back of the tavern where Seamus stocked the supplies, away from the noise. Away from Oliver. 

"So talk..." she said quietly, folding her arms across her chest.

Harry looked around uncomfortably, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Could we go somewhere else?"

"No," she replied shortly. "I think here is just fine..."

Harry tilted his head to the side, giving her an inquisitive stare. "You were gone this morning, when I woke up--"

"I had to work...I left you a note. Although I'm not sure why it bothers you that I was gone. I suppose you were relieved."

He flinched slightly at her tone, confusion bubbling up inside of him. "Look, maybe we should go somewhere else--"

“I'm going out with Oliver tonight, Harry...he's waiting for me."

He studied her for a moment, half in fury, half in disbelief. "What the bloody hell are you talking about?"

"Look, I think you would be doing us a both a favor if you didn't make a scene about it." She lowered her voice, a sick side of her pleased when he paled slightly. "Now what did you need to talk to me about?"

Temper sparked in Harry's eyes quickly. "Maybe I'm just a little confused right now about why the hell you're going out with Oliver Wood."

"Who knows? Maybe the same reason you went home with Parvati Patil," she snapped, the fury inside of her causing her heart to pound painfully against her chest.

He let his hand fall limply to his side. "How do you know about that?"

"I'm sorry, was I not suppose to find out?" Ginny blinked back her tears. She wasn't going to cry. Not in front of him. "Did you honestly think shagging a woman who's constantly running her mouth around me wouldn't mention the 'bloody fantastic' night she spent with the Boy Who Lived?"

His mouth snapped shut tightly as his eyes darkened. "What happened with Parvati was before you and I--"

"That doesn't make it right. You lied to me."

"Bloody hell I did! We weren't together. I've shagged women before we were together and after we broke up," he snapped, watching her eyes fill with hurt. "I wanted you, and I couldn't have you. But that didn’t mean I was going to become a bloody priest."

"Would you be okay if I had been with Oliver?"

Something flashed in his eyes she didn't quite recognize but she didn't wait for his reply. "Would you be okay knowing I had been kissing him, and been naked with him? That I let him make love to me only hours before you?"

A muscle in his jaw twitched as he stared at her. Even the thought made him sick to his stomach. But it was best not to let that show. "I wouldn't care. And you shouldn't care about Parvati. It's not a big deal."

"You lied to me...about the scratches on your back." Her voice was quiet. "You let me heal them..."

"I didn't ask you to heal anything. It's not my fault you were naive enough not to know what they were--"

Ginny let out a noise of disgust and went to move past him. "You're unbelievable."

The slippery grip of panic seized him tightly, surprising him. He stepped in front of her path, causing her to take a quick step back. "Look, Ginny. I'm sorry, alright?"

She shook her head, as though she didn't believe him. "Fine. You're sorry. Now I have to go."

The defenses built quickly and he moved again to block her way. "I thought you were in here making time with Oliver, Ginny. Parvati told me she saw you two snogging like there was no tomorrow. What else was I supposed to do?"

Her eyes widened and she let out a bitter laugh. "So this is my fault? Parvati tells you one thing and you immediately jump her because you don't know 'what else to do'?"

"I told you I was sorry." He was not going to beg...he wasn't...he wasn't. "What else do you want from me?"

"Nothing," she said simply, the hollow pit inside her stomach growing. "If it makes you feel better, fine, I can forget about Parvati."

He nodded slowly before swallowing hard. Damn his pride. "Are you still going out with Oliver?"

She gave him a quick, confused look. "Of course I am."

"So you're just going to shag him to get back at me?"

"I'm not going to shag him, Harry," Ginny hissed, her face flushing with embarrassment. "I'm going to have dinner with him. But if the night ends up in his bed, I certainly won't be complaining."

The amused glint in Harry's eyes was quickly wiped away, replaced by coldness. "If you're trying to set me off, it's working."

"I'm not trying to set you off, Harry. I just think it's perfectly clear to both of us what happened last night. You've got your fill of me, and I got my fill of you. It was pleasant. And now it's over."

Though it was exactly what he should have wanted her to say, it still hurt worse than any punch Ron had managed to throw earlier. "So you're saying last night meant nothing to you. That you wanted me then, but now you don't?"

"That's right," she lied, lifting her chin with a bit of defiance. "But thanks for the lovely evening."

When she went to move around him, his hand shot out and wrapped around her arm. She closed her eyes breathing in deeply, knowing she should have walked away from him at that moment, but her feet refused to move. Instead, she let him turn her around and pull her towards him.

She opened her eyes to find him watching her, his eyes silent and thoughtful. He lifted his hands to cup either side of her face, his thumbs wiping away the stray tears that had fallen from her eyes onto her cheeks. He rested his forehead against hers, his eyes closing as he inhaled her scent.

"Tell me you don't want me..."

She let go of a shaky breath when he began to lower his lips to hers. Feeling the undeniable pull, she let her eyes shut again when he kissed her. Her lips began to part when her senses came barrelling through her.

"No," she whispered hoarsely, twisting away from him. "You can't do that Harry." He thrust out an arm to block her way and shifted, caging her in between his arms against the wall.

"Do what?" he asked silently.

His closeness unsettled her. It caused her to shiver slightly at the look in his eyes. But she shook her head, despite the emotion in her voice. "You can't just say you're sorry and think that's going to make everything alright. You can't say last night meant nothing to you, then kiss me."

Frustration and desperation snapped inside of him as he slammed his hands against the wall angrily, causing her to flinch slightly. "Fine, then tell me what do!"

Her cheeks were suddenly dry, her face clear of any emotion. "You want me to tell you what to do? Okay. Leave me alone. Please."

Finally resigned, Harry stared at her for a moment before he stepped back, his arms falling to his sides as she hurried away.

Harry watched her cross the room and smile shakily at Oliver. He looked away quickly when he saw Oliver take her hand in his and when he finally gathered the courage to look up again, they were gone.

Harry slid his hands through his hair and slumped down on one of the crates stacked against the wall. So this is what it was like to feel completely helpless. With his head resting limply in his hands, Harry wondered how the hell he managed to fuck it all up so quickly.


	10. Changes

Ginny was trying desperately not to let her confrontation with Harry dampen her evening with Oliver. As they were walking through Diagon Alley, he turned to her, giving her hand a slight squeeze.

"Are you hungry?"

"I'm starving," she replied with a small smile, wondering why she was focusing so much on the feel of Oliver's fingers intertwined with hers.

"Good, I've got just the place to take you then," he said, leading her down the pebble street she realized would lead her to Harry and Sirius's. They walked slowly down the street, passing several rows of flats. She gave him a curious smile when he led her up the stone steps of one and turned to look at her in front of the large oak door.

"I have to say, this place is rather cozy and has excellent pasta," Oliver said with a grin. "Oh, and the owner has a bit of an interest in Quidditch."

Ginny felt her heart begin to pound when she realized they were at Oliver's flat. He pulled out his wand and unlocked the door before pushing it open and leading her inside.

Her eyes rested immediately upon the kitchen area. The table was filled with bowls and plates of food and a bottle of wine. The room was lit solely by candles and a fire roaring in the stone hearth.

Ginny suddenly felt her palms dampen with nervousness as she swallowed. She jumped slightly when Oliver touched her shoulders, pulling her robes off.

"Restaurants, especially Muggle restaurants, are loud and crowded," he explained, obviously noticing her nervous reaction. "And I wanted to be able to spend some time alone with you. I hope you don't mind."

"No, of course not. It's exactly what I would prefer," Ginny replied with a smile. "I didn't know you could cook."

"My mum loves to cook, my dad loves Quidditch. I guess I took an unhealthy interest in both," Oliver told her. "Have a look if you want. Would you like some wine?"

"Oh, please. Thank you." Ginny's eyes began to wander around the room, and she found herself moving closer to inspect the various Quidditch plaques and awards. Several front page headlines from the Daily Prophet were framed and featured photos of Oliver and the Puddlemere United team, holding large trophies.

As she made her way around the room, she came across the large oak bookshelf that held several smaller items. There were some photos of Oliver with various girls she recognized from Hogwarts and a few of who she assumed were his parents.

In a glass case was a shiny Snitch, it's wings occasionally beating furiously before sliding back inside.

She stopped abruptly when she came upon a framed photo of the Gryffindor Quidditch team smiling and waving. Oliver stood on one side of the Quidditch Cup, tears still streaming down his face happily. Harry stood on the other side, gripping his broom tightly. He was smiling widely, his green eyes sparkling as he waved to her.

Breathing in deeply, Ginny felt Oliver walk up behind her. She turned around to face him, a smile plastered on her face. "So it is true...your obsession with Quidditch."

"Obsession?" Oliver handed her a glass of wine, his brow furrowed in thought. "I don't really think it's an obsession really. More like...a way of life."

He took her gently by the elbow and led her to the table. She went to pull out her chair but stepped back when Oliver did it for her. Trying to calm her jittery nerves, Ginny took a sip of her wine and placed it next to her plate of food.

"It must be nice to do something you love for a living. And get paid for it," she said.

"I can't complain," Oliver shrugged as he sat next to her. "To be honest, I would want to play Quidditch whether they paid me or not. The money is just like a bonus I guess."

"Money, fame, your pick of women...it's an awfully big bonus," Ginny said with a raise of her eyebrow.

"Alright, I admit it," he laughed. "The money is nice...the fame is alright, although it's a bit irritating to read about my love life in Witch Weekly all the time."

"And the women?" Her eyes wandered back to the shelf filled with the photos of several beautiful girls hanging on his arms.

Oliver followed her gaze, chuckling. "They're alright I suppose."

"Just alright? You were awfully popular at Hogwarts you know," Ginny informed him, smiling when his cheeks flushed. "I've heard more than one girl giggle about you in the dormitories."

"I was more focused on other things than girls at Hogwarts," Oliver admitted sheepishly.

"The Quidditch Cup?" She laughed when he blushed even deeper.

"Some things were more important at times than snogging and groping in broom closets," Oliver insisted, though his lips were curving. "But I did my fair share of it..."

"And now?"

"I go out occasionally," he told her, his eyes suddenly soft and serious. "None of the women have really held my fancy for very long. Although I think that may be changing."

She felt her own cheeks heating and dropped her gaze to her food. "Not that I'm complaining, but you barely know me. How can you know I'll hold your fancy for longer than an evening or two?"

"You're different than the other women I used to go out with," he told her, watching her eyes lift to his. "You're incredibly sweet and kind. And you don't need the Beauty or Glamour charms other witches use."

Ginny felt her cheeks burning as she took another drink. "I'm not really sure what to say..."

Oliver smiled and reached over to touch her hand briefly. "You can say thank you and we'll leave it at that."

"Thank you," she said, her own smile returning.

"What about you?" he asked, after taking a bite of pasta.

"What about me?"

"Somehow I doubt working at the Leaky Cauldron is your career path of choice," Oliver said, glancing up at her. "Like I said, you certainly don't belong there."

Ginny considered the question, a bit startled that she didn't have a specific answer. "I suppose I haven't given it much thought." She had been too damn distracted by Harry. "Eventually I'd like to see some other places..."

"You would love Glasgow," Oliver replied, his eyes brightening. "Really beautiful country. We just recently played the Portee Pride there awhile back. It was a nice change from the bustle of London."

"Is that where you grew up?" Ginny asked.

"Yeah. My parents still live there," His eyes took on a semi-dreamy look. "I saw my first real Quidditch game in Aberdeen. The Chudley Cannons and the Montrose Magpies...excellent match. The Cannons were still a brilliant team, mind you."

"Do you miss it? Glasgow?"

"Every now and then," Oliver said, his eyes sparkling. "I'll take you there sometime...the Muggle Art Museums and things are brilliant. Lots of statues and paintings...really fascinating."

"That would be nice," Ginny found herself saying, much to her own surprise. She suddenly realized the tension in her shoulders had relaxed, and the nerves inside her had fluttered away. She wondered if it was the wine or the company.

An hour later they were sitting on his couch, the bottle of wine empty on the table in front of them. They had been talking non-stop about whatever had come to mind and she realized, with much amusement, that Oliver could relate almost anything to Quidditch.

They talked long after the sky had darkened and Ginny knew she should probably head home, but the wine was resting comfortably inside her and she was too relaxed to even care.

She didn't protest when Oliver moved closer to her on the couch, or when he slid his hand into her hair and over the nape of her neck.

"Ginny," he said softly, his eyes wandering down to her lips. "Can I kiss you?"

She mumbled something that she assumed was a positive reply because he was suddenly lowering his mouth to hers. She found her lips parting under his and moaned softly, her fingers clutching the side of the couch tightly.

"So beautiful," he whispered against her mouth before kissing her again.

Ginny felt his body leaning into her and allowed his tongue to slide against her own. Harry's voice suddenly echoed through her mind.

"So you're going to shag him just to get back at me?"

Yes, she thought. Shag Parvati all you want, Harry. I can be happy without you...see?

Oliver groaned low in his throat, causing Ginny's eyes to snap open quickly.

No, she scolded herself. You're not going to use Oliver to get back at Harry...

She pushed up, embarrassed at the position she found herself in. Oliver broke away from her, his breathing heavy.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm sorry...I just..." Oh Merlin, how cliché she sounded. "It's going a bit fast for me...I'm sorry."

To her amazement, Oliver smiled. "It's alright, Ginny. I know my cooking isn't that good."

She laughed, relieved at his easy manner. "It was excellent. You definitely have a back up career if you ever decide to quit playing Quidditch."

Oliver grinned and stood, offering her his hand to help her up.

"Thank you for dinner," she said, smoothing down her skirt.

He walked her to the door and helped her slide her robes on. "I want to see you again."

For some odd reason, Ginny hesitated briefly, wondering what Harry would say. Cursing silently, she pushed him out of her mind and smiled up at Oliver. "Of course. When?"

He thought briefly. "I have a game against the Ballycastle Bats tomorrow night, why don't you come?"

"I work until five..."

"Not a problem," Oliver said quickly. "I can pick you up at five, the game is at seven...then we'll see what happens from there."

"Alright. Tomorrow, then."

He opened the door for her and stepped out onto the small stone porch. "Will you be okay to Apparate?"

She pulled out her wand and nodded. "I'll be fine...thank you again for such a lovely evening."

Her breath caught when he slid his arms around her waist and kissed her deeply. "Trust me, it was my pleasure. I'll be thinking of you tonight."

A bit flushed, Ginny stepped back and gave him another quick smile before concentrating on the Burrow.

To her relief, she found herself in one piece out in the garden. Several gnomes yelped and scurried away at her sudden appearance. Shaking her head, she felt the dulling throb of wine begin to knock behind her temple. She made her way through the garden to the back door, praying she wouldn't find her Mum or Dad...or worse, her brothers, waiting for her.

Ginny opened the door slowly, the scent of cinnamon and wood polish welcoming her home. She spotted Ron immediately, sitting at the table, one hand wrapped around a cup. He glanced at her quickly, a grim smile on his face.

She swallowed tightly and forced a quick smile. "Hi. Are Mum and Dad home?"

Ron glanced over his shoulder. "Dad's still at work. Mum's upstairs knitting and listening to the Wizard Wireless Network."

She glanced around, noticing for once, the house was nearly peaceful. "Where's everyone else?"

"Bill, Fred and George are still at Diagon Alley, doing who knows what to knows who," Ron explained with a chuckle. "I have no idea where Charlie went off too."

Ginny turned and pushed the door shut before unclasping her robes. "What are you doing home? Where's Hermione?"

"Working," Ron said shortly and raised an eyebrow at Ginny's outfit. "Where have you been?"

"I was out...I'm actually very tired. I think I may go to bed." Ginny began to head for the stairs when Ron reached out and grabbed her hand. He nodded towards the chair next to him.

"I want to talk to you for a minute, if that's alright."

She sighed quietly before pulling out the chair to sit. "What is it?"

Ron leaned forward, his arms resting on the table. He noticed the paleness of Ginny's face. More so, he noticed the sadness in her eyes. He felt the tiny spurs of anger knowing it was Harry who put it there.

"I want to talk to you about Harry."

Though she had known it would be inevitable, Ginny still sighed and feigned a look of boredom while rubbing her forehead. "What about Harry?"

"I want you to stay away from him," Ron said firmly.

Ginny let her hand fall to the table as she stared at Ron. "Excuse me?"

Ron leaned forward, his voice lowered. "I know what happened between you two. I overheard you telling Hermione."

"Not that I'm telling you to bugger off or anything, Ron, but what business is it of yours?"

Ron's eyes flashed heatedly. "If it has to do with my baby sister and best mate shagging, it certainly is my business."

Her own temper hitched inside of her. "First of all, I'm not your baby sister anymore, Ron. Second, you made your thoughts about the matter rather clear earlier when you were decorating Sirius's kitchen with Harry's blood."

Ron's mouth clamped shut tightly as he considered her. "Harry told you?"

"I was stopping by to see Harry and I happened to catch it first hand," Ginny explained, the memory of it rushing back to pain her.

Ron was silent for a moment, the anger in his eyes fading. "What did you hear?"

"Enough." She swallowed the dry lump beginning to form in her throat and quickly shook her head before Ron could respond. "I don't need explanations, Ron."

"I'm sorry you saw what happened...but I did it for you." Ron reached over and placed his hand over hers, squeezing gently.

"Did you?" Ginny pulled her hand away from his and clasped her fingers tightly together. "Or was I just an excuse to lay into Harry? Not that I'm complaining, mind you."

Ron's eyes widened angrily. "Harry lied to me. He lied to me, and used you. I didn't need an excuse to do what I did."

"Alright then. It's over now anyway," she said wearily, grabbing her robes. "I just want to sleep."

"Gin, please. Just leave him alone, alright?"

She lifted her eyes to her brother's, recognizing the same tired look in his eyes as she felt in hers. "You want me to leave him alone?"

Ron's gaze was unwavering. "I know how you feel about him."

"And what about how he feels about me?" Ginny pressed. "What about that?"

"He obviously doesn't feel much for you to treat you the way he has," Ron growled. He sighed when Ginny looked away dully. "Look, I've already dealt with Harry. You know that."

"So you beat Harry into leaving me alone, and lecture me into leaving him alone. And suddenly all is once again right with the world?"

"It's for your own good--"

"I know my own good," Ginny snapped. "I know how to take care of myself. I don't need you to look after me."

"Yes you do!" Ron said loudly. "You don't understand, do you Ginny? This isn't Hogwarts. You can't flutter about temptingly under his nose anymore without expecting consequences."

"Oooh, you are..." she fumbled angrily for the right word. "You are an insufferable prat!"

Ron opened his mouth in surprise, but no sound filtered out.

"I haven't...'fluttered temptingly' under anybody's nose!" Ginny said, her voice shaking as she stood quickly from the table. "So don't you dare talk to me like I'm some sort of...scarlet woman who seduced her way into your best mate's trousers!"

Ron watched in horror as tears filled Ginny's eyes. "Ginny...I didn't mean--"

"Of course you didn't," she wheezed, lifting her hands in frustration. "I've had a silly little crush on Harry since I was ten. It's my fault he started to notice me too. It's my fault we ended up sleeping together," she continued despite Ron's cringing. "Poor defenseless Harry right? Getting trapped under my vicious claws the way he has."

Before Ron could answer, Ginny turned on her heel and hurried up the steps to the second floor landing and marched into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. She crossed the room and pushed open the windows, sighing when the cool air breezed in around her face. Crawling up onto the window seat, Ginny wrapped her arms around her knees and leaned her head back against the wall, letting the wind dry her wet cheeks.

Moments later she heard the feeble knock and opened her eyes to stare at the door. Ignoring the second knock, she turned her head to stare outside, watching the gnomes run around in the garden below. She didn't bother looking when she heard the door open quietly.

"Ginny?" Ron stuck his head inside her room cautiously, as if expecting something heavy or sharp to be thrown at any moment.

She said nothing and heard him walk across the room to her. When she felt his weight climb atop of the seat with her she finally turned her head to look him. He was attempting to pull his own legs up to mimic her position, but cursed when he found his legs were too long. Giving up, he turned and let his feet remain planted firmly on the floor. He clasped his hands together in his lap and watched her quietly for a minute.

She could tell he was struggling with himself. She had seen enough fumbling and embarrassment whenever Hermione had got upset around him to know that Ron had never been very good at dealing with emotional women. 

"I know you care about Harry, Ginny," he began slowly. "And I know what he said hurt you. And I'm sorry if I sounded like I was blaming you. I really wasn't. If I did blame you for what happened, I wouldn't have introduced Harry to my fist earlier."

"You don't have to look out for me Ron," Ginny told him again. "And if I make bad decisions...well, they're mine to make."

"I just don't want to see him hurt you again," Ron said softly, surprising Ginny with the sincerity in his voice.

"He won't. I won't let him." Although she wasn't entirely convinced herself. A terrified part of her feared she would never be able to break away completely from him, despite what he said or did.

They sat in silence for a moment before she looked at him. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure..."

"When we were at Hogwarts...you never seemed to mind if I was around you three...or even Harry alone. You even suggested I go to the Yule Ball with Harry during your fourth year. But then, towards the end of your sixth year up until now, you barely let me be around you three. Why the sudden change?"

Ron considered her question for a moment before he shrugged. "I knew how you felt about him, Ginny. I knew you always had a crush on him. But when it didn't go away...when you still had that…that look on your face when he was around, it started to…I don't know, frighten me I guess."

"Why?"

He shrugged again, shifting uncomfortably on the seat. "Because Harry had started to change. Not only his personality, but the way he looked at you." He grinned slightly. "He was looking at you the way I had been looking at Hermione since I was fourteen. I knew that look, hell, it feels like I invented that look."

"So because Harry began to show an interest in me, you had to push us apart?"

Ron shook his head. "I didn't want to keep you apart because he had an interest in you. Like I said, Harry had begun to change. I noticed it soon after Hagrid's death." The memory still fueled grief inside of him. "It started to get worse as the months went. Harry was getting more impatient with things, he was starting to drink a bit more and he...well..." He tried to think of the best way to phrase it, "he was messing around with more girls. I didn't want you to get caught up in that."

Ginny felt her stomach clench painfully at the thought. The Harry that Ron was describing didn't seem at all like the one who had met her in the Astronomy Tower almost every night that last week at Hogwarts.

"I just...I didn't want you to get hurt," Ron said finally. "I knew...I know...Harry's different."

"But he isn't different," Ginny insisted. "Not really. He's still Harry. He's just going through something difficult now."

"He's been going through something difficult for over a long time, Ginny. He's just wallowing."

"Ronald Weasley," she said harshly. "You're his best mate. You, of all people, know what Harry went through. He lost his parents when he was just a baby. He had to grow up with that horrid Muggle family who treated him no better than a house elf."

"I know...but--"

"Then," she continued furiously, "he risks his life for seven years to protect Hogwarts. To protect us. All the while trying to live a normal life. Not to mention the fact that he's lost loved ones..."

"We all have," Ron snapped. "Percy was our brother."

Ginny's face softened, the anger slowly dimming from her eyes. "I know. And Harry's had so much on his shoulders for so long. Hagrid, Dumbledore, Percy...Professor Lupin--"

"What happened to them and to the others, that wasn't Harry's fault."

Ginny leaned forward. "But don't you see that he doesn't understand that? When Voldemort died, it was over. Just like that. Seven years of his life was just gone...more so if you count the years he spent at the Dursleys. With everything that happened, he never had time to dwell on it. Now all he has is time. It would be hard on anyone."

Ron stared at her. "You seem to understand him pretty well..."

"You should be able to as well, Ron. You put your life on the line just as often as Harry did. We all have. But it's been harder for him because he had to be the Boy Who Lived. He had everyone watching him, judging him. Expecting so much of him."

"I can understand it, Ginny. But, it's over. All of it. Why can't he go back to being just Harry?"

She frowned slightly. "I don't know...maybe in time. I think he's much better than he used to be--"

"You think?" Ron asked quickly, looking up at her with slight disbelief. "It's odd to me that you're so set to defend him after what he's done to you."

"What happened with Harry was...a mistake," she managed, pushing past the pain in her throat. "I know what he said to you...I know how he feels. There's nothing else I can do about it but move on."

"Did you love him?" Ron asked suddenly, turning to look at her expectantly.

The question struck her hard, causing the tears to unexpectedly well up again her eyes. "I did."

"Do you still?"

Did she still? Did she still love Harry? Harry, who said she was nothing to him...Harry who said he didn't need her. Harry, with his unkempt raven hair and his haunted green eyes. Harry, who had kissed her as if there was no tomorrow and held her against him as if he were afraid she would disappear if he let go.

Just Harry.

When her lips simply trembled, Ron hesitated, then reached his arm out. Ginny shifted quickly and moved to him, leaning down to rest her head on his leg as the tears spilled over.

He went to touch her but hesitated, unsure of how to respond. Finally, he placed his hand upon her shoulder stiffly, hoping it would somehow bring comfort. Each racking sob through her body tore deeply into him as he sat there, wishing he could find the right words to make her stop crying.

The embarrassment of sobbing all over her brother's leg would come later, Ginny knew. But for the moment she was content with laying there...somehow hoping that she could drain Harry out of her system as easily as the tears. It should be so easy...

Ginny opened her eyes and blinked rapidly in the dark. She pushed herself up and saw she was no longer weeping on Ron's leg, but lying in her bed with the sheets pulled up over her body.

Ginny moaned and rubbed her hands over her face. There was silence around her, and the sky was still pitch-black, the moon hidden behind gray clouds. She realized she must have fallen asleep sometime while she was with Ron. Still tired, Ginny turned and laid on her side, staring outside into the night.

A dull ache inside her taunted her, and her eyes were swollen from crying. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she remembered Oliver telling her he would be thinking of her that night. With her heart a little less heavy, Ginny felt her eyes close once more, thinking how nice it was to know that someone was...

She fell back to sleep, unaware that someone else was also thinking of her. A wizard with green eyes and dark hair lay awake in his bed, his mind overrun with memories of her as the night slowly faded away into day.


	11. The Cause of Misery

A drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts.  
\--Steve Fergosi

***

"Concentrate, Harry!" Sirius barked from across the room.

Sweat dripped from Harry's brow, causing him to wipe his forehead with his equally damp arm. He had allowed the trainer to hex him six times already and he still felt the tiny shocks of the spell fading from his system.

He could see Ron out of the corner of his eye, managing a quick hex-deflection to the curse that had been thrown at him.

Ron hadn't been hit once.

Frustration began to bubble up inside him as he breathed in deeply. His throat was dry and sore; his muscles ached. He could hear the spells and curses being tossed about all around him and tried to block them out. 

Shaking off the weariness inside of him, Harry gripped his wand when his trainer, a short man balding man named Jenkins, raised his own wand.

"You would think Harry Potter, a Seeker no less, would have better reflexes," the man sneered before quickly disappearing.

Wanker, Harry thought, but continued to concentrate on the air around him. A slight shiver went up his spine and he turned, almost blindly.

"Ligare!" he shouted, pleased when the ropes flew out of his wand and wrapped tightly around Jenkins, who had just reappeared behind him.

Sighing with satisfaction, Harry lowered his wand. But the man still had his wand between his hands and yelled a quick Blasting Curse towards Harry.

"Expelliarmus!" Harry yelled, but only managed to deflect most of the spell. Both he, and the trainer flew several feet backwards and Harry landed hard on his back, his wand clattering loudly from his hands onto the ground.

"Harry!"

Harry turned and saw Sirius waving him over, his face grim.

"Fuck," Harry mumbled and pulled himself up. He stepped over Jenkins, not bothering to help with the Binding Curse. He ignored the glares and swearing and continued across the room to where Sirius was standing. 

"All right, Harry?"

Harry wiped his forehead again and gave a small shrug. "I'm all right."

"You're struggling out there," Sirius commented, his eyes still sweeping over the other potential Aurors, watching their progress. "Are you sure everything's okay?"

Yeah, everything is excellent, Sirius. Ginny's not talking to me, Ron's still giving me dirty looks for some reason, and I didn't get through fifteen minutes sleep last night without feeling the Cruciatus Curse sparking somewhere deep within my body.

Instead, Harry shrugged again. "There's just so much noise...it's hard to concentrate."

"Try harder," Sirius said shortly. "You'll be dealing with much more than noise if you want to train as an Auror."

"Sirius, you know I'm better than this. I passed the written exam with no problem. You've seen me with these curses before." Harry placed his hands on his hips and desperately wished for some water.

It was then Sirius finally looked down at his godson, though his eyes were still hard and full of impatience. "I know you're better than this Harry, but I'm not the only one who decides whether or not you're going to continue training."

Harry followed his gaze to Jenkins who had finally got help with the Binding Curse. He was rubbing his wrists and shooting resentful looks towards Harry.

"Bloody hell, Sirius. That man wouldn't recommend you passing me if I had deflected all of his goddamn curses," Harry said with a roll of his eyes.

"Why is that?"

"Because of this," Harry snapped, lifting up his damp hair to point to his faded scar. "He's been giving me nothing but shit all day."

"Do you think dark wizards...or possibly even Death Eaters, are going to treat you like a king?" Sirius asked him, clasping his hands behind his back as he watched Ron expertly counter a Banishing Charm, causing his own trainer to disappear.

"It's just an off day, Sirius."

"I suggest you work a bit harder, Harry. If I see you fail more than twice again to deflect Jenkins' curses, I'm going to suggest you take an extra week of testing."

Harry turned to stare at his godfather with a mixture of surprise and anger. "That's bullshit, Sirius."

"It's going to be my suggestion. Now I think your trainer is waiting."

Biting back the scathing reply, Harry shook his head and stormed over to Jenkins, ignoring Ron's questioning look.

He picked up his wand from the ground and rolled back his shoulders to ease some of the tension.

"Must be a new experience for you to be critisized, isn't it Potter?" Jenkins snorted, pacing in front of Harry.

Before Harry could reply, Jenkins vanished. Harry felt his wand sliding sweatily in his hand and gripped it harder.

The air shivered around him and he had the feeling Jenkins was circling him. Knowing full well Sirius's eyes were on him, Harry felt the air shudder behind him and smirked quickly.

"Accio wand!" Harry yelled, only a split second before Jenkins reappeared, his own wand pointed at Harry's temple.

Jenkins' wand flew into Harry's free hand as he kept his own wand poised at his chest.

"You're getting a little slow on the surprise attack," Harry said, grinning. "Must be the old age."

When Jenkins lunged at him, Harry took a quick step back. "Petrificus Totalus," he growled. Jenkins' body tightened, the mask of anger on his face frozen as he fell with a thud to the ground.

Harry glanced up to look at Sirius, who he noted, through the sweat in his eyes, was suppressing a smile.

Forty-five minutes later, Harry and Ron were walking out of training rooms, showered and tired.

"Whatever Sirius said to you must have done something because Jenkins didn't get one hex by you the rest of the afternoon!" Ron said happily, brushing his wet hair away from his eyes.

"He threatened to keep me testing another week if I fucked up again," Harry explained, holding up a hand before Ron could protest. "I don't know if he was serious...but I didn't want to take that chance."

"It's not your fault you got stuck with an old bastard for your trainer," Ron mumbled, pausing for a moment. "What do you want to do tonight? Hermione's working again and I really don't want to go home yet. The house has been crazy with Bill and Charlie back home..."

"We could stop by and see Seamus..." Harry suggested casually.

"I don't know if that's a good idea," Ron said uncomfortably.

"Why not?" Although he damn well knew the answer.

"Harry, don't be thick," Ron said. "I know you've resolved things with Ginny but I think it would be best to leave her alone a bit."

Harry shook his head. "She has no reason to still be upset..."

Ron tried to hold back the bit of anger he still felt at Harry for causing his sister to cry. Instead he clutched his bag tightly and shook his head. "She may be upset for awhile."

"But--"

"She saw what happened at Sirius's yesterday," Ron explained, turning when Harry stopped in the middle of the hallway.

"She saw you and I fighting?"

"Well, yeah...but she also heard what you said...the things you said about her."

Harry felt his face pale just as he saw the pinkish color of temper creep into Ron's. "She doesn't actually think I meant any of that does she?"

Ron shrugged, wishing the urge to punch his best mate again would disappear. "Didn't you mean it?"

Harry didn't answer but continued walking. He felt sick inside, knowing she had heard what he said about her. He wondered why she hadn't told him that she had overheard, but didn't have time to dwell on it when he heard his and Ron's name being called loudly from behind.

Turning they spotted a short, young man with sandy blond hair hurrying towards them, his arm waving.

"Bloody hell, that's Neville Longbottom!" Ron exclaimed, raising his own hand in return.

"I ran into Hermione and she said you two were testing here," Neville said as he walked up to them, slightly out of breath. "I thought I would catch up and say hello."

Ron slapped him happily on the back. "What have you been doing? I haven't seen you in ages!"

"Well, I've been studying with Professor Sprout...she's going to be retiring soon and McGonagall is considering having me take over the class."

"You?" Harry asked with a raise of his eyebrow. Neville had been known as one of the clumsiest students during their stay at Hogwarts.

"I'm rather good at Herbology you know," Neville said proudly, puffing out his chest a bit.

The three began walking towards the Ministry exit and handed over their wands for the quick inspection.

"What are you doing here anyway?" Harry asked once they had been given back their wands.

"I ah...stopped by to visit Hannah Abott," Neville said, a blush creeping into his cheeks.

"Fancy Hannah do you?" Ron grinned, pushing open the doors into the cool September air.

"She fancied me first," Neville said defensively, although there was a slight grin on his face. "Hell, we fancy each other. What can I say?"

"We're off to The Leaky Cauldron," Harry responded, ignoring the quick glance from Ron. "Seamus is an endless pit of alcohol. Want to come?"

"Sure," Neville said happily. "I'll meet you there...hopefully soon. I'm still trying to Apparate without losing an ear or fingernail....but I am getting better!"

Harry and Ron exchanged amused looks before they pulled out their own wands.

Harry arrived first and stepped inside the tavern. He lifted his hand in greeting to Seamus behind the bar, who grinned and raised an empty beer mug at him in return.

He chuckled with amusement when Parvati and Lavender gave him identical simmering glares before flipping their hair and turning back to Seamus.

Harry glanced around the tavern, searching. His eyes landed on Ginny gathering her things from behind the bar. Harry began moving towards when he noticed Oliver standing beside her, talking to her casually in his Quidditch robes.

Harry stopped abruptly and watched her laugh at something Oliver had said. She then lifted her head and spotted him, their eyes meeting across the room. The smile faded from her face and she quickly turned to gather her robes.

The couple began to walk towards the door, and though he could tell Ginny was trying to avoid his eyes, she glanced at him for a brief moment once more before passing him.

"Harry! How's it going?" Oliver asked cheerfully, placing a quick hand on Harry's arm as he passed by.

Mumbling a reply, Harry would have liked nothing better than to break each of Oliver's fingers one by one. He watched the two disappear outside, Oliver's hand resting loosely on her back.

Harry suddenly found himself walking out after them when Ron suddenly Apparated in front of him.

"Going somewhere?" Ron asked, turning Harry around and pushing him back into the tavern.

"Just...waiting for you and Neville," Harry said sheepishly. "What took you so long?"

"Hermione came out to say hello after you Disapparated. Wanted to send me off good and proper I suppose," Ron explained with a grin.

At that moment, Neville Apparated with an unusually loud pop behind them, causing them both to jump. He quickly lifted his hands to his ears before giving Ron and Harry a large grin.

"All in one piece. Excellent."

They found a table in the corner and motioned to Seamus. When they launched into a discussion about Auror testing, Harry tried his hardest to concentrate, but found his mind wandering and producing horrifying images of Oliver and Ginny snogging...or worse.

Harry was more than relieved when Seamus brought over several glasses and a bottle of Firewhiskey. What better way to get a woman out of your mind then to drink her away?

Within hours, when most of the punters had left, they were ordering their fourth bottle of Firewhiskey, laughing at old stories from Hogwarts, and discussing their classmates and professors.

"Remember when Malfoy was turned into the bouncing white ferret?" Ron laughed, slapping his glass on the table.

Harry chuckled, watching his friend's ears turn red from laughter. "You always bring that damn story up, without fail."

Ron turned to look at Harry, smiling wildly. "Come on, tell me that wasn't the best part of the fourth year."

Harry kept his smile in place, "Yeah that was pretty great..."

Fourth year. Voldemort...Cedric...death...

"You know what I loved most about fourth year?" Neville said, his eyes dreamy as he rested his chin on his palm, "Going to the Yule Ball with Ginny Weasley..."

Ginny's name quickly snapped Harry out of his morbid thoughts. His hand tightened around the shot glass Seamus had set in front of him.

"Hey now," Ron said, pouring another shot of whiskey, "That's my sister you're talking about..." He hiccupped and downed the liquid quickly, hissing at the burning trail it left down his throat.

"It was all innocent," Neville insisted, his eyes laughing, "I think I stepped on her feet too much for her to ever consider having me."

"Having you?" Harry asked, his eyes narrowing.

Neville thanked Ron for filling his glass before he looked at Harry. "Yeah, you know, as a boyfriend...type...thing."

"Ahh..." Harry replied, rubbing his hand over his eyes. The whiskey was definitely working, considering he wasn't sure which of the three Nevilles he was supposed to be talking too.

"Who did you take to the Yule Ball again?" Neville asked Ron, taking a handful of peanuts out of the bowl nearby.

"Padma Patil," Ron growled, "Not exactly my first choice, but..."

"Oh yes, Padma and Parvati Patil...I fancied...well, both of them I think. I could only tell them apart when they wore their house robes." Neville said.

"Padma has a mole on her left hip...Parvati doesn't." Harry offered, grabbing the almost empty bottle from Ron's hands and pouring the remaining liquid in his glass.

Ron stared at Harry, his mouth parting in surprise. "How the hell do you know that?"

Harry chuckled at Ron and Neville's astonished expressions. "Well, I found out Padma had a mole on her left hip at the end of our seventh year at Hogwarts remember? And I found out Parvati didn't...well...awhile ago."

Neville shook his head in disbelief. "You shagged the Patil twins? Wow..."

Ron started laughing and motioned to Seamus for another bottle. "So at this rate, you've probably shagged every girl in our class, Harry!"

"No! No I didn't," Harry protested, thanking Seamus when he set the bottle down in front of him. "Unfortunately I never shagged Lavender Brown--"

"And hope you never do, if you're fond of the life you've got, Potter," Seamus suggested, patting him on the back before he turned and went back to his cleaning.

Ron and Neville laughed, as Harry turned red with embarrassment. "How was I supposed to know they were still together?"

"Who else?" Neville wondered, twisting the top off of the Firewhiskey.

"Uh..." Squinting, Harry tried to think, "Hermione! I never shagged Hermione. I tried to, sixth year, but nope, add her to the list, Neville..."

Ron stopped laughing, his smile slowly fading away. He grabbed Harry's glass before he could lift it to his lips. "Tried? What the hell do you mean you tried to shag Hermione?"

Harry quietly met Ron's eyes. He could see the swirl of anger in them. Neville swallowed and with wide eyes, watched the two with extreme interest.

"Okay," Harry said, deciding for once to tell the truth, if not for he and Ron's friendship, then for the lip that had just healed itself, "During our sixth year, I found Hermione studying in the Common Room and I kissed her--"

Ron's fingers let go of Harry's glass and tightened around Harry's collar instead. "You kissed her?" he asked furiously.

"Look, I was a bit pissed and--"

"What the hell were you thinking? You could've shagged any girl, why Hermione?" Ron roared his fingers gripping Harry's robes tighter.

Harry eyed Ron's other fist, which was clenched tightly on the table. "I didn't shag her, Ron. And she wasn't your girlfriend until the end of our sixth year. To be honest I don't know why I did it..."

Yes he did. Cho had stopped speaking to him and Ginny had started going out with that fucking seventh year Hufflepuff. Jealousy and pain could make anyone do the unthinkable.

Ron let go of Harry's robes and leaned back in his chair, shaking his head in disbelief. "I can't believe you."

He tore his eyes away from Harry's and toyed with his shot glass. "Did she...did she kiss you back?"

Harry glanced at Neville who was watching him expectantly, his mouth hanging open. "Yes," he admitted, swinging his gaze back to Ron, who had suddenly gone very pale. "But only for a few moments...when I went for her blouse she slapped me silly."

"Oh gods," Ron moaned, leaning forward and resting his forehead on his arms. "I'm going to be sick..."

"Look, Ron, even if she did kiss me, so what? She loves you, she always has and god help her, always will. I was being a daft prick. I'm sorry. Honestly."

Ron lifted his head, his eyes suddenly red and weary. "All right, mate."

Harry refilled Ron's glass with relief. "But remember the Amazing Bouncing Ferret?" he said, pleased when Ron leaned back with laughter.

Harry downed the rest of his liquor as the conversation turned light once more. Thinking about Hogwarts and the incident with Hermione only fuelled his anger again about his situation. He remembered only a few days after Cho had pushed him away, Ginny had begun going to Hogsmeade with some Nancy boy seventh year named Stuart. It was seeing them holding hands in The Three Broomsticks that had sparked the first realization in Harry that Ginny was no longer just Ron's little sister. Suddenly Cho was a distant memory and Harry was struggling to keep his feelings and hormones in check around her. 

Harry allowed the anger to flow with the whiskey down his throat and explode warmly in his stomach.

"Damn her," he whispered before he caught himself.

Pausing in mid sentence, Ron turned and looked at Harry curiously. "What's that?"

"Nothing...nothing." Harry said quietly, tapping his fingers on the wood table.

Ron gave him a curious look before he turned back to Neville.

"I mean, she's already moved on. Bloody Wood," Harry interrupted, placing his glass on the table.

"What? Who?" Ron asked, rubbing at his eyes. "Am I missing parts of this conversation?"

"Ginny and Oliver fucking Wood!" Harry said loudly, laughing at the absurdity of it.

Ron shook his head as he tried to comprehend Harry's words. "Ginny's out with Oliver? Since when?"

"Who the hell knows," Harry shrugged, chuckling to himself. "It doesn't matter though, does it? He's good enough for her, isn't he?"

Ron sighed silently, seeing the pain in Harry's eyes. "I'm sorry Harry, I--"

"Forget it, forget it." Harry said, lifting his hand to silence him. "I gotta get home before Sirius has a heart attack."

"Are you going to be okay, Harry?" Neville asked, watching Harry waver when he rose from the table.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I think I'll walk home..."

"Do you want me to come with you?" Ron asked, rising to join him, pausing when Harry placed a hand on his shoulder.

"No, stay here, catch up with Neville. I'll see you tomorrow." he insisted, waving to Seamus as he headed out into the summer night.

Diagon Alley was quiet, give or take a few wizards, mostly hovering around the entrance to Knockturn Alley. Harry ignored the calls from some of the more aggressive witches and made his way up the stone path towards home.

All of his misery came down to Ginny, Harry was sure of it. If she had just stayed Ron's little sister, eleven and awkward. If she hadn't developed the way girls do and started going out with other boys he would have been okay.

And if he could just get over her, get over this need for her, he might actually be happy.

He turned left on the path, past the flats that had been built a year ago. His heart stopped when recognized the couple ahead of him. Ginny and Oliver walked up the stone steps to Oliver's door, smiling and talking quietly to one another. Harry stopped, the alcohol causing him to waver only slightly. He watched Oliver slide the hair off Ginny's shoulder and behind her back. God, even in the dark he could see her blushing.

Harry's breath caught in his throat when he saw Oliver lean forward and slide his lips over hers. Harry felt like an intruder, watching the intimate scene unfold. His fists clenched when Ginny lifted her hands behind Oliver's neck and leaned into him. Within minutes Oliver had opened his door and the embraced couple stumbled inside before the door slammed shut.

Harry stood for several moments, the pain spreading throughout his body like wildfire. Shaking his aching head, Harry began to walk past the flat, shrugging off the feelings biting inside of him.

If she wanted to shag him, let her. What did he care?

A few feet past, Harry stopped and turned quickly with a growl. 

No way was he about to let Ginny sleep with that...that wanker.

Harry's blood boiled beneath the surface as his fists itched to punch and break. He started walking, although it was more like stumbling, quickly towards the steps leading up to Oliver's flat. 

He tripped over the first step, catching himself before he could smash into the stone. Pulling himself up, Harry threw himself at the door, and began pounding loudly with his fists.

****

Oliver handed Ginny a glass of wine, which she took a sip of right away, letting the taste burst on her tongue. She urged the alcohol to calm her nerves quickly.

"Thank you for coming to the game tonight..." Oliver said, using his wand to start a fire in the otherwise darkened room.

Ginny sat with him on his couch and placed her glass next to his on the coffee table. "I had a wonderful time. I had forgotten how exciting Quidditch can be. There hasn't really been much time to enjoy it in the past few years."

Oliver reached up and brushed her hair away from her cheek softly. "I really enjoyed knowing you were there...it heightened the experience for me."

Ginny smiled and felt him move towards her. She licked her dry lips before closing her eyes and accepting. She let herself lean into Oliver's kiss, allowing him to lower her onto the couch and cover her body with his. Her eyes remained shut as their tongues danced and their hands groped. God, she just wanted to feel something, anything. She tugged at Oliver's Quidditch robes before any rational thought could enter her mind and moaned when his hands reached inside her robes to her breasts.

For a split second her mind betrayed her and she felt Harry's hands sliding over her instead of Oliver's. He shifted between her thighs, his arousal pressing firmly against her.

Ginny's fingers slid down to the button of his trousers when she heard someone curse loudly outside. The wild pounding at the door had them both jerking apart. Breathing heavily, Oliver lifted himself up off her and cursed as he crossed the room to the front door. He flung the door open, his angry retort disappearing from his mind when Harry grabbed the doorframe to stop from falling inside.

"Harry!" Oliver said surprised.

"Where is she?" he demanded.

"Harry?" Ginny asked, quickly standing from the couch. Her cheeks heated as she smoothed down her skirt. Moving to the door, she stood beside Oliver. "What are you doing here?"

"What are you doing here?" he replied, closing his eyes briefly to stop the ground from spinning.

"Harry, you're drunk," Ginny said quietly, pushing in front of Oliver who laid a protective arm on her shoulder. "You should go home."

"You're not staying with him," Harry said, eyeing Oliver dangerously, "I won't let you."

Sighing, Ginny stepped out onto the porch, crossing her arms. "You need to go home, now. Please."

"Ginny, what's he on about?" Oliver asked, stepping down beside her.

"Nothing, he's just drunk--"

"I'm not that drunk," Harry snapped. "This is all your fault anyway."

"All my fault? What are you--?"

"You don't get it, do you? You never have!" Harry yelled, turning on his heel and making his way awkwardly down the steps to the path leading out into the street.

"Harry, let me get Sirius, or Ron. You're in no shape to--"

Harry ignored her. "If you want to shag him, go ahead," he shouted over his shoulder.

"Hey..." Oliver said, a hint of temper bubbling beneath the polite exterior.

Frowning, Ginny took a step towards him. "Harry."

"Bugger off, both of you. I can bloody get myself home--"

Ginny held a hand up to her mouth, concealing her gasp when Harry fell to the grass, out cold.

She and Oliver hurried down the stairs and turned him over on his back.

"He's okay, just passed out," Oliver concluded, watching Ginny take Harry's glasses of his face and slip them in her robes pocket.

"I need to get him home, Oliver." Ginny said, her tone apologetic. "Can you help me?"

Oliver saw the concern in her eyes and despite his disappointment, nodded. "Sirius doesn't live far from here, I'll help you."

They pulled Harry to his feet, placing his arms around their shoulders as they turned and made their way towards Sirius's.

"Isn't there a spell for this?" Oliver joked, wincing when Harry's head fell onto his shoulder.

"There is," Ginny replied, adjusting Harry's arm against her neck. "But for the life of me, I can't remember it."

Several minutes and aching muscles later, they came to Sirius' house. They moved to the chair in the corner of the porch and sat Harry down, who groaned in response.

"Dobby, go away." he moaned, his head leaning back on the edge of the chair.

"Do you need me to help you get him inside?" Oliver asked.

"I should just leave him out here."

"That's an idea." he replied, grinning.

She chuckled and shook her head. "I can get him upstairs. I'm sure Sirius is home, he can help."

"Are you sure?"

She nodded and crossed her arms. "I'm really sorry, Oliver...again. It seems we don't have the best of luck on our nights out."

He shrugged, slipping his hands inside his trousers. "You certainly are unpredictable. I think that's why I enjoy being with you so much."

She heard the affection in his voice and smiled, wishing that for that moment Harry was somewhere else, because at that moment, she was extremely aware of him.

She opened her mouth to reply when Harry moaned in his sleep. Laughing, she rubbed her head. "I should get him to bed."

"Do you want to come back over when you're finished?" he asked, hoping he sounded casual.

"It's late, I should probably get home," she replied, hating that she was the cause of disappointment in his eyes, "But I would love to see you again, soon."

He nodded and leaned down to brush his lips over hers. "I'll talk to you tomorrow." He glanced over at Harry. "Good luck."

She nodded, waving him off as he headed back down the path towards his flat. She watched him for a moment before turning to Harry. Sighing, she moved to him, pulling his arm up around her neck.

"Come on Harry, give me a little help here."

"Ginny?" he asked sleepily, only vaguely aware he was moving through his godfather's house.

"Yeah, it's Ginny. Come on Harry, wake up a bit, huh?" she groaned, feeling his weight leaning into her. It was uncomfortable, his body so close. She couldn't help but remember how his skin had felt against hers...

"What are you doing here?" he asked his hand groping for the banister as they headed up the stairs.

"Putting your thrashed arse in bed," she replied, silently thanking the Gods that she made it up the stairs without either of them tumbling backwards.

He stumbled, knocking her into the wall. She bit back on the yelp of pain and urged him forward towards his bedroom. With a quick glance she noticed Sirius' bedroom was empty.

"Ok, we're in your bedroom, Harry," she started, slowly pulling away from him, keeping her hands up in case he fell forward again.

"We can't, Ginny. It's not right..." he moaned, his skin tingling against her fingertips when she lifted his shirt off.

"Oh trust me, Harry, we're not," she muttered, throwing his shirt on his dresser, before she helped him towards his bed.

"But I want you," he told her. "I want you so much it's killing me..."

She paused a moment, her heart pounding when he turned to look at her in the moonlight.

"Harry--"

She was silenced by the firmness of his lips. She hesitated for a moment, only a moment, before her fingers slid into his hair and she sunk into him. In the haze of pleasure, she couldn't quite figure out who was moaning.

Harry jerked away, his hand resting against the bed to hold himself up. "No. I can’t, Ginny...it's your fault."

Frustrated, Ginny slid her hands through her hair. "What's my fault, Harry?"

He crawled into his bed and she heard him mutter "Nancy boy Stuart".

"Harry..." Swallowing, Ginny damned her pride and leaned over him, sliding her fingers over his forehead, brushing his hair out of his eyes. "Kiss me again. Like you did before."

"I want to...I want you. Ginny, I love..."

She held her breath, and then let out an irritated sigh when he began snoring. In quick, jerky movements, Ginny pulled off his shoes. She turned to leave, but then paused, sliding her hand into her pockets and pulling out his glasses. She placed them on the nightstand next to his bed, then watched him sleeping silently.

"Damn you Harry," she whispered, silently damning herself as well before she left the room, closing the door quietly behind her.


	12. Wanting

The chemicals between us

The walls that lie between us

Lying in this bed

The chemicals displaced

There is no lonelier place

Than lying in this bed

It was a gorgeous day. The weather had been perfect, the sun continually shining. And Ginny had the day off from work. She should have been in heaven. Instead, she spent most of the afternoon baking. And now it was nearly dusk, and she stood on Oliver's front step, with a tin box of cauldron cakes, trying to think of the best way to apologize for what had happened the night before. 

Taking a deep breath she knocked on his door quickly. She suddenly felt foolish for bringing the cakes. What was she suppose to say as she handed them to him? 

Hey Oliver, I'm sorry that someone I'm desperately in love with interrupted our snogging session, here have a cake or two.

Snorting in disgust, Ginny turned and frantically searched for a place to dump the treats when his door opened. She plastered a quick smile on her face, though she felt her cheeks heating.

"Ginny," he said, his eyes widening with pleasant surprise, stepping back to open the door so she could walk inside.

"I...ah, made you these," she said quickly, her warm cheeks now flaming with embarrassment.

Oliver grinned, taking the tin she thrust at him. "You baked for me?"

Ginny slid her hair behind her ear nervously and lifted a shoulder. "Well, yes. You cooked for me. You don't have to eat them...they may not be very good. But I wanted to apologize for what happened last night. I feel completely responsible for Harry's actions and I--"

"It's no problem, really," Oliver replied, walking across the room to the kitchen. "Would you like some tea?"

Ginny clasped her hands together in front of her and shifted. "Sure. That would be great."

Her eyes wandered to his couch, where they had been embracing passionately only the night before. Was it strange that she felt awkward at that moment? 

Cautiously she stepped into the tiny area where he was preparing the tea. He motioned to the table and she sat quietly before clearing her throat.

"I also wanted to apologize for the way I acted last night..."

Oliver flicked his wand to let the water in the two mugs heat before he turned to glance at her. "What do you mean?"

"I just...I don't want you to think I'm...I mean, we've only been out twice and I-"She was really doing an excellent job of making herself look like a bumbling idiot.

"Ginny," he interrupted with a small smile. "You're an amazing woman. I would never think anything less of you because you kissed me."

She sighed with a bit of relief and thanked him when he set the cup of tea in front of her. "How was your evening...after I left?"

Oliver set his own mug down and slid into the chair next to her. "Er, it was fine. It was kind of a long night."

Ginny took a sip of her tea and gave him a curious look. "Why is that?"

"Oh," he shook his head and she wondered if he was actually blushing. "I stayed up and...worked on some new practice schedules for the team."

"Ah...well, I would really like to make it up to you. If you're free..."

"Actually, a few of my friends and I are going into Hogsmeade. There's a couple witches they're after that hang around the Three Broomsticks."

She suddenly realized he had been dressed to go out. He wore a simple gray button down shirt and black trousers. Definitely not something he would wear to lazy around his flat.

Before she could respond he placed his hand over hers on the table. "Why don't you come with us?"

"Oh, I don't know. I don't want to intrude on--"

"Ginny," he said softly, squeezing her hand. "I really would like for you to come."

She paused and considered for a moment, her eyes fluttering down to their hands before lifting them to his face. "All right then."

He smiled quickly and leaned back in his chair, toying somewhat nervously with the rim of his cup. "How's Harry doing?"

She started, sloshing the tea dangerously close to the rim of her cup. Her eyes met his as she placed the cup down firmly on the table.

"Harry?"

He raised an eyebrow curiously. "Did he get inside alright?"

"Oh!" She forced a small laugh through her dry throat and nodded. "Yes. I suppose he's doing all right. Hopefully he has a tremendous headache."

Oliver laughed then. "Next time, we'll make sure to just not answer the door."

Next time, she thought. The thought excited and terrified her.

"Would you like to come with me to the Ministry Ball?" she asked suddenly, surprising Oliver and herself.

"The Ministry Ball?"

"It's traditional, they say, after the Minister of Magic is appointed...if you'd rather not I completely understand," she said in a hurry.

"I'd love to come with you," he said grinning at her nervousness. "When?"

"Saturday...that is, if you don't have a match..."

"We play the Wasps in the morning. I'll be free that evening, if that's all right."

Ginny smiled again, and this time reached out to place her hand over his. "It's all right."

Oliver breathed in deeply, giving her a small smile. "Are you up for a Butterbeer or two?"

"Absolutely."

 

****

Later that night, Ginny pulled off her robes as she made her way up the stairs to her room. Her head felt a little light from the drinks she had consumed with Oliver and his friends. Somehow she could still hear all five conversations going on in her head at once. She rubbed the dull throbbing in her temple and wondered what she would feel like if she had actually drank enough to get herself drunk.

She walked quietly, listening overhead to make sure she hadn't woken her parents or brothers.

Sighing in relief, Ginny pushed open the door to her own room. She jumped slightly when she spotted Harry sitting in the corner chair, holding a drooping yellow tulip in his left fist. She glanced behind her quickly before she stepped in the room and shut the door softly behind her.

"Harry...how...what are you doing here?" she asked slowly, clutching her robes tightly in her hands.

"I snuck in about an hour ago...I'm sorry. I was...I was waiting for you to come home. I..ah, wanted to give you this," he said, lifting the hand that held the flower. Ginny thought she saw him turn a bit red, but couldn't tell if it was because he was blushing or if it was the candle light.

Like any woman's would, Ginny's heart softened a bit as she placed her robes on the hook beside her door. She unclipped her hair before she walked around to sit on the edge of the bed, facing him. Almost reluctantly, she reached out and took the tulip from him, giving him a small smile.

"What is it for?"

He shrugged then, as if brushing off the gesture but his eyes held a tinge of regret. "I made a drunken arse of myself last night. I interrupted your...evening...with Oliver. I'm really sorry, Ginny."

She sighed softly, stroking her finger over the soft petals before raising her eyes to meet Harry's. "It's all right, Harry."

He nodded, but remained silent for a moment before shifting in the seat.

"Were you with Oliver tonight?"

She frowned a bit and placed the tulip beside her on the bed. "I was."

Harry swallowed, his eyes avoiding hers as he picked at imaginary lint on his trousers. "So is he your ah...your..."

"My what?" she asked quietly, watching him lift his head to look at her.

"Your boyfriend."

She looked away and stood, grabbing a hair band from her dresser and quickly twisting her hair back into a ponytail. She pulled out her earrings and slid them inside her jewelry box before she finally turned to him.

"No, he's not my boyfriend, Harry."

"What is he then?" Harry asked sharply.

She rolled her eyes at the sudden change in his tone and shut the jewelry box lid with a snap. How could she answer that question when she didn't know the answer herself?

"I..I don't know what he is yet. I do know he's my friend."

"But you were kissing him last night," Harry pointed out, standing easily from the chair. "Who knows what else you might have been doing when I--"

"So rudely interrupted?" she snapped, crossing her arms defiantly over her chest. 

He closed his mouth quickly, glaring at her. "So he's your 'friend' one minute, then a shag buddy the next?"

She felt her temper snap as she stepped forward and poked her finger sharply into his chest. "Harry, it's really none of your business what I do or don't do with Oliver."

"Have you slept with him?"

She blinked for a moment, taken back by the fierce warning in his voice. She could sense the tension rolling off of him in heated waves and without realizing it, she took a step back.

"I told you it was none of your business, Harry. You're free to sleep with whoever you please. A point you made clear the other night with Parvati. It's no different with me. If and when I decide to sleep with Oliver--"

"So you haven't," he said, a smug smile creeping onto his face.

"What?"

"You said 'if and when'. Which means you haven't slept with Oliver."

Frustrated, she shook her head and met his gaze squarely. "Yet."

Instead of getting angry like she had wanted him to, Harry stepped forward and lifted his hand, sliding a loose piece of her hair through his fingers before he allowed himself to stroke her jaw. "Does he kiss you like I kiss you?"

She suddenly found it extremely difficult to breathe. "What?"

Harry leaned forward, his hand still sliding against her jaw. "Does he touch you like I touch you?" His breath was hot in her ear, causing her to slide her eyes shut as she leaned into his touch.

"Harry..." she managed, her voice scratchy with desire. 

"Would you let him do the things I do to you?" he whispered, placing tiny kisses against her ear, down her throat. "The things I want to do to you?"

She arched her neck, allowing his lips more access as she sighed. Against her better judgment she let herself sink into the feelings he had invoked. 

His breathing was ragged as he studied her face. "Tell me you want me."

Ginny struggled to get some air into her lungs as her eyes lowered to his lips, which were dangerously close to hers.

"Say it Ginny," he moaned, his hands sneaking under her shirt to cup her breasts. "Say you want me."

She arched against him, her head tilting back as he pressed searing kisses along the base of her throat. "Harry..."

"Say it," he pleaded, his fingers sliding over the tips her nipples until they were taut peaks.

She caught her breath and opened her eyes slowly to look at him. Her eyes mirrored the emotions churning through her and she silently damned the consequences.

"I want you, Harry."

With what she could only describe as a growl, Harry pulled her towards him, jerking her up to the tips of her toes as they stumbled back against the wall. She wrapped her arms around his neck as their tongues met in a fiery dance. Unbelievable sensations slammed into her when she arched against him. They slithered inside of her, heightening the ache she felt building between her thighs. 

More was all she could think when her hands began unbuttoning his shirt. More, more, more...

She tasted like cherries and rum, causing the coil of lust inside his stomach to tighten. Wanting to feel her flesh under his hands, he slid her shirt up, his rough fingers tingling over the smoothness of her skin. He tore his lips away from hers, only for a moment, to pull the flimsy fabric over her head. His mouth sought hers once more as his palms flattened against her back, his fingers deftly unclasping her bra and pulling it off.

Ginny managed a moan against his lips when she slid his shirt past his arms, letting it fall to the floor below them. The burning inside of her intensified, begging for release. Her hands sought every inch of his chest, grasping...exploring. Feeling the muscles ripple under her palms, Ginny leaned forward, hearing the sharp hiss from Harry's lips as she placed her lips against the base of his throat. 

His hand reached out blindly towards her dresser until he felt her wand. Grabbing it tightly, Harry managed a quick silencing charm around her room. Dropping the wand to the floor, he pushed her back, his tongue thrusting against hers as he dropped his hands to the button of her trousers. Fumbling for a moment, he cursed under his breath and tugged sharply, pleased when the material ripped and the button fell away. 

"Harry," she gasped, her fingers gripping the sides of his arms. She tried to think...tried to breathe. He was making it damn near impossible for her not to beg. Tilting her head back against the wall, she lost herself in the swirl of emotion when his hand slipped inside her trousers and knickers, cupping her intimately.

A groan caught in his throat when she tilted her hips against him. He braced his arm against the wall and caught her bottom lip in his teeth gently. He watched her as he brought her close to the peak with his fingers and suddenly slid his hand away. She opened her eyes, her mouth parting with a small gasp of frustration. He couldn't stop now...not when she was so close...

Ginny felt his lips trail down her cheek to her neck and then to her shoulder. She let out a small cry of protest when he fell to his knees and tugged her trousers down.

She shook her head as if denying his movements. He couldn't possibly...could he?

A flash of heat stabbed her when he slid his tongue over her. She moaned loudly and entwined his hair around her fingers. Oh yes...he could...

Suddenly she felt her hips moving against him, matching the smooth rhythm of his tongue. Her lips parted as Ginny gasped for breath. The fire built in her stomach, threatening to explode. She felt her knees beginning to weaken as she gripped his hair tightly. She needed him to stop...she needed to breathe. 

But when his tongue plunged into her, her mind was suddenly wiped blank as she cried out loudly, buckling above him. The tremors rocked her as she fell against the wall limply. She would have fallen bonelessly to the ground if Harry hadn't stood quickly and held her in his arms. 

"We're not done yet..." he moaned, finding her lips with his and shifting so she stepped out the trousers that had bunched around her ankles. She was suddenly very naked...and he was frantically tugging at the rest of his clothes so that he could join her…so he could feel his body against hers. He needed to feel her skin against his own. He moved and turned her so that they were moving towards the bed.

"I can't..." she murmured, trailing off. Couldn't what? She didn't know. She couldn't even think when his hands slid over her skin that way.

"You can, Ginny," he said quietly, his voice shaking with controlled desire. He had to take a step back...he had to be careful. He didn't want to hurt her. He kissed her slowly before bending to take her nipple into his mouth. No, he didn't want to hurt her. He wanted to make her wet, and writhing. He wanted to make her scream.

Her knees bumped into the edge of her bed, but he didn't lay her down. She opened her eyes and blinked, clearing the hazy vision. Their eyes met, mirroring the urgency one another felt. He’d never felt this almost animal need for any other woman. She had him hard and near insanity. She had him shaking, and she didn't even know it.

His hands slid down her arms to her waist and he turned her around bracing her back against his chest. The moan of his name on her lips turned into whimpers as his mouth pressed against the pulse point on her neck. His hands slid over her breasts and down her stomach. When his hand slipped between her thighs, he moved one finger into her and kissed her earlobe. "You're so wet..."

She raised her arm around his head and turned so her mouth could find his. Her body raged with the clamorous need he inflicted and she unwittingly pressed her hips back against him.

Harry groaned and stroked her towards delirium, his own desire growing with each excited gasp that slipped past her lips. Clenching his teeth together, he felt his control snap and he placed his palm on her back, pushing her forward.

She braced herself on the bed with her arms and was about to question him when she felt his hands gripping her hips tightly. She suddenly realized his intention and could only cry out when he drove into her. He stilled his movements for a moment so she could adjust to him and dug his fingers into her flesh harder when she pressed back against him, pushing him deeper.

"Ginny..." he managed, his breath hissing out when she began to rock against him.

"Don't stop..." she begged, gasping when he began to thrust into her. What they were doing...what he was doing to her was unbelievable. She felt no shame, no reservations. She only felt the tightening fist of need.

Their twin moans echoed in the room as their bodies found the fast, frantic tempo. She was clenched tightly around him, causing his eyes to shut as he fought release. Not yet...not yet.

Ginny clutched the blanket with her hands and arched her head back, sobbing his name as he pounded into her. Her breath caught painfully in her throat as she came, and she could only whimper as she let the release flow through her.

Only moments later she felt him lean forward and pull her head back gently by her hair. She turned and met his seeking lips, swallowing his own cry of release and he shuddered, spilling himself into her.

Harry pushed her forward, gathering her to him when they fell gently on the bed. Her back was still to him, and he was still buried deep inside of her. He now understood the meaning of dying a happy man. 

They didn't speak...their heavy breathing the only thing that broke the silence. He ran a hand over her shoulder and down her side, resting comfortably on her hip. With his chin, he nudged her hair away and nuzzled the crook of her neck. She could leave him breathless with her scent alone. 

"Harry?" she asked, her voice sated with lovemaking.

"Hmmm?" 

"Thank you for the flower."

His lips curved as he kissed her throat. "You're welcome."

With that he felt his eyes close tiredly and he soon drifted off, wrapping his arm tightly around her.

He found himself woken several hours later, after the candles had burned out and the moon was the only light in her dark room. Her mouth had coaxed him out of a dream he suddenly couldn't remember. He lay back, his fingers sliding through her hair, moaning her name softly as he lifted his hips against her gently. Her boldness surprised him...excited him. It was at that moment, when she moved up his body and straddled him, her mouth sliding lazily over his as she took him deep inside of her, that he knew there was no one like Ginny.

And it frightened him.

When they both reached their peak, he cried her name, swearing he had released his very soul into her. Ginny slid down to him, a smile on her lips as she placed her head on his shoulder.

"I love you, Harry."

His heart leaped painfully in his chest as he digested the words. It amazed him that three simple words could turn a man inside out so quickly. He blinked back the pain behind his eyes and remained quiet, holding her softly against him. The sounds of rain began to tap quickly against her window, soon lulling them both back to sleep.

When Ginny woke the next morning, he was gone. Only when she sat up in bed and found the crushed remains of the tulip twisted in the sheets did she realize it hadn't been a dream.


	13. St. Mungos

St.Mungos

I held her hand too tight,  
Too hard to make it right,  
So I could sleep at night.

If I could hold them in my hand,  
I'd make them understand.  
I'm not a haunted mind,  
I'm not a thoughtless kind. 

 

The Burrow was unusually quiet except for the occasional burst of noise from Fred and George's room. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley had gone off to visit Penelope and Hannah with Charlie and Bill, and Ron was more than likely with Hermione.

 

Her parents had wanted her to come along, then go shopping with them at Diagon Alley, but the thought of running into Harry after the night before mortified her. She could only wonder what he thought of her. Instead she opted to stay tucked in safely at home with the Muggle romance novel Hermione had loaned her a couple weeks ago.

 

She had trouble concentrating on the book at first, with her mind wandering to Harry. But soon she found herself wrapped up in the story...the struggle between good and evil, the conflict and heartache. The love.

 

Merlin knew she could relate to it all.

 

She found herself blushing at the explicit love scene between the hero and heroine. She let out a short giggle at the words "throbbing shaft" and "sweet nectar of her flower". But the two pages of descriptive honey dripped dialogue and description had her so enthralled that she didn't hear the back door open and close in the kitchen.

 

Harry watched her from the doorway leading into the lounge. She was biting at her bottom lip as she read some book that lay against her drawn up knees. There was a candle lit on the table beside her and a fire crackling in the stone hearth. The orange light danced across her face, causing her hair to shine vibrantly. His eyes were once again drawn to her mouth and he felt his throat dry as her tongue danced out to lick her lips.

 

He suddenly coughed and watched as she jumped with a gasp. Her eyes found his and she lifted a hand to her chest.

 

"Harry. You scared me to death..."

 

"Sorry," Harry said sheepishly. "The back door was unlocked...I didn't mean to startle you."

 

"It's all right." Ginny swallowed and wondered if her face was indeed the beet red she imagined it to be.

 

"What are you reading?" he asked, crossing the room to her and looked expectantly down at the open novel.

 

She fumbled with the book, eager to hide it from his prying eyes. "It's nothing, just something--" Harry grabbed it quickly from her hands. "Hermione gave me..."

 

Harry took a step back and lifted the book away from Ginny's grasping fingers. When she stood to snatch it away from him, he laughed and placed his palm on her shoulder and held her back as he flipped to the cover.

 

His laughter grew louder. "My...her breasts are awfully...supple."

 

"Harry!" Embarrassment flowed through her and she pinched his arm irritably.

 

"Ow! Sorry...sorry," he grinned as she grabbed the book from his hand. "He could use a haircut by the way..."

 

"It's just a silly book..." she muttered and turned to place it, face down, on the coffee table.

 

Harry rubbed his stinging flesh where she had pinched him and gave her an amused once over. "Shouldn't you be reading books like that...alone?"

 

Ginny folded her arms across her chest and glared at him. "I was alone."

 

"Sorry. I guess I should have knocked."

 

"No," she sighed, her lips curving into a small smile. "If my humiliation brings a smile to your face, then I'll be sure to read smutty novels more often."

 

Her smile faded slightly as he watched her and she turned to blow out the candle she had lit next to the sofa. "Ron's not here if you were looking for him. I think he's at Hermione's."

 

"Actually I came to see you."

 

He watched her pause for a moment.

 

"Oh. What it is?" Ginny asked, turning to fold the blanket she had been using.

 

"I was going...I wanted to visit Remus."

 

Ginny turned quickly, a look of surprise on her face. "Really? That's wonderful. When?"

 

"Well, now I suppose," Harry said, running a hand through his messy hair.

 

"It's getting a bit late," Ginny replied, glancing at the small Muggle clock her father had beside the sofa. "Are you sure?"

 

"Well, I figure it's late so not many people will be there...I don't really want to be noticed." Harry saw her nod in understanding and he shifted nervously. "I was wondering if you would come with me."

 

She watched him thoughtfully before the tension inside of her softened. She could do this for him. It was a simple act of friendship. Things didn't have to be awkward between them. At least not at the moment.

 

"Yes, I can come with you," she said quietly, watching the relief spark in his eyes as he gave her a thankful smile. "Just give me a couple minutes."

 

 

****

Harry hated St. Mungo's. With it's gray walls and linoleum floors and the constant smell of death and blood. The Healers and nurses rarely smiled, their eyes tired and distant. During the war with Voldemort, Harry had visited many friends at St. Mungos...he had even been admitted for a few days himself after the final battle behind the Riddle House.

 

He had vowed he would never set foot inside again.

 

Now he sat in an uncomfortable wooden chair, with his head hung and his eyes focusing intently on the tiny cracks in the floor as Ginny talked quietly with the nurse on duty a few feet away.

 

An overwhelming feeling of deja vu swam inside him as he turned to look down the hallway where Ginny and the overly plump nurse stood. He remembered that he and Ginny had been rushed through that very hallway after they collapsed the night Voldemort was defeated.

 

They had taken her away from him. And no one would tell him anything. They had all talked to him like he was eleven, despite his angry outbursts that he had wanted to see her. He had flailed and punched and screamed. Mr. Weasley and Charlie had to help the Healers hold him down as they forced a sleeping potion down his throat to calm him.

 

He thought she had died and no one had the balls to tell him.

 

The icy fear of the memory gripped Harry in the chest as he remembered crawling out of his own hospital bed and making his way down the hallway that night, the floor cold on his feet, the air stale and dry. He had come to the last room in the hall and pushed opened the door. Ginny lay in front of him, her arms resting without movement on either side of her. Her face had been paler than usual; her lips dry and cracked.

 

He had walked to her slowly, terrified he would touch her and she would be cold and stiff. He had whispered her name and sat in the chair that had been occupied by many Weasleys that day, before he placed his hand over her heart. He only allowed the tears to flow after he felt the soft, but steady rising of her chest with each hollow breath.

 

"Harry?"

 

Harry's eyes snapped up as he jerked back in his seat. Ginny pulled her hand away and studied him with concern. "Are you all right?"

 

He swallowed quickly and nodded. "All right...are they going to let us see him?"

 

She glanced back behind her shoulder before giving him a small smile. "The nurse is going to check with Remus's doctor to make sure it's okay. But I'm pretty sure they'll let us."

 

Ginny sat next to Harry and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Are you sure you want to?"

 

He nodded and rubbed his forehead. "I'm sure."

 

She nodded then sat back, picking up the Daily Prophet that someone had forgotten on the small wooden table beside them. She let her eyes wander over the front page.

 

"I can't believe I'm saying this but the news doesn't seem quite as interesting since they fired Rita Skeeter."

 

Harry leaned over and scanned the news quickly. "She's writing for The Quibbler full time now. Seems a much better match for her."

 

Ginny made a noise in her throat and flipped open the paper to the Quidditch section. There was a small article on the upcoming Chudley Cannons match against Puddlemere United, accompanied by a photo of Oliver and the Puddlemere Seeker.

 

"Wanker," he muttered, rolling his eyes and leaning back in his chair.

 

Ginny tore her eyes away from the article and glanced up at him. "What was that?"

 

"Nothing...I just wonder when that damn nurse is going to be back."

 

Ginny studied him suspiciously, but didn't answer as she went back to reading the article.

 

Several moments of silence passed and Harry clasped his hands together, occasionally looking at Ginny to see if she was still occupied.

 

"So...the Ministry Ball is Saturday," Harry noted, his eyes wandering around the gray hallway uncomfortably.

 

Ginny shot him a quick glance. "Yes it is."

 

"And you're going?" Harry asked, quickly turning a slight shade of pink. "Of course you're going. Sorry...had a daft moment there."

 

"It's all right," Ginny chuckled. "Are you going as well?"

 

Harry shrugged nonchalantly. "I told your Dad I would...it's the least I can do for everything he's done for me."

 

Ginny turned to look at Harry curiously. "Harry, my parents don't expect payback from you--"

 

"I know, I know," Harry interrupted quickly with a wave of his hand. "I just...never mind."

 

They sat in silence for a few more moments when she heard Harry cough in his hand then clear his throat.

 

"Is something wrong?"

 

"Well, I just..." Good Christ he was not getting any better at this. "If you're going...and I'm going...I guess. I mean...do you want to go...together?"

 

He was avoiding her eyes, trying to feign indifference. She felt the small tug at her lips when she saw the blush filling his cheeks.

 

Then came the disappointment. "I would really love too, Harry...but..."

 

But. The dreaded word of all blokes in the world.

 

"Hey, no problem. I wouldn't want to go with me either," he joked dryly, looking away as his face turned slightly pink.

 

Ginny frowned. It felt just like her third year when, for a split second, she had the chance to attend the Yule Ball with Harry, but she had already agreed to go with Neville.

 

"It's not that I don't want to go with you, I just--"

 

"It's no problem...I'll just tag along with Ron and Hermione..."

 

Before she could reply, the nurse had approached them with a somber smile. "You can go ahead..."

 

Ginny thanked her and stood before following Harry down the hallway towards Remus's room. Harry's pace slowed considerably the closer they got to the door.

 

Ginny slowed down beside him and reached out to touch his arm. "We don't have to--"

 

"No, it's okay," Harry said, rolling back his shoulders to ease some of the tension.

 

Ginny gave him a supportive smile and reached out to push open the door to the room where Remus lay. Harry walked inside slowly, swallowing the immediate lump that formed in his throat. 

 

Remus lay, unmoving, in the bed farthest to the right of the room. There were several plants and flowers on either side of him and the colors and textures were a stark contrast to the paleness of his youthful face. His hair was still brown, but had several more streaks of silver through the wild strands and Harry noticed there was a long, thin scar that began at his eyebrow and ran to the edge of his jaw.

 

Harry thought, briefly, about turning and running out, but he felt Ginny's fingers wrap around his and he found himself moving forward to the edge of his bed.

 

He let out a deep, steady breath, but didn't move.

 

"Do you want me to leave?" Ginny asked quietly beside him. She felt him squeeze her hand tightly as he shook his head.

 

"How is...I mean, do they know if he'll wake up?"

 

"They're not sure yet. They said he's made some progress, but..." Ginny frowned.

 

"What do they do when it's a full moon?"

 

"Apparently nothing," Ginny told him with a small shrug. "Mum says they put chains on his wrists and ankles in case he were to wake up during a full moon, but since he's unconscious, the wolf inside of him is as well..."

 

"I wonder...does it still hurt him when he transforms?" Harry asked, watching Remus closely for any sign of movement.

 

"He can't feel it," Ginny said quietly, looking up at Harry. "He can't really...feel much of anything."

 

It was oddly depressing to Harry how much he could relate.

 

"Doesn't Sirius talk to you about him?" Ginny asked curiously.

 

"I don't really want to talk about it much," Harry admitted, feeling the shame inside of him. He quickly changed the subject. "Does Tonks come by a lot?"

 

Ginny gave him a small smile. "She's usually here when I come with Mum. She must be working tonight or I'm sure we would have seen her."

 

"I wish it had been my wand that killed Lestrange," Harry whispered vehemently. "I would have given anything to be the one..."

 

"There wasn't anything you could do, Harry. They had already...I mean, it was too late by the time the Order found out where he was. The Ministry--"

 

"Didn't give a damn that he had been taken," Harry snapped, his cheeks flushing with anger. "If I hadn't been in hiding--"

 

"It wouldn't have mattered," Ginny said with a bit of exasperation. "If you hadn't gone into hiding, you would be dead right now."

 

"And he wouldn't be lying there," Harry pointed out with a rough nod of his head. "And Percy and several others wouldn't be dead--"

 

Ginny let go of his hand to pull his arm, turning him to face her. "You have no way of knowing that. If you had been there when Voldemort attacked Hogwarts, you would have been captured...you would have died. Where would that have left the rest of us?"

 

Harry was silent but looked away after several tense moments. "I don't know why they assumed he was my Secret Keeper...they didn't go after Sirius."

 

"I reckon they thought he was too obvious a choice, Harry," Ginny said, looking back at Remus's still body. She always felt a quick jolt of panic when she looked down at him...she could only relax when she was sure his chest was still rising with life.

 

Harry sighed and turned away quickly. Startled, Ginny followed him out into the hallway, closing the door quietly behind her.

 

He sat in the one of the chairs across the hall and hung his head in exhaustion. Ginny sat beside him and reluctantly rubbed the palm of her hand over his back. She felt him stiffen slightly before relaxing under her hand.

 

"Do you know why I took so long to come here?"

 

She watched him lift his head to look at her as she slowly shook her head.

 

"It's hard to see someone you love hurt--"

 

"I was afraid," he interrupted, shifting his gaze to Remus's closed door. "I was afraid I would come here and feel nothing."

 

"Harry..."

 

"After everything that happened, I thought I was going to just sink away in the guilt that was there. The grief." He turned to look at her again. "I found it easier not to care."

 

She let her hand drop to her lap and studied him with sympathetic eyes. "I know you don't mean that."

 

"Don't be stupid, Ginny." He leaned forward and rested his clasped hands on his knees. "You, of all people, know how I was. How I am."

 

"You don't choose to feel this way," she insisted, continuing on when he sighed. "You're hurting. You've taken all the blame and placed it on your own shoulders..."

 

"Tell me whose shoulders the blame should be placed on then," he replied quietly, his eyes dark. He continued when she didn't answer. "I didn't want to come here because I liked the emptiness inside too much. Drinking and shagging were the only two things that made me feel remotely alive. It made the dreams almost bearable."

 

He saw her eyes lower and her fingers start to pluck at a loose thread on her robes. "Then you came to my door that night," he said watching her gaze flutter to his. "What happened...what I did to you--"

 

"Harry, you didn't--"

 

He stood abruptly, cutting her off before she could reach out to touch him. He rounded on her, his voice dripping with self-hatred. "I practically raped you."

 

Her cheeks flushing with anger, Ginny pushed herself off the chair until she was standing in front of Harry. "You did nothing of the kind."

 

"You tried to push me away. I wouldn't let go until you gave in. It's the same thing."

 

His features were hard, but she could see the emotion swirling in his eyes was anything but anger. "I wanted you too, Harry. I wanted to make you feel better."

 

He ignored that and turned away, his hands resting loosely on his hips. "After you left, the guilt began to creep back into my system again. I didn't want it there. And then I started letting Ron and Hermione come around more...and you. I'm living something closer to a normal life now and I'm not sure it's what I deserve, or even want."

 

"We're only trying to help you, Harry."

 

"What for?" Harry glanced inside the window at Remus before looking back at Ginny. "Who am I now? Voldemort's dead. The Wizarding world is safe. Where does that leave me?"

 

"With us. With your friends and with Sirius."

 

Harry was silent for several moments, his eyes avoiding hers as he considered. "Last night you said...you said you loved me."

 

She took a deep breath to steady her hands. "I did say that."

 

"Why?"

 

"Why did I say I loved you?"

 

"No. Why do you love me?"

 

"I..." God, how was she suppose to answer that question? All the answers ran through her mind in a jumble as she tried to sort them out.

 

"Is it because of me? Or because I'm Harry Potter?" He asked her, watching the storms clear in her eyes as she considered him.

 

"I can't believe you could even ask me that question, Harry."

 

Harry shook his head in disbelief. "Why not? You only liked me before because I was the Boy Who Lived...why is it different now?"

 

Embarrassed and angry, Ginny turned and grabbed her robes from the chair. "I'm not even going to dignify that question with an answer."

 

Harry's hand thrust out and grabbed her arm before she could march past him. Noticing the several curious eyes on them, Harry pulled her to the side and lowered his voice. "I want to know."

 

She thought about pulling away, but something in his eyes told her it would be safer for both of them if she just explained it to him.

 

"After the time we spent at Hogwarts. After the things we said to each other, the things we went through, how could you ever question what I felt for you?" The anger was slipping away now, replaced by a cold sheet of hurt as she gently tugged her arm out of his grasp. He didn't answer her, but continued to study her with those silent eyes, his mouth drawn tightly.

 

"You can go on believing I wanted you because you were the Boy Who Lived. If that makes you feel better inside, go ahead." She lifted her chin proudly and continued before he could reply. "But yes, I loved you, Harry. Since I was ten. You might think it was a crush. And why not? Everyone else did. But I knew the moment I saw you on Platform Nine and Three Quarters that you were it for me. There was no one else I wanted, despite what I said or did. It was always you."

 

"You didn't even know me."

 

"I did," she insisted quietly. "I knew you. I never knew anything or anyone like I knew you. And I was there for you when you needed me, and when you wanted me. For years. Even now."

 

"I never--"

 

"Even now," she repeated firmly. "I'm here because you needed me here."

 

"But the things I've said to you...you should hate me."

 

"I want to hate you...I want to hate you so much I can feel it burning inside of me, but I don't. I can't."

 

Harry watched her, his shoulders slumped. "I don't know what to say."

 

"Don't say anything," she replied. "And don't ever question what I felt for you again. A slap in the face would be less insulting."

 

Harry bit his tongue to keep from calling after her when she turned and walked quickly and quietly down the hallway. He could do nothing but watch until she disappeared out the doors into the night.

 

He lifted his hand to rub the throbbing ache in his forehead and resisted the urge to kick something. Instead he turned towards the door that led into Remus's room, and taking a deep breath, he pushed it open and stepped inside, letting it close quietly behind him.

***

If I could put them in a jar,  
I know they wouldn't scar,  
I'd do it if I could,  
I hope you know I would.


	14. Unspoken

It's always tempting to lose yourself with someone, who's maybe lost themselves.

 

*****

 

Stony silence. Harry didn't mind it. As long as he wasn't on the receiving end of it.

 

He had been sitting at the damn table in The Leaky Cauldron with Ron and Neville for a half and hour, and Ginny still hadn't said one word to him. Harry kept an ear on Neville and Ron's conversation, and an eye on Ginny. She was bustling around the room, smiling and chatting animatedly with the wizards and witches she was serving. But whenever she passed their table, the smile was gone and her eyes were fixed solely on the pad of parchment she was taking orders on.

 

And he wasn't sure if the black skirt and tight white t-shirt were really all that appropriate to be wearing in such a seedy place. He was starting to take note of the wizards that followed her bum as she walked away.

 

It was getting ridiculous. She should at least see how they were doing. It was simply bad service in Harry's opinion.

 

Well, sure the tavern was packed. It was a Friday night after all. And sure, the new waitress, Clara, was constantly checking on them, refilling glasses and flirting. But her own brother was there for Merlin's sake. Surely she should have the decency to at least greet Ron.

 

Harry sighed when she passed them again, once more ignoring him completely. He heard her voice, bright and happy a few tables behind them.

 

Honestly, what did she have to be upset about? He didn't understand women...he supposed he never would. It was a wonder to him that they could drag out hurt feelings over the course of several days.

 

And he hated, above all else, feeling guilty about it.

 

"What do you think?"

 

Ron's voice grabbed Harry and pulled him out of his thoughts.

 

"About what?"

 

Ron rolled his eyes slightly and nodded to Neville. "Genius here thinks Puddlemere is going to stomp on the Cannons on Monday. What do you think?"

 

They both looked at him expectantly and Harry toyed with the rim of his glass as he considered. To be honest, Harry knew any team with the motto, "Let's just keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best" was bound to be whipped by a team that had won several Quidditch Championships in the past three years, but Harry also knew Oliver Wood was the Puddlemere Captain and Keeper.

 

"The Cannons are going to show the world that Puddlemere is really nothing but a team full of nancy boys," Harry finally replied, lifting his glass to his lips and grinning when Neville let out a gasp of surprise and Ron whooped happily.

 

Harry's gaze darted quickly to Ginny who he saw had been watching him and had obviously overheard. She turned away quickly, her cheeks flushing as she focused on the order she was taking down.

 

He snickered and downed his drink, listening to Ron and Neville's heated debate escalate. Clara wandered up to him and used her wand to gather their empty glasses on the tray floating beside her.

 

"Want another? Or maybe something new?"

 

Harry eyed her, taking in the short cap of black hair and blue eyes. He wondered if it was bad taste to flirt with another waitress simply to make Ginny jealous. "Depends. What are you offering?"

 

She paused a minute, taking in the innuendo as she studied him with an amused glint in her eye. "You're Harry Potter."

 

"So they say," Harry replied coolly.

 

"I've heard all about you," Clara said, sending the tray of empty glasses back to the bar.

 

Harry shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "I'm sure you have."

 

"Parvati thinks very highly of you."

 

Harry looked up at her, his eyebrows raised in suspicion and surprise. "Is that right?"

 

"Sure is," Clara crossed her arms. "Well...I mean, she did before you shagged her and took off like a Snitch. Tell me, why are men so reluctant to share any kind of emotional feelings after sex?"

 

Neville sniggered behind his palm and Ron pretended to read something on the blank napkin beside him.

 

Harry scratched the back of his neck slowly. "Er...well..I-I'm not--" He trailed off with an exasperated sigh and looked desperately to Ron and Neville for help. 

 

"Would you like some more mead?" Clara asked with a grin.

 

"Yes," the three answered quickly.

 

"Right," Clara gave Harry a quick wink and turned away.

 

"Bloody hell," Harry muttered.

 

Ron and Neville were still laughing when Harry watched Clara nudge Ginny from behind and nod towards the door, a wide smile on her face.

 

His gaze followed Ginny's and frowned when Oliver and his friends walked inside, loud and rowdy as usual. The noise around him turned into an annoying buzz when Oliver touched Ginny's hand briefly before he followed his friends to a table across the room.

 

She couldn't possibly still be seeing him. Not after what happened between them the other night.

 

You're not seeing each other, he reminded himself. She has every right to go out with as many guys as she wants.

 

Harry took the drink Clara offered him and scowled into the liquid. Ginny was laughing with Oliver and his friends. She was laughing with them in the two minutes that they had been there, yet hadn't bothered to say one word to him at all since he arrived.

 

Harry's fingers tightened around the glass as he drank. She was walking towards the bar, her cheeks a bit pink and a smile on her face.

 

"What about the new Seeker?" Ron asked him, taking one of Neville's chips and chewing it thoughtfully.

 

"They change Seekers every other month!" Neville pointed out. "The team is cursed, no doubt about it."

 

"Harry, you've seen Snyder right? He's a fairly decent Seeker isn't he?"

 

Tearing his gaze away from Ginny, Harry looked at Ron in confusion. "The Cannons have a new Seeker?"

 

Ron threw his hands up in frustration. "Where have you been? We've been talking about him for the last ten minutes!"

 

"Oh. Sorry, mate," Harry took another drink. "I'm just a bit distracted...Auror testing and all."

 

Ron's eyes lit up quickly. "It's unbelievable isn't it? We start training on Monday."

 

"If the Magical Law Enforcement decides to pass us...there were a lot of good candidates...and they're only taking the best."

 

"Well, we were the best," Ron said firmly, taking another chip from Neville's plate. "Sirius would be simply mad not to take us."

 

"Is training any different than testing?" Neville asked, sniffing his glass before taking a drink.

 

Harry tuned out the conversation once more as he searched for Ginny. She was back at Oliver's table, taking an order this time but smiling nonetheless.

 

What the hell was she trying to prove? She couldn't honestly tell him she preferred Oliver over him. She had given into him so easily the other night. She had told him she loved him.

 

She was trying to make him angry. That had to be it.

 

Well, bugger that. He could prove a point too.

 

Harry watched as Ginny untied her apron and set it on the bar. She grabbed her wand and an empty rubbish bag before moving quickly down the smoky hall to the women's toilet. He swallowed the rest of his drink and clenched his teeth against the bite. He then noticed Oliver watching Ginny as she walked away. He knew the look on Oliver's face.

 

Pure male lust. He could sense it easily because he recognized it in himself.

 

He turned to Ron and Neville. "I've got to use the loo, I'll be back.

 

Ron nodded impatiently as he and Neville continued their fresh debate over the skills of the Chudley Cannon's new Seeker.

 

Harry stood from the table and made his way slowly through the crowded tavern. His eyes darted to Oliver's table, pleased when he saw him laughing with his friends. As casually as he could, Harry made his way down the hall towards Ginny. She had left the door open a tiny bit and he noticed her wand lay on the sink. Harry glanced around, noting that no matter how many cleaning spells they tried, the dirtiness of the Leaky Cauldron's toilets would probably never go away.

 

She was bent over, changing the rubbish bag underneath the sink counter. The lust he had seen in Oliver's eyes moments before mirrored his own as he watched her hips sway slightly in the tiny material she dared call a skirt.

 

He slipped inside and shut the door behind him, firmly twisting the lock.

 

"Oh, I'm almost finished here...I--" she stopped suddenly as she straightened, her eyes meeting Harry's in the mirror.

 

He was watching her intensely, those sharp green eyes piercing her to the spot from behind the black wire rimmed glasses. Ginny felt her heart beginning to beat painfully when he took a step forward and twisted her around to face him.

 

Before she could say his name, he pulled her to him roughly and closed his mouth over hers. She smelled of smoke and rain. Triumph coursed through him when he heard her moan slightly against his mouth while her hands lifted to his chest and gripped the material of his shirt in her fists.

 

His tongue pushed greedily through her lips as his hands slid down her waist to the hem of her skirt. She didn't stop him when his hands snaked underneath to stroke her skin. His mouth was hard and demanding, swallowing any sound she dare make.

 

Harry's fingers slid higher, finally meeting the bare flesh above the lacy edge of her stockings, causing him to groan quietly. Ginny hands slid up into Harry's hair, gripping the wild edges tightly around her fingers as their tongues plundered and explored. He pushed her back against the basin counter, his hands sliding around to cup her bottom and lift her up.

 

The noisy sounds of the tavern covered her gasp as his hands slid her knickers off impatiently, tossing them to the side. With his lips still crushing hers, his hands left her body to tug at the button and zipper of his trousers and before Ginny could comprehend a logical thought, Harry had freed his throbbing erection and was pushing her back onto the counter top. 

 

His hands slid under her skirt again and pushed it up around her hips. He trailed a finger over her, smug to find her slick and wet.

 

For him. Only him.

 

She moaned quietly, her hips lifting against his finger, silently begging for more. Harry slowly slid his finger inside her, his thumb rubbing the sensitive area he knew would bring her to the edge. She moaned again, almost desperately, when he slid his tongue against her own in time with the thrusting of his finger. Her hips began to rock against his hand and she tore her lips from his to gasp loudly, as her hands fell to the counter to balance herself. He could tell she was about to explode and Harry quickly pulled his hand away. She sighed in frustration and he watched her open her eyes to question him.

 

He didn't care. He needed to be inside of her. He just wanted to close his eyes and fuck her senseless. It was comforting and irritating that she made him want so badly it was painful.

 

Watching her closely, he lifted her legs and wrapped them around his waist. The heels of her shoes were biting sharply into his back, but he felt no pain. He jerked her hips to the edge of the counter and plunged easily into her, lifting his hand against her mouth when she cried out loudly.

 

"Shhh," he whispered, watching the pleasure cloud her eyes as he pushed farther, as deep as he could go. He stayed that way for a minute, his eyes closing happily as he felt her muscles contracting around him. He could have sworn he was in a dream. He just wanted to stay like this forever...

 

When he felt her tongue slide slowly over his damp palm, Harry's eyes opened to look at her. Without a word he began to move inside of her, slowly at first until she arched back moaning his name. His hands fell to her hips to hold her steady as he began to thrust inside of her harder...faster. He couldn't possibly get enough of her. He couldn't believe he was listening to her moan his name while he was shagging her only a few feet away from the laughter and conversation...only a few feet away from Oliver. It was a dark, almost feral thrill that coursed through him, bringing him extremely close to completion.

 

He hammered himself into her, never taking his eyes from hers, even when they slid shut in ecstasy. Her legs fell limply from his waist and he slid his hands under her knees, pushing her legs back so he could slide into her more deeply.

 

Ginny was lifting her hips to meet his thrusts, struggling to maintain her last sense of control. He could sense she wanted to cry out and lose herself. It just made the heat inside of him more intense to know she couldn't.

 

Harry's release clawed at him, ripping violently through his body. His head fell back, a sharp gasp escaping from his mouth when he came and his hips jerked against hers roughly as he spilled himself into her. It suffocated him, but he didn't have time to catch his breath as he felt her beginning to throb around him. Leaning forward, Harry continued to plunge inside of her, his hand once more quickly covering her mouth when her whimpers turned into desperate cries as she came, her own hands slamming onto the counter.

 

Fighting to breathe, Harry fell forward, resting his head against her chest until several moments later when he managed to stop shaking. He felt her heartbeat racing against his ear and he closed his eyes briefly, enjoying the sound. He had come in to take, but was alarmingly aware that he was the one who had been taken.

 

Finally, with some reluctance, Harry pushed himself off her, adjusting his clothing and running his hands through his already untidy hair. Ginny watched him silently, still too sated with lovemaking to say a word. Harry looked around quickly before he leaned over and grabbed the knickers he had tossed to the side. Their eyes met when he handed them to her. Harry turned and silently slipped out into the smoky tavern, shutting the door tightly behind him.

 

There was a strong grip around his chest and heart as he made his way back to Ron and Neville. He thought he saw Oliver watching him, but he didn't take his eyes off his destination. Relaxed, Harry fell back into his chair and was thankful to find Clara had already refilled his glass. Ron was looking at him oddly.

 

"What?" Harry asked, trying to keep his face and voice neutral.

 

"You've been gone awhile," Ron pointed out.

 

"There was a witch trying to chat me up on my way to the loo...couldn't quite get rid of her until I shut the door in her face," Harry lied, shrugging his shoulders and taking a long drink out of his glass to ease the dryness in his throat.

 

Ron shook his head in awe. "Don't know how you do it, mate."

 

"I wonder if I could get a girl to follow me to the loo," Neville said thoughtfully, his words a bit slurred.

 

Harry laughed and watched Ginny emerge into the room. She had fixed her hair and makeup, but looked slightly flushed. She was frowning. Her eyes met his and he quickly turned back to his conversation with Ron and Neville.

 

Still talking, he stole a few glances, his heartbeat quickening when he saw Oliver stand and slap a few of his friend's hands before moving around the table and walking with Ginny out into Diagon Alley.

 

As casually as he could, Harry leaned over to look outside. They were walking up towards the path that led to Oliver's flat and Sirius's house. He watched Ginny brush her hair behind her ear the way she did when she was nervous.

 

Satisfied, Harry leaned back in his chair.

 

Point made.


	15. Too Far

Too Far

i know the truth now  
i know who you are  
and i don't love you anymore

it never was and never will be  
you're not real and you can't save me  
somehow now you're everybody's fool

 

It was the perfect night for a party. The sun set slowly, leaving the evening light full of soft and warm oranges and reds. The leaves on the trees around the Ministry had been changed for the occasion. Instead of green and brown, they sparkled white and silver.

The small flowers that had grown on the leaves and branches had begun to float away, creating a makeshift carpet of blossoms on the stone walk leading up to the Ministry Ball. White taper candles floated along the edge of the walk, flames flickering, but unyielding under the September breeze. It was a sight to make young women swoon.  
And Harry hated it with a fiery passion.

It reminded him too much of his fourth year at Hogwarts with the Yule Ball. He hadn't really enjoyed himself that night...and he was resigned to the fact that tonight would probably be no different.

He had watched Mr. Weasley sworn in as the Minister of Magic that morning, along with the rest of the Weasleys. All except Percy, who probably would have been the most proud...the most appreciative of his father, Harry thought bitterly. He then shook the memories out of his head. Tonight was not the night to dwell on his failures...

Ginny hadn't spoken to him once that morning. Well, that wasn't exactly true, Harry mused as he climbed the stone steps into the building. She had glanced at him with a polite hello before wandering off to talk with her mother or Hermione.

She hadn't seemed angry with him, nor upset. She had just seemed...disinterested. And that irritated Harry to no end. And it was frustrating that he hadn't had a chance to talk to her since they had visited Remus. Unless you counted moaning one another's name in a women's loo "talking".

He could admit it to himself; he missed talking to her. She had helped him relax considerably before they had visited Remus. And then he had blown it. But that tended to be his usual pattern concerning Ginny.  
But she always came back again didn't she? [She hadn't, by any means, resisted him in her bedroom, or the Leaky Cauldron's loo She wanted him just as badly as he wanted her. That couldn't possibly have changed in merely a day or so.

But something still wasn't right. Harry didn't expect she felt guilty for what transpired between them. It was natural for them to be drawn together. She had to know that.

Harry stopped in the doorway, his eyes scanning the room for Ron and Hermione. He saw them embracing in the corner, Ron's hands sliding up and down her back as they kissed. Rolling his eyes, Harry slid his hands in his pockets and made his way over to them. He ignored several of the whispered looks and coughed loudly when he reached Hermione.

She turned quickly and smiled, throwing her arms around Harry's neck in a quick embrace.

"You came!"

"I told you I would," he reminded her, nodding at Ron in greeting. "There are a lot of people here."

Ron glanced around, sending a quick wave to his Mum who was sitting next to Mr. Weasley and Sirius across the room. "Every department from the Ministry is here."

As casually as he could, Harry searched the room. "I don't see Ginny...or Charlie," he added quickly when Ron gave him a quick look.

"Mum volunteered Charlie to bring Penelope, so they should be here soon. I don't know where Ginny is. She was still in the loo when Hermione and I left."

"I hope she's okay." Harry frowned, looking away quickly when Hermione raised an eyebrow at him curiously. His eyes landed on a group of witches, all of whom seemed young enough to still be in Hogwarts. They were all whispering with grins on their faces, staring at him. Or rather, his forehead.

Irritated, Harry turned back to Ron. "What, did they invite every Lavender Brown clone they could find?"

"Family was invited also, obviously," Ron gave Harry a curious look. "Besides, I would think you would be in paradise, being surrounded by pretty girls who fancy you."

Harry glanced over at the girls again, causing them all to erupt in giggles. "Maybe if they all didn't look like fourth years. Is there any alcohol in this place?"

Ron caught Hermione's worried look before nodding towards the other side of the room. "They have champagne near the food."

"Champagne?" Harry wrinkled his nose in disgust.

"Well, Sirius has something a bit...stronger," Ron grinned, holding up his own glass that was filled halfway with amber liquid.

"You can always count on Sirius," Harry smiled. "I'll be right back."

Hermione waited until Harry had wandered off towards Sirius's table before smacking Ron lightly on the arm.

"What was that for?" Ron asked in surprise.

Hermione was watching him with her hands on her hips and a stern look on her face.

"Honestly, Ron, this is your father's big night...do you really think it's wise to get Harry drunk?"

"Hermione, you can't get drunk on one glass of whiskey," Ron explained patiently.

She was about to reply when she spotted Ginny approaching them. Hermione waved happily in greeting, and she saw Ron's eyes widen slightly in surprise.

"What is she doing here with Oliver?" Ron hissed quietly as the couple made their way to them.

"Well, she asked him...is that a problem?"

"Well, it might be if Harry--" He broke off quickly with an exaggerated grin when Ginny and Oliver stopped in front of them.

"You look so beautiful," Ginny said to Hermione and hugged her quickly. "You remember Oliver..."

"Of course I do," Hermione said, smiling at Oliver. "Excellent match against the Wasps by the way." She continued to smile, ignoring the surprised look from Ron.

"Thanks. Once we crush the Cannons..." He trailed off at Ron's scowl, and coughed into his hand. "Er, I think it'll be a tough game Monday. If we can brush by the Cannons, we'll be in the Quidditch finals."

"Fat bloody chance," Ron muttered into his drink.  
"Oliver Wood!"

Oliver turned around and found his hand being pumped enthusiastically by a small balding man with glasses.

"Do I know you?"

"Tom Basil...Department of Magical Transportation," Basil said, still shaking Oliver's hand. "My family are big fans of Puddlemere...we just know you're going to squash the Cannons come Monday. Bloody awful team, bloody awful."

Hermione stifled a grin and laid a comforting hand on Ron's arm.

"I'm going to find Harry," he growled and stormed off.

"Well, thanks," Oliver replied to the man again, before he began to turn back towards Ginny and Hermione.

"Would you mind?" Basil asked, starting to pull Oliver away. "My daughter is a big fan of yours, big big fan! She's just left Hogwarts this year you see...very pretty girl."

Oliver's face flushed slightly and he looked at Ginny. "Actually, I'm here with--"

"Oh I don't mind," Ginny said with a smile. "I'll be here when you get back."

"Ah..." He shot her a helpless look before being dragged off into the crowd.

Hermione waited until Oliver was out of earshot before turning quickly to Ginny.

"So?"

She waited impatiently as Ginny grinned and shrugged.

"So...what?"

"Ginny! You're here with Oliver!"

"Hermione, I've been seeing Oliver quite a bit..." Ginny gave her a sympathetic smile. "You've been a bit busy lately, I haven't had a lot of time to tell you things."

"I'm sorry..." Hermione frowned slightly. "I suppose I've been a bit self involved lately..."

"No!" Ginny said quickly, resting a hand on Hermione's arm. "I'm not upset...I just miss you. So many things have happened--"

"Well, then, you'll just have to fill me in." Hermione grabbed Ginny's arm and led her away from the crowd.

On the other side of the room Harry tried to concentrate on Ron, who was ranting about Oliver Wood and Quidditch. Normally Harry would have joined in on the Oliver bashing, but he had just seen Ginny, standing off the side with Hermione. Though he would look back on it later as completely corny, she looked breathtaking. He vaguely heard Ron talking to him and he wondered to himself how he missed her entering.

She wore a simple blue dress under her much darker dress robes, and allowed her hair to fall in tumbling waves over her shoulders. He noticed she wore very little makeup, but the red on her lips was an erotic contrast to her pale skin. Harry felt his body response almost instantly.

He finally tore his gaze away and noticed Ron had quit speaking. In fact he was gone altogether. Confused, Harry glanced around and spotted Tonks watching him across the table with an amused grin.

"He went to get more whiskey from Sirius..."

"Oh...okay," Harry fidgeted slightly in his chair. "How have you been?"

Tonks laughed quietly and turned to follow Harry's gaze.

"Well, at least you put your tongue back in your mouth," she said, brushing a lock of raven colored hair from her face.

Harry finished off his drink. "What do you mean?"

"Honestly, Harry," Tonks said with a hint of exasperation. "Why don't you go say hello?"

He glanced over at Ginny briefly, who was still with Hermione. "I don't know--"

"Go," Tonks said firmly, "Before Ron gets back here with more of Sirius's whiskey and begins to praise the Cannons. I don't know if even I could take it."

Harry looked at her for a moment before he stood and gave her a small smile. Placing his empty glass on the table,  
he began to make his way through the crowd to Ginny. He reached up and matted his hair down over his scar when he caught a few curious eyes following him.

He stepped up beside her and watched Hermione nod to her. Ginny turned around quickly and blinked. She didn't smile.

"Hey," he said, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Hello."

Hermione looked between the two for a moment before clearing her throat. "Well, I'm going to go see if I can find your Ron...make sure he's not hexing Oliver or anything." With a quick smile to Harry, Hermione turned and disappeared into the crowd.

Harry watched her leave for a moment before turning back to Ginny. "How are you?"

She shifted, looking rather uncomfortable. "I'm okay, thanks."

He saw the distance in her eyes and wiped his sweaty palms on his trousers. "You look really...really beautiful tonight."

Ginny looked taken back for a moment before she smiled at him. "Thanks. You look really nice as well."

Harry felt some of the tension lift from his shoulders and his fingers itched to touch her hair. He looked around at the crowd and desperately wanted to get her alone.

"Can we go somewhere and talk for a minute?"

Ginny was about to reply when she noticed Harry's eyes lift behind her. She turned and smiled slightly when Oliver  
handed her a glass.

"Harry," Oliver said with a smile. He reached to shake Harry's hand, which he reluctantly gave. "How have you been?"

"Fine," Harry said shortly, his eyes falling back to Ginny. "I was just saying hello."

"Ginny tells me you've been testing to join the Ministry."

"That's right," Harry said, unsure how to feel about that fact that Ginny discussed him with Oliver. "I hear you beat the Wasps today."

Oliver's smile grew wider. "Beat the wankers by one hundred and eighty points."

"So Ron says," Harry said coolly before nodding to Ginny. "Gotta get back to my table."

She sighed and watched him walk away.

"Is he all right?" Oliver asked, watching Harry disappear through the crowd, his shoulders slumped slightly.

"I think so." Ginny turned to him and forced a smile. "Do you want to dance?"

"Sure, as long as it's somewhere in the corner, where no one can see me." He laughed. "I met three daughters of Ministry officials trying to get back to you. If I'm not careful I may be married before the night is over."  
Ginny laughed and accepted his hand. She let him lead her into the crowd and tried desperately to forget the look in Harry's eyes when he told her she had looked beautiful.

Somehow she knew she was going to fail miserably.

***  
Harry watched Ginny dance with Oliver for what seemed like hours. He ignored the propositions from several witches, and joined in Ron and Charlie's Quidditch conversation half-heartedly. All he knew was he was going to commit murder if Oliver kissed her.

His chest hurt, and his knuckles were sore from grasping his glass. She had come with Oliver. She was dancing with him, and letting him touch her. She was laughing with him.

Harry knew he should ignore her...he could probably find a willing woman anywhere in this room and drag her off the loos. But Ginny was almost like an addiction. He couldn't tear his eyes away from her, no matter how badly he wanted too.

When Oliver was approached by another man, presumably a fan, Oliver gave Ginny an apologetic smile and followed the man to a group of girls who were obviously very eager to meet him. Ginny looked as if she found this more amusing than threatening.

Better him than me, Harry thought bitterly. Ginny wandered off alone to the edge of the room. She looked a bit exhausted and tired. Seeing his opportunity, Harry grabbed his drink from the table made a quick excuse to Charlie and Ron before wandering off.

She was standing on the steps, watching the crowd with a small smile on her face.

He stepped up behind her, feeling her back go up slightly but she didn't move. It was time to get some answers.

"You came with Oliver."

His voice was calm, yet caused Ginny to jump slightly. She didn't turn around to face him, but continued to watch the crowd in front of her.

"I did."

"Does he know about us?"

Ginny felt him step closer to her. She could practically feel his breath on her neck. Telling herself to remain calm, she took a deep breath.

"Know what about us?"

"That we're lovers." His voice was low, his lips brushing lightly against her earlobe. She could feel his body pressed against hers and she could hear the amusement and the slight slur in his voice.

"Is that what you would call us?" Ginny asked, trying to keep her temper from surfacing.

"I don't know," he replied with a small shrug. "What would you call it?"

She was silent for a moment as she glanced around the spacious room. She could see her family scattered about in the crowd. Ron and Hermione were dancing closely, their arms wrapped tightly around one another. Her parents were talking at their table, flirtatious smiles on their faces, her mother's hand touching her father's cheek. Several feet behind them, Bill and his girlfriend, Fleur DeLacour were whispering, mischievous grins on their faces before kissing one another. They were all intimate...comfortable. In love. She felt the yearning pang inside of her.

No. What she and Harry had could not be defined as lovers.

"I would call it a mistake," Ginny whispered, feeling him tense behind her.

Pain wasn't a new emotion to Harry. It was just one he preferred not to deal with. Or feel. It had been a long time since he allowed himself to let anyone break through enough to hurt him. And it cut more deeply to know it was Ginny who had done it. But Harry knew the cure for it. There was only one way to rid himself of it.

"You're bloody unbelievable."

She turned around then, her eyes filled with surprise. "Excuse me?"

He was glaring down at her, his eyes dark, his mouth set grimly. "You didn't seem to think it was a mistake last night in the loo."

"Funny, I don't remember you saying one word to me last night, Harry," she shot back, shoving her trembling hands in her robe pockets.

"Funny," he mocked loudly. "I don't remember you complaining one bit."

"I'm not listening to this anymore," Ginny said, sighing in irritation when he took her hand before she could turn and leave. "Please let me go."

"Or maybe," Harry continued, ignoring her plea. "Maybe you think it was a mistake because Oliver is finally giving you a poke or two."

Her mouth shut tightly, her cheeks burning. She could see a few people pause briefly to glance at them before turning to walk away, talking quietly to one another.

"You're acting like a right bastard, Harry." Ginny tugged her hand away violently. "My life is my business. It has nothing to do with you."

"You've got everybody fooled, don't you?" Harry said, his voice full of venom. "Sweet, innocent Ginny Weasley.

What would the people in this room think if they knew what a slag you were?"

She wasn't sure if she meant to do it or not. But blind hurt and anger had her lifting her hand and connecting her palm sharply with his cheek.

Harry's head snapped back, his skin already turning pink with her hand print. Several conversations around them quietened suddenly and Ginny watched Harry slowly turn back to look at her. His expression was calm, but his eyes held fire that could only rival the burning of his flesh.

Ginny slowly unclenched her fists and let out a deep breath. Her chest was hurting, and her face was flushing with embarrassment. She glanced around her, moaning inwardly as several witches began whispering excitedly.

"Well," Harry finally said, trying hard to control his temper. "There's no doubt that the entire room is going to know that Arthur Weasley's daughter just slapped the Boy Who Lived.

Humiliated and hurt, Ginny turned to brush by him when Harry's arm shot out and his fingers wrapped around her arm tightly. He turned her around and began to pull her along with him towards the exit that led out into the deserted hallways of the Ministry.

"What do you think you're doing?" she asked, trying desperately to maintain his pace and not trip over her feet.

"Would you rather have it out in private or in front of the entire Ministry?"

"Have it out?" Ginny asked, aghast. "I have nothing to say to you."

"I think you have plenty to say," Harry replied in a low voice. "Now stop struggling or I may be tempted to find Oliver and compare notes on your prowess in bed."

He felt the tension in her body slip away as he pushed through the door into the empty hallway. With a firm grip still on her arm, he pushed open one of the empty office and pulled her inside.

"Do you want to tell me what the hell you're playing at?" Harry snarled, slamming the door behind him.

Ginny twisted her arm away from his grasp and rubbed her it firmly. "You've been drinking. And I'm not going to  
discuss things with you when you're like this."

Harry stepped in front of her, blocking her path to the door.

"Are you shagging him?"

"Bloody hell, Harry," Ginny snapped, her cheeks turning pink from embarrassment. "I'm not discussing my relationship with Oliver with you."

She thought she saw something flash in his eyes, but it was soon gone, replaced by hardness and anger.

"So you have a relationship with him now?"

"So what if I do? I certainly don't have one with you," she replied, lifting her chin slightly.

"Is that a fact?" Harry asked, taking a step towards her. "What would Oliver say if he knew you let me shag you  
whenever I please? Most men have...territorial issues. I know I wouldn't want a woman I'm fucking screwing around with someone else."

Her faced paled slightly but her gaze didn't waver. "I haven't been with anyone but you, you know that."

"You really expect me to believe that?" Harry snapped.

"Believe whatever you want to believe, Harry. I don't owe you any explanation."

"Bullshit, you owe me a lot more than that."

"I owe you nothing!" she shouted, her temper hitching. Blinking away the angry tears, Ginny brushed her hair back away from her face. "I've already given you too much. I've given you more than you deserve."

Harry shook his head and turned for the door. He wanted to stay angry with her. And he knew if he saw her cry he would break down. He put his hand on the doorknob and jerked back when she marched past him and pushed his hand away, standing in front of his path.

"Move, Ginny," he said through clenched teeth. She lifted her chin defiantly, her eyes suddenly dry.

"No. You wanted to have it out Harry, we're going to have it out."

"What the hell do you want from me?" he said bitingly. "I'm not bloody Oliver Wood. I'm not going to give you the goddamn flowers or the fucking romance. Why can't you just deal with that?"

Her eyes softened a bit with confusion, but she didn't move.

"I don't expect that Harry...I never did." She watched him turn away from her and cross the room, taking a quick drink from his glass. "Can't you see? I just want you. I've always wanted you."

He let his arm fall to his side as he digested her words. How easy it would be to accept them. To welcome them. They snuck into his blood and made him wish, only for a moment, for a life he knew he couldn't have. As quickly as the hope came, it was gone.

"I think that's where you and I are different."

"What do you mean?" she asked when he turned around, his stance arrogant, his smile cold.

"I want you..." he eyes raked over her body. "But you can't possibly think we could ever have a relationship."

She realized his meaning quickly and the softness around her heart seemed to harden instantly. She was beginning to learn that getting angry swallowed up the pain.

"If you think I'm going to make love with you whenever you please--"

"It doesn't have to be making love, Gin," Harry laughed harshly, taking another drink. "We could fuck if you want. And you seem to be doing a great job of it so far."

"I've slept with you because I loved you," she said, her voice rising with emotion. "And damn you for turning what we've done into something so..."

"Dirty?" He grinned then, watching her eyes flash.

"You love this don't you?" Ginny took a step towards him, her fists balling tightly at her sides. "You love the pain. You love the anger inside of you."

The small needles of guilt began to prick inside of him and he quickly drank the rest of his whiskey, his eyes watching hers intently.

"You only hurt the ones you love, right?" Harry asked, his eyes narrowing when she closed the distance between them, her eyes blazing with fury.

"No. Because if you really loved someone, you would do everything in your power to make sure they don't get hurt. But you...you do everything in your power to make sure you're the one hurting them."

She flinched slightly when he suddenly turned and hurled his drink to the wall, the glass shattering loudly.

"Stop it," Ginny cried, her voice hoarse. Ignoring her, he turned and grabbed a glass vase full of flowers from the desk behind him.

"Isn't this what you want?" He yelled, throwing them where whiskey stained the wall. She cringed at the sound of breaking glass and let out a gasp when he turned quickly and grabbed her arm roughly in his hand. "I'm so obviously trying to hurt you, Ginny, and I reckon you're right, because I don't love you! Hell, I don't even care for you all that much."

"Then why are you so jealous I came here with Oliver?" Ginny asked, her voice matching his. "Why do you keep coming to me? Why do you have this...this need to be with me?"

They were both breathing heavily, their eyes clashing with rage. He tightened his grip on her arm and pulled her closer until they were almost nose to nose.

"Why do I keep coming to you?" His eyes danced with malice. "Because you're a better shag than Parvati. And you're damned convenient, spreading your legs whenever I want you."

He caught her wrist before she could slap him again and let go of her so quickly she stumbled back. Her chest felt restricted like someone was cutting of her oxygen. Trying to gather what was left of her dignity, Ginny straightened, her hands wiping impatiently at the tears that had begun to splash onto her cheeks.

Her arms then fell to her sides and she stared at him with a look Harry couldn't quite describe.

As she stared at him, Ginny felt the revelation flow through her, causing her shoulders to slump slightly and her heart to break neatly in two.

"You're never going to change...I'm just sorry it took me this long to see that."

Harry said nothing as she opened the door and disappeared quickly down the hallway.

Resentment and jealously surged inside of him as he followed, stopping in the hallway and watching her move quickly down the stairs towards the Ministry Ball.

"Shag Oliver all you want!" He yelled after her, his fingernails biting deep into his flesh. "Merlin knows the poor bloke needs it!"

Ginny pushed open the doors to the Ballroom and stopped abruptly, realizing what she must look like. With a final swipe of her cheeks, she stepped down the stairs into the crowd, her eyes searching, seeking. Finding him off to the side, Ginny pushed her way through to Oliver, who was standing with a drink in his hand.

"Ginny!" He smiled quickly, walking towards her. "I've been looking for you everywhere. Is everything all right?"

"Yes," she replied, a little too quickly. She glanced around, her mind and heart doing battle inside of her.

"Oliver...I'd like to go home if you don't mind."

"Oh," he frowned slightly and turned to set his glass down on the nearest tabletop. "Sure, Ginny."

He took her hand and they began to walk towards the doors leading outside. "Are you sure everything's all right?"

"Everything is perfect," she said quietly, waiting until the night breeze blew around them and the doors shut loudly.

When Oliver began to walk down the steps, she paused, holding his hand tightly in hers. He turned to face her curiously.

"What is it?"

Swallowing, Ginny placed her hands on his shoulders and looked up at him. "I'd like to go home...with you if you wouldn't mind it."

He stared at her for a moment, surprise evident in his eyes. "Ginny..."

"Do you want me?" Say yes, she begged silently. Please say yes.

"You know I do...I've been wanting you for some time, but I think--"

Her lips interrupted him and she curled her arms around his neck, feeling him sink into her.  
Things were going to be different now, she thought as his tongue met hers hungrily.

Very different.


	16. Denial

i'm going under  
drowning in you  
i'm falling forever  
i've got to break through  
so go on and scream  
scream at me i'm so far away  
i won't be broken again  
i've got to breathe i can't keep going under

****

 

With her mind made up, and her emotions running ragged, Ginny didn't quite remember how she had managed to Apparate to Oliver's flat without getting splinched all over England.

 

Their lips hadn't yet parted and they pulled one another's robes off of each other as they stumbled down the hallway to his bedroom.

 

She was desperate to have his hands on her. She needed to be touched. She needed to know he wanted her. That somebody wanted her.

 

Oliver pressed her against the wall, his hands sliding under her shirt when he suddenly pulled away to look down at her.

 

"Is this all right?"

 

"Hmmm?" Ginny closed her eyes and helped him quickly unbutton her shirt.

 

"I mean," he groaned when the material fell to the floor. "I feel like something isn't right. You seemed upset earlier and I don't want to take advanta--"

 

She silenced him with her lips, relieved when he grabbed her to him and nudged open the door to his bedroom with his foot.

 

"Wait a minute," he breathed, pulling away from her, but keeping his hands tightly on her hips.

 

"What is it?" she asked impatiently, wishing he would hurry up and undress her before she lost her nerve.

 

His mind went blank for a brief moment while she unbuttoned his shirt. "Uh...a Protective Charm..."

 

She pulled the shirt from his shoulders, thinking how similar Oliver's muscled chest and arms were to Harry's. Shaking her head to clear thoughts of Harry, she looked up into Oliver's expectant eyes. "I'm sorry...a what?"

 

"Protective Charm, Ginny." He studied her face closely. "Have you done this before?"

 

"Oh," she blushed and lowered her eyes to the ground.

 

"It's all right if you haven't," Oliver replied quickly. "I don't want to rush this if--"

 

"N-no, I have..." she stammered, blushing even deeper. "I'm sorry, my mind went a bit blank on what you were talking about."

 

She felt his hand under her chin, lifting it to place his lips against her own. Her eyes were closed and she heard him whisper a quick Protective Charm...one her mother had taught her a while ago. One she had never remembered to use with Harry.

 

He undressed her slowly, his lips covering each inch of skin he revealed. When she was naked before him, she resisted the urge to lift her arms and cover herself. Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment, but Oliver merely smiled and took her in his arms, whispering sweet endearments in her ear.

 

He took her hand and led her to his bed, his lips capturing hers tenderly. Oliver's body covered hers as she lay back on the bed and her fingers dug into his shoulders when she felt him shift between her thighs. She heard him moan as he entered her, and she turned her head to meet his seeking mouth. When he began to move inside her, Ginny let out a small cry and clung to him, pushing all thoughts from her mind and allowing herself to get lost in the sensations.

 

Her hands trailed up his back as her legs slid up to wrap around his waist. Oliver moaned again and buried his face in her thick hair. He was moving inside her gently, as if she were some kind of delicate glass that could be broken and Ginny arched against him, her body and mind desperately fighting to reach that peak and feel nothing but release.

 

The night breeze blew in around them, but the candlelight didn't flicker. When Oliver began to thrust faster, Ginny barely bit back a sigh of relief when she felt the delicious pressure begin to build inside of her. She lifted her hips to his quickly and felt him pull up slightly. She opened her eyes and found him watching her before leaning down to kiss her softly as his hand slipped between their bodies to slide his fingers over her intimately.

 

Their moans filled the room until she finally tumbled over the edge, crying out softly. She heard him groan her name somewhere in the distant lull of her mind. Arching up against him, she felt him finally reach completion, his hips resting against hers tightly as he came.

 

He buried his face in her hair once more and she heard him talk softly in her ear. Her eyes snapped open, and the last small licks of pleasure faded from her body as she stiffened slightly beneath him.

 

"What?" she whispered, hoping she hadn't heard him right.

 

He lifted his head and offered her a small smile. "I said I love you, Ginny."

 

"Oh." Bloody hell, she had heard him right. Swallowing, she studied his face, wishing she could force the words out and not cause him any pain. "Oliver--"

 

"It's all right," he told her, noticing her discomfort. He moved off her and lay next to her on the bed. "You don't have to say them back to me. I can wait."

 

She let out a slow breath and didn't resist when he pulled her into his arms. She rested her head against his chest, and when he pressed his lips against the top of her head, Ginny felt her chest pinch painfully. She took a few quiet breaths to ease the pressure building behind her eyes and tried to ignore the nagging voice inside of her mind that insisted she was in the wrong man's arms.

 

She was just confused. Oliver was perfect. He treated her with patience and respect. He was romantic, and a wonderful kisser and he made her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.

 

He was the right man.

 

Wasn't he?

 

Ginny felt Oliver's steady breathing beneath her. She closed her eyes and focused on trying to get some sleep. Her body was physically drained. Her mind and soul were emptied. Harry was a distant memory. Oliver was her future.

 

But long after the night had turned black, and the candles died, leaving the room in darkness, she still lay awake, staring at the ceiling and trying to picture what her future could be like in Oliver's arms. Satisfied that the image of Harry hadn't invaded her daydreaming, Ginny closed her eyes and felt herself begin to drift away, unaware that her dreams were not to be as successful.

 

Ginny was sitting quietly on the Astronomy Tower balcony, watching the lights of Hogsmeade twinkle like stars far off in the distance. The lake below was quiet, eerily calm under the clear sky. She felt Harry's hand wrap around hers and suddenly the chill was gone, replaced by nothing but soothing warmth. The silence between them was comfortable and their hearts less heavy, despite the chaos that continued to reign around them. 

 

Ginny was glad she could help him escape...if only for a little while. She looked down at their joined hands when she felt him squeeze gently. Lifting her eyes to him, she found him staring at her thoughtfully.

 

"What is it?"

 

"I love you," he said, offering her a small smile before he continued to stare out into the night. The words had been simple, and spoken so casually, as if it were the most natural thing in the world to say to her as his thumb rubbed across her knuckles gently.

 

The air inside of her seemed to vaporize as her heart jumped into her throat. He had never said it before, and hearing it now sent shock waves through her system. She tried to reply quickly but found the lump in her throat difficult to pass. Swallowing, she gave him a shaky smile. "I love you too."

 

He pulled her to him and she rested against him, closing her eyes as he wrapped his arms tightly around her. She breathed him in, feeling his lips press against the top of her head. This was how it was going to be when it was all over...peaceful and quiet in Harry's arms. Forever.

 

Ginny's eyes fluttered open, and she squinted quickly against the sharp glare of the sun shining in through the open windows. The morning was chilly and the breeze wafted through the room, causing her to shiver and pull the sheets up to her chin. She snuggled into the soft mattress for a brief moment before her eyes snapped open, quickly trying to familiarize herself with her surroundings.

 

She lifted herself up on her elbows and found Oliver still asleep, one arm resting over his stomach, the other laying on the pillow above his head. He had been sweet, and gentle, and completely romantic. It should have been enough to take her mind off Harry...but...

 

Groaning, Ginny buried her head in the pillow. What was it about him that she couldn't resist? She liked to think of herself as a strong individual. She knew how to take care of herself. But everyone had a weakness. And dark hair and green eyes were hers.

 

Ginny knew she would just have to get by it. It shouldn't be hard...Harry's actions were making it quite easy for her to move on. Maybe all she had with Harry was lust...maybe they were just physically attracted to one another. You couldn't build a solid relationship on shagging alone could you?

 

She turned on her back and breathed in deeply. It was so easy to let herself believe a lie. It was easier than facing the truth. The cold reality of it was Harry lusted after her, while she loved him. It would never be anything more than that.

 

But with Oliver...maybe it could be.

 

She felt him shift and slide his hand over her bare stomach, pulling her back against him. Feeling the warmth of his body she rested against his chest and smiled when she felt his lips kiss her earlobe gently.

 

"Did you sleep well?" Oliver asked, his lips trailing down her neck.

 

She nodded and let her eyes close as his mouth moved up to meet hers.

 

"I did, and you?" She cursed herself for sounding so formal, but he didn't seem to notice the tone in her voice as he moved partially atop her.

 

"Better than I have in months," he replied, capturing her lips again. "And I'm wanting you again...would that be all right?"

 

Ginny couldn't help but smile against his mouth when he shifted to cover her completely. She managed a positive response from somewhere deep in her throat and, when he slid inside of her, vowed to forget her earlier thoughts. More importantly, she vowed to forget Harry.

 

***

 

Ginny pushed open the door to the Burrow a half an hour later and cringed when she spotted Charlie sitting at the kitchen table, his face hidden by the Daily Prophet. He looked up from the newspaper and cocked an eyebrow curiously but said nothing before going back to his reading.

 

Thankful, she laid her bag on the counter and hurried to the staircase. She wanted nothing more than a hot shower and to crawl into bed for a week. But she had to work in an hour and knew she would have to settle for just the shower.

 

"Ginny, dear!"

 

Ginny groaned quietly and stopped on the second floor landing as her mother descended the stairs and stopped in front of her.

 

"Yes, Mum?"

 

"Where exactly have you been?" Molly asked, placing her hands on her hips in a way that reminded Ginny of Hermione when she was ticked off. "Harry came around this morning and you can imagine my worry when I walked in your room and found the bed empty."

 

Ginny's heart plummeted to her stomach. "H-Harry came by?"

 

"Mmm. He looked just awful," Molly said thoughtfully, brushing Ginny's hair behind her shoulders. "That boy does not get enough sleep. I made him some eggs and toast before he went away looking extremely distressed."

 

"Oh, Mum, I was at Hermione's," Ginny swallowed, forcing a quick smile. "I'm almost sure Ron would have told him. I'm sorry I kept you worrying."

 

Molly studied her face for a moment before nodding. "All right then, breakfast will be done shortly. You're father hasn't seen you in days, I think it would be nice to have breakfast with us before Bill has to leave again for Egypt."

 

"Yes, Mum." Ginny sighed and waited until she heard her enter the kitchen and begin scolding Charlie for not wearing a jumper in the chilly September weather. Rubbing her tired eyes she trudged up the rest of the stairs and pushed open her door.

 

She paused, and then blinked several times before walking into the middle of the bedroom. Dozens upon dozens of flowers filled every empty space imaginable. Wild Flowers hung from her curtains; lilies and tulips covered the floors in pots and vases. Her bed and dressers were covered in white and red roses.

 

With the scent of marigolds filling her senses, Ginny let out a small laugh, wondering how on earth Oliver had managed to do such a thing in the short amount of time they had been apart. Was it even possible?

 

Ginny pulled off her robes and noticed she had no room to place them. Shrugging, she set them over a pile of carnations and quickly noticed the rolled up parchment on her bed, lying atop the roses and what appeared to be an extremely large chunk of Honeydukes chocolate.

 

She snatched it from the pile of flowers, her smile fading slightly when a red tulip fell from the parchment as she unrolled it.

 

Her eyes skimmed the short, messily scrawled message twice before she slumped down onto the edge of her bed, ignoring the roses that fell at her feet.

 

I'm sorry

I want to change.

You make me want to change.

I can't do it without you.

\- Harry

 

She let out a surprised breath and her hands fell to her lap as she looked around the room again. Positive she was hallucinating, Ginny reread the note once more before she clutched the parchment in her fists tightly and wept.


	17. It Should All Be So Easy

It Should All Be So Easy

I am no superman  
I have no answers for you  
I am no hero, oh that’s for sure  
But I do know one thing  
Is where you are, is where I belong  
I do know, where you go, is where I want to be

"What did I tell you?" Ron asked, slapping Harry merrily on the back as they made their way to the locker rooms. "We start training tomorrow. It was pretty much a given that we were going to be chosen."

Harry felt the surge of excitement soar through his veins again at the thought that he was actually going to become an Auror.

"Don't feed me that bullshit, Ron. You were getting worried towards the end..."

"Nah," Ron waved his hand dismissively. "I knew Sirius was just trying to worry us by calling us in last."

"Right." Harry shook his head with a quick roll of his eyes and started to push open the doors to the showers. He paused when Ron stopped behind him. "Are you coming? You stink."

"I'm going to go home and shower. I'm taking Hermione out tonight," Ron explained. His smile widened. "Tonight's the night."

"For what?" Harry questioned, then caught the look in Ron's eye. "You mean tonight? Are you sure?"

"Positive," Ron said. "I think it's perfect. I've been accepted into Auror training...I'm finally making something of myself. I may be on my way to actually deserving her."

"You don't think enough of yourself, Ron," Harry said quietly. "Hermione would be a fool to say no."

Ron stared at Harry for a moment, his ears turning slightly pink when he smiled. "Thanks, mate."

Harry nodded slowly, giving Ron a slap on the arm. "Good luck tonight."

Ron smiled again, clasping his robes together. "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

Harry gave him a quick wave goodbye and watched until Ron had disappeared down the steps. Letting out a quick breath, he shook his head and entered the showers, quickly undressing. He waited until the water began to steam before he stepped inside the shower, sighing in pleasure as the hot water beat down on his tense muscles.

He tried to imagine what it would be like when Ron and Hermione got married. Pretty much the same, he imagined. Just that he would be the only honorary Weasley left as she would officially become part of the family.

Harry was determined not to let the thought depress him.

Since Ron and Hermione began their relationship, Harry tried not to give it much thought. He hadn't been surprised when Ron confessed his more than friendly feelings for her. But he had been a bit shocked to walk in on them snogging half naked in the Prefects bathroom during their seventh year.

With everything that had been going on around him, he hadn't managed to see what was right under his nose. He had thought all the way back to fourth year, when he happened upon Ron and Hermione's argument after the Yule Ball. The signs had been there from the beginning, but he had been too wrapped up in his own life to give it much notice.

Harry scrubbed his hands over his face before leaning forward, his hands balancing him against the shower wall. Water rushed down his body, relieving the tension and soothing the bruises that had begun to form from the testing that afternoon. His mind suddenly turned to Ginny. How she had listened to his fears and resentments without question. She had been the only one to assure him that he wasn't to be pushed out of the trio that he and Ron and Hermione had formed the day they all met on the Hogwarts Express.

Harry remembered her kissing him on the cheek after they had finished talking and she was leaving him to go to her own bed. He had wanted her to stay with him the entire night, though it was impossible. Everything was better when she was around him. The darkest room would brighten when she walked into it. He needed to feel that again.

Harry flipped off the taps and grabbed the towel from the wooden bench, tying it snugly around his hips. He hadn't heard from her since the Ministry Ball. He passed by the Leaky Cauldron once or twice when she had worked on Sunday, but she had been too busy to notice him. Every time he had drawn up enough of the Gryffindor bravery he was suppose to posses, it faded away by the time he placed a foot inside the door.

He needed to see her. And soon.

Harry pulled on his clothes and grabbed his bag to leave. Maybe he would send her more flowers...according to Ron, when you've upset a girl, she couldn't resist flowers.

In past experiences, he was absolutely right, Harry thought with a smile, remembering what occurred the time he had given Ginny a tulip in her bedroom.

He walked down the stairs, his mood brightened considerably. Turning the corridor to leave the Magical Law Enforcement Department, he paused briefly, spotting Tonks.

She was walking down the hallway, her nose buried in a magazine. Her hair was pinstraight and chin length and a startling shade of red. Harry grinned when she stumbled into an older woman who was passing her.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Tonks said brightly, placing a quick arm on the woman to keep her from falling over. The woman merely grunted and repositioned the books she was carrying as Tonks went back to reading.

She turned and disappeared into what Harry assumed was her office. He stood where he was, debating for a moment before he shifted his bag and made his way down the hall towards her door.

"Hey," Harry said, stopping in the doorway. Tonks jumped slightly from her chair and looked up with a startled _expression. "Sorry, I should have knocked."

"Oh, no, it’s fine." Tonks smiled quickly and closed the magazine, placing it face down on her desk. "Come in! How are you?"

Harry uncrossed his arms and stepped inside her office. She nodded to the chair and he placed his bag down to sit. "I’m doing all right. I start Auror training tomorrow."

Tonks’ blue eyes lit up happily. "Sirius told me this morning. I think it’s just fantastic. I can’t say you’re going to have fun, because training is really gruelling…but I’m so proud of you."

Harry shifted in his chair and gave her a small smile. "Thanks. I’ll be sure to count on you to keep Sirius from torturing me too much…"

"No problem." Tonks laughed and leaned back. She watched Harry open his mouth before closing it quickly and glancing around. "Harry?"

"Hmm?"

"Is there something wrong?"

"Oh, no, I just wanted to come in and say hi." Rubbing the back of his neck, he looked at her finally. "How’s Remus?"

Her smile faltered slightly, but her eyes warmed. "He's doing all right I reckon. Ginny told me you went by to see him."

"Yeah, for a while…he looks good." Harry swallowed uncomfortably. "Do they know anything new?"

She opened her mouth to reply, pausing when an older gentleman stopped in her door.

"Sorry to interrupt Tonks, can I see you for a moment?"

"Sure," she said, looking at Harry apologetically. "I’ll be back in a moment Harry, if you don’t mind waiting."

"No, go ahead." He watched her stand and pass him, grinning a bit when he noticed her fingernails had gone from purple to bubblegum pink.

He listened to the muffled conversation in the hallway for a moment before noticing the magazine on her desk. He grabbed it and turned it over to flip through it, rolling his eyes when he saw it was Witch Weekly. He was about to replace it when the bottom headline caught his eye.

"Quidditch Star Finds True Love!"

Mumbling several colorful obscenities, Harry almost dropped the magazine before turning frantically to the correct page. There was a large, colorful photo of Oliver and Ginny, dancing at the Ministry Ball, both of them laughing, and Oliver's fingers sliding lovingly through Ginny's hair.

Harry stared at the photo for several minutes before dragging his gaze down to read the accompanying short article.

The Wizarding World has a new golden couple! Popular, handsome Quidditch star of Puddlemere United, Oliver Wood, surprised guests and broke the hearts of many fans when he arrived at the distinguished Ministry Ball with Virginia Weasley, the elegant and only daughter of the newly appointed Minister of Magic, Arthur Weasley.

Sources say Wood is very taken with Ms. Weasley, and the two have been spotted cuddling in several places, most notably The Leaky Cauldron, where Ms. Weasley works.

The two were inseparable at Saturday night’s Ministry Ball, held at the Ministry of Magic, and danced late into the night, gazing longingly into one another’s eyes. According to several eyewitnesses, the couple left the Ministry Ball hand in hand around eleven.

A close friend of Mr. Wood’s spoke to Witch Weekly on condition of anonymity. He informed us that the attractive couple were very much in love and maybe looking to make things official with a summer wedding next June.

Ms. Weasley was not available for comment at press time. The request of an interview with Mr. Wood was declined, along with a note to "Bugger off."

Harry re-read the article twice, his fingers clenching round the corners tightly. Very much in love? A summer wedding?

Fighting desperately to breathe, Harry jumped from the chair and tossed the magazine back on Tonks’ desk. He turned and blindly walked out into the hall, ignoring Tonks’ calls. He felt as if he were going to suffocate to death.

Harry pushed through the doors into the evening air, pausing for a moment to suck the oxygen into his lungs. He pulled out his wand to Apparate, then realized his hands were shaking. He needed to see Ginny. Badly.

And it would only irritate him further if he splinched himself everywhere. Resigned, Harry lowered himself on the first stone step and buried his face in his hands, waiting for the worst of the emotional turmoil in his body to subside.

***

Ginny sat on her bed trying to finish the Muggle romance novel she had started a couple weeks back. Most of the flowers Harry had filled her room with were gone, spread out across the house much to the delight of her mother. Ginny had pretended not to be overly affected by the gesture, but couldn't resist keeping a few roses in a vase on her dressing table.

She hadn't heard from him since the note he left (which she had carefully folded and placed in her journal) and to be honest, she hadn't decided what do if he happened to show up.

Not that she cared if he came by. It's not like she was waiting at home to see if he would after all. She didn't have to work, and Oliver was playing the big match against the Cannons in Scotland. And with her parents in Hogsmeade for most of the evening, Ginny was just taking a nice simple evening to herself.

And if Harry happened to stop by...well, she would deal with it if it happened.

Without warning her door opened and Ron's head popped in.

"Hermione's here, can you keep her company while I finish getting ready?"

Ginny smiled and placed her book on the bed. "You sound like a woman."

"Just go, will you?" Ron scowled and all but stuck his tongue out at her before disappearing.

Ginny shook her head and made her way downstairs, smiling when she spotted Hermione in the lounge.

"Wow, don't you look gorgeous."

Hermione gave her a grin and smoothed down her blue dress robes. "Ron wants a nice quiet dinner out. Apparently to celebrate the fact that he and Harry start Auror training tomorrow."

"Hmmm," Ginny brushed a stray curl away from Hermione's face. "He's up to something, I just know it."

Hermione's smile faltered only slightly. "I suppose it's better we go somewhere quiet. I'm going to tell him about Rome tonight."

"You were accepted?" Ginny's eyes lit up as she hugged her. "That's wonderful. When do you leave?"

"Two weeks," Hermione said, a bit glum. "But I get to come home for a day or so during Christmas..."

"Well, that's something then isn't it?"

"Yes, only I'm going to be at my parents then. I don't see them enough as it is. I'm hoping Ron will come with me..."

"Of course he will!" Ginny squeezed her hand reassuringly. "He's going to be happy for you Hermione. I wouldn't worry about it so much."

Hermione nodded slowly and smiled quickly, reaching into her robes to pull out a rolled up magazine.

"Have you seen this yet?"

"Witch Weekly?" Ginny watched Hermione unroll it and hold it up for her to see. "How on earth did Gilderoy Lockhart make the top ten bachelor list again?" Her eyes slid down to the headline in the right hand corner. There was a photo of Oliver in his Quidditch robes and next to it was the headline.

"Oh no…" She snatched the magazine from Hermione’s hands and quickly opened it up to the corresponding page. "The golden couple….oh no," Ginny groaned again. She skimmed the article quickly, unsure whether to laugh or scream.

"For Merlin’s sake, my name isn’t even Virginia!"

Hermione concealed a smile behind her palm.

"A June wedding?" Ginny’s mouth fell open, a laugh of disbelief bubbling through her lips. "Mum is going to just go nuts when she sees this."

Hermione tilted her head to study her. "It’s not true is it?"

"Hermione!" Ginny closed the magazine quickly, looking at her in surprise. "Please tell me you’re joking."

Hermione merely laughed when Ginny threw the magazine to the couch. "How did your evening go with Oliver after the Ministry Ball anyway?"

Ginny’s cheeks flushed quickly and she turned away to straighten up the coffee table. "Er, fine..."

"You're not telling me something!" Hermione’s eyes widened with revelation when she noticed the blush in Ginny’s skin "Ginny! You and Oliver?"

"It's really not a big deal," Ginny said, her cheeks burning.

"Of course it is!" Hermione exclaimed, lowering her voice when she heard Ron's footsteps overhead. "I mean...does this mean you and Harry--"

"There was nothing between me and Harry," Ginny insisted firmly. Though the pain of what happened at the Ministry Ball was no longer raw, it still created a dull ache inside of her. "He made it perfectly clear to me on Saturday."

Concern filled Hermione's eyes. "Why? What happened Saturday?"

Ginny glanced over her shoulder to make sure Ron hadn't entered the room before quickly explaining to Hermione the argument she and Harry had. The concern in Hermione's eyes was quickly replaced by disbelief, then fury.

"What a prat! Honestly, he needs a good talking too," Hermione cried, putting her hands on her hips. "When I see him--"

Ginny stood quickly and took her hand. "Look, it's over now. It doesn't matter..."

"It doesn't matter? Of course it matters. No wonder you went home with Oliver!"

Ginny let her hand fall to her side. "I didn't sleep with him because of what happened with Harry."

Hermione's angry pacing stopped and the rage quickly faded from her face. Ginny recognized sympathy, and pity, in her gaze.

"No…no, I know you didn't Ginny. I just meant--"

"Is it completely unbelievable that I'm attracted to Oliver?" Ginny's voice grew louder and the anger began boiling inside of her. "Is it so wrong that I'm ready to move on from an emotionally unavailable wanker and finally get on with my life?"

Hermione watched in surprise as Ginny slumped to the couch, her head lowered and her hands clasped tightly together. She moved to sit next to her and placed a comforting hand over Ginny's.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to sound the way that it did," she assured her.

"I'm just...confused." Ginny lifted her head to look at Hermione. "I was certain that when I left with Oliver that night, things would change. I mean, how can you still want to be with someone who can look you in the eye and say the things Harry said?" She shook her head slowly and continued when Hermione said nothing. "I'm not supposed to be like this you know."

"Like what?"

"A complete doormat to him." Ginny gave her a small smile. "You know, when we were at Hogwarts, I didn't let Harry walk all over me. I could tell him to shut up, or to go away. I let him know when he was being a complete arse. But then he would kiss me, and it was like I couldn't think anymore."

Hermione opened her mouth to reply when her eyes widened slightly. "Wait, Harry kissed you at Hogwarts?"

"During my sixth year." Ginny smiled slightly. "We kept it a secret until Harry could tell Ron about us, but then Harry had to go into hiding...and I guess it was too much for him and he broke it off with me."

"You never told me."

"No. And I'm sorry. But once it was over, I suppose I didn't see the point." Ginny sighed and shook her head. "I'm not sure what's wrong with me exactly."

Hermione squeezed her hand gently. "Nothing's wrong with you, Ginny."

"Sure there is. There's a perfectly sexy, gorgeous man who wants me. Who loves me." Ginny felt her stomach lurch briefly. "He's romantic and sweet and treats me better than I could have ever wanted...and I can see myself with him sometimes. I can see myself falling in love with him..."

"But?"

"But then Harry has to come around and do something like, like that." She pointed angrily at the flowers that her mother had placed along the fireplace mantle, her voice shaking with emotion. "And then I'm confused again. And it just makes me so angry sometimes."

A bit confused, Hermione glanced up at the tulips. "Harry bought you flowers?"

Ginny let out a short, bitter laugh and lifted her arms. "Did you not notice the incredibly strong scent of marigold?"

Hermione looked around the room, finally noticing the dozens of flowers placed on various shelves and tables.

"Harry did all of this?"

"Yes, the stupid git." Ginny sighed and heard Ron's footsteps descending the stairs. She wiped her eyes quickly and gave Hermione a quick hug. "Have fun tonight all right?"

"We'll talk about this some more tomorrow," Hermione promised, standing when Ron entered the room.

He blinked once, then grinned widely. "You look...brilliant."

She laughed and walked over to him, kissing him quickly on the mouth. "If you keep showering me with such sweet compliments you might just get lucky tonight."

"Oh, please you two!" Ginny groaned and stood, ushering them to the door. "Get out before you make me ill. And don't forget a drying charm, it looks like it might rain."

Ron gave Ginny's hair a gentle tug. "Mum and Dad will be home soon. Will you be all right by yourself until then?"

Ginny pulled open the front door. "I'm not five years old, Ronniekins."

His scathing retort was interrupted by Hermione pulling him quickly outside. Ginny waved with a smile and then shut the door. She leaned against it and sighed, thankful that she had Marco and Vanessa and their forbidden lust waiting for her upstairs. Though she found it good therapy to read about other people’s disastrous love lives, it only reminded her that even in novels, men were meant to be difficult.

As she headed back up the stairs, there was a loud, almost urgent knock at the door. Wondering who could possibly be stopping by, she pulled out her wand from the pocket of her robes and approached the door slowly. She glanced through the window, her heart pounding when she saw who it was. Her hand closed around the doorknob, and even as her mind scolded her for it, she pulled it open, pushing her wand back into her pocket.

"Hey." Harry slipped his hands inside his trouser pockets and swallowed. "I was just…I wanted to come by and say hello."

"Hello," she replied nonchalantly. "Is that all?"

Harry lowered his gaze for a moment before taking a deep breath and looking at her directly in the eyes. "Can I come inside?"

She stared at him for a moment, unsure of how to respond. Finally she stepped back, pulling the door open a bit wider so he could enter.

Harry let out a short breath of relief and stepped inside, closing the door behind him when she simply turned and walked into the lounge.

"I wanted to see how you were."

"I’m just fine, Harry, and you?"

He cringed a bit at the ice in her tone, but refused to let it deter him. His eyes fell upon the Witch Weekly on the couch and though his insides twisted painfully, he kept his _expression casual.

"I thought you hated Witch Weekly."

"What? Oh, I do." Ginny turned quickly to grab the magazine. "Hermione brought it over for me. I don't know why, they never get their facts straight anyway--"

"Maybe if you were available for comment at press time, they would have had better luck."

Ginny snorted and looked over the shiny cover once more. "Highly doubtful considering they didn't even bother to contact me for..." She trailed off, lifting her gaze slowly. "You read it?"

Harry shrugged and crossed his arms over his chest. "I skimmed it," he lied, only slightly satisfied when she blushed furiously.

"None of it's true." Ginny turned on her heel and stalked to the rubbish bin, dumping the magazine in quickly. "Well, most of it isn't. My name isn't Virginia for one, and there certainly isn't going to be a June wedding."

She paused, brushing her hair out of her eyes, her chest heaving with irritation. He was watching her intensely, making her feel incredibly foolish.

"Not that I need to explain anything to you anyway."

"Of course not," Harry replied, the heaviness in his chest lifting. There was no wedding. And she seemed just as upset over the article as he had been. "Maybe Oliver's close anonymous friend misunderstood whatever it was Oliver was saying about making it official."

"I highly doubt that whoever spoke with Witch Weekly was a close friend of Oliver's," Ginny snapped, letting out a quick breath of frustration. "You know what? It doesn't matter. Are you here for a reason?"

Harry felt his temper hitch. He brought her all those damn flowers didn't he? He was trying to make an effort and she sure as hell wasn't making it easy for him.

"I wanted to see you to tell you I was sorry about Saturday," he said between clenched teeth.

She tilted her head to study him. "Which part of Saturday? Humiliating me? Calling me a slag? Dragging me away to berate me more--?"

"All of it, all right? I said I was sorry," Harry replied loudly. His eyes fell on the vases of flowers lining the bookshelf behind her. "But I see you put the flowers to good use."

Ginny placed her hands on her hips and followed Harry's gaze to the vases. "Mum wanted to put them all in vases. Apparently to 'add color the house'. I was just going to throw them out."

He stared at her for a moment, unsure whether to feel angry or relieved that she was trying to hurt him. "Right. Look, I'm going to go..."

Ginny had recognized the quick flash of pain in his eyes before he turned towards the door. Guilt immediately swamped her and she took a step forward, saying his name quickly.

He glanced behind his shoulder at her, his hand on the doorknob.

"You can stay...if you want," she finished lamely, mentally kicking herself.

"Do you want me to stay?"

She swallowed, their eyes connecting for several silent moments. He was trying hard to look indifferent, but his eyes gave him away. She saw the small glimmer of hope in them and felt her heart soften despite what her mind was saying.

"Well no one is home...we could play chess or something," she continued quickly when he gave her a curious look. "And it's starting to rain..."

"And you don't like to be alone during storms," Harry said with a small smile. "I remember."

"Right." Ginny shifted uncomfortably, letting the silence between them grow.

"So, chess?" Harry offered, noticing her discomfort and wanting desperately to quell it.

Her gaze fell upon the table and board Charlie and Ron had left set up by the fireplace. Biting her lip thoughtfully, she finally sighed.

"Just promise me you won't be a sore loser."

Harry's smile came quickly. "No way."

Thirty minutes later, Ginny was watching Harry study the chess board closely. Several pieces were already scattered about the table around them and she held back a smile when he began tapping his fingers against the wood slowly.

"You know it's going to be Christmas by the time you make your move," she pointed out.

He lifted his gaze to glare at her, though she saw the hint of a smile before he lowered his gaze back to the board. His hand moved in two quick fluid motions before he lifted his arms in triumph.

"Checkmate."

"What? Not possible!" Ginny leaned forward and watched his Queen demolish her King before letting out a frustrated sigh. "But you suck at chess."

"Hey, I only suck when I play Ron," Harry pointed out with a smile.

"You would think growing up with my brothers would have meant something." Ginny crossed her arms and pouted, causing Harry to laugh. She lifted her gaze to his, her eyes warm. "You should do that more often."

Harry took out his wand to begin fixing the broken chess pieces. "Do what?"

"Laugh," she said simply, beginning to put the pieces back on the board.

He paused for a moment, looking at her as his smile faded slightly. "There are a lot of things I should do more often that I don't. Like tell you how pretty you look with your hair all around your shoulders."

She fumbled slightly, knocking several chess pieces to the floor. With her cheeks burning, Ginny mumbled a quick thank you and bent down quickly to pick them up. Her heart began to pound when he knelt down to help her.

They leaned forward at the same time, their fingers intertwining as they both reach for the King piece. Her nervous laughter faded away quickly when he bent his head towards her. Ginny's eyes closed involuntarily when his cheek grazed hers, his breath hot on her skin.

Her nerves were sizzling under her skin, her blood rushing to her stomach. Releasing a shaky breath, she opened her eyes when he shifted. His lips were dangerously close to hers and his eyes were heavy with desire, studying her mouth as if he were planning the best way to kiss her. He lifted his gaze from her lips to her eyes and they merely stared at one another for a short moment before they lunged.

The chess pieces fell from her fingers as she wrapped her arms around his neck, their lips crushing and possessing. His weight pushed her forward until she was on her back, not caring that a Pawn was poking into her hip.

She couldn't think. She didn't want to think. His hands were raking over every inch of her body he could reach. Her own hands were fisted in his hair and their tongues mated, devouring one another.

When his lips moved from her mouth to her jaw, she moaned quietly, arching up into him. Then he whispered her name.

Suddenly, as quickly as the onslaught of emotion overtook her, it faded away, replaced by a thick layer of guilt. Ginny pressed her palms against his chest and pushed him to the side, quickly standing.

She tugged her shirt down and took a few steps back from him. He was breathing heavily, his hair more tousled than usual. He watched her for only a moment before he pulled himself up to face her.

"What's wrong?"

"I just..." Just what? Her brain was still a jumbled mess of Harry. "I don't think it would be a good idea."

"What wouldn't be a good idea?" Harry asked, taking a step towards her, his eyes dark. "You and me? Maybe not...but damn Ginny, you know it feels right."

Because he was right, she only felt more determined to back away. Smoothing her hair behind her ears she shook her head.

"It's not right. It can't be. You can't expect a roomful of flowers to suddenly make up for everything you've done." Ginny lifted her chin slightly and tried to look at him with a firm _expression. "Because it doesn't."

"I know it doesn't." He took another step towards her, lifting his hand to touch her. He apparently thought better of it and let it fall back to his side. "I'm not trying to just jump back into whatever we had before..."

"Oh really?" Ginny let out a short laugh and nodded to the littered chess pieces. "Then what exactly are you trying to do?" When he didn't answer, she let out a long sigh before rubbing her fingers over her temple.

"I was out of line at the Ministry Ball, I know that. And you know I'm sorry. When I said...when I said I wanted to change...I meant it."

She shook her head slowly. "It's not that simple."

"Yes it is...just tell me what to do to make it right Ginny, and I'll do it." Harry lifted his hand and brushed it over her cheek slowly.

She reluctantly stepped away from his touch and took a quiet breath. "Be my friend."

He paused for a moment, his brows drawn together in confusion. "Your friend."

"Yes." She brushed past him and leaned down quickly to pick up the chess pieces. "Things are different now...they just can't go back to the way they were."

A bit frustrated, Harry watched her stand and place the pieces on the table, her eyes avoiding his. "What the hell has changed? I mean, you told me you weren't serious about Oliver right? So you let the poor bloke down gently and you and I...we can...start over somehow."

"Dammit, Harry, it's not that easy!" Ginny cried, snapping the last piece onto the table before rounding on him.

"Why the bloody hell not?" he shouted back, his eyes dark and confused.

The gust of wind and rain interrupted her reply and they both turned towards the door quickly, where Hermione stood, her hair matted down around her head and shoulders, and her robes dripping wet with rain.

"Hermione?" Harry took a quick step forward when he saw her pale _expression.

She hurried to Harry and took his hand frantically, her eyes wild.

"Ron's missing."


	18. Holding On and Letting Go

Who would sell their soul for love?

Or waste one tear on compromise?

Should be easy enough to know a heartache in disguise.

But the heart rules the mind.

And the going gets rough.

Pride takes the fall.

When you find that kind of love.

Holding On & Letting Go

 

"Ron's missing."

Harry felt his stomach drop as he heard Hermione through the haze of his jumbled thoughts...memories flooded him and suddenly the voice he was hearing in his head wasn't Hermione's, but Sirius's.

"Harry. Moony is missing..."

“Missing?” Ginny's voice snapped Harry back to the present and he watched her hurry to Hermione's side, immediately forgetting her argument with Harry. “You both left together, how could he be missing?”

Hermione tore her eyes away from Harry’s to look at Ginny. “He…he proposed to me tonight—“

Ginny’s eyes widened with surprise and Harry could see the thousands of questions about to burst on her tongue.

“Ginny, can you get Hermione some tea?” Harry asked, squeezing Hermione’s hand gently.

“Tea?” She looked up at Harry in confusion. “Ron proposed, now he’s missing and you want me to go make some tea?”

“For Hermione,” Harry said calmly, giving Ginny a knowing look. “She’s soaked and shivering.”

Ginny stared at him for a moment before she nodded. “I’ll be right back.”

Harry watched her disappear into the kitchen before he turned back to Hermione. “What happened?”

“I don’t know!” She pulled her hand away to run it quickly through the mass of damp tangles around her shoulders. “One minute we were eating dinner, the next thing I know he’s pulling out a ring.” She paused, her eyes clouding as she looked up at Harry. “He had a ring.”

“Hermione.” Harry took her by the arms to keep her from pacing. “What happened then?”

“He asked me to marry him and I just stared at him…I was shocked. I honestly didn’t expect it for at least a couple more years—“

Harry groaned loudly. “You said no didn’t you?”

“No!” Hermione cried, pulling away from Harry’s grasp. “I said yes! I said yes and practically jumped across the table to him.”

“Then why is he missing?” Harry pressed, watching her begin to pace once more. “What happened after you said yes?”

She moaned into her hands and shook her head. “I told him about Rome and we got into a huge argument and he just…left. I looked everywhere I could think of…”

Confused, Harry shook his head. “Rome? Why the hell would Ron get upset about Rome?”

Hermione dropped her hands to her sides, suddenly looking extremely weary. “I’m going to Rome to study some advanced magic…it’s very distinguished. And it’s very limited.”

Rome...Hermione...gone...Harry suddenly understood. “How long?”

“Two years.” Her bottom lip began to tremble when Harry only stared at her. “Honestly Harry, I’ve never seen him so upset before.”

“You didn’t tell him about this?” Harry asked. “You didn’t tell me?”

“I didn’t want to tell anyone until I had found out for sure!” Her expression went from misery to disbelief. “You’re not angry with me are you?”

“No.” Harry sighed. “I’m happy for you…but we can get to that later. I need to find Ron.”

Harry grabbed his robes from the back of the sofa and pulled them on quickly as Ginny re-entered the room with a mug of tea.

“What’s going on?” she asked quickly, her gaze shooting from Harry to Hermione, then back to Harry. “You’re leaving?”

“I’ve got to find Ron,” he repeated, clasping his robes quickly. He turned back to Hermione. “Stay here with Ginny.”

“No! I’m going with you,” she insisted, her mouth set in a firm line. Harry recognized the defiant look immediately and would have grinned if it weren’t for her watery eyes.

“No you’re not,” Harry told her before pulling her into a tight embrace. “I’ll find him,” he whispered in her ear when she began to shake. “I’ll find him and bring him to you, all right?”

Hermione nodded against his shoulder, wiping her eyes quickly when he pulled away and headed for the door.

Ginny reached down to squeeze Hermione’s hand gently before handing her the tea. She hurried after Harry who had already opened the door to leave.

“Harry.” Her hand gripped the doorframe when he turned to look at her, the rain already beginning to mat his hair down over his forehead.

“Ron will be okay,” he said quietly.

She shifted as if she wanted to say more, but she merely nodded before Harry turned and wandered out further into the rain.

He ignored the water pounding on his back and pulled out his wand. He stared into the night for a moment before he felt Ginny's eyes still on him from the doorway. He turned to look at her, their eyes connecting before he Disapparated.

He knew where Ron would go. The one place Hermione probably wouldn't look for him. Harry entered the Ministry of Magic and went through the procedures of wand and robe checks impatiently before heading off to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. It was late, but the halls were still buzzing with activity.

Rounding the corner, Harry pushed open the door to the Auror training rooms and searched each one, trying not to let the panic build inside of him when they all turned out to be empty.

When he reached the end of the hall, he pushed open the doors to the changing room. It was pitch black and silent but for the occasional sound of water dripping from a nearby shower.

"Ron?"

When nothing but silence answered him, Harry sighed and turned to leave. His body stopped suddenly at the quiet clang of glass on the tile floor. Holding his breath, Harry turned around, pulling out his wand in the dark.

"Lumos," he whispered, a breath escaping him quickly when he heard the clang again. Harry let the door swing shut behind him as he made his way through the aisles of lockers to the back of the room. The light illuminated the man sitting on the ground against the wall, his knees bent and one arm resting loosely over his knee while the other clutched a small bottle.

"Ron."

Ron lifted his gaze to Harry's, squinting against the light of his wand.

"Wanna turn that bloody thing off or what?"

Harry dimmed the light and walked over to slide down next to Ron who offered him the bottle he held. Harry took it and took a quick drink before he handed it back. It wasn't Firewhiskey, but something stronger that caused Harry to cough loudly into his hand as the thick liquid burned down his throat.

"What is that?"

"Something Seamus gave me." Ron shrugged and took another drink. "He called it Firewater or something...I reckon you're not suppose to drink it straight from the bottle...but what the hell right?"

"Tastes like shit," Harry countered before settling back against the wall. "Hermione's looking for you."

Ron's expression remained blank as he continued to stare at the wall in across from him. "I figured as much."

"She's worried about you."

"Is that right?" Ron set the bottle down sharply against the floor. "Let her worry."

"Ron--"

“You know what angers me the most?" Ron interrupted, squeezing the cap of the bottle in his fist. "Almost four years I've been planning my future around her. Since the first time I kissed her at the end of our sixth year it was all about her." His eyes darkened when he looked up at Harry. “That was my bloody problem. She’s all I ever thought about. It was never about me. It was where she wanted to go for holiday, where she wanted to live...how many children she wanted. I wanted to make her happy."

"She loves you."

"She loves her bloody books and wand more."

"Ron, you and I both know that's not true," Harry replied.

Ron shook his head before leaning it back against the wall with a harsh laugh. "I don't know anymore."

"She wants to marry you, you prat. She said yes--"

"She wants to marry me when it's convenient for her," Ron said bitterly. "She'd rather go off to Rome for two years first."

"I'm sure she'll be able to come home to visit, Ron. It's not like you won't see her at all," Harry pointed out.

"I'm guessing she didn't fill you in on the details then, did she?" Ron snapped, grabbing his bottle from the floor. "She's able to leave Rome only for Christmas. I'm not going to have a relationship that consists of sending her an owl a couple times a week."

Harry clamped down on the impatience simmering inside of him. He knew Hermione was the only thing that could cause Ron to become illogical and sometimes it seemed arguing with Ron about Hermione was like talking to a wall.

"She's the smartest witch we know, Ron--"

"Exactly!" Ron pulled himself up off of the floor and ran his hand through his hair quickly. "She's already brilliant. Why does she need to go off and learn from some...some Trelawny clone?"

Harry stood as well, taking the bottle from Ron's hands to screw the top on. "It's a good opportunity for her."

"Don't tell me you're taking her side," Ron shouted, snatching the bottle back from Harry's hands. "I don't think I could stand it if you were."

"I'm not taking anyone's side!" Harry lifted his palms up defensively. "You're overreacting, Ron. Hermione loves you, but you and I both know she wouldn't be happy if she knew she had the ability to do more than what she learned at Hogwarts, but didn't."

"You mean she wouldn't be happy being my wife," Ron spat, turning to walk through the darkness towards the door.

"That's not what I'm saying, for Merlin's sake," Harry said, running after him. "Why don't you just go with her?"

Ron managed to stumble his way to the door before pushing it open roughly and stepping out into the light. "I'm not going to quit training. I'm finally doing something for myself. I'm finally becoming something. I'm not going to give that up."

Harry said nothing as he followed Ron through the training room. He understood Hermione's reasons for going just as well as he could understand Ron's reasons for staying. He hated feeling torn and helpless when it came to his two best friends. Those feelings were usually reserved for Ginny.

"I think you need to talk to her," Harry said finally before Ron could open the door to the Ministry's hallway.

Ron paused with his hand on the door and glanced at Harry. In the light, Harry could see his friend was paler than usual, causing the freckles across his nose and cheeks to stand out sharply. His blue eyes were blood shot and dark, filled with tired anger.

"I said what I needed to say to her already."

"What was that?"

"I told her it was over," Ron said quietly, rubbing his forehead firmly, as if wanting to block the memory. "I told her that she could either go to Rome or stay here with me."

"You gave her an ultimatum..."

"I reckon I did." Ron sighed. "She told me I was being ridiculous and not listening to reason...I figured she made her choice so I left."

"So, what...it's over between you two...just like that?"

Ron stared at Harry for a moment. "Yeah...I think it is." Pain and revelation filled his eyes as he digested his own words.

Harry swallowed, unsure of how to reply. He was filled with disbelief and tried to fathom how life would be without Hermione in it. Without Hermione and Ron together. It just didn't make sense to him.

Ron opened the door to the hallway and waited until Harry followed. "Do you mind if I stay at Sirius's tonight?"

Harry thought of Hermione, who was waiting for him at the Weasleys. "I-I don't care...why?"

"Hermione's probably waiting for me at home," Ron said, handing over his wand at the front doors for inspection. "I just can't deal with her tonight."

Harry was silent, but nodded in agreement, shivering slightly when they stepped out into the night, the rain engulfing them.

When they Apparated to Sirius's Ron slumped on the couch in front of the fire Harry immediately lit. Ron pulled out the bottle of Firewater and took a small drink, making a face before he looked at Harry.

"You're right, this stuff does taste like shit."

"I can make you some tea," Harry offered, frowning when Ron stood and walked over to Sirius's cabinet. 

"Tea? No thanks..." Ron muttered, pulling the bottle of whiskey from the shelf. "What always makes us feel better?"

"You really think drinking yourself into a stupor is going to make you feel better?" Harry asked, watching Ron pull off the top quickly.

"For a while," Ron replied, pouring some into a glass before glancing up at Harry. "Want some?"

"No thanks," Harry watched as Ron shrugged and slumped back on the couch, leaning his head back against the cushions.

"I'm never going to get to touch her again."

Harry turned his gaze away from the fire to look at Ron who still had his eyes closed. His words were only slightly slurred but Harry could hear the weariness in his voice.

"I'm never going to kiss her again," Ron continued, one hand rubbing impatiently over his watery eyes. "Do you know what that feels like?"

Harry thought briefly of Ginny. Her scent. Her taste. He remembered the gut wrenching feeling when she had pulled away from him that night.

"I have somewhat of an idea," he replied carefully.

When Ron didn't respond, Harry stood and took the glass from Ron's fisted hand, placing it quietly on the table. His head jerked up when the backdoor opened and Sirius walked through, holding several files. He kicked the door shut with his heel and spotted Harry. He was about to greet him when his eyes fell to Ron on the couch.

"What's wrong with him?"

"I think he's passed out," Harry said, glancing back down to Ron, who was breathing steadily.

Sirius set his papers down on the kitchen table and walked into the lounge, studying Ron. "Too much to drink I'm guessing?"

Harry scratched the back of his head and debated telling Sirius what had happened. "Among other things...look, can you get him up into the spare bedroom? I've got to stop by the Weasley’s for a moment..."

"Sure." Sirius looked up at Harry closely. "Everything all right?"

"I don't know." Harry sighed. "I'll explain when I get back."

When Sirius nodded, Harry turned and prepared himself for the downpour when he stepped outside onto the porch. Trying hard to concentrate on the Burrow rather than the cold water falling down his neck and back, Harry closed his eyes and flicked his wand. 

****

Ginny pulled open the door, stepping back when Harry moved inside quickly and took off his glasses, using a drying spell with his wand. She watched him slip them back onto his face and glance past her to the couch where Hermione was curled up and asleep.

"Is she all right?"

Ginny looked behind her shoulder at Hermione before nodding and turning back to Harry. "I know I shouldn't have, but I gave her a sleeping potion. She was shaking so bad...and I know she hadn't been sleeping well because of work..." Her eyes searched his for answers. "Where's Ron? I had to tell Mum and Dad he was at your place when they came home..."

“He is at my place," Harry replied. "I found him at the Ministry."

"How is he?" Worry flickered through her eyes and Harry felt the sudden urge to pull her into his arms.

"Upset, angry...he passed out pretty quickly when I got him back to Sirius's."

"Well, I'm sure this will all blow over," Ginny said, sounding as if she were trying to convince herself as much as Harry. "Ron's just overreacting. This is a good thing for her...and it's only two years..."

"I don't think so, Ginny." Harry pulled her gently to the side, his voice lowering. "Ron's mind seemed pretty made up...he told me he's already ended it with her."

Ginny sighed and rubbed her forehead with her fingertips. "He's just upset...he'll wake up tomorrow with a clearer head."

"Maybe," Harry said, his voice full of doubt. "Anyway, he didn't want to come home. Tell Hermione he's all right if she wakes up, will you? I need to get back and explain things to Sirius."

"Are you sure you don't want some tea?" Ginny asked quickly, taking in Harry's soaked robes. "You should probably warm up a bit."

Harry glanced out the door to where the rain had once more begun to fall in masses, pouring on the pavement...just taunting him to come back outside. He wanted to stay, if only to spend a few more minutes with her before going home to explain to Sirius what had happened.

"I should really get back in case Ron wakes up," Harry explained, certain he saw the tiniest flicker of disappointment in her eyes before she nodded.

She walked him silently to the door, lifting her eyes to his when he turned to face her. She instinctively reached up wipe away a stray raindrop that had begun to slide down his face. His eyes clouded at her touch and she pulled her hand away abruptly.

Before she could react, he leaned in and placed his lips against her cheek gently. He felt her shiver slightly against him, and for a moment, only a moment, he allowed himself to linger and breathe her in before he pulled away.

"Thanks, Ginny," he said quietly, and before she could say a word, he pulled out his wand and disappeared back out into the night.


	19. Lost

You’re too important for anyone  
There’s something wrong with everything you see  
But I, I know who you really are  
You’re the one who cries when you’re alone

You think that I can’t see right through your eyes  
Scared to death to face reality  
No one seems to hear your hidden cries  
You’re left to face yourself alone  
But where will you go  
With no one left to save you from yourself  
You can’t escape  
You can’t escape

Lost

 

Asking Ginny out to dinner was becoming a frustrating chore. 

Harry changed his mind on the flowers he had bought at least thirteen times. He would pick them up, and then feel silly for holding them. So he would place them back on his bed and stare for several moments before picking them up again.

With a loud sigh, he placed the tulips back on his bed and stepped back to ponder them. Would Ginny be embarrassed if he showed up at The Leaky Cauldron carrying flowers for her? Would she laugh at him?

Quickly deciding he was being incredibly foolish, Harry left the flowers on his bed and headed down the hall to the stairs. He could always give them to her after dinner if everything went well. 

He found Sirius in the lounge, grabbing his robes off the hook by the door. Sirius glanced up at Harry for a moment before turning to grab his wand from the nearby table.

"Going out tonight?" 

Harry shrugged and stopped on the last stair of the landing. "I was thinking I might go over to the Leaky Cauldron and see if Ginny wants to get something to eat." 

"You start Auror training tomorrow morning," Sirius reminded him without looking up. "Don't be out late." 

"It's only nine o'clock...and where are you going? Don't you have to be at work early tomorrow to supervise?" 

Sirius finally looked up at Harry, clasping his robes together. "I'm going to see Remus."

"Oh." Shifting, Harry felt the familiar pang inside of him. "If you see Tonks there...tell her I'm sorry I had to leave so quickly yesterday..." 

Sirius nodded. "I'm sure I'll see her. And I'll see you tomorrow morning. Bright and early." 

"Bright and early," Harry repeated, shaking his head when Sirius left. Grabbing his own wand, Harry debated about the flowers one last time before scolding himself quietly and walking out into the night. It was a warm night, a nice change from the never ending rain. 

The thought reminded Harry of the night before and what had happened. Ron had left before Harry had woken. When he arrived at the Burrow that morning, Mrs Weasley had informed him that Ron had fallen back asleep in his bed and had yet to wake up. He could tell Mrs Weasley was trying to disguise it, but Harry could see the distress in her eyes from the situation. It only made Harry feel more miserable about what was happening. 

He had visited Hermione, who had thrown herself into her work at the Ministry and hadn't wanted to discuss much of what happened. Her voice wavered whenever she spoke and she casually dismissed him before running off to write another report. He knew it was her way of dealing with it. And it was killing Harry. 

He had needed to get away. He needed to breathe some fresh air and think about something other than the mess that was Ron and Hermione. 

He needed Ginny. 

As he made his way down to Diagon Alley, Harry wondered when Sirius was going to start treating him like an adult. He constantly had that look in his eye like Harry was going to screw up at any given moment. He was eager to begin his training sessions at the Ministry. Not only for himself, but to prove to Sirius he was an adult, perfectly capable of running his own life and making his own decisions. 

A part of him felt the need to prove it to Ginny as well. He had fucked up too many times when it came to her. He was determined to change. 

Harry came through the clearing of the trees to where the streets of Diagon Alley began. The streets were less crowded with kids and teenagers now that Hogwarts had begun, but he still felt the eyes of a few witches and wizards as he made his way past several shops to The Leaky Cauldron. He resisted the urge to once more try and mat his hair down over his scar. He wanted to start the evening off without any resentments or bad memories. 

Knowing Ginny would be ending her shift right about now, Harry ran his hands through his hair self consciously before making his way towards the entrance of the Leaky Cauldron. 

He smiled when he saw her step out of the tavern, talking to herself. But his steps slowed and his smile faded when he realized she wasn't talking to herself, but to Oliver, who walked out after her. 

Harry stopped where he was and watched as Oliver pulled Ginny close, leaning forward to brush his lips over hers. Feeling his stomach clench, Harry's eyes lowered to Oliver's hands, which had dipped down to rest comfortably over her hips. 

Something inside of him snapped into place when she leaned into him. The stance was comfortable and intimate. 

They were lovers. 

With his throat closing up, Harry felt nailed to the ground. His fists tightened when Oliver leaned over to murmur something in her ear before kissing her quickly on the cheek. When Oliver began walking in the other direction towards the Quidditch shop, Harry finally felt his feet move. 

Ginny turned around to re-enter the Leaky Cauldron when her skin seemed to tingle in anticipation. Curious, she lifted her gaze and saw Harry walking towards her. 

She couldn't help but think how handsome he looked. His hair was disheveled, his green eyes burning. The white button down shirt was a sharp contrast to the evening that had begun to set in. She didn't dare let her eyes wander over the tan trousers he wore. But when he approached her, she noticed his face was pale and his mouth was set in a firm line. 

"Harry, what are you doing here?" She barely finished her sentence when Harry grabbed her arm and pulled her to the side of the tavern. "Is everything okay?" 

He dropped his arm to his side and stared at her, as if comprehending the question he was about to ask. 

"You've...did you sleep with him?" 

"Excuse me?" The easiness in her eyes faded away, and though she was trying to maintain the edge in her voice, her cheeks flushed, giving away her embarrassment. 

Harry felt the rusty ball of pain build in his chest and shoved his hands into his pockets before he did something he would regret. 

"You slept with him," he whispered, his eyes filling with anguish.

She bit back on the tiny sliver of guilt that began to swim inside of her. “I did.”

Harry could only stare at her, the words he wanted to say lodged in his throat. 

"Look, Harry, you and I...we're friends,” she said firmly. “We’re not together. You can't honestly expect me to--" 

"To still love me?” he said quietly, shaking his head. “You’re right. My mistake.”

“What do you want from me Harry?” she asked, her tone bordering on anger. “I’m done playing these games. One minute you want me, the next you push me away. Oliver…he wants me.” 

“Does he love you?"

Ginny’s gaze never wavered from his. “Yes.”

She saw his eyes flash darkly and she tried to prepare herself for whatever he would ask her next. A part of her wanted to cry and rage at him for not loving her. Another part of her wanted to walk past him and tell him to go to hell, she was moving on with her life. The two fought an intense war inside of her heart, causing her to stay rooted to the spot, pierced by the look in his eyes.

“So he slept with you because he loved you,” Harry said, his eyes piercing her to the spot. “What’s your reasoning? Comfort? Loneliness? It sure as hell wasn’t love.”

"I really don't think that's any of your business," Oliver said, appearing behind Harry and walking around to her side before she had a chance to reply. "I think we should go now, Ginny." 

Harry laughed bitterly. "You know, I think Witch Weekly was onto something with the golden couple reference..." 

Ginny turned back to face Harry, her voice quiet. "Harry--" 

"No really...you look so perfect together," Harry said, his smile grim, his eyes filled with pain. "I'll bet he asks if it was good for you each time you shag, doesn't he?" 

When Oliver took a threatening step forward, Ginny grasped the sleeve of his arm in a panic. 

"Oliver, please, just let me talk to him--" 

"No!" Oliver replied, his tone full of surprise. "Ginny, our relationship is none of his business."

"Maybe not Oliver," Harry said, rocking forward on his heels. "But her relationship with me may be your business now..." 

"Harry, don't--" 

"Unless, of course, she's already told you she's been letting me fuck her while she's been with you..." 

Ginny closed her eyes briefly, whispering his name in disbelief. She heard Oliver's sharp intake of breath as he looked down to her. 

"Ginny, go inside and get your things so we can leave," Oliver said, letting go of her arm. 

She shook her head quickly, trying to push past the dryness in her throat. "I just need--" 

"Ginny. Go," Oliver interrupted firmly, his eyes shifting back to Harry. 

She nodded slowly and somehow managed to make her way past Harry on shaky legs. 

When she disappeared into the tavern, Oliver walked over to Harry, who kept his eyes on him, but didn't move. 

"Harry, I know you and Ginny had something before...I would be completely blind not to see it. And it's a bit apparent that you still have feelings for her--" 

"You don't know anything about Ginny and me," Harry said through clenched teeth. 

"I do know it's over." Oliver shrugged casually. "She's with me now and I really think you should just accept that instead of trying to hurt her." 

"You know, Wood, I thought you a lot of things...naive was never one of them," Harry said with a short laugh. "Who do you think she's thinking about when you're shagging her?" 

Oliver's eyes flashed, the easiness in his face fading. "You really think a lot of yourself don't you, Potter?" 

"Ginny and I share something you'll never understand." Harry cocked his head to the side to study him. "Something you'll never have." 

Oliver grinned and slid his hands in his pockets. "Maybe not. But I don't mind working a bit harder to make sure it's my name she's screaming when I'm fucking her tonight." 

Blind rage had suffocated him, and before Harry realized he meant to do it, his fist was flying forward, connecting squarely with Oliver's jaw. It made everything that much more perfect when Ginny happened to step outside at that exact moment. 

She cried out in surprise as Oliver stumbled back, lifting his hand to his jaw before he advanced on Harry. The two stared at each other for a moment, both bracing for a fight. 

"Stop!" Ginny demanded, running forward and grabbing the sleeve of Oliver's shirt. 

"Stay out of this, Ginny," Oliver said, pushing her away. 

"Don't bloody touch her," Harry snapped, moving forward and shoving Oliver roughly. 

She lifted her hand to her mouth, concealing a cry as the two men lunged at each other. Fists and blood flew, dirt kicking up from their heels. She yelled at them to stop and debated trying to pull them apart herself, but she realized she was asking for a black eye if she tried to interfere. Instead, she turned around, pushing past the excited crowd of people that had begun to form around Oliver and Harry. 

About to call for Seamus, Ginny spotted the blur of red hair walking past Quality Quidditch Supplies. 

"Ron!" she cried, running towards him to grab his arm. 

"What? Bloody hell, Ginny you're pinching me!" But he let her pull him anyway, his brows furrowed in confusion at the large crowd. "What the hell is everyone looking at?" 

"Harry..." she gasped, pulling him through the people to the clearing where the two men had fallen to the ground, the sound of cracking bones mixed with the obnoxious cheering. 

Ginny heard Ron curse under his breath before he pulled her back. 

"Stay here," he ordered before running out into the street towards Harry and Oliver. She could see blood dripping from both of them and yelped as Oliver's fist slammed into Harry's nose. 

They shifted and suddenly Harry was straddling Oliver, blood running down his nose and lip, his fist pounding into Oliver's face with every emphasis on the thoughts that pierced his mind. 

This was the wanker that had kissed her. This was the wanker that had fucked her. This was the wanker that was taking...her...away from him. 

Ron grabbed Harry's hand when it lifted again, poised to attack. Wrapping his arms around Harry's chest, Ron tugged and pulled him roughly off Oliver, who was still coughing on the ground. The blood that covered both of them looked black and morbid in the moonlight. 

"Fuck! Harry, what the fuck are you doing?" 

Harry didn't struggle, but let Ron pull him away. His torn knuckles began to throb and he could taste the blood running down into his mouth. His vision was blurred, but he couldn't tell if it was from Oliver's fists or the fact that his glasses were cracked and broken. 

Ginny hurried to Oliver who was pulling himself up and lifting a hand to his bloodied lip. She bent down to help him before snapping her head up to glare at Harry. 

"You've no right--" 

"Shut up," Harry snapped, jerking away from Ron. He swatted Ron's hand away as he took a step forward, pointing down at Ginny. "You stay away from me." 

"Harry..." Ron began, confusion evident in his voice. 

"Stay the fuck away from me," Harry told her again, ignoring Ron as he turned and began walking, with a slight limp, towards the path that led to Sirius's. 

The crowd began to disperse into the night, chatting excitedly. Some moaned in disappointment that the show was apparently over. 

Ginny watched Harry's retreating back, ignoring the splitting pain inside her chest. She saw Ron take a step towards her but she stopped him with a quick shake of her head. 

"Go after him, Ron. Please." 

He was silent for a moment, before nodding and turning around, disappearing into the darkness after Harry. 

Her hands were shaking terribly as she turned to help Oliver. He ignored her offered hand and stood, wiping the blood from his lip onto his sleeve. 

"Oliver--" she said quietly. "I'm so sorry..."

"I should probably go home and change..." he said, examining the condition of his knuckles. 

She nodded, swallowing tightly. Expecting him to turn around and leave, she was surprised when he held out his hand to her.

"Are you coming?" 

"S-sure...yes..." Wondering why she didn't feel relieved at his casual tone, she took his hand and let him lead her back to his flats. They walked in silence, which was mildly irritating to Ginny because it only caused her to dwell on what had just happened. 

She kept picturing Harry's face when he realized she had been with Oliver. She shouldn't feel so guilty. It's not like she betrayed him...or cheated on him. So why did it feel like she had? 

Ginny sighed quietly to herself and tried to focus on Oliver when he pulled out his wand and opened the door to his flat. He let go of her hand and headed into the kitchen, turning on the taps and placing his fist underneath the running water. 

She pulled out her wand and placed her own robes over his as she entered his kitchen. His fist was still clenched under the running water and Ginny stepped up next to him and cautiously took his hand in hers. 

"Let me heal those," she said, her gaze lifting to his when he said nothing. "Please?" 

He nodded and she took his hand, watching the cuts and scrapes heal slowly. The blood dried around his knuckles and he unclenched his fist, the bones cracking back into place. 

"Thanks...that didn't take you much time did it?" 

She laid her wand on the counter and took his hand to check for anymore broken bones. "I grew up with six brothers who felt the best way to resolve their differences were to slam their fists into one another. Mum would always lecture and ground them if she found them with broken bones or bruises so they always came to me to heal them...I got pretty good at it." 

Oliver studied his hand and gave her a look. "Did you ever consider becoming a Healer?" 

She shrugged and gave him a small smile. "Sometimes...it's always in the back of my mind. Maybe someday..." 

"The wanker has a mean right hook," Oliver commented and grabbed a towel to dry his hand off. 

Ginny stood back as he brushed by her and headed down the hallway. She sighed and slipped her wand back into her robes before following him into the bedroom. He had pulled off his shirt and was pulling another from his closet. 

"I'm sorry about what happened," she started. 

"It's not a big deal," he said shortly, buttoning his shirt. "You told me you had been with someone else before. So have I." 

Ginny frowned as she watched him dress. "Are you going out?" 

"I'm going to the Wasps and Portee game with a few guys on the team. We were going to the Three Broomsticks afterwards to celebrate the win over the Cannons."

"I thought we were going to get some dinner," she said, following him out into the lounge where he proceeded to change shoes. 

"That's what I meant to talk to you about before Harry," Oliver looked up at her with a small smile. "I needed a to cancel dinner, but I was hoping you would come by after I got back home."

She was silent for a moment, shifting from one foot to the other. "I just thought maybe we should discuss this..."

"Look, Ginny, what do you want? Do you want me to be angry that you had a relationship with Harry before me? I'm not." Oliver gave her a pointed look. "Are you still sleeping with him?"

She paused for a moment, wondering why she was reluctant to answer. "No. I'm not." 

"Then there's nothing really to talk about is there?" 

"I suppose not," she said quietly. "I just wanted to apologize for Harry. He had no right to hit you." 

"Things happen," Oliver said, crossing the room to where she stood. "It's a bit disappointing the kind of person he's become." 

"He's been through a lot--" Ginny started. 

"Maybe if he had played Quidditch he could have challenged himself," Oliver interrupted. "Being an Auror isn't going to do anything for him but give him more excuses to get violent with people." 

"And what could Quidditch possibly do for him?" Ginny asked, feeling her temper rise. "Becoming an Auror could center him. He's focused now..." 

"Whatever," Oliver replied casually, his fingers sliding through her hair. "All I'm saying is if he were playing Quidditch for me, he could easily win back the glory and fame he used to have." 

"Do you honestly believe he would want that?" Ginny asked in disbelief. 

"Well, he never seemed to tire of playing the hero at Hogwarts," Oliver pointed out. "Anyway, why are we talking about Harry? Stay if you want, I'll be back after the match."

He kissed her quickly on the cheek and she watched him turn and leave the house, shutting the door quietly behind him, leaving her staring after him for a very long time. 

****

Harry burst through the door, the furious adrenaline still pumping through him from his fight with Oliver. His body was sore, his knuckles torn and bleeding. He could practically feel the bruises beginning to form. Harry pulled off his glasses which were cracked and threw them angrily onto the couch before storming to the glass cabinet for the bottle of alcohol. 

He pulled it open violently and squinted, trying to read the labels. He saw Ron enter cautiously as he pulled a random bottle from the shelf. 

"Can you fucking believe her?" Harry asked, twisting the cap off with quick, jerky movements. 

"I'm not sure." Ron watched Harry take a quick drink of the bottle before making a face and placing it back on the shelf, still open. 

Harry ignored him and grabbed another bottle and opened it, in the same manner of the last. When he took a drink, he was satisfied to find it slide down his throat smoothly and cover his stomach in warmth. 

"Harry, dammit, you need to stop drinking. Sirius is going to--"

"Sirius?" Harry yelled, listening for any sign of response or movement above them. He took another drink from the bottle and shrugged. "See? Not here. He's never here."

Ron crossed the room and grabbed the bottle from Harry's hands. Harry's eyes grew dark as he lifted his hand to snatch it back. Ron's free hand curled around Harry's lapel.

"Don't make me pound some sense into you again," Ron warned, shoving Harry away from him. "Now what the fuck is the problem?"

"Your sister! She's the fucking problem." Harry glared at him before pushing past him roughly to the lounge. Ron twisted the cap back on Sirius's bottle of Firewhiskey and placed it back on the shelf, closing the glass doors and placing a silent locking charm on it before he turned back to Harry. 

"What did she do?"

"This is just some kind of twisted revenge she's worked up for me."

"Harry, you need to step back for a minute," Ron interrupted with an air of irritation. "What did she do?"

Harry stopped and sat quickly onto the couch before burying his face in his hands. "Do you know why she's doing it? I'll tell you why!" 

Ron sighed and sat down next to Harry. It was apparent he was going to have to piece together the situation himself.

"She just wants too much...and because I can't give it to her she went off with him," Harry continued, looking up at Ron. 

Ron swallowed quietly, not really wanting to know the details about any of his sister's relationships. But he saw the paleness in Harry's face, and the hurt behind the fire in his eyes. "Well...what did she...I mean, what did they..."

"Bloody hell, Ron, don't be thick!" Harry exclaimed. "Ginny let that twat shag her." The remaining color in his face drained as he rubbed his stomach. It hurt physically to even think it. 

"Oh." Ron rubbed his hands together nervously, fighting to find the right words. "Harry, I'm sure--" 

"I don't want to talk about it," Harry said quietly, staring at the empty fireplace. 

Relief flooded through Ron. "Alright."

Harry was silent for half a minute before he groaned. "She let him touch her."

Ron groaned too, though more in frustration. "Harry--" 

"She let him kiss her and..." His stomach lurched painfully. "I feel sick..." 

Ron fell back as Harry jumped to his feet and hurried to the loo in the back of the house. Harry slammed the door shut and fell to his knees, sweat rolling down his face. After what seemed like an eternity, Harry pushed himself away from the toilet, falling back into the corner of the loo. He lifted a clammy hand to wipe the sweat from his forehead and breathed in slowly, hoping to ease the strain inside his stomach.

A fresh image of Oliver and Ginny naked and intertwined entered his mind and he pressed his palms tightly against his eyes. It was like his subconscious had discovered a new torture. He just had to stop thinking of her.

Groaning, Harry leaned his head back against the wall, letting his arms rest limply over his knees. He felt angry and hurt. And worst of all...betrayed. She hadn’t seemed to care that she tore him apart. He was losing her. 

The knocking at the door had Harry jolting to attention. 

"Harry?"

Harry closed his eyes at Ron's muffled voice and cleared his throat to ease the dryness. 

"Yeah?"

"Are you all right, mate?"

Was he all right? Ginny had slept with another man. She loved someone else. No. He wasn't all right. 

"I'm-I'm fine, Ron...I'll be out in a minute," he said through the door. He stared blankly at the wall, waiting until Ron's footsteps faded away before he lay his forehead on his crossed arms. His cheeks were suddenly wet, salty tears dripping from his chin to the floor beneath him. He let them flow until he was drained and felt nothing but the familiar calming numbness.


	20. Try Again

Life was really a bitch.

Auror training had indeed been bright and early. The entire bottle of whiskey Harry had drunk once Ron had left the night before swam inside his blood and rolled greasily in his stomach. Harry felt the sweat sliding quickly down his neck and back. His eyes were blurry and his head was pounding. With every movement he felt the nausea shoot through him and threaten to take over.

Jenkins apparently noticed Harry's condition and took great pleasure in it. The hexes he threw were forceful, knocking Harry to the ground more than once. The truth was, Jenkins was supposed to turn over any Auror, who was not in the condition to be training, to Sirius. But the boy needed to be taught that everyone had to work hard for their place in the Ministry. He didn't deserve a free ride because of his convict of a godfather was the head of the Magical Law Enforcement department or because his name happened to be Harry Potter.

Harry pulled himself up from the ground, wiping the sweat from his forehead. His body ached from the last hex and his body begged for a hot cup of tea and a soft bed.

"Potter, you're making me curious as to what the Ministry saw in you during testing," Jenkins said loudly, the smirk widening on his pudgy face. "You haven't blocked one of my curses yet this morning and the hexes you've thrown have done nothing but caused me to break out in mild hives."

"Fuck you," Harry muttered, resuming his stance. He cursed Sirius in his mind for assigning him Jenkins as his trainer. The old bastard was practically giddy at Harry's clumsiness that morning. Wishing he could muster more strength than his body was willing to give, Harry lifted his wand to attack.

Before he could utter the curse, he fell back again and felt the blood begin to run from his nose over his lips. Furious, he looked up at Jenkins who was watching him with an extremely bored look on his face.

"This isn't goddamn dueling," Harry snapped. "You're suppose to block my curses, not hex me with one first."

"I think we've done enough training for the morning," Jenkins replied, walking towards Harry. "You're wasting my time, Potter. You're simply not fit to be an Auror."

"Maybe I would be able to actually learn if I had someone decent to train with," Harry shot back, pulling himself up in front of Jenkins. He found it satisfying that he was at least two inches taller than him.

"I was an Auror for ten years," Jenkins said angrily. "A trainer for ten more. You're just a spoiled little prick who got into this program because his godfather happened to be in charge--"

"Sirius had nothing to do with it," Harry said, his fists clenching at his sides.

"Is that right? Somehow, judging on your session this morning, I find that hard to believe. If you go out on a mission in the condition you're in, do you know what's going to happen to you?"

"I can take care of myself whether or not you do your damn job." Harry said as he reached down to pick up his wand. His fingers suddenly clutched around the base tightly as the pain soared through every inch of his bones.He gripped his side and fell to the ground, the sweat breaking out over his body again. He wanted to cry out but the burning was so acute he could do nothing but roll onto his back. His insides were on fire, his fingers curling from the pain.

When it finally passed, Harry gasped for breath, opening his eyes and watching Jenkins standing over him, shaking his head with a sneer.

"You've got to learn first hand what you're in for." Jenkins slid his wand into his robes and squatted down next to Harry. "The Cruciatus Curse hurts, doesn't it? Welcome to the real world of being an Auror."

"You managed to knock me over with some stomach pains." Harry wheezed, laughing slightly as he pulled himself up. He wanted to pass out, but refused to let his body shut down. "And I've experienced a lot worse than the Cruciatus Curse...you've apparently never had the pleasure of meeting Voldemort."

Jenkins flinched slightly as the name and stood abruptly. "You can bullshit around all you like, Potter. It's a known fact that Arthur Weasley's daughter defeated You-Know-Who. Why you still get all the praise for it is beyond me. From what I hear you were nothing but a weak coward...from the looks of it, you still are. You're just like your father."

Harry felt the rage build inside of him and pulled himself up despite the heated pain throbbing inside of him. His fist connected squarely on Jenkins jaw causing him to stumble back. Harry took another step forward and smashed his fist into the man's stomach, watching him double over to the ground.

He heard the quick calls from the other Aurors and would have struck again if he wasn't suddenly being held back. 

"I'm the weak one right?" Harry twisted away from the hands grabbing him and glared down at Jenkins who was gasping for breath. "Welcome to the reality of being an Auror. Not every wizard needs a wand."

"Harry!"

Harry looked up to see Sirius crossing the room, his _expression furious. Sighing, Harry slipped his wand into his robes and resisted the urge to kick Jenkins in his pot bellied stomach one more time before Sirius took him roughly by the arm and dragged him away.

"Get Mr. Jenkins a Healer," Sirius barked over his shoulder to the several people who still stood around. As they all darted in different directions, Sirius led Harry down the hallway to his office.

Shoving him inside, Sirius slammed the door behind him.

"Sit down."

"I don't need to sit down--"

"I said sit down," Sirius growled, making his way around his desk.

Harry resisted for a moment before reluctantly slumping into the chair. To be honest if he didn't sit he might end up being sick all over Sirius's carpet.

"You do not attack a Senior Auror do you understand me?"

"He's a sodding joke, Sirius! He--"

"Do you understand me?" Sirius interrupted, emphasizing the question firmly.

"Yes," Harry mumbled, his answer barely audible.

"You were drinking last night," Sirius said quietly, still standing.

"Just a bit...I only--"

"Shut up," Sirius said quietly, temper thick in his voice. "Just because I'm your godfather, Harry, doesn't mean I won't chuck you out of this program so fast your head will spin."

Harry wanted to sneer at the threat, but instead found himself swallowing an ounce of fear. He couldn't remember the last time he had seen Sirius so angry.

Wanting to defend himself, Harry pushed himself out of the chair so he could stand eye-level with Sirius. "I'm sorry," he said evenly. "I know I drank too much last night..."

"Ron also tells me you were in a fight last night at The Leaky Cauldron."

"Bloody hell! Is Ron my keeper?"

Sirius studied him calmly for a moment. "He's worried about you. He's doing the right thing."

"Look, if Ginny hadn't--"

"There you are again," Sirius interrupted, placing his hands on his desk. "You want to blame everyone else for your choices. Ginny didn't force the bottle to your lips, Harry, or the fist to someone else's face. It's your decisions that are going to get you kicked out of this program unless you make some major changes, do you understand?"

Harry fought an inner battle between telling Sirius off and leaving, or swallowing his pride and apologizing. But he had come too far to throw it away over a bad temper.

"You're right. I'm sorry," he said through clenched teeth. "I won't do it again."

Sirius stared at him for a moment before nodding. "Fine. But I mean it Harry. If you come to training in this condition again, you're done."

"Understood," Harry said and grabbed his wand from Sirius's desk. "Can I go back now?"

Sirius sat down and opened up a file that had been placed on his desk. "No. I want you to go home."

Harry stood there, stunned for a moment as Sirius continued to calmly read the parchment.

"What?"

"Go home, Harry. You're in no shape to resume training--"

"This is just bullshit Sirius! Let me live my own goddamn life for once-- "

"I want you to live your own life. But things are different now--"

"Why? Because you say so?" Harry asked, watching with satisfaction when Sirius's eyes darkened.

"Yes because I say so. I'm your godfather Harry...but when you're here as an Auror, I'm your superior and I refuse to hand you special treatment because you feel the need to drink yourself stupid every night."

"I don't want special treatment!" Harry yelled, his fists clenching at his sides and his stomach piercing with pain. "You used to be fun once too...what the hell happened?"

Placing his file on the desk in front of him, Sirius stood until he was level with Harry. "My carelessness almost got me killed. It almost got you killed," he reminded him. "You may not remember it, Harry, but I do. I have a responsibility now. And an obligation. To Arthur, to the Ministry and to you."

"I can be responsible for myself," Harry replied angrily.

"Excellent," Sirius said, sitting back down in his chair and picking up his quill. "Then I expect you to be here on Saturday to train extra hours with Jenkins. That is, after you've apologized and received his permission to continue training--" He broke off at the string of angry obscenities that filled the room.

"Are you quite done?" Sirius interrupted calmly. When Harry only stood there, seething, Sirius nodded. "Good. Now, go home."

With a loud cry of anger, Harry turned and stormed out of Sirius's office, slamming the door behind him. Ignoring the curious stares and sudden whispers of the people who were in the hallway, Harry started down the hall to the locker rooms, storming past Hermione who had been walking towards him.

He ignored the quick brush of her hand on his arm and didn't reply when she called his name. Pushing open the doors to the changing room, Harry grabbed his bag violently from his locker and almost threw it across the room before the adrenaline of anger inside of him faded and he merely slumped on the bench, his bag falling to his feet.

Feeling his stomach roll, Harry moaned and dragged himself to the toilet, cursing the fact that it was the second time he had been sick in two days. He lay his arm across the toilet and rested his forehead on it, silently making a vow never to touch Sirius's whiskey again.

He eventually lost track of how long he had been sitting on the floor when the stall door opened quietly. Harry jumped slightly but he didn't move from his position on the floor.

Hermione nudged him slightly and knelt down beside him, one hand holding a glass of brown liquid and the other smoothing his hair back from his face.

"Sirius told me what happened--"

"Bloody brilliant," he muttered, lifting his head from his arm and looking at her through glazed eyes. "Did he tell you what a failure I am?"

"You are not a failure," she said lightly, handing him the glass which he eyed suspiciously. "I put a bit of a healing potion in it to get rid of your hangover...R-Ron swears by it."

Harry managed a thankful smile and drank the glass, his eyes crossing at the sudden burning in his throat.

"What the hell is it?" The taste faded away on his tongue and he felt a surge of warmth begin to flow through his body.

"Hmm....a little bit of this and that. If you want to get sick again I'll tell you."

"No," Harry said quickly, setting the glass down beside him. "Thanks Hermione."

She hummed again and wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead. "You're making yourself sick."

"Nah, the alcohol is making me sick," Harry said dryly, leaning back with an exhausted sigh against the stall wall.

"The alcohol...stress...your life," Hermione tilted her head and studied his blood shot eyes. "You don't sleep."

"It’s hard some nights."

"I'll come over tonight and make you a sleeping potion--"

"They don't work," Harry said shortly, closing his eyes as his body seemed to evaporate the ill feelings inside of him.

"I've been working on some things...this one will work," she promised, watching him in silence for a moment. "Harry, don't take this the wrong way, please, since I'm saying it as a friend."

He opened one eye to look at her expectantly.

"You're on the right path to becoming an Auror," she said, taking it as a good sign when he lifted his head, both eyes now watching her. "You've proven that you can do it and do it well. Don't throw it away."

"You think I'm trying to ruin everything?"

"N-no...but I think you're holding onto a lot of pressure and past experiences that you need to let go--"

"Like Ginny?"

Hermione was quiet for a moment as she contemplated her reply. "I think you need to let go of thinking she belongs to you, because she doesn't, Harry."

"I know that--"

"No," she interrupted. "You don't. You don't see her as the woman she is now...you see her as the girl who was in love with you for years and would do anything for you whenever, wherever. She's not that girl anymore."

"She doesn't love me anymore anyway," Harry said quietly closing his eyes so Hermione wouldn't see the pain fill them. "She wants to be with Oliver."

"Do you love her?" Hermione waited for the answer that didn’t come and took his hand in hers. "Whether you do or not, you should let her be happy, Harry. If it’s with Oliver, well, I know it’s hard to accept." 

"How on earth would you know?" Harry asked, opening his heavy lids once more to study her. 

Hermione's gaze lowered to the floor as she bit her lip and Harry cursed himself as he remembered.

"I'm sorry, Hermione," he said quietly. "Ron wants to be with you. He loves you more than I could probably ever explain."

She gave him a pained look before shaking her head. "It doesn't matter anymore. We're just on different paths now."

"I don't like seeing you two like this." Harry sighed, squeezing her hand tightly in his.

She said nothing but shifted until she was sitting next to him, their fingers still intertwined.

"I never thought there would be anything in life harder than what we went through at Hogwarts."

"The pain’s not really worth it, is it?" Harry asked, turning to look down at her. 

She pursed her lips as if contemplating his question. "Sometimes it is." 

"Will it always be this hard?" 

Hermione shrugged gently. "I suppose it's as hard as you make it, right?"

Harry turned back to staring at the wall in front of him and felt Hermione rest her head on his shoulder as they sat there in silence, content in each other's comfort.

*** 

He couldn't go home. If he stayed holed up all afternoon he was sure to go crazy. Instead Harry made his way to Diagon Alley, deciding to walk off some of the pent up anger that continued to hitch inside of him whenever he thought about the days events.

He saw a few familiar faces, forcing politeness through a strained smile whenever someone greeted him or stopped him for a quit chat. As he walked by The Leaky Cauldron, he couldn't help but glance inside the windows to see if he could spot the flash of red hair. He could see Seamus working at the bar, but Ginny was nowhere to be seen.

Sighing, Harry glanced across the street, noticing the Quality Quidditch Supply shop had just put a set of new Quidditch books in the front window. Eager to spend some money, Harry crossed the street, keeping his head down as he passed a small group of witches that were sure to start giggling had they recognized him.

Hurrying into ship, the air whooshed out of his lungs when he collided into a young woman leaving the shop. She yelped and fell back as Harry stumbled slightly.

"Shit! I'm sorry," he began, leaning down to help her pick up the bags that had fallen from her fingers. His apologies trailed off as he looked up into Ginny's eyes.

She mumbled something in reply and took the bag from his fingers before standing.

"Ginny." Anything else he had wanted to say seemed to get lost in his throat as he looked at her. Her auburn hair was loose and flowing over her shoulders and her face was scrubbed clean of any makeup. She wasn't wearing her robes today, but a simple pair of jeans and a red jumper that clashed with her hair. The black boots she wore brought her almost eye level to him.

She looked simply beautiful, if a bit perturbed.

"I shouldn't have been leaving in such a hurry," Ginny said quietly, readjusting the bags she had been carrying.

"I wasn't watching where I was going, it's my fault," he insisted, wondering where all the fury he had been feeling earlier had gone. He had blamed her for his problems that morning, and now all he wanted to do was touch her. Shoving his itchy hands into his trouser pockets, he looked for a distraction. His gaze dropped to the bags in her hands.

"I thought you hated shopping."

"I do" She followed his eyes and glanced inside the heavy bags. "But Oliver's birthday is coming up..."

"Oh." His gut twisted painfully. Change the subject, he told himself quickly, before you start to act like an arse again. "How are you?"

"I'm fine. Harry, I really need to get going," Ginny said, the distance in her voice causing his back to go up. She moved by him quickly and Harry stood alone in the doorway, watching her walk farther away from him.

Without giving it much thought, Harry hurried out in the street, touching her arm briefly when he finally caught up to her.

"Can we talk for a minute?"

"I don't think so." Ginny continued to move through the crowd, sighing loudly when his hand wrapped around her elbow. She stopped and turned to face him, annoyance filling her eyes.

"I wanted to apologize," he said, letting his hand drop to his side. "For yesterday."

"All right," she said simply, stepping aside to walk by him. A sound of frustration escaped her when he blocked her path.

"You're just going to let it go? Just like that?"

The wind breezed by them, causing him to shiver slightly under his t-shirt. His eyes fixed on the ends up her hair that whipped up and danced around her face.

"Look, I'm just tired of--" She paused stiffly when Harry reached out and brushed the hair out of her face with his fingertips, sliding the strands behind her ear. His fingertips seemed to linger long enough to send tiny shock waves straight through her body to her toes.

Swallowing, she let her eyes roam over his face. His glasses had been repaired and the cut on his lip had healed. But she noticed the bruise on his jaw that had just begun to turn a nasty yellow, and the tiny scratch at the corner of his left eye. She felt the instinct to reach out and slide her fingers over it, wanting to make every mark of pain on his face disappear.

Since the thought jolted her back to reality, Ginny took a quick step back, as she searched her mind frantically for the words she had been about to say before he had touched her. Oh, right.

"Saying you're sorry doesn't always make it better. You had no right to fight with Oliver."

Harry's eyes clouded and he to took a step back. "You hurt me."

"I hurt you?" Disbelief spread across her face before she let out a quick laugh. "I hurt you. Well, then I do apologize Harry. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get home for dinner."

"You told me once you wanted to help me, Ginny," Harry said, stepping in front of her path once more. "Don't give up on me."

He suddenly looked so tired and defeated. Ginny felt her heart soften immediately in spite of herself. But there was no need for him to know that he could still affect her.

"How can you ask me not to give up on you, when you've already given up on yourself?"

His eyes fell away from hers to stare at the ground and Ginny pushed back the sick feeling inside of her long enough to walk past him. She heard him whisper her name and though she knew she shouldn't have, she stopped and looked at him, waiting.

"Can I ask you something?" Harry lifted his head to look at her, clenching his fists together in his pockets. "Do you love him?"

She met his gaze and answered as truthfully as she could.

"I don't know."

The vice around Harry's heart seemed to loosen and before he could stop and reevaluate, he took a step towards her, close enough he could see the tiny specks of gold in her eyes. Close enough he could hear her uneven breathing. Close enough that all he had to do was lean down an inch or two to meet her lips with his.

"Do you love me?"

She seemed caught off guard for a moment as she shifted. She glanced around the streets briefly, chewing her lower lip nervously. Harry could feel his breath catching in his throat and he watched her expectantly, almost fearfully, when she sighed and looked back at him.

"Harry!"

She had barely managed to breathe a syllable when Harry jumped slightly at the interruption, cursing under his breath as he looked up to see Ron hurrying towards him, still in his Auror robes. As casually as he could, he stepped away from Ginny and tried to steady his pounding heartbeat, wondering whether he should hex Ron or just strangle him with his bare hands.

"Ron..." Harry felt himself pale slightly at the look in his friend's eye. He had seen that look before. He hated that look. "What is it? Is it Hermione?"

Something flashed in Ron's eyes at the mention of Hermione's name, but it was gone the moment he blinked and shook his head.

"Mum sent me to get you," he told Harry, then glanced at Ginny. "And to find you."

"Why? What is it?"

Ron let out a deep breath and turned back to Harry. "They want you at St. Mungo’s. Remus is awake."


	21. Stay

The wait at St.Mungo's was long and nerve wracking. Harry had been there for two hours, waiting impatiently for someone, anyone, to tell him what was happening. Several Healers had rushed in and out of Remus's room during the time he had been there and he had seen Mr. and Mrs. Weasley for mere seconds, barely having the time to return their quick greeting as they rushed by.

Ron had disappeared over ten minutes ago to try and find out some news and Harry now sat alone in a stiff wooden chair, his hands clasped together in his lap and his eyes staring numbly down the adjoining hallway where Remus's room was.

Ginny had been watching him from her own chair, further down the hall. She wished she could somehow reach out to him, but after Ron had informed them about Remus, Harry had Disapparated before she could say a word. He hadn't spoken, or looked at her since she arrived at St. Mungos several moments earlier.

"Are they ever going to let Harry see him?" she asked Charlie, who was sitting quietly next to her. He looked at her, rubbing his temples wearily.

"I don't know...Sirius is still in there. They were trying to subdue him the last Dad told me."

"Subdue him? Why?"

"Well, being unconscious for almost two years would probably put a strain on his body and mind," Charlie explained. "Not to mention tonight is a full moon."

Ginny's eyes widened with realization.

"They're going to allow him to transform? Here?"

"Dad says they were trying to calm him enough to give him wolfsbane," Charlie said grimly. "If Tonks hadn't been there when he woke up, he may have hurt himself even more."

Ginny released a shaky breath and leaned back in her chair. "He'll be okay right?"

"I hope so." Charlie inhaled deeply and focused his attention on Ginny. "So where's Oliver?"

"Hmm?"

"Oliver. Your boyfriend," Charlie said with a grin, patting her on the knee.

She rolled her eyes, but couldn't help but smile slightly at his teasing tone. "I'm not sure where he is actually."

"You don't? Weren't you just at his flat?"

"Well, I went there after Ron found us, but he was getting ready to go to a Quidditch match."

"Did you tell him about Remus?" Charlie asked.

"Of course I did!"

"Then why didn't you bring him with you? I would think it would be nice to have someone you love here for support."

Ginny glanced quickly at Harry before shrugging. "Like I said, he was getting ready to go out ...and he had to pack," she added quickly when she saw Charlie's eyes light up in disapproval. "He's going to Scotland for a couple days with his friends to catch some Quidditch matches."

"So Oliver opted not to come here with you?" Charlie asked with a frown.

"I don't mind okay?" Ginny huffed, wishing that it were the whole truth. Though Oliver had sympathized, he had explained to her that he couldn't possibly miss the Quidditch game, not with "the Ballycastle's new team" starting that night. It was crucial, apparently, to study them since Puddlemere would be playing them soon. If she was honest with herself, he hadn't even looked that genuine when he apologized and kissed her before his friends arrived.

She looked back at Charlie who had been studying her closely. "Well, whatever suites you. Maybe you should go see how Harry's doing."

Ginny shifted her gaze once more to Harry, who hadn't moved from his spot.

"All right," she said before she stood and walked to Harry, hesitating only briefly before resting in the chair next to him. He didn't look at her as she sat.

"Are you okay?"

He didn't move, but his gaze shifted to hers for a moment. "I'm fine."

"I'm sure they'll let you see him soon," she assured him.

"I know." Harry finally moved in his seat, wishing she wouldn't sit so close to him. Her presence was already wreaking havoc on his insides.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" Ginny placed a comforting hand on his and frowned when he pulled it back abruptly, as if she had burned him.

"Can you...can you just leave me alone for a while?" It pained him to ask it, so much so that he couldn't look at her. He didn't even want to think about her, let alone allow her to comfort him.

"S-sure, I can do that, Harry." Ginny stood, hurt twisting inside of her as she turned and walked back to Charlie.

Harry stared after her, cursing himself before running his fingers through his hair. He didn't have much time to dwell on Ginny before [Ron arrived, putting his robes down before sitting.

"What did your Mum say?" Harry asked quickly, swallowing when Ron lifted weary eyes to him.

"Tonks is in with a Healer at the moment. She got cut up pretty bad, but she'll be okay."

"And Remus?"

"Sirius is going to come out talk to you in a minute," Ron explained, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the wall. "I didn't get to see him, but Mum didn't have that panicky high pitched sound in her voice when I talked to her. That's got to be a good thing, right?"

"Yeah." Sighing loudly, Harry rested his head on his hand, wishing he could just crawl into bed. He wanted so badly to just sleep and forget. Without thinking he looked at Ron. "Did you tell Hermione about Remus?"

Ron frowned and looked away quickly.

"Dammit, I'm sorry. I just keep forgetting..." Harry's excuse trailed off when Ron shrugged.

"Mum said she's talked to her already. She's at work, I reckon. Probably packing up her things and having some kind of going away party," Ron finished bitterly.

"I doubt she's having fun right now, Ron. She was actually supposed to come by with a sleeping potion."

Ron mumbled something and folded his arms across his chest as he slumped further into his chair. Harry sighed and looked away, leaning forward to clasp his hands together tightly, his eyes searching the halls for any sign of Sirius.

"She leaves tomorrow," Ron said quietly, breaking the silence.

"I know."

"So what do I do?" Ron asked, suddenly leaning forward to become shoulder to shoulder with Harry. "How do I make her stay?"

Harry blinked quickly, taken back by the sheer desperation in Ron's voice.

"Ron, I'm not sure there's anything you can do," he said carefully.

Ron stared at him for a minute before shaking his head. "There's got to be something..."

"There's not," Harry interrupted forcefully. He watched as Ron stood abruptly from his chair.

"You don't get it do you?" Ron snapped. "She's...I can't do this without her. Her leaving...it's just...madness. She's gone mad! She's going to get on that train and she's going to see how incredibly ridiculous she's being."

Harry stood slowly, his eyes holding Ron's gaze. "No...she's not. She's excited about this opportunity, Ron. She needs to do this for herself."

"No." Ron's voice was thick with denial as he grabbed his robes roughly. "No."

"Yes!" Harry took Ron's robes from his hands and threw them back on the chair. "Ron, you're going to go crazy if you keep thinking this way. Hermione loves you. She loves you," he continued when Ron scowled. "But she needs to do this. Can't you see that? I know this is hard for you, but you're going to have to accept that she's leaving."

"No! She can't--"

"Ron!" Harry said. "You have to accept it."

Ron ignored him and reached down to snatch his robes from the chair once more.

"Where are you going?" Harry asked.

Ron pulled them on quickly, glaring at Harry. "I'm going to get something to drink...I need to get out of here. I need to clear my head."

"I don't think that's a good idea," Harry said, grabbing Ron's arm.

"You're in no position to start telling me what's a good or bad idea," Ron spat, jerking away from his grasp. "I could sit here and dump all my problems on you, but you're too busy moping over your own shit that I might as well be talking to...to one of the comatose patients down the hall. Now sod off!"

Harry watched in surprise as Ron stormed away, disappearing down the steps and leaving an air of fury behind him.

Finally frustrated and on the brink of losing his temper, Harry turned and was determined to find Sirius. He felt relief flood him when he spotted his godfather approaching him, his face extremely drawn and tired. Harry noted the small cuts on Sirius's hands and pushed back the impatience that was biting at him.

"How is he?"

"We're not sure, he's close to transforming since the moon is coming up. I think it would be best if you just went home for the night."

"Home?" Harry felt the anger hitch inside of him. "I've been sitting in this bloody hospital for two hours and no one would tell me anything. And now you just want me to go home?"

"Harry, I don't want to argue this with you," Sirius said quietly. "You can't see him tonight, and there's nothing I can tell you, since I don't know much myself."

"I can stay and help you," Harry said suddenly, hurrying on when Sirius closed his eyes and shook his head. "I'm nineteen, Sirius. I'm training to become an Auror. I'm perfectly capable of helping you and Mr. Weasley...and Charlie and whoever else is staying."

"I've spoken to Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, they feel it would be best if you took Ron and Ginny and just went home. You can stay at the Burrow tonight if you want. Please do this for me, Harry."

He would have argued more. He was angry enough to argue with Sirius all night if he had to. But the look in his godfather's eyes had Harry's shoulders slumping in defeat.

"Fine," he said tightly.

Sirius nodded and laid a hand on Harry's shoulder before turning and motioning to Charlie who shot him a sympathetic look before the two disappeared down the adjoining hall towards Remus's room. Harry's eyes swept the rest of the hallway for Ginny, but found that she had also gone.

He made his way towards the steps, irritation rampant in his blood. They simply didn't trust him, or think him capable of handling adult situations. Didn't they realize who he was? What he had gone through every year since he turned eleven?

The situation between Ron and Hermione seemed to only add to the weight building inside of him. He was now caught between his two best friends. Why the hell did they have to become lovers anyway? Didn't they realize they were pushing him into the middle whenever they fought?

And Ginny...Ginny with her vibrant eyes and her thick hair and her soft lips...all being wasted on Oliver. She didn't even see how badly Harry needed her. And if she did, she didn't seem to care much.

Harry hurried down the hallway, wondering why it was so difficult to breathe. There was a hollow pit inside of him, threatening to swallow him whole as he rounded the corner.

His eyes landed on Ginny who was leaving the loo when she spotted him. Without thinking twice about it, Harry began to move towards her.

"Harry..." She trailed off when she saw the wildness in his eyes. The urgency. "Is everything all right?"

He pulled her to him in reply and cupped her face with his hands before crushing his mouth to hers. He needed contact. He needed to feel something...

His tongue slid past her lips as his body turned and pressed hers into the wall. She lifted her palms to his chest with the intention of pushing him away, but found her fingers curling into his t-shirt and clinging.

His lips were fierce, pulling a soft moan from Ginny's throat. She answered the thrusting of his tongue with her own demands, pulling him tightly against her. She could never be close enough. The emotions that radiated between them were staggering and threatening to erupt, causing Harry to pull away quickly. Ginny held onto him for a brief moment before her arms fell back to her sides.

Though he was panting, Harry felt like his chest was constricted, squeezing every last breath from him. Ginny was staring back him, her breathing unsteady. She lifted her fingers to her lips, which were red from his bruising kisses.

"I'm sorry," he managed. "I don't know why I did that..."

"Don't be sorry," Ginny said simply, her fingers still at her lips.

“I have to go," Harry said suddenly, running his shaking fingers through his hair.

"But--"

"I can't stay here, I need to go."

She nodded, her eyes filling with understanding. "All right..."

He paused and looked at her for a moment, his heart pounding. "Will you come with me? I don't want to go home alone."

She chewed on her lip for a moment, debating. Her mind screamed at her to say no, but as it turned out, her heart had other plans.

"Yes, I'll come with you."

His face masked the relief he felt and he kept his hands in his pockets to avoid grabbing her hand with his. They walked in silence and when Harry Apparated, Ginny stood, rooted to the spot she was in, with her wand in her hand.

Now was time to rethink this. She would be alone. With Harry. Alone with Harry. She wasn't sure she trusted him. She sure as hell didn't trust herself. She had already given in when he kissed her in St. Mungos. She hadn't wanted to stop.

Then came the thoughts of Oliver. She knew he wouldn't be too pleased to know she was spending time with Harry. Alone.

Knowing it was best not to think of the consequences, Ginny followed her instincts and Apparated to Sirius's porch. The door was still open and she stepped inside, her eyes searching for Harry. Closing the door behind her, Ginny noticed his robes draped across the back of the couch.

"Harry?"

Silence answered her and Ginny began moving towards the kitchen when she heard the water running in the loo above her. Sighing with relief, she pulled a mug from the cabinet and fixed a quick cup of tea.

Holding it with both hands, Ginny made her way up the stairs. Glancing in the loo, she saw it was empty and dark. Swallowing, Ginny walked down the hallway to his bedroom, frowning when she saw him sitting on the edge of his mattress with his face buried in his hands.

"I-I made you some tea," she said lamely, setting it on the night dresser beside his bed.

Harry lifted his head and looked at the mug before giving her a small smile. "Thanks, Ginny."

She sat down next to him, carefully placing enough distance between them so she wouldn't feel tempted to...no, she couldn't think about that.

"What happened? Did you see Remus?"

"Sirius thought it would be safer if I waited until tomorrow, after he had transformed," Harry explained bitterly. "Meanwhile, Ron and Hermione are acting like stubborn mules and I don't know what to say to either of them to make it any better."

"Sometimes you need to just let things work out for themselves."

Harry turned his head to look at her closely. "Do you think that's possible? When everyone is always expecting something of you?"

Ginny fidgeted under his intense gaze and lowered her eyes to her hands. "Ron and Hermione expect you to understand them. Sirius expects you to become a responsible adult, all of which you're doing. But you never think it's enough."

"It doesn't feel like it's enough," Harry replied. "I feel like I'm nothing."

"You're something," she insisted quietly, meeting his gaze with her own. "You're somebody. At least to me."

Knowing there were no words for him to say, Harry leaned over and wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in the crook of her shoulder. He breathed in her scent and suddenly felt peaceful. He felt safe.

She held him for a moment, squeezing her eyes shut tightly against the flood of emotion that seemed to overtake her. Pulling back gently, Ginny lifted her hand to his cheek.

"It's late. You should sleep."

Too tired to argue, Harry nodded. "You'll stay."

It wasn't a question. Nor was it a demand. Ginny found she had no intention of leaving while he still needed her. She pulled his glasses off his face and set them on the table next to the untouched tea before she leaned back against the pillows, her arms wrapping around him when he lay down beside her. His head rested gently on her chest and his arm slipped around her waist tightly.

Ginny breathed in deeply, trying to steady her racing heart. His body was so warm and inviting that she wanted to trail her fingertips over it until she memorized every inch of skin and muscle. Growing uncomfortably warm at the thought, Ginny let her fingers slide gently through his hair instead. She could see his eyes were closed and his breathing soon became steady and quiet. 

He was holding her so close, his fingers curling in the sides of her shirt, as if he were trying to keep her from leaving. She closed her eyes, wishing he would finally allow himself to admit that he loved her. What she would give to hear those words come out of his mouth.

And once again it was painfully clear to her. She loved Harry. She had tried not to. She had tried to stay away from him and she had almost succeeded. But now he was lying, quite innocently, with her on his bed. Their legs were intertwined, his heartbeat pounding against her body. She knew she would have to leave eventually, and go back to the life she had begun to build for herself. And she knew the longer she laid here with Harry, the harder it was going to be.

After awhile, Ginny gently moved Harry until she was able to slide out from underneath him. He mumbled something incoherent, which made her smile as she prepared to move off the bed. But she gasped slightly when he wrapped his hand around her arm and stopped her.

Before she could speak, Harry opened his eyes slightly and lifted his other hand up to cup the nape of her neck. Then he was pulling her down to him until her mouth closed over his. So quietly. So perfectly. Their tongues flirted with one another slowly before he moaned.

It was a deep kiss that had her body pulsating with need. But Harry slowly pulled away, his head resting on the pillow that she had just vacated. Within moments, she could tell he was sleeping again.

Blinking back the tears that threatened, Ginny stood from the bed and walked to his window, sliding it shut against the cold breeze that had begun to flow inside. The moon was high and full, the stars bright. 

Looking over her shoulder she saw he hadn't moved from his position, though his hand clutched the blankets where she had been only minutes before. Not wanting him to wake up to darkness, Ginny pulled out her wand and lit the two tapered candles next to his bed. The room burst into soft candlelight, which flickered happily across the walls and his face, creating shadows and illusions. It made Ginny desperately wish she could just curl up next to him and sleep the night through.

Resigned, Ginny walked to the door and with one last glance, shut it quietly behind her.


	22. Acceptance

Forget this life  
Come with me  
Don't look back you're safe now  
Unlock your heart  
Drop your guard  
No one's left to stop you now

 

Acceptance

 

It was a chilly afternoon when Harry found his way to Platform twelve at King's Cross. He had seen the large group of redheads standing around Hermione as she prepared to board her train that would start her journey to Rome.

Harry did a quick sweep of the Weasleys and felt his anger rise when he realized Ron wasn't among them.

Ginny spotted him first and a small smile played at her lips before she turned to Hermione and motioned back to him.

Hermione looked up quickly, her eyes scanning the crowd before landing on his face. She smiled widely and held out her arms when he finally approached her. Harry wrapped his arms tightly around her, squeezing until she let out a small laugh.

"Harry, you're going to snap me in two--"

"Sorry," he mumbled, pulling back to look at her. "You're going to be brilliant."

Her eyes softened before lowering to the ground. "Thanks."

"Swear you'll write to me as often as you can."

"Everyday," she promised fervently, lifting her head to glance around the crowded platform. "Everyday."

Harry frowned. "I'm sorry he didn't come."

"What?" She blinked and smiled forcefully. "Oh, no. That's all right, Harry. I didn't expect...I mean, I understand why he didn't come."

"Well, I don't," Harry said, anger beginning to creep into his system. "He should be here. At least to say goodbye--"

"Please." She held up a quick hand to silence him before shifting the bag on her shoulder. "It's better this way. It would just be harder if he...if he came to see me off."

The train whistle blew loudly, announcing departure. Hermione looked a bit frantic as her eyes darted around once more. Feeling his heart break, Harry squeezed her hand tightly.

"Harry," she whispered, a bit desperately. "Please...take care of him."

"You know I will."

She nodded and smiled slightly when he leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. When he pulled back, she gave his own hand a small tug. "I'm not really one to give you advice on love at the moment. But I hope things work out for you..."

Harry shifted his gaze to Ginny, who was talking quietly with Charlie and Penelope. His heart gave a small lurch.

"Maybe..."

"She loves you." Hermione smiled, genuinely this time. "That much I know."

The whistle blew again, cutting off Harry's reply.

"I have to go," she said quickly, bending down to lift her suitcase. The Weasleys seem to descend on her at once with Mrs. Weasley sobbing into her handkerchief as Hermione was moved from one pair of arms to another until the last goodbyes were said.

Harry could see the tears threatening on her face but she blinked them away with a smile and lifted a hand as she boarded the train. He felt Ginny step up behind him and lay a comforting hand on his shoulder. Without thinking, Harry lifted to take it in his own and wrapped his fingers around hers gently.

Hermione seemed to hesitate on the step, before turning and disappearing into the train. Within seconds the doors had slid shut and the train began to move, slowly at first, then picking up speed until it disappeared over the horizon.

Suddenly feeling extremely empty, Harry let go of Ginny's hand and turned to face her.

"I need to go."

"You should come and have dinner with us," Ginny said quickly, glancing back towards her parents. "I'm sure it would be easier on Ron if you were there."

Harry shot her a pained look before shaking his head.

"I can't...I'm sorry, Ginny. I have something I need to do. But I'll try to come by after I'm finished."

"Is everything all right?" She reached out to touch his arm before he could move past her. Looking down, Harry noticed the concern and felt his resolve weaken slightly.

"What do you mean?"

"You just seem...I don't know..." Ginny let out a quick breath. "I mean, I know this is hard for you."

"I'm fine," he said shortly. "It's Ron you should be worried about."

"I know." She frowned and let her hand fall from his arm. "I'm sorry."

When she turned to walk about, Harry stepped forward and touched her shoulder briefly.

"Ginny, about last night--"

"What about it?" she asked defensively, folding her arms across her chest.

He could feel his cheeks burning and he shoved his hands into his pockets before shifting uncomfortably. "It was late and I was exhausted. If I said, or did something I shouldn't have...I'm sorry."

Her eyes clouded for a moment before she smiled. "You were fine, Harry. I just hope you got some sleep."

"I did, thanks." He felt it was unnecessary to inform her that he slept peacefully until he had woken up to find her gone. "I really need to go..."

He offered a small smile when she nodded and moved back so he could walk past her. Harry quickly said his goodbyes to the Weasleys and could feel Ginny's eyes on him as he pushed his way into the crowd.

He could hear Hermione's voice echoing in his head.

"She loves you..."

For reasons he couldn't quite explain, hearing those words erased some of the ache inside of him. Ginny had told him before that she loved him. He found it oddly strange that he had almost forgotten.

When he pulled out his wand to Apparate to St. Mungo's, Harry reluctantly pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind. It was something he would have to think about later.

Minutes later, Harry was pushing open the door to Remus's room. He stopped abruptly when he spotted Tonks next to his bed. She was brushing his hair out of his eyes with one hand and clutching his fingers with the other.

Remus tore his gaze away from her and looked at Harry, a small smile spreading across his tired face.

"Harry."

"Sorry," he mumbled, his cheeks flushing. "I can come back."

"No, come in," Remus said quickly before looking back at Tonks. "Can we...?"

"You know where I'll be if you need me," she said, leaning down and brushing her lips over Remus's, causing Harry to look away with embarrassment.

Tonks gave him a bright smile and placed a quick hand on Harry's shoulder before she walked by him, shutting the door quietly behind her.

"I was hoping you would stop by today," Remus started, wincing slightly as he pulled himself up. "Sirius told me you didn’t want to leave yesterday."

"I thought I might be able to help." Harry shrugged. "Sirius didn't think I was capable."

"That wasn't the issue. Sirius thinks you're incredibly capable. If I had been a bit...calmer I would have insisted you leave as well."

"You look all right," Harry pointed out, trying not to let his eyes roam over the bruises that had yet to be healed on Remus's arms and neck.

"Thanks." Remus chuckled, motioning to the chair next to his bed. "Do you want to sit?"

Harry hesitated before he sat down next to the bed and clasped his hands nervously together.

"So...do you remember...anything?" he asked, frowning at the gash that was slowly closing on Remus's arm.

"I remember, well, mostly everything up until I was taken...it's all right, Harry, I can talk about it," Remus said quietly when Harry cringed. "After I was taken, everything becomes a bit dark..."

"I can't imagine what you're going through," Harry said suddenly. "You've been...asleep...for almost two years. That has to be--"

"Frightening? Unnerving? It is. Waking up to the pain of transforming...seeing Dora's face...Tonks," he explained when Harry looked up curiously. "Seeing her face for that split moment of confusion and fear before I was..." Remus broke off, looking quite lost.

Harry swallowed and felt his chest tighten. "I'm sorry."

Remus's gaze snapped to Harry's, his brows drawn together in confusion. "You're sorry? Why?"

"It's my fault you...I mean...if I hadn't..."

"Oh, Harry, don't tell me you've been blaming yourself for what happened to me."

"Well, not only you," Harry said grimly. "Pretty much everyone."

Remus studied him thoughtfully. "The Order had been formed long before you were born Harry. We had a mission before we even knew you were going to be a part of it. I knew the consequences of that mission. I accepted them. I'm working on accepting what happened to me. It won't be easy if I know it has been on your conscience."

"How could you possibly accept this? You've only been awake for a day or so..." Harry trailed off, running his fingers through his hair.

"You're right." Remus nodded. "It's rather difficult, right now. But it's knowing that I wasn't there in the end, when I was probably needed most, that I'll have trouble accepting the most. I wasn't there to help you, or Sirius...or Ginny it appears--"

Harry lifted his eyes to Remus quickly when he gasped in pain. "Are you all right?"

"I'll be fine. It comes and goes. It's more bothersome than anything." Remus closed his eyes for several moments before letting out a shaky breath. "As I was saying, Sirius and Arthur had been filling me in today about what happened while I was unavailable. I'm proud of you."

"Don't be. I didn't do anything. Ginny--"

"Harry," Remus cut in, his weary eyes piercing him. "I'm proud of you for what you've accomplished. You've done so much more than you realize. Your parents would be proud."

Harry scowled and lowered his gaze to the floor.

"You stood up to Voldemort in the end. You were prepared to die if you had too. Ginny's love for you saved you," he said carefully, watching the emotion flicker in Harry's __expression. "I'm not sure I understand why that upsets you. Knowing someone could love you that much."

"I-I don't know if I want to talk about it."

"That's fine," Remus said lightly, leaning back against his pillow, his shallow breathing cutting deep into Harry. "Tell me about your training. Or Quidditch...or girls. Whatever you fancy."

"What?" Harry looked up in surprise.

"You didn't want to talk about Voldemort. And if you leave now, they're going to try and get me to take some more potions. Then Tonks is going to come in and start fussing and fluffing pillows. She's becoming as bad as Molly." Remus smiled when he saw the tug at Harry's lips. "You're stuck with me for awhile I'm afraid."

A while turned into hours. He hadn't expected to stay as long as he had, but their conversations seemed endless. And for the first time in a long time, Harry felt laughter that hadn't been filled with bitterness. When Remus had finally given into the potions and cures the Healers had given him, Harry slipped out quietly, and roamed the night. The breeze whistled in his ears and rustled his hair, causing him to shiver against the chill that warned of rain. He looked up at the dark sky, noticing the gray clouds that had begun to form. A soft rumble of thunder echoed in the distance and trees swayed easily under the harsh wind. He hadn't been sure where he was going until he found himself standing at front of the Burrow.

The house was dark, but for one candle flickering in the front window. Of course they would all be sleeping. Though he had no idea what time it was, he knew it was late.

Tilting his head back, Harry found Ginny's window above him. The window was open and Harry could see the white curtains billowing inside her room as he wondered briefly how hard it would be to somehow climb up the rickety house and slide into bed with her. All he really wanted was to feel her wrap her arms around him. His heart skipped a beat at the thought.

The thunder grew louder and a quick flash of lightning filled the sky before darkness engulfed it once more. The rain began to fall, slowly at first, then picking up speed until it pelted the ground and left Harry's hair matted to his forehead and his shirt clinging to his body. Sighing, Harry sat on the front step and folded his arms on his knees before resting his chin on them. He didn't mind the rain so much this time. He knew that as long as she was near he would somehow be okay.

****

The sudden clap of thunder had Ginny waking with a start. Her eyes blinked quickly to adjust to the dark, and she moaned when she saw her curtains tangled and blowing wildly. Candles she had placed on the small table in front of her window had fallen over, thankfully unlit. Rain poured inside her window frame, and she pulled herself up as she sighed and slid out of bed. Stifling a yawn, she walked over to close her window when she spotted a figure on the front steps below. She felt the sudden licks of fear fade away when she recognized the dark hair.

"Harry," she whispered before turning quickly and grabbing her dressing gown. She slid it on as she made her way downstairs and within moments she had pulled the door open, wind and rain flying about her.

"Harry? What are you doing? Come inside!"

He turned quickly, as if she startled him, and got to his feet. He wiped at the legs of his trousers, then looked up at her, feeling foolish.

"A bit pointless to try and wipe off the rain isn't it?"

Ginny shook her head and reached out to grab his arm. She pulled him inside and shut the door quickly, lifting a finger to her lips to silence him before he spoke. She listened closely for any sign of movement above her before relaxing and giving him a stern look.

"What on earth were you doing out there? It's almost two in the morning!"

He thought about it for a moment before shrugging. "I don't know."

She looked at him oddly before leading him into the lounge. She could feel him shivering slightly under her fingertips. His shirt was soaked through, clinging to his stomach and chest, the outline of muscles beckoning her.

Swallowing, Ginny tore her eyes away and searched the lounge until she noticed Ron's wand on the coffee table. Letting go of his arm, she picked it up and lit a fire quickly in the stone hearth.

"How long have you been out there? And where have you been? I was..." Her cheeks flushed slightly as she stammered. "I mean, Ron was looking for you."

"Oh." Harry glanced up towards the stairs. "Is he all right?"

"He came home completely pissed out of his head. I thought Mum was going to have a fit, but Dad managed to calm her down after he and Charlie got Ron into bed."

"Dammit," he whispered before rubbing his eyes. "I should have been here for him. I was with Remus longer than I had planned."

Her eyes softened. "How is he?"

"Smiling, surprisingly. I can tell he's in pain but I think he's trying to put a front so people don't worry over him.”

"Sounds like someone I know," Ginny said quietly.

He looked at her then, his eyes roaming over her face. Her hair was slightly rumpled from sleep, and her arms were crossed against her chest. With the briefest of glances, he could see the curves of her breasts underneath her nightdress.

"Harry?"

"What?" His gaze snapped back to hers.

"What did you talk about with Remus?"

"Er, lots of things actually...Ron and Hermione, Auror training, Quidditch. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt so normal," Harry said falling down onto the couch.

"I'm glad you finally got to see him," she said, sitting on the edge of the coffee table across from him.

"When Ron told me he had woken up, I felt this weight lift from my shoulders," Harry explained, watching the fire dance. "I was so relieved...but then I realized why. And it wasn't because my godfather's best friend or a mentor of mine had finally woken from a two year coma..."

"Then why?"

"I felt relief because I would no longer have his condition on my conscious," he said, his voice full of self disgust. "While I was at St. Mungo's waiting for some news...god I wanted to just beat myself into a bloody pulp. Or have someone do it for me."

"Harry--"

"And then I saw him today and in one conversation he had me convinced what happened to him wasn't my fault. And I actually believed him," Harry said as he began to laugh. "The first person I thought about when I heard he woke up was myself...and the first thing he does when he sees me is tell me how proud he was of me. It made me realize how screwed up I really am." His laughter ended on a broken sob and he leaned forward to bury his face in his hands.

Ginny pulled Harry to her, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. She held him until the heaving in his shoulders subsided and his breathing returned to a steady rhythm. When she felt the tiny tremors in his body, she pulled away to study him. He was rubbing his hands over his face when she noticed the rain still dripping from his hair. 

"You should really get out of those clothes," she told him, offering a sympathetic smile when he finally looked at her, eyes filled with wariness. "I'll be right back."

Harry watched her head into the small room conjoined off to the side of the kitchen. Minutes later she reappeared with a towel, a simple white t-shirt and a pair of tan trousers, which he assumed were Ron's. She tilted her head when she saw he hadn't moved.

"Harry, you're going to get sick."

"Can't you just perform a drying spell?"

With an air of impatience, she placed the clothes on the couch next to him and leaned down.

"I could, but it would probably burn you a bit, considering my drying spells have the tendency of becoming a bit too hot."

"I can perform it then--" He groaned quietly when she ignored him and began unbuttoning his shirt. Her breath caught when his hands closed over hers tightly. "I can get it," he managed hoarsely, thankful when she pulled her hands away. If she touched him again, he was going to lose control.

Ginny felt foolish for blushing, but couldn't help but notice small streaks of water that played across his chest as he finished unbuttoning his shirt and leaned forward to slide it from his shoulders. She watched as a small droplet of water fell from the tips of his hair and landed on his chest, gliding seductively towards his stomach. It glistened like crystal against the fire dancing on his skin and Ginny instinctively reached out to wipe it away.

Before he could stop her, her fingers brushed over his chest, lingering slightly. He clenched his teeth together as his blood drained directly to his crotch. She noticed his reaction and felt her heart pounding. Her lips parted as she exhaled and lifted her eyes to his. Harry could see the question, the desire. Or maybe it was just his own emotions reflecting in her eyes.

Ginny's hand began to move up his chest, wiping the dampness away with her palm before she gripped his shoulder. Leaning forward, she brushed her lips against his softly. Harry responded instantly, parting his lips for her tongue. He brought his hands up to slide into her hair, moaning softly when she leaned further into him.

He felt her fingers roaming across his shoulders and chest and he slid his hands down to grip her hips.

He tilted his hand back against the cushions and whispered her name when her lips made their way down his neck, nipping gently at his earlobe. His body was on fire, despite the chill of his damp clothing. She was suddenly straddling his lap, her fingers nimbly tugging at the button on his trousers.

His eyes snapped open and his hands made their way to hers, stopping her movements abruptly.

"What is it?" she asked breathlessly, pulling back to study him. Her lips were red and full, her cheeks flushed with desire. He fought desperately for the words to make it past his lips.

"I...I don't want you think that I only came here..." He swallowed. "For this."

Her mouth softened and she offered a small smile. "I know. I want this." Her hand slid down over his arousal slowly. "I want you."

His hips jerked against her hands and he slid his hand behind her neck before pulling her down to him. His lips crushed hers hungrily, his tongue exploring her mouth. He could have wept when she slipped the zipper on his trousers down. Her hand slid inside slowly, cupping him, exploring him.

He probably should have stopped her. He should have stopped himself. Where could this possibly lead but to more heartbreak? She didn't belong to him anymore...but maybe tonight she could. Maybe for just one night he could find peace.

As he slipped the dressing gown from her shoulders, his lips moved from her mouth to her neck. She sighed against him, her breath hot on his shoulder as rocked her hips slowly against his, bringing almost painful anticipation to them both.

Harry moaned, his tongue trailing over her collarbone as his fingers slipped underneath the straps of her nightdress. He pulled them over her shoulders, watching the silky material fall around her waist. Swallowing, his hands glided slowly over her stomach, causing her to shiver. His gaze raised to hers, their eyes connecting as his hands moved higher until they cupped her breasts.

She made a tiny noise in her throat as her eyes slid shut and she arched against him. His thumbs moved over her already taut nipples, pinching and squeezing delicately. He heard her whimper and felt her hips jerk against his harder, causing the breath he had been holding to escape his lips quickly.

"Ginny..."

She opened her eyes to look at him, before a sudden smile tugged at her lips. She stood in front of him, letting the material pool around her feet. His eyes fell to the silky blue knickers she wore and he would have reached out to grab her if she hadn't knelt down in front of him.

Ginny pulled off his shoes and socks, her hands moving up to tug at his trousers. Harry lifted his hips and watched her lick her bottom lip slowly as she pulled them off. He was suddenly naked and her hands were roaming over his body, erasing the last bit of chill from his bones. His desire for her was obvious and Ginny watched him when she wrapped her hand around him gently.

Harry moaned and let his head fall back, his body jerking into her hand. She stroked him slowly, watching the flicker of sensations move over his face. Wanting to give him more, Ginny pushed herself up slightly and took him deep in her mouth, hearing him moan loudly as his hands fell to her hair.

Unbelievable pleasure shot through his loins as her lips tortured and her tongue teased. She was bringing him too close to the edge...Harry gasped her name and felt his body rushing to completion when she slid her tongue over him quickly and her hand continued stroking slowly.

"Oh...god...Ginny..." He pushed her shoulders back and gripped her arms tightly with his hands. "I have to be inside you...please..."

She stood quickly, her hands sliding through his hair when he pulled her forward and placed his lips against her stomach. His fingers pulled her knickers down quickly as he trailed his tongue over her ribcage. Her hands slid through his hair slowly as Harry slid his fingers between her thighs, their moans filling the room when he found her hot and wet. He continued to stroke her until she was shaking and biting down on her lower lip to keep from crying out. Suddenly she pushed him back against the couch and straddled his lap, her lips capturing his in a desperate kiss as they shifted together and suddenly she was sliding down, taking him deep and hard inside of her.

When she gasped against his mouth, Harry felt his entire body surge into hers as he gripped her hips to quicken the pace. She clung to him, her breathing hot and heavy in his ear. A score of feelings flooded him and he held her tightly as they moved against one another. This was indescribable...the traces of smugness and triumph that he had when he was with her before were now gone. His walls were being stripped away every time he heard her whisper his name, leaving nothing but raw emotion that he needed to face despite the fear.

"Harry..." she moaned, arching back and taking him in deeper.

The heat from the fire melded with the heat from their bodies and Harry slid his hands up and down her back before cupping her bottom and thrusting hard inside of her. He reveled in the sounds she was making, in the feel of her body joined with his. This was...everything.

It was all he knew.

"Come for me, Ginny," he whispered hoarsely. His fingers slid between her legs, searching until he found the spot that had her crying out softly. She threw her head back as she arched forward, her fingers digging into his legs. He felt her throbbing quickly around him, her hips rocking wildly against his. It never failed to amaze Harry how incredibly erotic she looked when she came. How incredibly beautiful.

Feeling his control thinning, Harry wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tightly against his body before she had a chance to regain her breath. He shifted quickly and pressed her back onto couch before lifting her leg high around his waist. He began to plunge deep inside of her over and over until her soft moans became desperate cries that were quickly muffled by his lips. Her hands lifted, her nails raking over his back and shoulders until they clung to him.

Harry closed his eyes and felt his fingers curl tightly in her hair. He craved release. He was mad for it. For her. He could feel the tiny beads of sweat rolling down his back as their bodies slid against one another frantically. Even as he growled her name, she sobbed his and with a final thrust deep inside of her, Harry shattered.

He meant to catch himself but his strength was too drained and he felt himself fall, his weight pinning her quickly. Through the blurry haze of his mind, he thought he heard her sigh happily as her arms wrapped around him. His heart was pounding, and he merely laid there, his head resting on her shoulder until he felt his blood cool. He swallowed away the dryness in his throat and lifted slightly, his lips grazing over her shoulder. Several moments later, he felt her stir.

"Harry?"

"Hmm?" He let his lips wander to the side of her neck, letting the scent of peaches overcome him.

"Was Cho your first?"

Harry paused, taken back by the nature of the question. He pulled up enough to look down at her curiously.

"Why?"

"I-I just was wondering."

Studying her face, Harry used his fingers to wipe the damp hair away from her flushed cheeks. He knew she was well aware of his past experiences, but for some reason, it almost pained him to answer her.

"She was."

Ginny lowered her gaze and let her fingers run slowly over his back. "Have you been with many girls?"

He stiffened slightly and pulled out of her as he reached down for his boxers. She scrambled up into sitting position and reached over to touch his arm.

"I'm sorry. It's none of my business. I just wanted to know."

He gave her a pained look before he pulled his boxers on. "I've been with a few Ginny..."

"Did you care about any of them?"

He felt a fresh wave of guilt. No. He hadn't cared about any of them. Not the way he should have. Not the way he cared for Ginny. It only reminded him was a complete bastard he was.

"No. Not really."

"Oh." She let her hand drop and crossed her arms awkwardly over her chest to cover her bare breasts.

Harry noticed her discomfort and bent down to hand her the nightdress that was still in a heap on the floor. She frowned and took it from him, watching him sit on the edge of the couch and intertwine his fingers as he stared at fire.

"When we were together, why didn't you...I mean...you never tried to--"

"Shag you?" he asked shortly, turning to look at her quickly.

She felt her cheeks burn when she slid the nightdress over her head. She avoided his eyes as she pulled it down to her waist and she turned to move off the couch when he reached over and took her hand.

"It's not that I didn't want too. Because I did...you don't know how much. But I cared about you," he explained, offering a small smile when she looked at him. "Too much to have a go with you in some empty classroom. I wanted more than that for you." He pulled his hand away quickly and sighed. "That was before...everything that happened."

Ginny rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. "Do you ever wish things had ended differently?"

"What do you mean?"

She yawned against her palm and felt the comforting abyss of sleep beckon her. "If you had killed Voldemort instead of me...would you still love me?"

It was at that moment that Harry realized a heart could break more than once. And each time it was still as painful as the first. He swallowed and stood carefully, taking her hands in his and pulling her up.

"What are we doing?" she asked, her voice weary.

"You're going to bed," he explained, bending down to grab her dressing gown. "You're half asleep."

"Oh, all right then." She let him lead her to the stairs and gasped slightly when Harry lifted her up easily to carry her up the winding stairs. Her hands wrapped around his neck tightly. "Don't drop me..."

"I won't," he said quietly, trying to keep his steps light. "I wouldn't ever drop you Ginny."

She fell quiet and Harry moved slowly down the hall to her door. He glanced into Ron's room briefly and saw his friend sprawled out on his bed, dead to the world. His quiet snores filled the room, and Harry noted the empty bottle poking out of his robes that were resting on his desk chair, before he continued down the hallway.

Using his foot, Harry pushed open the door to Ginny's room and moved her to the bed. She sighed pleasantly when he lay her down and her hand reached out to grab his arm.

"Don't leave."

"I have to," he whispered, brushing her hair away from her face. "Your Mum and Dad would murder me if they found me here in the morning. Ron would murder me."

"No," she said, opening her eyes to look at him. "Stay. At least for a little while."

He knew he couldn't possibly say no and he waited until she moved over before he lay down next to her. She rested her head on his chest and held him tightly.

"Thank you," he managed, finally letting his hand fall to her shoulder. "For tonight."

"You don't have to thank me," she said quietly. "You don't have to say anything, Harry. We both needed it, that's all there is to it."

He squeezed his eyes shut against the pain and breathed in deeply until the tightness in his chest faded away. Several moments later he knew she was asleep when the grip she had on his arm loosened. He told himself to get up and leave, but Harry remained where he was, too wrapped up in her to really care what the consequences would bring if he stayed.

He stared at nothing in the darkness for what seemed like ages. The rain was a blur of gray outside of her window and no matter how sleep taunted him, he refused to shut his eyes. It wouldn't be good for either of them if he woke up with her in his arms. Aware that he would have to leave soon, Harry turned until he was on his side facing her. Her eyes were closed, her chest rising steadily with each quiet breath.

Harry reached out and slid his finger over the outline of her lips. They always tasted like heaven. It was a taste he could never grow tired of. His brought his fingers up to stroke her cheek, the bridge of her nose.

He grinned when her hand lifted to swat his fingers away before her eyes opened slowly.

"You're still here," she said quietly.

"I am."

"Good." She closed her eyes again, smiling sleepily before she moved closer against him. He slid his hand over her hip and slowly tugged at the material of her nightdress. He brought it high enough to touch her bare thigh and he almost groaned when she bit her lip, shifting so he could touch her.

Holding his breath, Harry slid his fingers between her legs, slowly stroking her until she was warm and wet. Ginny was moaning softly, her eyes still shut as she moved her hips in time with his hand.

Harry was burning from head to toe. He leaned forward to capture her lips with his before plunging a finger deep inside of her. She gasped and reached out to grab his shoulder.

"We have to be quiet," he whispered when she opened her eyes, which were heavy with desire.

She swallowed and nodded before moaning softly again when he slipped another finger into her.

Ginny reached out to slide her hands over his chest before she lifted a leg and wrapped it over his waist.

"Harry." She arched against him. "Please."

"Please what?" Harry whispered, his lips trailing over her cheek and jaw. She was trembling against him, her breathing hard and unsteady. He could feel her small fingernails digging without restraint into his shoulder as she fought for control. He wanted to be the one to make her lose it.

"I need you." She pulled back slightly to look at him. "Make love to me."

He quickly rolled on top of her, his hands pushing his boxers down his hips. Ginny quickly wrapped her legs around his waist, sighing happily when he slid deep inside of her.

"Ginny..." Harry's eyes closed as he began to move inside of her. Slow, smooth strokes that had them both moaning at the intense pleasure. He lowered himself down gently until their bodies were brushing against each other with each movement. He kissed her slowly, his fingers intertwining with her own.

Ginny was lifting her hips to meet his thrusts, small noises of pleasure vibrating from her throat. He dipped his head down, his tongue flicking her breast slowly. The fire was building quickly inside of his stomach, becoming almost unbearable as he plunged into her harder. He bit down gently on her nipple, moaning when she tilted her head back. She caught her bottom lip in between her teeth and squeezed his hand tightly as she came. He could feel her legs slide farther up his waist and she whispered his name as she throbbed around him.

Harry finally let his body go, moving inside of her faster until the aching shattered and his desire became a dull roar in his ears.

He sucked the air into his lungs as he rolled off of her, unable to move as she shifted and moved her palm over his damp chest. They said nothing Harry slid his arm underneath her and pulled her close.

The rain outside had quieted, the wind still. Harry could still feel the violence of it inside of body and mind as his blood rushed to cool down. Finally, when his breathing had returned to normal, he placed his lips softly on the top of her hair.

"Ginny?"

When nothing but her soft breathing answered him, Harry carefully moved off of the bed, pulling the sheets up around her body. He watched her for a moment, wishing he could pretend, just for once, that she belonged to him. That he could be there when she woke up in the morning. That she would be there for him.

His heart heavy, Harry stood and walked to the door. As he shut it behind him and made his way down the stairs to his clothes, he made a vow to tell her how he felt. Did he love her? Harry wasn't sure, but he knew he needed her. He definitely wanted her. She belonged with him, not bloody Oliver Wood. And tomorrow, he would make her finally see it.


	23. Astray

Hello, good morning, how you do?  
What makes your rising sun so new?  
I could use a fresh beginning too  
All of my regrets are nothing new  
So this is the way that I say I need You  
This is the way that I'm

Learning to breathe  
I'm learning to crawl  
I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall  
I'm living again, awake and alive  
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Hello, good morning, how you been?  
Yesterday left my head kicked in  
I never, never thought that  
I would fall like that  
Never knew that I could hurt this bad

So this is the way I say I need You  
This is the way that I say I love You  
This is the way that I say I'm Yours  
This is the way, this is the way

\- Switchfoot

Astray

The next afternoon, Harry looked up from the Daily Prophet to greet Sirius, who entered the kitchen, fully dressed but yawning.

"Morning...or afternoon, whichever," Harry said, biting into the toast he had prepared earlier. "I made some eggs if you want some. They're kind of cold but I thought you would have been up earlier." He pointed at the plate in front of him and went back to reading, looking up several moments later at Sirius, who was eyeing him suspiciously.

"What happened to my godson?"

"What, I'm not allowed to be in a good mood?" Harry asked defensively, dropping his toast onto his plate.

"No, no you are. But I'm wary to ask what's put you there."

"Change," Harry replied, standing to take his plate to the sink. "I realized something last night.

"Oh?" Sirius sat at the table and poked carefully at the eggs.

"I'm sick to death of feeling the way I do," Harry said, letting the dish clang inside of the sink. He whirled around to face Sirius who was watching him with his eyebrows raised. "I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself and blaming myself for everyone's mistakes or problems."

Sirius set the fork down carefully as he studied Harry. "I see."

Harry ran his hands through his hair. "I mean, I still feel...odd sometimes, but that's expected right?" He began pacing before Sirius could respond. "I just feel...with Remus awake and Ginny--"

"Ah, there it is," Sirius said before lifting the fork once more and taking a bite of the eggs.

Harry stopped and looked at him blankly. "There what is?"

"Ginny." Sirius swallowed and pushed the eggs around on the plate. "You're in love with her. You've realized that now."

"I'm not in love with her," Harry replied coolly, wondering why his stomach suddenly clenched painfully. "She...she calms me. She's helped me."

"Right." Sirius took another bite before standing. "You know Harry, being in love doesn't always have to be anger and full of pain."

"I know that." Harry followed Sirius out into the lounge and watched him grab his robes. "I know that." He repeated more forcefully.

Sirius slipped on his robes and gave Harry an odd look. "Alright. You know that." He smiled then, the lines around his face disappearing. "You've got a lot of great things ahead of you. Do you know that?"

Harry couldn't help but smile a bit. "Maybe."

With a knowing grin, Sirius turned and opened the door, stopping abruptly.

"Ron. Nice to see you."

Ron grunted and stepped inside, shooting Harry a grim look before crossing to the couch and sitting with a thump.

"I'll be at St.Mungo's," Sirius said, glancing at Ron before he turned to Harry. "Send if you need me."

"I will." Harry closed the door after Sirius and turned to face Ron. "Everything all right, Ron?"

"Can I ask you something?"

The icy tone in Ron's voice had Harry's back up as he made his way to the couch and sat, waiting for Ron to continue.

"Are you in love with my sister?"

Harry blinked in surprise. "What?"

"Are you in love with my sister?" Ron asked again, more impatiently this time. "It's a simple answer, Harry. If you are, then fucking do something about it. If you're not, leave her the hell alone."

Instead of letting his temper run away from him, Harry breathed in deeply. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm not daft," Ron said calmly, his blue eyes piercing Harry to the spot. "I know you were with her last night."

"How the bloody hell do you know that? You were completely passed out," Harry pointed out defensively.

"Well, for one, you knew my condition last night. And considering I hadn't seen you practically all day, someone, like Ginny, would have had to tell you."

"Look--"

"And second, I found some knickers under the sofa," Ron said, wincing at the memory. "And knowing that Oliver's in Scotland, that really only left one wanker."

"Bloody hell..."

"You're lucky Charlie didn't find them, or my Dad. Or hell, even my Mum. You'd be hexed into next week by now."

"You found them," Harry said, watching Ron cautiously. "Why aren't I growing boils or something?"

"What can I do, Harry? I’ve already kicked your arse once. It doesn't seem to stop you." Ron sighed and leaned back against the cushion. "Oliver...he's an okay bloke. He could make her happy."

Harry looked away with a frown. "I know that."

"Can you make her happy? Because she deserves it you know. She's been through enough grief to last her five lifetimes."

"I know she does. I don't know if I could make her happy...I like to think I could."

"Take a lesson from me, mate. I fucked it up with Hermione. But it's better this way, you know?" Ron said suddenly [as he nodded,] nodding as if trying to convince himself. "I did the right thing, letting her go. She'll be happier in Rome anyway. She'll become someone important. What the hell would she do with a guy like me?"

"Ron, she's happiest with you--"

"Bullshit," he snapped. "She was never happiest with me. And you know, I thought I could give her everything. I wanted to give her everything, but it wasn't enough. She has the chance to see other places, learn new things...I shouldn't be there in her way."

A thought came to Harry and he looked at Ron, swallowing away his hurt. "You think Ginny would be better off with Oliver?"

"How am I supposed to know that?" Ron leaned forward, rubbing his hands over his face. "You need to ask yourself that question. Because you and me Harry, what are we? Compared to Oliver...or Rome," he said with distaste. "They hold more opportunities than we do."

"Yeah," Harry murmured, feeling the confidence he had moments ago begin to dull. "Maybe you're right."

"And maybe I'm not. I reckon that’s for you to decide." Ron stood and headed into the kitchen. "I smell eggs."

***

Ginny sat quietly at the kitchen table, listening to Charlie discuss his upcoming trip to Romania, mixed in noisily with the twins, who were trying to convince their mother that the new flat they had rented was not in a horrible village. She rested her head on her hand and scraped her fork quietly across the chicken, her gaze lifting every now and then to the clock on the wall.

It was going on eight o'clock and the sky had already grown dark with night. She hadn't heard from or seen Harry since the previous evening and she was growing rather impatient. Maybe she had just been foolish to think last night had changed their relationship.

Ginny poked at her chicken harder. Maybe she was just daft to think he would actually tell her he loved her. Maybe she...

The sound of snickering had her climbing out of her thoughts as she lifted her head from her palm to look at Fred and George.

"What?" she snapped, sticking her fork deeper into the chicken breast.

"It's already dead you know," George said, nodding to her food.

"They usually kill it before they sell it," Fred added, taking a large bite of his own.

"Oh." She looked down at her food, realizing she had pretty much torn the meat to shreds without actually eating it. She gave Fred a nasty look when he chuckled. "I know that, you prat."

"Ginny," Mrs. Weasley said in a warning tone as she refilled her glass.

"Is everything all right?" Mr. Weasley asked her in between bites of potatoes.

She felt her cheeks burning slightly as she shifted in her chair.

"Everything's fine. I just--" She broke off at the knock at the front door and struggled to stand from her chair, knocking over her glass of water in the process.

"Ginny, dear, honestly-" Mrs. Weasley said with a shake of her head before using her wand to clean up the spill.

"Yes, honestly, Ginny, you silly cow," Fred scolded, breaking off into a grin when Mrs. Weasley shot him a dark look.

"I'll get it," Ginny said quickly, ignoring Fred's comment. She hurried from the room, not noticing the curious stares from her family. Her heart was pounding as she pulled open the door. Disappointment quickly raced through her veins, causing her to flush with guilt.

"Oliver." She felt her smile strain. "You're home."

"I am. And I know it's getting rather late, but I wanted to see you," he explained, his own smile widening. "Can we talk?"

"Of course." She stepped back, waiting until he moved passed her before she shut the door. "Have a seat..." Glancing towards the kitchen, she cringed slightly. "Actually, if you don't mind the breeze, we can have more privacy in the garden."

"Whatever suits you," Oliver said, taking a hold of her hand before she could move away. She looked up at him questioningly and sucked in a breath when he leaned down to brush his lips over hers. "I missed you."

"Oh...I missed you too," Ginny replied weakly. Guilt began to eat away at her as she walked with him through the kitchen to the back door.

"Oliver, so nice to see you," Mrs. Weasley said, standing quickly. "Would you like something to eat?"

"We're going outside to talk," Ginny said in a rush before Oliver could reply. She saw Charlie's eyebrows raise curiously which she ignored as she moved backwards, her hand searching for the doorknob. "If that's all right."

"Of course," Mrs. Weasley said, trying to mask her own curiosity. "Not too late, please. It's getting chilly."

"Thanks, Mum." Ginny pulled open the door and led Oliver to the small bench underneath a large oak tree, ignoring the gnomes that ran by her legs. Her stomach was uneasy, causing her to twist her hands together nervously as they sat. She waited patiently until Oliver was settled beside her.

"I told you I was going to Portee to watch some matches," he began, "but it was a bit more than that. I'm leaving Puddlemere for Portee. They need a new captain and Keeper...someone who can turn the team around," Oliver explained, reaching over to take one of her hands in his. "They offered me a deal that I couldn't say no to."

Ginny returned his smile, her eyes drifting now to observe their joined hands. "That's wonderful, Oliver. Will you be moving back to Scotland then?"

"I will be." His eyes suddenly grew serious as he squeezed her hand gently. "And I want you to come with me."

Surprise raced through her quickly and without realizing it, she quickly pulled her hand away. "W-what?"

"Come with me," he repeated. "I want you there with me."

"Oliver..." Excuses raced through her mind, all jumbling together so she couldn't put together a decent thought.

"You don't have to say yes right now," Oliver said. "Just give it some thought."

"Well, I mean, I can't just up and go," Ginny said slowly. "My family...my job."

Harry.

"We'd visit as often as we could," Oliver assured her. "But think about all the different places you could see. And I gave some thought to your job...you're better than The Leaky Cauldron, you and I both know that. Do you really want to be serving drinks the rest of your life?"

"Well, no, but--"

"My mother has a friend who works at St.Mungo's affiliate in Glasgow. They have openings as interns. You could finally study to become a Healer."

She swallowed to try and ease the tightness in her throat. She could become a Healer. It just didn't seem possible. Rubbing the dull ache that was building, she shook her head to try and clear her mind.

"Are you serious?"

"Of course I am." Oliver cupped her face with his hands and kissed her softly on the mouth. "I love you. I want you with me."

With careful ease, Ginny pulled away from him and wiped her sweaty palms against her trousers.

"I don't know, Oliver. It's a really big step for...for us."

"Like I said, think about it. If you say yes, we leave at the end of the week."

"The end of the week?" Her eyes widened slightly.

"Look, I know it's a huge thing to ask, but I wouldn't ask you if I didn't love you. I can make you happy." He looked at her closely, as if trying to read her mind. "Can anything...or anyone here make you happy Ginny? The way I could?"

Knowing exactly who he was talking about, Ginny swallowed again. "I'll think about it Oliver..."

"That's all I want," he said quietly, leaning over to kiss her again. "I've got to get going. I'll be by to see you tomorrow, all right?"

She nodded weakly and watched him stand before he Disapparated.

How could she possibly leave, just like that? There was no doubt that it was an amazing opportunity for her to finally do something with her life, but at what cost? She would be leaving behind her family, her friends...and Harry.

Sighing, Ginny remembered Oliver's question...could he make her happy? How could she answer that? She was unsure of Harry's feelings towards her. She had thought, maybe the night before, he would finally tell her, but he had been gone when she woke in the morning. Again. It was becoming an increasingly depressing pattern.

"Sickle for your thoughts?"

Ginny looked up quickly, forcing a smile and moved over slightly so her mother could sit.

"Sorry."

Mrs. Weasley pulled her shawl around her and handed Ginny a jumper. "It's rather chilly don't you think?"

"I like it that way," Ginny replied, but pulled the jumper over her head anyway.

"Oliver had to go so soon?" Molly asked, watching as two gnomes chased one another through her flowerbed.

"He had things to take care of." Ginny chewed on her lower lip before turning to her mother. "Mum, how do you choose between two things you've always wanted?"

"What do you mean?"

Letting out a deep breath, Ginny shivered against the bite in the wind. "Oliver is moving to Scotland to join the Portee Pride. And he wants me to go with him."

"To Scotland?" Molly frowned. "You mean permanently?"

"I think so. Yes."

"Ginny, that's awfully fast. You've only been seeing him for a small amount of time."

"I know that, but he...he said he loves me." Why did that make her feel so uncomfortable? "He said he could make me happy."

"Do you love him?"

The dreaded question. "Maybe. I care for him. I think I could love him."

Molly grew silent for several minutes before reaching out and taking Ginny's hand. "Are you willing to leave everything here behind for someone you think you could love?"

"I don't know," she said with an impatient sigh. "It's not just that he loves me...he's been able to get me a job at St.Chris' in Glasgow."

"To be a Healer?" Molly's eyes widened in surprise.

"Yes." Ginny frowned and rubbed her temple. "It's always been in the back of my mind that maybe someday...and now it's someday." She let out a quick laugh. "A gorgeous, famous Quidditch player who loves me and a job I've always wanted. I should be jumping at the chance right?"

"But there's someone else," Molly said simply. "Harry."

Ginny whipped her head around to look at her. "What makes you think it's Harry?"

"Because there's only one boy who's been able to put that look in your eye since you were ten," Molly said with a smile as she squeezed Ginny's hand. "You don't want to leave him, do you?"

Ginny shot her a pained look. "I don't want to wonder how things could have been between us if I do."

"Then maybe you should talk to Harry," Molly said, brushing Ginny's hair away from her face.

"Is that really fair to him? Or to Oliver?" Ginny let out a sound of disgust. "Isn't that like I'm settling if Harry decides he doesn't want me?"

"Not necessarily. But if you talk to Harry, at least you'll know, and you'll be able to make your decision without wondering what could have been," Molly explained. "I remember when I was at Hogwarts, I was seeing quite a bit of William O'Dowd. Your father was not too pleased that I was letting William take me to Hogsmeade during the weekends." Her eyes sparkled at the memory. "He came from a very distinguished family. He was very handsome and always got top marks in every class."

"And Dad stole you away from him," Ginny added, a genuine smile tugging at her lips.

"Well, more or less." Molly laughed. "William would shower me with gifts and flowers and compliments. All your father did was kiss me behind Honeydukes. When he told me he loved me, he said it so simply, as if it was as natural as breathing. That's all it took for me."

"Do you ever regret giving up a better life?" Ginny asked quietly.

Molly gave her a stern look. "Not one bit. Your father and I, we've struggled through the years, but we've made it all right. We had seven children we love and your father has a wonderful job as the Minister of Magic. William O'Dowd, with his starched robes and expensive wand could never have made me happier than your father does."

"Maybe I should talk to Harry."

"Maybe you should. But whatever you decide to do, your father and I will support you, Ginny. We only want what’s best for you."

"I know, Mum." She leaned over and kissed her mother's cheek. "And thanks."

"Alright, now it's time to go inside," Molly said as the wind blew harshly. "I'm going to have to make you some tea and an antibiotic potion to keep you from getting sick."

"It's not that cold outside," Ginny said with a quick roll of her eyes, but smiled and rested her head on her mother's arm as they walked up to the house.

***

Decisions were the last thing Harry wanted on his mind. He hadn't moved much since the afternoon, except to fill and refill his glass of firewhiskey and to use the loo. He was pleasantly numb now, trying not to think about his conversation with Ron. Trying not to think about Ginny. He had been so sure before...but all it took was that one sliver of doubt to sneak into his mind and now he was consumed by it. Maybe all he needed was to see her. Then he would know what was best for both of them...maybe...

The knock at the door had him jerking slightly, cursing as the firewhiskey he was pouring splashed onto the coffee table. Annoyed, Harry pulled himself up, trudging through the lounge to the door. He said nothing, but felt a flicker of annoyance and jealousy when he found himself facing Oliver.

"Can I come in for a second?" Oliver asked, finally breaking the tense silence.

Harry had the mind to slam the door in his face, but found himself nodding and pulling it open so that Oliver could enter. Harry pushed the door shut, shoving his hands in his trouser pockets before turning to him.

"I wanted to talk to you about Ginny," Oliver said, folding his arms across his chest. "Really talk this time, not just try to settle our differences with our fists."

"It worked fine for me," Harry retorted calmly.

"Anyway," Oliver said, raising an eyebrow, "I've asked Ginny to go with me to Scotland."

"Sounds like a nice holiday," Harry said casually, determined not to let Oliver get the best of his emotions.

"Not a holiday, Harry. Permanently. I'm transferring to Portee and I want her with me."

"Isn't that her decision?" Harry asked, drawing his back up defensively.

"You would think, wouldn't you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I have this feeling her judgment is being clouded by her lingering feelings for you," Oliver said, leaning against the back of the sofa before he shifted his gaze to Harry. "I don't think she'll be ready to move on until she gets some kind of closure from whatever relationship you two had."

"Have," Harry corrected, slightly pleased when Oliver's eyes darkened. "And I'm not exactly sure what you want from me."

"I want you to let her go," Oliver said sharply. "Stop confusing her just so you can have a shoulder to cry on. It's not fair to her."

Biting down on his temper, Harry fisted his hands in his pockets painfully. "Has it ever crossed your mind that I might want to be with her?"

Oliver's _expression took on a look of amusement and doubt. "I suppose I just imagined that if you had wanted to be with her, you would have been. It seems you only wanted her after she started seeing me."

"You don't know anything about the circumstances that kept us apart." Harry said heatedly.

"The point is, Harry, I love her," Oliver interrupted, clearly not interested in Harry's reasoning. "I want to make her happy. I can give her a nice home, nice things." He gave Harry a pointed look. "Can you give her everything she deserves?"

“Money isn’t an issue,” Harry said shortly.

“I’m not just talking about money,” Oliver replied.

Harry remained silent, feeling the twitch in his jaw as Oliver pushed off of the couch and walked past him. Out of the corner of his eye, Harry watched Oliver place a hand on the doorknob before pausing.

"It's just something to think about," Oliver said quietly, as if the answer was already clear to both of them.

Only when Harry heard the door slam shut did he allow himself to breathe. He pulled his hands from his pockets and was only mildly surprised to find them shaking. Groaning, he moved to sit on the couch, resting his head in his hands as his thoughts suffocated him.

He remembered Ron, that morning, asking if he could make Ginny happy. Merlin, he wanted too. Desperately. But actually doing it was an entirely different matter. Whenever Harry tried, he only seemed to make things worse. It was killing him that he was the one putting the pain in her eyes whenever he saw her. Maybe Oliver was right. He could make her happy. He could give her anything she wanted.

The wanker.

Harry leaned against the sofa, rubbing his hands over his face when he heard a knock at the door again. Sighing, he stood, wondering if it would be someone else ready to tell him he wasn't good enough for Ginny. Feeling incredibly tired and ill, Harry swung open the door, the angry greeting fading on his tongue. His heart twisted in a mixture of pleasant surprise and pain as Ginny smiled nervously.

"Ginny."

"I know it's late," she began, brushing back the loose strands of her hair from her face. "But I was wondering if we could talk."

Harry hesitated for only a moment before nodding. Ready to face the many truths placed before him that day, he stepped back and waited until Ginny walked past him, a small smile of thanks on her face, before he shut the door quietly behind her.


	24. Epiphany

Ginny felt her heartbeat quicken as they stared at one another. She had practiced what she wanted to say before she had decided to see him. Why on earth couldn't she remember any of it?

He looked pale, upset...and a little annoyed. It made her nervous. She had been hoping he'd look a little happier to see her. No matter…this had to be done. Whether he was in a good mood or not.

"I wanted to come by and say hello," Ginny began, her gaze lowering when Harry merely stared at her. Why did she suddenly feel so foolish? "I, er, needed to talk to you about some things as well, if that would be all right."

Harry reached up to scratch the back of his neck as he debated. She frowned when he sighed and nodded.

"Do you want to sit down?"

"No, I'm okay," she said, twisting her hands together slowly.

"Tea? Water?"

"I'm okay, Harry," she said again, her lips curving into a small smile. Silence erupted between them as they both avoided one another’s eyes. Why was this so difficult?

"What did you want to talk about?" Harry finally asked, his voice a bit hoarse.

Ginny swallowed away her uneasiness and found her eyes locking with his. "Last night. What happened between us."

"What about it?"

She let out a quick breath. "What exactly did it mean to you?"

"Why does it have to mean anything?" Harry asked, turning to face her. His green eyes were dark, piercing her painfully, causing her to lift her hands in frustration.

"So we're back to the same old pattern of shagging each other then pretending that it meant nothing?"

"No. Look, Ginny, I would be lying if I said it was just another shag. It wasn't. It was comfort. It was something you and I both needed, you said so yourself."

"It felt like more than comfort," she said bitingly. "We made love."

Harry said nothing, but closed his eyes. She could see the tiny twitch in his clamped jaw and she sighed, deciding it didn’t matter. They could dance around the same old tune as always, or she could finally put an end to the distance between them. Whether the outcome was good…or bad.

"I have a chance to study to become a Healer," Ginny explained, watching Harry slowly lift his gaze back to hers. "If I want to take it."

He suddenly looked slightly confused. "A Healer?"

"Yes, Oliver’s Mum--"

"Oliver," Harry interrupted, his eyes darkening. "I wondered when his name would pop up."

She colored fiercely, but managed to maintain the even, placating tone.

"His Mum was able to find an opening for me to study there…in Scotland."

"You would be moving to Scotland all alone?"

"No." She sighed, uncomfortable with the fact that he watched her with chilled disbelief. "With Oliver."

"Ah." He paused and looked at her pensively. "That’s wonderful. Congratulations."

Her already low spirits seem to drown as his words sunk in.

"That’s all you have to say?"

"What do you want me to say, Ginny?" Harry’s voice held a whisper of defeat as he shook his head. "It’s a great opportunity."

"I suppose it is." She drew a deep breath, determined not to shrink away from the real purpose of her visit. "I love you, Harry."

The tightness of his mouth softened, but he said nothing, causing her to draw up her back and control the waver in her voice.

"I love you," she said again, "but I’m not afraid of starting over. The only thing I am afraid of is...I don’t think I could live with myself if I got on that train on Thursday, not knowing…" She bit her lip and looked away, fear jumbling her thoughts. Stealing a glance, she saw him watching her with interest, his own eyes filled with anxiety. "I can’t leave here not knowing if you love me. Because if you don’t then maybe I can move on properly, without always wondering. I want to be with you. But I can’t…not if you don’t love me."

Harry pulled his hands from his pockets and ran them over his face and through his hair. He turned away from her and walked into the lounge towards the fire. She watched him lean against the mantle and study a framed photograph of his parents for several tense moments.

"Harry?"

"I'm a wanker, Ginny," Harry began, lifting a finger to brush the thin layer of dust from the frame. "You deserve better than that-"

"Don't-"  
"Don't what?" He whirled around to face her. "Don't tell you what's best for you? Bloody hell, Ginny, someone has to because you're not seeing the big picture here."

"I don't need anyone to tell me what's best for me, Harry. I'm a grown woman. I can make my own decisions!" Ginny curled her fingers in an attempt to control her temper. She would be damned if she let Harry push her away because he thought it was 'best for her'.

"It seems to me you've already made up your mind. If I can't give you what you want, you're more than willing to run off to Scotland with someone you don't love," Harry said bitterly, shoving his hands roughly in his pockets.

"That's where you're wrong, I'm not running away. I'm willing to start over..." Ginny trailed off with a sigh, looking away from his glare. Intense desolation began to sweep over her. "Listen, I don't want to argue with you, Harry. I just want to know, do you love me?"

She watched Harry stiffen and lower his gaze, as if debating his answer. Finally he looked at her, his eyes full of regret and apology.

"I don't know." His shoulders slumped slightly in defeat. "I need you. And you know I want you."

Ginny realized she had been holding her breath and she slowly exhaled, trying to ignore the shaking of her hands and the fresh wound in her heart. "That’s not enough."

"I know," he replied hoarsely, his eyes clouding. "But that's all I could give you."

She closed her eyes for a moment, pushing away the despair cutting deep inside of her. Instead, she forced a small smile and walked to him slowly, feeling the lump build in her throat as she stood in front of him. Her eyes studied his face, trying to memorize every detail before she lifted a hand to cup his cheek.

Without a word, he leaned down, brushing his lips over hers. The kiss was surprisingly gentle and she held him to her for several minutes before pulling away. It was a kiss that would have her remember how he tasted. As badly as she didn't want to think of it as such, it was kiss of goodbye. And they both knew it.

Ginny heard his sharp intake of breath and they stood in silence for only a brief moment before she nodded. She was suddenly more than ready to escape from his presence.

"I should go," she said, motioning to the door. "Mum’s expecting me so…I should go."  
He watched her turn away, her head bowed and her face hidden by the thick curtain of auburn hair. She pulled the door open and felt the quick chill of the wind engulf her, but it didn’t seem to matter much…she was already frozen.

"Ginny?"

She paused at the urgency in Harry’s voice and tried not to let her heart leap to far up into her throat as she stepped back to look at him.

"Yes?"

He hesitated before lifting a hand. "Good luck. With everything."

Not trusting herself to speak, she gave him a small smile and stepped out into the night, her lips suddenly tightening to imprison the sob that threatened.  
No more tears.

Wiping impatiently at the wetness of her eyes, she pulled out her wand to Apparate home. She only had a few days to pack…the end of the week would be upon her before she knew it.

***

The week certainly flew by for Harry. Since Ginny walked out of the door, and his life, that night, Harry had thrown himself into Auror training. He was at the Ministry from sunrise to sunset, only breaking to eat and sleep, and occasionally drink away his own sorrows with Ron at The Hog's Head. He refused to step foot in the Leaky Cauldron, fearing that he would see Ginny. He wasn't sure if he was more afraid of seeing her and creating an awkward situation, or seeing her and crumbling at her feet to beg her to stay with him...thus creating another awkward situation.

Ron didn't mention Ginny at all...in fact, he didn't mention much of anyone, but sunk farther into his bitterness about Hermione. If Harry so much uttered a syllable of her name, Ron would scowl and refill his glass before muttering foul things about Rome and magic. It was fine with Harry...he could deal with his friend's state of mind. After all, he had lived there himself for a long time.

He knew the only way to get Ron to feel better was to let the pain run its course. Ron, like Harry, spent all of his time training at the Ministry. Harry figured it was best that Ron take out his hurt and frustration on fellow Aurors than to take it out on Harry.

Thursday morning came and went. There was a nasty pit in Harry's stomach that he ignored while he trained. He worked out vigorously, until his shirt was soaked through with sweat and circles of red and green shot through his eyes whenever he closed them. His muscles were aching and his breath uneven.

But it helped. His mind was clouded with too many thoughts to focus on just one. To focus on her.

Before he knew it, the day was ending and Ron was dragging him to the showers before Harry persuaded him to run another three miles.

The hot water rushed over his body, easing the tension in his shoulders and back. Bracing himself against the tiles, Harry tilted his head forward, ignoring the scalding water that gathered and ran over his face and into his eyes. Realizing he couldn’t hide in the shower forever, Harry turned the taps off and brushed the wet hair from his face.  
He heard the steady drip of the shower beside him and realized Ron must have finished before him.

Grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his waist, Harry walked out into the changing rooms, noticing that they were empty. Not in the mood to talk, Harry was thankful when he noticed Ron's locker was closed.

Tossing the towel to the bench, Harry opened his locker and pulled out his boxers and trousers. He was pulling up the zipper when he turned to see Ron walking towards him.

“Jesus, Ron.”

“Sorry,” Ron said with an apologetic grin. “I thought you heard the door open.”

“Wasn’t really paying attention,” Harry mumbled, sitting on the bench to pull on his socks.

Ron made a small noise in his throat and leaned against the closed lockers, crossing his arms.

Several minutes of silence passed and after Harry pulled on his trainers he glanced up at Ron with a look of subtle annoyance.

“Is watching me dress your new idea of fun?”

Ron glared at Harry for a moment, before sighing.

“Sorry…it’s just—“

Harry noticed the strained _expression and stood to grab his shirt. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing…just…” Ron’s cheeks turned a shade of red as he shifted. Harry could swear he could see his ears burning through Ron’s shaggy mop of hair. “Some girl just asked me out..."

Harry's head snapped up, his eyes widening. "Is that right? Who?"

"Faith O'Connor. She started Auror training with us..."

"Faith O'Connor," Harry muttered, trying to remember. He tugged on his shirt and felt recognition pass through him. “The tiny brunette?”

“Yeah.”

“She’s pretty,” Harry said, eyeing Ron closely. “What did you say?”

"Er, well I said yes."

Harry faltered for a moment as he buttoned his shirt, but he kept his _expression casual.

“Are you sure?”

Ron shrugged and slid his hands inside his robe pockets. “I reckon. I mean, I can’t sit around drinking Herm—her away forever can I?”

“No, you can’t,” Harry agreed as he grabbed his robes and shut his locker. They began walking to the exit and Harry could see Ron deep in thought from the corner of his eye. “What?”

"Ginny's leaving tonight," Ron said quietly, sparing a quick glance at Harry. "We're all going to King's Cross to see her off...do you want to come?"

Though the pain was great, Harry shook his head, his mouth in a firm line.

"No, I don't think so. I need to finish reading the new Auror Training book of spells before tomorrow."

“Well, if you change your mind we’ll be at Platform 6—“

“I don’t think I will,” Harry interrupted shortly, handing over his wand for inspection.

“I think you should, Harry…it would mean a lot to her,” Ron said, his voice edging on anger.

“It meant a lot to Hermione too, but that didn’t seem to change your mind about going, did it?” Harry asked, rounding on Ron once they were outside. “I’m not going, all right?”

"What’s this really about?" Ron asked, following Harry down the steps.

"Nothing." Harry slung his bag over his shoulder and prepared to Apparate. "Tell Ginny I said goodbye, will you?"

Harry ignored Ron when he called his name again and felt the familiar tug at his body. Moments later he was outside of Sirius’s house. Pushing the door open, he dropped his bag on the floor and fell onto the couch facedown.

Groaning he buried his face in the pillow before rolling onto his side to stare at the wall. The sound of the clock ticking on the table beside him seemed to paralyze him to the spot.

When his eye began to twitch in time with the clock, Harry shut them, giving into the exhaustion that weighed his body down.

She was warm. Inviting. He didn’t want to get out of bed when she was wrapped so tightly around him.

He moved slowly, almost lazily. They had all the time in the world. Her body shivered under his, but he knew she wasn’t cold. Their bodies were slicked with sweat and her breath was hot on his shoulder.

They didn’t speak. They didn’t have too. When their eyes met, he knew. How could it be so clear now?

Leaning down, he captured her lips with his own, sliding his tongue over the soft fullness as he thrust deeper. Her hands tightened around his arms as she came, his name only a whisper on his lips as she arched back.

Watching her, it broke him and he shuddered, spilling himself deep inside of her body.  
Then she was kissing him, small sounds of pleasure bubbling up in her throat as she came down from her high.

Was he dreaming?

“Ginny?”

“Hmmm?” Her fingers were gliding up his back. Merlin she felt good.

He lifted his head up to look down at her, waiting until she opened her amber eyes to return his gaze.

“How did we get here?” he asked.

“You don’t know?” Ginny gave him an odd look and her hands slid up to his hair. When he shook his head, she smiled.

“You woke up.”

With his eyes snapping open, Harry exhaled quickly, as if he had been holding his breath for several moments. Wincing at the soreness in his body, he pushed himself up and looked outside. The sun was setting, giving away into night. With his heart jumping, he turned to look at the clock.

Ginny’s train would be leaving any minute.

Though his instinct told him to go to her, he remained seated, resting his head in his hands. It was better that she was leaving. Really. The feeling of being inside of her…of having her. It was only a dream, wasn’t it? It wasn’t real.

What was real was that they had some good times together, and sure he was disappointed she was leaving, but she was moving on. It was what he told her to do a long time ago. She would have the life she wanted.

Harry sighed and leaned back. For some odd reason he could hear Ron in his head, the night he and Hermione had ended things.

“I’m never going to kiss her again. Do you know what that feels like?”

The pain was quick and unexpected inside of his gut. Harry closed his eyes and could have sworn he could still smell her. What was he going to do when that went away? When there was nothing left but the hollowed out memory of how she used to laugh? Or how she used to taste and feel…

“Fuck,” Harry whispered. Shaking his head, he stood and began pacing. He had to stop thinking about it so much. He had to focus on the fact that Ginny was going to be happy...just not with him.

He could see her making a home in a small, cozy house. And she would have a happy marriage with someone, even if it was bloody Oliver Wood. He would make sure he kissed her as often as he could...and make love to her every night before they fell asleep.  
It was so incredibly domesticated...something Harry was almost sure he would never want. He couldn’t live that kind of life.

Ginny would want to have children. Her and Oliver's children would be beautiful, he was sure of that. Harry could see them so clearly in his own mind. A boy and a girl. They would have the pale skin, the freckles and auburn hair like their mother.

Harry frowned and stopped pacing, his eyes landing on the flickering candle next to the clock. Red hair and freckles like their mother… but they didn't have Oliver's brown eyes. They had green ones.

Harry’s eyes.

They could be their children...his and Ginny's. He could be the one coming home to her every night...making love to her every night. It was their home, their family.  
Their life.

The realization slammed into him so strongly, he felt as if the air had been sucked from his lungs.

Merlin, he wanted that life. Badly.

Extremely close to panicking, Harry looked at the clock and cursed loudly. He grabbed his wand from the table, not bothering to grab his robes as he ran and flung open the door.

He was sidetracked only for a moment before he brushed by Sirius and pulled out his wand.

"Harry!" Sirius held up a stack of parchment. "I've got some things I need to go over with you."

"I can't right now," Harry said with a quick grin, despite the wild pounding of his heart inside of his chest. "I've got a train to catch."

Before Sirius could reply, Harry flicked his wand and Disapparated.


	25. Home

The station was packed when Harry Apparated. He immediately backed up against the wall of the dark corner that Sirius had once shown him. It had been risky to Apparate to King’s Cross, and once Sirius found out, he was bound to lecture, but Harry was running out of time.

He waited until he was sure no one had seen him before he headed out onto the busy platform. He glanced up, cursing when he found himself on Platform 12.

“Platform 6,” he whispered to himself, quickly turning left and heading down the station. He was near panicked, but tried to maintain a brisk pace as he pushed past the crowds of people. Did everyone move this slowly? Didn’t they all have trains to catch?

“Bloody hell,” he said, picking up his pace. He heard a train whistle in the distance, which caused his palms to grow sweaty and his heart to race. Finally he cursed and began to run. He managed to shout quick apologies to those he couldn’t avoid as he pushed through the crowd.

He made a mental note to thank Sirius for making him run several miles a day as the sweat slid down his back. His lungs were burning, his throat dry. He felt his shoulder come into harsh contact with someone and he paused long enough to help steady her, mumbling a quick apology before continuing down to Platform 6.

He wanted to call Ginny’s name. Scream it loud enough that she would hear him and wait. He just needed her to wait. He couldn’t find enough breath to do it. Instead he ran faster, pumping his legs as fast as they would go.

He finally found himself on Platform 6, and he used his hands to push people out of the way, his eyes searching for her train.

Harry made it to the edge of the platform and released the air he was holding painfully in his lungs as he watched the train…the bloody train carrying his future, pick up speed and disappear over the horizon.

Bending over, Harry placed his hands on his knees and sucked in the air, blinking away the sweat that ran down his forehead into his eyes.

He had been too late. He had just needed a couple seconds…a few measly seconds…

Trying not to lose his temper, Harry straightened and turned quickly, searching for any sign of the Weasleys. Ron had told him they were going to see Ginny off…where the hell were they?

Harry lifted his hands to his hair and tried not to sob with frustration.

“Fuck!” He yelled, ignoring the several startled stares of the people surrounding him.

No matter…he would find them, make them tell him where Ginny was going, and then he would go after her. It was simple. Simple…

Harry began to pull his wand out, sighing when he realized where he was. Shoving the wand back into his pocket he inhaled deeply and began running back the way he had come.

***

Several minutes later he had Apparated to the Burrow. It was dark, and obviously empty. Refusing to give up, Harry bounded up the steps and tried to push open the door, knocking quickly when he found it locked. Jittery, he moved to the window and peered in, seeing nothing but the darkness of the lounge and kitchen.

Resting his head against the cool glass, he ignored the rumbling of thunder in the distance. He closed his eyes briefly, trying to gather himself, trying to breathe. He was going to go mad if he didn’t get her back.

Turning around, Harry paced the porch, trying to think of what to do next. If he could just find Ron…

There were only so many places he could be, and Harry immediately decided to check the most obvious. Trying not to scream in frustration, Harry pulled out his wand once more.

Minutes later, he was walking into Hogs Head, his eyes immediately drawn to the mop of red hair that was slouched over at the bar.

“Ron,” Harry said breathlessly, placing his hand on Ron’s shoulder.

Ron jumped and sloshed his drink over the side of the glass, cursing as he rounded on Harry.

“Bloody hell, Harry, are you trying to give me a bloody heart attack?”

“Sorry, mate.” Harry watched as Ron used his wand, rather sloppily, to clean up the spill. “I need your help.”

“What with?”

“I need to find Ginny.”

“What for?” Ron asked warily, slowly placing the glass back on the counter.

Harry sighed and sat back on the stool next to Ron’s, trying hard to keep his patience under control. “I need to tell her some things I should have said to her before she left.”

“What things?”

Harry rubbed his hands over his face quickly, letting them fall in frustration. “Things that I think she should hear before I go telling everyone in Hog’s Head.”

Ron raised an eyebrow and wavered as he turned to look behind him. “Mate, there’s no one here but you and me…have you been drinking?”

“Ron,” Harry said, taking the glass from his friend’s hands. “Can you help me out? Please?”

Ron frowned and slouched back over the bar, his finger’s tapping on the counter slowly. His eyes were bloodshot as he lifted them to Harry’s.

“I got an Owl from her today.”

Confusion settled over Harry as he shook his head. “From who?”

“H’mione,” Ron said, lifting his hand at the bartender. “She sent me an Owl today.”

Harry sighed and watched as the bartender placed another drink in front of Ron.

“Shit, I’m sorry, Ron.” Harry tried not to look at the wooden clock behind the bar. “What did she say?”

“She’s learning a lot, apparently,” Ron snapped. “Wrote to me like nothing had happened…like nothing was wrong.” He scowled and Harry saw his knuckles whitening around the glass. “Told me she bloody loved me…told me to write to her as soon as I could.”

Harry could see Ron’s anger diminish quickly as he ran a hand through his ginger hair.

“No use in getting upset is there?” Ron asked him, pushing his glass away with a look of distaste. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m moving on.” He looked at Harry for reassurance.

“You are moving on Ron. You’re doing the right thing,” Harry said, feeling the twinge of guilt. Hermione was still one of his best mates. He loved her as much as he loved Ron. He could dwell on it later, right now he needed to find Ginny.

“Ron—“

“What did you need again?” he asked, his eyes squinting as if he was trying to remember. “Ginny, right?”

“Yes. I need Ginny. Can you help me?”

“With what?”

“For fuck’s sake, Ron! Where’s your Mum?”

“Visiting Bill in Egypt with Dad. They left earlier than expected so they’ll be gone all weekend. Did you know Fleur’s pregnant?”

Harry shook his head quickly. “No, I didn’t know—“

“Bill and a half Veela are having a baby.” Ron snickered, his face turning red with laughter. “Can you imagine?”

“No, I can’t—“ Harry trailed off, thinking back to Ron’s earlier words. “Wait, why did your Mum and Dad leave so early?”

“Oh…” Ron also went quiet, his eyes suddenly eerily sober as he looked at Harry. “You need to find Ginny.”

“Yes,” Harry said through gritted teeth. “As soon as I can.”

“You love her,” Ron said simply, looking down at the spilled drops of whiskey on the counter. When Harry didn’t reply, Ron smiled. “Did you suddenly realize that today? Reminds me of a Muggle movie Hermione made me watch once. I bet you ran after her didn’t you?”

Harry felt his cheeks color and he stammered for words.

“No matter,” Ron said, waving his hand.” If you promise me you won’t fuck it up this time, I’ll let you in on a secret.”

“I swear, Ron.”

Ron’s voice lowered as he leaned forward. Harry lifted a palm against Ron’s shoulder to steady him.

“She didn’t go.”

Harry could have sworn his heart stopped. “What?”

“She didn’t go,” Ron repeated with a small shake of his head. “We were getting ready to drive to King’s Cross and she came through the backdoor with her things. I could tell she was upset but Mum threw me and Dad out of the kitchen so I don’t know the exact reason.”

Thousands of thoughts raced through Harry's head and he shook his head, trying to comprehend Ron's words. “She’s here. She…where is she now? Did she go with your parents?”

“No, she was at the Burrow when I left to come here. Holed up in her room.” He turned quickly, grabbing Harry’s arm before he could move. “I told you before Harry, don’t fuck it up this time.”

Despite himself, Harry grinned. “I’ve got to go. Will you be okay?”

Ron returned the smile and waved Harry away before turning back to his drink. “Don’t worry about me. Just go.”

Harry slapped Ron happily on the back and ran from the bar, ignoring the small drops of rain that had begun to fall.

Harry found himself outside of the Burrow within moments. He ran up to the door and began pounding on the wood, calling her name loudly.

When there was no answer, he turned and hurried off of the steps, looking up at her window which he noticed was wide open.

"Ginny!" he yelled, waiting a few seconds before he called for her again. His heart was racing and his hands shaking slightly as he waited. When she didn’t appear, Harry cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled her name again as he wondered if the pounding of the falling rain was drowning him out.

He squinted against the rain that fell into his eyes. The impatience was bubbling inside of him and he began to call for her again, breaking off when she suddenly appeared at the window. Her hair was wet and her eyes wide with surprise. She pushed the window up higher and leaned out to look down at him.

"Harry? What are you doing here?"

"I love you!" he said loudly, knowing his voice was being muffled by the loud crack of thunder.

"What?" Ginny shook her head as if she hadn't heard him.

"I love you!" Harry shouted again, knowing then that she had heard him. Her mouth clamped shut quickly and she frowned before staring at him for several tense seconds. Then she stepped away from the window, disappearing into the room.

Harry called her name again, taking a step towards her window. The curtains billowed in the rain and he cursed, letting his arms drop to his sides. If she wasn't going to open the door and let him in, he would just have to blast the damned thing off its hinges. As he was pulling out his wand, he lifted his head to see the door open and Ginny appear.

She was in her dressing gown and watching him silently, one hand holding the door, the other resting limply at her hip.

Feeling the emotion surge inside of him, he walked to her slowly, trying to read the _expression in her face. Stepping up onto the porch and out of the rain, Harry put his wand away and brushed his fingers through his hair to get the soaking strands out of his face. He tried to calm his heavy breathing, but the nerves inside of him were too great.

Instead, he swallowed and moved close to her, looking down at her pale face. She was searching his eyes, her lips pressed together firmly. It was killing him that he didn't know what she was thinking.

"Ginny--"

"What did you say?" she asked, her voice no louder than a whisper.

He gave her the smallest of smiles and lifted a hand to brace himself against the door frame. "I love you."

She blinked and shook her head slowly. "I don't understand..."

"I thought you were gone," Harry began, pausing to control the shaking in his voice. "I thought you had left. I went to King's Cross to stop you--"

"You did?"

"I got there as the train left." Harry looked away from her, watching the rain splatter onto the sides of the house for a moment. "I was going to go and look for you. I had to find you to tell you what I should have said a long time ago."

Moments passed without Ginny saying a word. Instead, she blinked quickly and studied him, as if trying to comprehend what was happening.

"Say something," he whispered finally, frowning when she turned and walked slowly into the house. He followed, shutting the door quietly behind him as the darkness engulfed her. Within seconds a fire appeared in the hearth, lightening the room considerably.

Ginny paused for a moment, trying to form a coherent thought in her head. He had caught her more than a little off guard. He had told her he loved her. Harry loved her.

Why couldn't she breathe?

She heard Harry step up behind her, obviously waiting for her to speak. She slipped her hands into her dressing gown pockets and finally turned to look at him, deciding to say the first thing that came to mind.

"I didn't stay because of you."

Harry blinked once before nodding. "I know."

Ginny brushed her hair back, her eyes devoid of emotion. "And I didn’t stay to cling to some delusion that you might someday love me—"

"I know, Ginny, I—"

"I stayed because it wouldn’t have been fair to myself or to Oliver if I had gone with my heart only halfway in the relationship." Ginny felt the fresh stab of guilt from her earlier confrontation with Oliver. Shaking her head, she looked away from Harry's penetrating gaze. "A job isn’t worth the heartache it would have caused."

She swallowed as he nodded and took a step towards her. Drops of water were falling from the tips of his hair to the ground. He was watching her intently, causing her to almost forget what she was trying to say.

She instinctively took a step back. It was safer to keep the distance between them.

"I have my own dreams, Harry. I want to have my own life."

"I understand all that, Ginny," Harry replied, sliding a hand through his hair. "I want all those things for you too. I want to be a part of them."

She breathed in sharply, desperately trying not to let her heart overturn the decisions she had made in her head. He was slowly moving towards her, his green eyes darkening as they filled with regret.

"I have no excuses," he said quietly, "other than I've been unable to let things go. Things that I know weren't my fault. I've been spending too much time feeling sorry for myself because it was easier than dealing with them. The things I said to you. The things I did to you...they were some twisted torment I was putting myself through. I knew if I hurt you, I would be hurting myself."

Her mouth softened slightly when she watched him frown.

"Harry--"

He shook his head quickly and shoved his hands into his pockets. "Please let me finish. As badly as I would like to, I can't go back and give Remus the past two years. I can't kill Voldemort to prevent you from being hurt, and I can't bring Percy back. I can't change how things turned out between us. All I can say is I love you. I always have, even if I didn't want to see it."

Merlin, she had waited a long time to hear those words. She wanted to close her eyes and bask in them. She wanted to say them back. But it wasn't right. It couldn't be so simple. She would only end up getting hurt again.

"Why couldn't you tell me you loved me when I came to you?" Ginny asked, frustration snapping inside of her. "I came to you so many times, but you kept pushing me away no matter how hard I tried to reach you."

"I'm sorry--"

"Sorry doesn't always make things right," she interrupted, crossing her arms over her chest. "It can't erase everything we've been through."

"I know it doesn't change the things I've done, and I would understand if you wanted to tell me to go to Hell." He trailed off, shifting before he sighed. "I love you Ginny. I want to be with you. But if you only want to be friends…I can accept that. I just need you in my life. Please."

She felt the streak of stubbornness rise inside of her and her mouth was firm when she studied him. He looked expectant, almost frighteningly so. She wanted to rage at him for continuing to turn her world upside down when she wasn't prepared for it. She wanted to hit him, and kiss him, and make him swear he would never leave her again.

She was always so quick to push aside her pride and dignity to be with him. And that frightened her.

"I think," Ginny began, trying to choose her words carefully, "perhaps it would be best if we remained friends. Harry, I don't think you're ready for a relationship. I don't even know if I am."

"Ginny--"

"You hurt me," she said, trying to ignore the twinge of panic in his voice. "Too many times."

Harry lowered his gaze from hers, his face paling. "I know."

She breathed in deeply, trying to calm her shaking hands. "Maybe someday...if we decide to be together, and it's what we both want...maybe then we can start to build a relationship again. But now's just not the time for us. I'm sorry."

When Harry looked at her, his shoulders slumped slightly, but he nodded and managed a weak smile.

"I can respect that, Gin. It's fair," he said quietly, trailing off and staring at her somberly. He then shook his head as if snapping out of a daze and coughed to clear the dryness in his throat. "I’ll go. I’m sure you want to get some sleep."

Before Ginny could respond, Harry closed the distance between them, seeming to hesitate before he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. She closed her eyes, slowly bringing her hands up to his back as he hugged her fiercely. Ginny heard his shaky intake of breath before he pulled away and pressed his lips against her forehead.

She didn't dare open her eyes until she was sure the tears were gone.

"Goodnight, Ginny."

She lifted her lashes and shoved her hands back into her dressing gown pockets before watching him head for the door.

"Goodnight," she whispered, feeling numbness flow through her. Her instincts told her to tell him to wait, to not go. To stay with her.

But where would that lead her? To more heartbreak, surely. But what if she was wrong? A surge of doubt and panic hit her painfully and she clenched her fingers together tightly. She wanted forever...what if he couldn't give her that? Could she handle losing Harry again?

Ginny pushed the thoughts away, trying to convince herself she had made the right decision.

As Harry pulled the door open, Ginny felt her breathing escalate and her palms grow damp with nervous sweat. She couldn't just forgive him for breaking her heart. She couldn't just throw away everything to be with him again.

A sick feeling began to pool in her stomach, causing her to breathe in deeply to try and calm her nerves. He had told her he wanted to be with her. His voice continued to echo in her ears.

"All I can say is I love you. I always have, even if I didn't want to see it."

Bloody hell, she loved him too. Desperately.

"Harry!" She hurried across the room, unable to breathe as he turned to face her. She flung her arms around his neck and pulled him down until his lips were sliding over hers gently. Perfectly.

She could feel the surprise flowing through his body, even as his hands lifted to cup the sides of her face. She welcomed his tongue, holding him closer to her as she moaned softly.

When he finally pulled back from her, they were both breathless. Ginny clung to him, watching Harry search her eyes closely.

"Ginny—"

"I can’t be without you," she said, her lips curving. "I don’t want to be without you."

She felt his hands flex tightly on her back as he swallowed. "Are you sure?"

"Merlin, yes I’m sure," she breathed, leaning up to brush her lips against his once more. "I love you."

Harry released a long breath and she could feel the tension fading away from his body quickly. “I thought I had lost you.”

“You couldn’t,” she whispered feverently, closing her eyes when he rested his forehead against hers. “I was always yours, Harry.”

He kissed her again, his lips lingering on hers for a moment before he held her against him tightly, as if he were unprepared to ever let her go.

“You gave me my life back,” Harry said quietly, his lips brushing her earlobe. “But it just doesn’t work without you in it.”

She raised an eyebrow as he took a step back and searched her face. “I know we have a lot to talk about…a lot to work on—“

“We’ll worry about that tomorrow,” Ginny said with a smile, curling her fingers around his shirt. “Right now I want you to shut up and take me to bed.”

Harry growled softly and lifted her up, using his foot to kick the door shut as he headed towards the stairs. Her slim legs wrapped around his waist causing his arousal to press against her heat perfectly. He resisted the urge to buck against her and take her right there on the stairs. 

Ginny’s fingers were sliding through his hair, causing the damp edges to spike out in every direction. Her lips were moving along his jaw line before her teeth caught his earlobe.

"Bloody hell, Ginny," he groaned, pushing open her bedroom door. She unhooked her legs and slid down, standing in front of him as he untied her dressing gown. Their mouths met urgently as he pushed the material down her arms to fall to the ground.

His lips fell to her neck, tasting and licking gently. Ginny felt her body shiver as desire pooled between her thighs. Her eyes closed and she moaned with pleasure as his hands lifted to cup her breasts. When he pulled away, she groaned and opened her eyes with question. Harry was watching her, even as he tugged off his shirt and let it drop to the floor. He reached out to wrap an arm around her waist before he jerked her against him, his mouth recapturing hers in a heated kiss.

His chest was warm against her skin, his mouth hot. He was driving her mad.

“Please, Harry.”

Without a word, he lifted her up and carried her to her bed, laying her gently down before he moved over her. “I want to make love to you properly.”

“We have plenty of time for that,” she assured him, reaching down to unzip his trousers. “Right now I need you inside of me.”

Harry moved away with ease and quickly rid himself of his remaining clothing. When he moved back to her, she shifted, spreading her legs to accommodate him. She felt him at her entrance and lifted her hips up expectantly.

He brushed a piece of hair from her face and waited until her eyes opened to look at him.

“I love you,” he said simply, slowly pushing until he was buried deep within her.

They both moaned at the contact and her hands instantly glided up the sides of his body, feeling his muscles clench slightly at her touch. His breath was hot on her shoulder as he moved inside of her. Ginny gasped and arched her hips up, eager for more. He was moving leisurely, listening to her drawn out moans, answering them with his own.

The sheets rustled around them, sounds of lovemaking mixing quietly with the gentle falling of the rain outside. Ginny heard his whispered promises in her ear, the ragged strain of his breathing. She tilted her head back, pleasure humming throughout her body as he thrust harder, bring her so close to the peak.

“Harry,” she gasped, her eyes snapping open as she began the climb to ecstasy. Harry responded by plunging inside of her faster, his lips branding her neck while his hand slid over her breast, his fingers pinching her nipple gently.

“Come for me,” Harry said, his voice low and filled with passion. “I want to watch you.”

Their eyes met for a brief second before she shattered, biting on her lip painfully to keep the strangled cry from escaping. He continued to thrust inside of her, harder and faster, until he was moaning uncontrollably. Her body floated and she swallowed, trying to breathe in the air as Harry braced himself above her, murmuring words of love before he tensed and spilled himself deep inside of her.

When the storm had passed, Harry rolled to his side and gathered her against him, their breathing slowly returning to normal.

“Say it again,” she said, her voice piercing the quiet darkness.

Harry couldn’t help but grin as she trailed her fingertips over his torso. “I love you, Ginny.”

She sighed and rested her head on his chest. “I’m never going to tire of hearing you say that.”

He kissed the top of her head gently. “Good.”

“Are you going to stay with me?”

“I am.”

She paused before continuing her trail across his stomach. “All night?”

“Forever, Ginny, I swear to you.”

He felt her lips curve against his body before he allowed his eyes to close. His world wouldn’t always be fair…the nightmares would still come every now and then. But he knew he would wake up and find Ginny wrapped around him. She was his comfort…his salvation. Somehow he knew now that everything was going to be just fine.

He was home.

 

****

A/N: And so this is the end.


End file.
